Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Goatboy » Wed Jan 30, 2008 8:02 pm UTC

Oh my vitriol!! I've been waiting to get these off for a long time.
Chronologically, we'll start with a McDonald's billboard from last summer. This is a prime example of a huge multi-national trying to seem friendly and local by referencing something that the locals must care about, right? Thing is, most Utahans never even think about the damn Lake, let alone like/admire it. It's a big, stinky, shallow puddle that supports neither life (save for brine shrimp. w00t!) nor recreation and is the leftovers from the much cooler Lake Bonneville. That's not what I want to think about when diving into my 42oz Dr. Pepper.

Radio ads are havens for flawed logic. I hate 'em. Around back to school time there was an ad for Eagle Gate College that bugged me enough that I can still recall the beginning from memory, verbatim.
You find the car you want. Not want, drool over. Then you see the price and think, "What is wrong? This is America, and every day you can achieve something great." But someone has to believe it. That person is you. Then you have to team up with someone who believes in you. That person is Eagle Gate College.

*aneurysm* I know that your pissant school is cheaper than the U, I still don't know how the hell that gets me this car I'm apparently drooling over (even though I have no concept of car prices). I have a right to own this damn car!! This is freaking AMERICA!! It...just....no!! Just no!! Shut it. Also, it is read by a girl who obviously has had no training, and may not have read the copy before the first take. And is obnoxiously bubbly.

Nobody has mentioned one of the worst things advertisers do to hock their wares: parody a classic rock song. Because of this, I will never set foot on a Low Book Sales lot. Ever. All dealership ads are way too excited about their current shitty sale anyway to ever convince me that now is a better time to buy than the last time you said there's never been a better time to buy. I guess I'll just hold off until you stop saying that, then buy.

The one's that are currently getting to me (radio ads again) are the Verizon spots. They represent everything that kept me from getting a cell phone (I did finally get one at Christmas, but it wasn't my fault). They consists of a woman talking to a Verizon salesman. She says something vapid, to the effect of "It's a new year, I've got a new attitude!" He then, as salesmen do, presents a current model (I am ashamed to say it is the model I have, again it is not my fault), with some of the features. The lady then shows off her low self esteem in response to each feature (my favourite being this exchange: He: "You can even download music on the fly." She: "My boyfriend loves that!"). The point being proven is that you don't buy this phone for its features, you buy this phone for social standing.

EDIT: Was that too much? I never know.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Izawwlgood » Wed Jan 30, 2008 8:04 pm UTC

Has anyone noticed how the Verizon guy is kind of multi-ethnic looking? I wonder if thats why he got the job.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Aleril » Wed Jan 30, 2008 8:05 pm UTC

Izawwlgood wrote:Has anyone noticed how the Verizon guy is kind of multi-ethnic looking? I wonder if thats why he got the job.


Really? I see him as white-as-chalk.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Goatboy » Wed Jan 30, 2008 8:10 pm UTC

Aleril wrote:
Izawwlgood wrote:Has anyone noticed how the Verizon guy is kind of multi-ethnic looking? I wonder if thats why he got the job.


Really? I see him as white-as-chalk.


Ah, but he's got that black hair, which could put him in a number of places. He could be light-skineded Hispanic, or Greek, or Jewish or what have you. But you're right, he's too whited out to actually appeal on an ethnic basis.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Sissi » Wed Jan 30, 2008 8:13 pm UTC

I hate those commercials that use celebs as selling points. Can you name one normal, over-weight woman who has the money and free time Anna Nicole Smith had? No! Watching Jessica Simpson being an idiot does make me hungry for buffalo wings.

On another note, I've heard that Donald Trump was featured in a commercial to recruit young adults to join the army. Is this true, Y/N?
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby SecondTalon » Wed Jan 30, 2008 8:17 pm UTC

Today's Military's is listed on IMDB. So... I guess?


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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Lycur » Wed Jan 30, 2008 8:23 pm UTC

Try the random Japanese commercials available on Cracked for a lesson in bizarre advertising.

There is absolutely no product that can't be sold by skin and jiggle.

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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby '; DROP DATABASE;-- » Wed Jan 30, 2008 8:42 pm UTC

I have somewhere on my hard drive a Japanese commercial that is literally nothing but a large-breasted woman in a tiny bikini, jumping up and down while shouting the name of the product over and over again. Honestly, I don't mind those kinds of ads, but they sure as hell don't make me want the product in question. :P I get the idea it was intended to be ridiculous, though.

This has probably been said before, but:
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OH GOD YES. Never have I seen someone come closer to just flat-out saying that their product will make you the most sexually attractive person ever. It's disgusting.

Also, EVERY JINGLE EVER. This is why I don't listen to the radio.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby SecondTalon » Wed Jan 30, 2008 9:08 pm UTC

'; DROP DATABASE;-- wrote:I have somewhere on my hard drive a Japanese commercial that is literally nothing but a large-breasted woman in a tiny bikini, jumping up and down while shouting the name of the product over and over again.


Choco! Party! Good Good!
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby rrwoods » Wed Jan 30, 2008 9:08 pm UTC

Oh! There was a milk commercial a while back involving a giant walking pint-carton-shaped carton of milk. He was going around advocating drinking milk over all sorts of other stuff. Most of it was fine, except for this one part where it definitely seemed like he was advocating drinking it during strenuous exercise (as opposed to a sports drink). I think he was on a basketball court or something.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby MotorToad » Wed Jan 30, 2008 9:20 pm UTC

One that's been making me chuckle with nausea is the language software people. Their "real person that learned every Cyrillic language in an hour" type spokesman says he'd tried using however-many mediums before this product. WTF would I want to buy language software from someone who lets their spokesidiot say "mediums?"

Also, who here would support a law that requires commercial time sound levels to not exceed program time dB?
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Girl™ » Wed Jan 30, 2008 9:30 pm UTC

MotorToad wrote:Also, who here would support a law that requires commercial time sound levels to not exceed program time dB?


Actually, there is a law like that. The problem is that it states that the volume of commercials during a program can't exceed the highest measured volume within the program. So the advertisers crank everything in their commercials right up to the edge of that limit through the whole thing, while the program might only reach that decibel level for a few seconds before going back to a much lower level. :\

I forgot where I read that. Probably Snopes.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Dark Shikari » Wed Jan 30, 2008 9:35 pm UTC

Bad commercials: apply directly to brain.
Bad commercials: apply directly to brain.
Bad commercials: apply directly to brain.
Bad commercials: apply directly to brain.
Bad commercials: apply directly to brain.

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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Habanero » Wed Jan 30, 2008 9:46 pm UTC

Heard this one the other day. I'm still wrapping my head around it. It was an advertisement for a "paranormal reality show". Paranormal reality? That reminds me of my second marriage.
Why make things difficult when it is possible to make them cryptic and totally illogical with just a little bit more effort?

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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Cheese » Wed Jan 30, 2008 9:55 pm UTC

SecondTalon wrote:
'; DROP DATABASE;-- wrote:I have somewhere on my hard drive a Japanese commercial that is literally nothing but a large-breasted woman in a tiny bikini, jumping up and down while shouting the name of the product over and over again.


Choco! Party! Good Good!
Seen that one, somewhere... I expect it was a fairly successful ad campaign, too.
I can't think of any major logical flaws, but there's a helluva lot of douchebaggery. Most of which has already been discussed, so I won't waste any more space here.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Insignificant Deifaction » Wed Jan 30, 2008 10:06 pm UTC

Suggested alteration of law: It cannot exceed the average decibel level of the program.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Dark Shikari » Wed Jan 30, 2008 10:08 pm UTC

Habanero wrote:Heard this one the other day. I'm still wrapping my head around it. It was an advertisement for a "paranormal reality show". Paranormal reality? That reminds me of my second marriage.
The world's most popular paranormal/supernatural reality show, obviously.

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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Girl™ » Wed Jan 30, 2008 10:14 pm UTC

Insignificant Deification wrote:Suggested alteration of law: It cannot exceed the average decibel level of the program.


Good luck getting that through the legislature. Don't you know we got a War on Turra' tuh fight?
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby MotorToad » Wed Jan 30, 2008 10:24 pm UTC

Girl™ wrote:
MotorToad wrote:Also, who here would support a law that requires commercial time sound levels to not exceed program time dB?


Actually, there is a law like that. The problem is that it states that the volume of commercials during a program can't exceed the highest measured volume within the program. So the advertisers crank everything in their commercials right up to the edge of that limit through the whole thing, while the program might only reach that decibel level for a few seconds before going back to a much lower level. :\

I forgot where I read that. Probably Snopes.
Hrm, I certainly didn't know that. I think their common practice of totally ignoring this law is why I wouldn't know of it. Perhaps it's just the ones the local cable companies put over the programs that are so freaking loud. I'd also expect this is pretty much unenforceable other than the big networks in prime time.
Dark Shikari wrote:Bad commercials: apply directly to brain.
Bad commercials: apply directly to brain.
Bad commercials: apply directly to brain.
Bad commercials: apply directly to brain.
Bad commercials: apply directly to brain.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Insignificant Deifaction » Wed Jan 30, 2008 10:25 pm UTC

@Girl: No, what is it?
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby ishikiri » Wed Jan 30, 2008 10:43 pm UTC

Everyone from the UK should know

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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Indon » Wed Jan 30, 2008 10:46 pm UTC

-Lipozime, or some fat-removing drug sounding similar, has an interesting line in its' commercial:
"70% of the weight lost was pure fat!"
It's like the Sex Panther of diet pills.

More generally, don't trust percentile-based drug commercial claims.
Example:
Disease A has a 99% mortality rate.
Medicine for Disease A had the mortality rate at 98%.
The Ad for Disease A can legally tell you that it has a one hundred percent rate of effectiveness.

deadly penguin wrote:Although what really gets on my nerves is the health food craze!!! Subway is NOT healthy!!! A 6" turkey breast sandwich, without any toppings contains 1000mg sodium!http://www.subway.com/applications/NutritionInfo/nutritionlist.aspx?id=sandwich
(wait, is that a lot?...I'm no dietitian)


That's just right, if they've put the sandwich into an MRE.

You know the commercials I really like? The commercials for the Big Old Expensive phone company. They're so honest... oh, wait. That's just Comcast trying to distract people from poor service and blatant account fraud.

Basically, I've just come to the conclusion that every possible advertisement is by a company that wants to con me out of the money used to buy their sub-par product.

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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Mathmagic » Wed Jan 30, 2008 11:33 pm UTC

++$_ wrote:6. Got milk? Yes, I do, thanks for asking. Now shut up.

We have the dumbest ad campaign for the Dairy Producers of Canada or whatever the group is called. They're promoting milk using the slogan "Always grow. Grow all ways.". Anyway, they have these commercials of high-school aged youth overcoming their fears and making strides in their life. And it's all thanks to milk. Riiiggghhhht. :roll: What the hell does ditching your "cool friends" and talking to the loser of the school have to do with milk? Absolutely nothing...
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby HedgehogsAreFunneh » Wed Jan 30, 2008 11:55 pm UTC

In a factory somewhere:

"Oh no, the <<insert cereal brand name here>> is DIAMONDS! <<cereal brand name>> are only squares! Whatever shall we do with this tragedy?"

Their answer, flip the picture on the box and hope the general public doesn't notice that y'know, the 'diamonds' are just squares *put on their side for the picture*. Argh.

edit:: And by put on their side, I meant tilted at such an angle that it resembles a diamond shape.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby HedgehogsAreFunneh » Thu Jan 31, 2008 12:04 am UTC

mathmagic wrote:
++$_ wrote:6. Got milk? Yes, I do, thanks for asking. Now shut up.

We have the dumbest ad campaign for the Dairy Producers of Canada or whatever the group is called. They're promoting milk using the slogan "Always grow. Grow all ways.". Anyway, they have these commercials of high-school aged youth overcoming their fears and making strides in their life. And it's all thanks to milk. Riiiggghhhht. :roll: What the hell does ditching your "cool friends" and talking to the loser of the school have to do with milk? Absolutely nothing...


=S I thought those ads were good, because theykind of followe in the "Concerned Vhildren's Advetisers" train of thought a bit. They don't actually ever say that milk *causes* you to do that stuff, and it's still a pretty proactive kind of message.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Goatboy » Thu Jan 31, 2008 12:31 am UTC

mathmagic wrote:"Always grow. Grow all ways.".


Holy cow, that sounds like some of the spam I've been getting lately.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Mathmagic » Thu Jan 31, 2008 12:31 am UTC

HedgehogsAreFunneh wrote:
mathmagic wrote:
++$_ wrote:6. Got milk? Yes, I do, thanks for asking. Now shut up.

We have the dumbest ad campaign for the Dairy Producers of Canada or whatever the group is called. They're promoting milk using the slogan "Always grow. Grow all ways.". Anyway, they have these commercials of high-school aged youth overcoming their fears and making strides in their life. And it's all thanks to milk. Riiiggghhhht. :roll: What the hell does ditching your "cool friends" and talking to the loser of the school have to do with milk? Absolutely nothing...


=S I thought those ads were good, because theykind of followe in the "Concerned Vhildren's Advetisers" train of thought a bit. They don't actually ever say that milk *causes* you to do that stuff, and it's still a pretty proactive kind of message.

But the point is, it has nothing to do with milk...
HedgehogsAreFunneh wrote:In a factory somewhere:

"Oh no, the <<insert cereal brand name here>> is DIAMONDS! <<cereal brand name>> are only squares! Whatever shall we do with this tragedy?"

Their answer, flip the picture on the box and hope the general public doesn't notice that y'know, the 'diamonds' are just squares *put on their side for the picture*. Argh.

I actually thought that commercial was quite clever. It's supposed to be a satirical look at how some cereals are always changing their cereals (either in look or taste), while Shreddies has always been the same.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Jessica » Thu Jan 31, 2008 12:34 am UTC

mathmagic wrote:
++$_ wrote:6. Got milk? Yes, I do, thanks for asking. Now shut up.

We have the dumbest ad campaign for the Dairy Producers of Canada or whatever the group is called. They're promoting milk using the slogan "Always grow. Grow all ways.". Anyway, they have these commercials of high-school aged youth overcoming their fears and making strides in their life. And it's all thanks to milk. Riiiggghhhht. :roll: What the hell does ditching your "cool friends" and talking to the loser of the school have to do with milk? Absolutely nothing...

Better than those Dairy producers commercials where the dairy farmers are skating around to milk themed rap music.

Those commercials make me want to punch people.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby '; DROP DATABASE;-- » Thu Jan 31, 2008 6:26 am UTC

SecondTalon wrote:
'; DROP DATABASE;-- wrote:I have somewhere on my hard drive a Japanese commercial that is literally nothing but a large-breasted woman in a tiny bikini, jumping up and down while shouting the name of the product over and over again.


Choco! Party! Good Good!
Yes, that one.
mathmagic wrote:They're promoting milk using the slogan "Always grow. Grow all ways."
Awesome. So milk makes you fat. That's right up there with "watch your d1k grow like a flower" and "together we can lick breast cancer" in terms of not being thought out very well.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Pirate.Bondage » Thu Jan 31, 2008 3:01 pm UTC

I would not want to lick breast cancer.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby TizzyFoe » Thu Jan 31, 2008 3:18 pm UTC

restless leg syndrome! are you kidding me?! you make drugs to cure diseases. You don't invent diseases for your drugs to cure!

of course any drug commercial that cures something small then has a list of 30 side effects. My favorites are anal leakage and "sexual side effects".
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Pirate.Bondage » Thu Jan 31, 2008 3:20 pm UTC

Ahahaha, anal leakage....
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby rrwoods » Thu Jan 31, 2008 3:26 pm UTC

TizzyFoe wrote:restless leg syndrome! are you kidding me?! you make drugs to cure diseases. You don't invent diseases for your drugs to cure!

Actually, it's extremely real. I thought the same thing as you for a while, then realized what I was experiencing for the past, oh, two years, was exactly that -- every few nights, I can't fall asleep due to a compulsion to move my legs every two minutes. It's a really strange feeling. It feels like if you don't move your legs, your calf muscles will ball up and it'll hurt a whole bunch.

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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby MFHodge » Thu Jan 31, 2008 4:03 pm UTC

TizzyFoe wrote:of course any drug commercial that cures something small then has a list of 30 side effects. My favorites are anal leakage and "sexual side effects".

Anal leakage? Surely you mean "Treatment Effects".

Any drug that advises you to carry around an extra pair of pants is not acceptable in my book.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Catch22 » Thu Jan 31, 2008 4:30 pm UTC

Girl™ wrote:Don't forget the ones who provide instructions about how to go to a bar and order their product. I'm looking at you, motherufucking Cuervo Black. :evil:


"No no buddy... with cola."

Every McDonalds commercial, EVER. I'm lovin' it? really? No.

Comcast has some commercials running out here which irritate the shit out of me. They start out:

Narrator: "How much do people love their Comcast?"
Guy: "I LOVE my Comcast!"

They go downhill from there, by offering the guy a choice of being tackled by Brian Urlacher (MLB for the Chicago Bears), shopping naked on Michigan Ave, sticking his hand in a bowl of piranhas, or.... giving up Comcast for one day. (no daddy!)

The Dane Cook commercials advertising the MLB playoffs which ran....DURING THE FUCKING PLAYOFF GAMES. Do I need to explain how insanely retarded this is?

There is another one I know I hate on at least 12 different levels, but apparently i have successfully blocked it from my brain. I'm sure I'll see it again tonight.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Not an Evil Robot » Thu Jan 31, 2008 4:37 pm UTC

Goatboy wrote:
Nobody has mentioned one of the worst things advertisers do to hock their wares: parody a classic rock song. Because of this, I will never set foot on a Low Book Sales lot. Ever. All dealership ads are way too excited about their current shitty sale anyway to ever convince me that now is a better time to buy than the last time you said there's never been a better time to buy. I guess I'll just hold off until you stop saying that, then buy.

I hate those damn Low Book Sales commericials! They ruin good songs and are so annoying!
If I find out who came up with that idea, I'm going to play snipy snip with his important parts.

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Re:

Postby Shro » Thu Jan 31, 2008 5:37 pm UTC

pollywog wrote:I hate, almost more than anything in the world, ads that use massive hyperbole. Like when their trying to sell a kitchen cleaning product, and they make the before kitchen so dirty it looks like like the final product of Port-a-Loo + gelignite. Seriously, any woman who lets her kitchen get that dirty doesn't deserve one.

And I hate ones that try to use humour. Only very rarely is an ad funny, and then no more than 3 viewings. Also, shouting destroys my enjoyment of anything. There are products I specifically avoid just because the ad had shouting in it. Telecom phones, for example.


FUCK THAT.

Herein lies one of my BIGGEST beefs with commercials. Why are all the home cleaning products marketed towards woman? What the hell guys? Women don't have anything better to do than worry about shitty soap scum in their bathrooms? IT MAKES ME SO MAD I CAN'T TALK. Fucking targeting demographics BLOW. They sell all this shit to the "coveted 18-25 year old male demographic." Why MALE guys? Do girls not buy shit? Do we not drink beer? Do we not enjoy comedic shows? Apparently all women are concerned with is dieting, working out, make up, cleaning products and bullshit of that nature.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby segmentation fault » Thu Jan 31, 2008 5:48 pm UTC

maybe they tried marketing it to men, and it didnt sell as much as when they marketed it to women? or at least they found marketing it to women would sell more. sometimes its not all about sexism. in fact, its always about money, and you will do whatever makes more of it. does it suck, maybe, but thats capitalism.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby Jessica » Thu Jan 31, 2008 6:09 pm UTC

It sucks, but commercials are the strongest cementers of gender norms in our society.
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Re: Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

Postby MFHodge » Thu Jan 31, 2008 6:12 pm UTC

I agree with Gharbad. The commercials have only one objective: sell product to make money. If the commercial targets one group, it's because people who know about those kinds of things have found that marketing to that group is the most profitable thing for them to do. If there's going to be any sociological change, it going to trickle down to marketing, certainly not start there.
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