Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Felstaff » Mon Mar 17, 2008 10:25 am UTC

There was some kind of Botox-alternative facial-youngenising treatment in a magazine for old ladies. (What? Can't a guy read a magazine for old ladies when there's no other material to hand?).

I thought "whut...‽" as I saw, in giant capital letters: "A YOUNGER FACE WITH NO PAINFUL INJECTIONS!"

Yet the accompanying photograph clearly showed a woman with a comically giant syringe INJECTING, probably PAINFULLY, half a litre of god-knows-whut into her face. It's barely a 1/2 inch from her eyeball, and yet, she's smiling an advertising smile.

I wanted to make a parody advert for dental work, saying "ABSOLUTELY NO MALLETS INVOLVED IN OUR PROCEDURES!" accompanied by a picture of a crazed dentist with a giant mallet, looming over a terrified child in the dentist's chair.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby SecondTalon » Mon Mar 17, 2008 2:18 pm UTC

ABSOLUTELY NO PLIERS USED!*


*we use vice grips. So much better.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby MFHodge » Mon Mar 17, 2008 2:29 pm UTC

koneko wrote:the practice of making things not an even dollar amount was to make sure the cashier had to ring up the sale to make change, rather than just pocketing the money.

[Citation Needed]
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby MotorToad » Mon Mar 17, 2008 3:44 pm UTC

Something that always makes my face bleed in sympathy is shaving cream and razor ads. I suppose they're trying to show how effortless their product works, but they way they have the guy rake the razor across his face at warp speeds makes me shiver. Do that in real life and you'll pass out from blood loss.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby SecondTalon » Mon Mar 17, 2008 4:16 pm UTC

.....

I shave that fast (When I shaved my face, that is. Still shave my neck that fast). I don't cut myself.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Torvaun » Mon Mar 17, 2008 5:09 pm UTC

VTHodge wrote:
koneko wrote:the practice of making things not an even dollar amount was to make sure the cashier had to ring up the sale to make change, rather than just pocketing the money.

[Citation Needed]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychologi ... al_origins
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby MFHodge » Mon Mar 17, 2008 5:21 pm UTC

I had always heard the first theory listed there, about the newspaper salesman. That's why I was wondering what you had heard. Thanks!
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Belial » Mon Mar 17, 2008 5:48 pm UTC

I realize this is for fallacious and hated ads, but can I just take a moment to express my unholy love for the new Cheetos ad spots?

Chester Cheetah is the goddamn devil, and I love it.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Izawwlgood » Mon Mar 17, 2008 7:42 pm UTC

as he massages a flight attendants shoulders "You have the tools to fix this"...

I really like the "Now What?" commercial line, and as much as I hate to admit it, those "we hired some celebrity to tell this persons car insurance sales story". Despite being a tacit admission that "Your story is only important when told by a famous person", I think they are doing a good job making fun of the famous person.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby rrwoods » Mon Mar 17, 2008 7:49 pm UTC

Izawwlgood wrote:I think they are doing a good job making fun of the famous person.

With their willing participation, which is 150% awesome. I loved the one with "that guy from the movie previews".
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Belial » Mon Mar 17, 2008 7:56 pm UTC

Izawwlgood wrote:as he massages a flight attendants shoulders "You have the tools to fix this"...


"Felicia..... those are her whites in the dryer....." ::suggestive over-the-sunglasses look::

It's brilliant...I just wish I liked cheetos.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Dr. Canadian Ninja » Mon Mar 17, 2008 9:27 pm UTC

There was one ad that came on the radio earlier that had me in fits of laughter. It was an advertisement for a roller coaster. I haven't figured out which one because of the aforementioned fits of laughter. They make it sounds like a good coaster when you hear, "Sixty degree ascents and sixty degree drops... straight down!"
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby SecondTalon » Mon Mar 17, 2008 9:47 pm UTC

Belial wrote:
Izawwlgood wrote:as he massages a flight attendants shoulders "You have the tools to fix this"...


"Felicia..... those are her whites in the dryer....." ::suggestive over-the-sunglasses look::

It's brilliant...I just wish I liked cheetos.


There's the neat-freak one, where as the guy screws up a cubicle, and he just urges him along.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Izawwlgood » Mon Mar 17, 2008 10:27 pm UTC

"Jeff.... (barely whispered) Enough..."

Hahaha, man, this is great. Eat cheetos so you too can embrace the warm baritone speaking devil that lurks.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby aleflamedyud » Tue Mar 18, 2008 2:55 am UTC

SpitValve wrote:Can I point out that the ads about "Fritalian" coffee are... really annoying?

The moral of the ad is "food with foreign names is bad! Go to dunkin' donuts instead!"

Foreign food with foreign names is fine. But branding local food with foreign names to somehow justify your high prices is bloody stupid.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby schmiggen » Tue Mar 18, 2008 4:19 am UTC

I've gotta say, that neat-freak commercial is pure douchebaggery, and irritating as hell. Eat cheetos and be a douchebag, yup -- great theme. There's not even a pseudo-justification for it, like the airplane one where the guy's snoring is at least causing her some discomfort. The guy's personality is just a little unusual -- maybe he's strongly OCD. So it's okay to fuck up his computer?

Sorry, but that sort of mentality is what seems to lead to most of the moronic bullshit people do in all the schools I've ever attended, and is one of my pet peeves.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby koneko » Tue Mar 18, 2008 5:22 am UTC

I just hate when they call something "New and Improved."
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Zak » Tue Mar 18, 2008 5:25 am UTC

I really hate this^ it annoys me to no end.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby phlip » Tue Mar 18, 2008 5:40 am UTC

koneko wrote:I just hate when they call something "New and Improved."

There's a variety of dishwashing detergent sold around here that bears a note on the label showing that it uses a "New and Improved Original Formula".

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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby aleflamedyud » Tue Mar 18, 2008 7:42 am UTC

schmiggen wrote:I've gotta say, that neat-freak commercial is pure douchebaggery, and irritating as hell. Eat cheetos and be a douchebag, yup -- great theme. There's not even a pseudo-justification for it, like the airplane one where the guy's snoring is at least causing her some discomfort. The guy's personality is just a little unusual -- maybe he's strongly OCD. So it's okay to fuck up his computer?

Sorry, but that sort of mentality is what seems to lead to most of the moronic bullshit people do in all the schools I've ever attended, and is one of my pet peeves.

You do realize that most TV commercials are pure, 100%, concentrated evil? I mean it. I'm talking about EVIL(TM), right from the Sinfest comic with the little devil guy.

I swear there's a bottling plant somewhere that meters out doses of vice, sin and evil to put into TV commercials. It's as if the people in them simply have no consciences whatsoever.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby schmiggen » Tue Mar 18, 2008 7:50 am UTC

aleflamedyud wrote:You do realize that most TV commercials are pure, 100%, concentrated evil? I mean it. I'm talking about EVIL(TM), right from the Sinfest comic with the little devil guy.

I swear there's a bottling plant somewhere that meters out doses of vice, sin and evil to put into TV commercials. It's as if the people in them simply have no consciences whatsoever.

Yeah. When I wrote that I guess I was irked by the (possibly sarcastic/ironic?) glee that others who I have come to respect quite a bit found in those commercials. Am I just an emonerd for not finding anything positive in them? Oddly enough, I'm one of those people who counts Kefka as among his favorite video game characters.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby swik » Tue Mar 18, 2008 7:59 am UTC

It would be pretty awesome to see an advertisement say "Improved by reverting to the old format! Just what the hell were we thinking?"

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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby NMcCoy » Tue Mar 18, 2008 9:02 am UTC

swik wrote:It would be pretty awesome to see an advertisement say "Improved by reverting to the old format! Just what the hell were we thinking?"

New Coke, anyone?
I'm pretty sure I've seen this actually happen with a breakfast cereal or something, too. Phrased differently, of course.

Also I want to see a commercial with Kefka as a spokesperson now.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Felstaff » Tue Mar 18, 2008 10:28 am UTC

koneko wrote:I just hate when they call something "New and Improved."

The original phrase "old and retrograde" was dropped at the marketing strategy stage.

I really worry the term "viral marketing" may be taken literally. For eggsample: SmaxoGlithKline releases a virus into the general populace, and then advertises the cure for it. It actually sounds like something a major pharmaceutical company would actually do. In fact, I'm going to write a novel on it right now.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby NMcCoy » Tue Mar 18, 2008 10:37 am UTC

"Rainbows End" by Vernor Vinge contains, among other awesome things, literal viral marketing. It's like a Neal Stephenson novel without all the Neal Stephenson getting in the way. And apparently is available for free online.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Belial » Tue Mar 18, 2008 1:42 pm UTC

schmiggen wrote: Am I just an emonerd for not finding anything positive in them?


No, your sense of humour just isn't calibrated to find a cartoon mascot from one's childhood basically turning into Satan to be delightful. It's funny/pleasing to me in a kindof weird way.

I will admit that the "neat freak" commercial was the weakest of the three, though. Not only was there no vengeance or gain to be taken (just useless spite), but the surreal and vaguely demonic trappings that Chester exhibited in the other two commercials were somewhat absent. I much preferred the laundromat.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby rrwoods » Tue Mar 18, 2008 5:49 pm UTC

There's now a Wendy's radio commercial that claims that "if you can count the strips of bacon and slices of jalapeño on two hands, you don't have enough bacon and jalapeño on your burger". Fuck off, you; I like no more than two strips of bacon on my burger, if any, and I'm certainly not going to ruin it with any of your fucking jalapeño.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby aleflamedyud » Tue Mar 18, 2008 7:51 pm UTC

Belial wrote:
schmiggen wrote: Am I just an emonerd for not finding anything positive in them?


No, your sense of humour just isn't calibrated to find a cartoon mascot from one's childhood basically turning into Satan to be delightful. It's funny/pleasing to me in a kindof weird way.

I will admit that the "neat freak" commercial was the weakest of the three, though. Not only was there no vengeance or gain to be taken (just useless spite), but the surreal and vaguely demonic trappings that Chester exhibited in the other two commercials were somewhat absent. I much preferred the laundromat.

Bah. I thought Chester the Cheetos Cheetah was the embodiment of evil before it became obvious.

What I don't understand is why commercial-makers seem so hellbent on making their characters evil. Why not advertise the way in which a product helps you do something kind for others (excepting jewelry*) or fulfill a moral obligation?

"The New Pepsi makes you and everyone around you so friendly the sun will shine out your ass and couples will spontaneously find true love before your very eyes! YIPPEE SKIPPY!"

* -- Don't even get me fucking started on the sheer misandry of commercials. Apparently, despite a significant fraction of advertising writers being male, it never occurred to them that we men exist for a reason other than to make women happy by catering to their every want and need, including a strange hunger for diamonds they didn't even know they had. When I marry, I'm either giving my wife her birthstone (and if it's a diamond, so be it) or a simple golden ring with a marriage vow or poetic couplet inscribed in the gold. Or if I marry a geekette, an exact copy of the One Ring of Power. Unless she's into dom/sub stuff, in which case I get the One Ring of Power and she can have one of the 3 Elvish rings. I actually just made all this ring stuff up on the spot, but I should remember it.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Belial » Tue Mar 18, 2008 7:59 pm UTC

What I don't understand is why commercial-makers seem so hellbent on making their characters evil.


Because it's funnier.

"The New Pepsi makes you and everyone around you so friendly the sun will shine out your ass and couples will spontaneously find true love before your very eyes! YIPPEE SKIPPY!"


They did this commercial, but it was for coke. Grand theft auto-style main character stops to get a coke and all of a sudden everything is sunshine and happiness and people getting along. It was amusing. Different strokes.

* -- Don't even get me fucking started on the sheer misandry of commercials.


An equal or possibly greater amount could be said of their misogyny. What it comes to is that ad agencies have nothing but contempt for all of us.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Vanguard » Tue Mar 18, 2008 8:05 pm UTC

Medication commercials need to be honest.

"Side effects may include suicide or death."
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby aleflamedyud » Tue Mar 18, 2008 9:38 pm UTC

They shouldn't have to include death in general. Death in general is a side effect of living.

Now an abnormally high risk of death due to a specific cause, of course...
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Fire Everyone in Marketing!

Postby Mr. Beck » Mon Mar 31, 2008 4:06 am UTC

Sometimes it seems to me like some companies should just fire everyone in their marketing department and start over. I'm especially looking at Taco Bell. Seriously, are those crappy ads with people making comments about how crunch-tacular the latest product is moving any inventory? Notice how their market share has plummeted over the last 10 years? Comment.
I'll add more companies I think should start over as I remember them.

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Re: Fire Everyone in Marketing!

Postby aleflamedyud » Mon Mar 31, 2008 4:19 am UTC

LifeWater needs to fire whoever invented "lizards do the Thriller dance" commercial.

That's supposed to be done by ZOMBIES, damnit! BRRRRAAAIIIINNNSSSS!
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Re: Fire Everyone in Marketing!

Postby benjhuey » Mon Mar 31, 2008 4:24 am UTC

Sometimes, I think fire itself is the best solution to all business related problems. Who's going to argue against fire? It's lawyer is made of fire. FIRE!
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Re: Fire Everyone in Marketing!

Postby Ian Ex Machina » Mon Mar 31, 2008 4:26 am UTC

They shoulf fire the Muller yoghurt people, "Lick the Lid of Life" what the hell kind of crappy slogan is that, it literally (yes literally) drips lameness out of the TV and onto my eyes.
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Re: Fire Everyone in Marketing!

Postby semicolon » Mon Mar 31, 2008 4:28 am UTC

McDonald's needs to go minimalist with their commercials. White text on a black background. Dead silence. "DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER -- $0.99". Then a picture of the cheeseburger. Then another item.

Right now all they have is a bunch of douchebags who make this ridiculous attempt at acting "cool", as if the only thing they learned about acting cool they learned from television commercials from about six years ago.

Also there was this one McDonald's commercial that had this tone-deaf girl singing. "I WANT MY FOOD FRESH AND GREEEEEEEEEEEEN". You nkow when people purposely sing badly for comedy purposes? It was much worse than that. And I guess she probably had some kind of developmental delay if she's asking for "fresh" food at McDonald's. Pretty much every commercial would be a lot better without the ridiculous marketing doublespeak. It's getting to the point of self-parody.

You are fucking McDonald's! You are not healthy! You will never be healthy! Shut the fuck up about your salads! And those god damn three dollar yogurt things!

The moral of this story: torrent your TV shows. It's great.

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Re: Fire Everyone in Marketing!

Postby benjhuey » Mon Mar 31, 2008 4:34 am UTC

What about that Skittles commercial with the guy who turns things into Skittles just by touching them? It actually seemed rather depressing, and I didn't feel like buying skittles afterwards.

Edit: Just as I thought: a moved thread. Actually, this works better. Good Job!
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Re: Fire Everyone in Marketing!

Postby JayDee » Mon Mar 31, 2008 4:52 am UTC

benjhuey wrote:What about that Skittles commercial with the guy who turns things into Skittles just by touching them? It actually seemed rather depressing
Hmm. Have you played Shade? I mean, in that game it's sand rather than skittles, but it's certainly depressing.
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Re: Fire Everyone in Marketing!

Postby benjhuey » Mon Mar 31, 2008 4:55 am UTC

JayDee wrote:
benjhuey wrote:What about that Skittles commercial with the guy who turns things into Skittles just by touching them? It actually seemed rather depressing
Hmm. Have you played Shade? I mean, in that game it's sand rather than skittles, but it's certainly depressing.

I may have at one time; it looks awfully familiar.
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Re: Fire Everyone in Marketing!

Postby Not an Evil Robot » Mon Mar 31, 2008 6:00 am UTC

aleflamedyud wrote:LifeWater needs to fire whoever invented "lizards do the Thriller dance" commercial.

That's supposed to be done by ZOMBIES, damnit! BRRRRAAAIIIINNNSSSS!

Is there even a point or reference in that commercial I'm missing?
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