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Describe What You Do

Posted: Sat Feb 05, 2011 5:30 am UTC
by MiB24601
What do you do for a living? Not what is your job title but how would you describe your job? You can be as broad or specific as you want but if you were asked what you do for a living, how would you describe your job?

Sometimes it's fun to describe your job in a way that really doesn't provide any useful information (but only if both you and the person you are talking to are both in a playful mood). My favorite way of describing my job goes like this:

Them: How would you describe your job?
Me: I communicate, you know, professionally.
Them: Really? So why do you communicate so poorly?
Me: I'm very bad at my job.

I'm curious to see what job descriptions turn up.

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Sat Feb 05, 2011 6:35 am UTC
by Carnildo
During college, I described my job as "I break things". Sounds a whole lot more interesting than my job title of "mechanical testing technician".

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Sat Feb 05, 2011 8:08 am UTC
by Korrente
I'd like to think of myself as a 'High Performance Chauffeur.' And as a Pilot, I communicate with the Human Traffic Lights to get me to my destination.

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Sun Feb 06, 2011 3:58 pm UTC
by PatrickRsGhost
Me: I get paid to color.
Them: Wait, what?
Me: I prepare offer packages for our agents to present to owners when the County or the State needs to buy land for a road project.
Them: ...
Me: Then I prepare the plats, showing the areas that need to be acquired. I have to color those areas certain colors, depending on what kind of take it is (Fee Simple, permanent easement, temporary easement; whether it's for slope or drainage)
Them: ...
Me: Sometimes I have to print out full-size sets of the plan sheets a single parcel falls on, and color that. So yeah, I basically get paid to color. I also keep up with status reports on different projects we do, property research, and other cool stuff.
Them: (Eyes glaze over)

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Sun Feb 06, 2011 4:07 pm UTC
by EvilDuckie
PatrickRsGhost wrote:I get paid to color.


Hmmm, I was going to describe my job as "I make maps", but I like your explanation as well.

So yeah, I do a number of things, all map-related. Since "I make maps" is often enough to confuse people I usually tend to keep it at that. The other things are selling software packages to make maps, offering training courses, advice and support for the software and doing all kinds of freaky stuff to geodata.

I like to sum it up as: "I get to do the work I like for people I like and earn my living that way"

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Sun Feb 06, 2011 7:11 pm UTC
by SlyReaper
Boring version: I'm a systems design and validation engineer at an aerospace defence company.

Cool version: I design missiles.

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Sun Feb 06, 2011 11:30 pm UTC
by Ptolom
So, you're /kind/ of a rocket scientist, when viewed in the right light?

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Sun Feb 06, 2011 11:44 pm UTC
by Hawknc
Today: thermal systems engineer for an automotive company. Essentially involves developing the requirements for, and testing, the heat management systems on the vehicles we design and ensuring nothing exceeds temperatures in the markets in which we sell them.

Next week: starting a new role in the same company as a design & release engineer for driveline components, specifically differentials and halfshafts.

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 1:46 am UTC
by fizzgig
I work for the Australian version of social security, which is called Centrelink. So when people ask me I just tell them I live off Centrelink money.

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 2:02 am UTC
by pseudoidiot
I work on SCADA for power utilities. A good mix of computer & electrical engineering. Design, install, troubleshooting. I get to wear a number of hats and see some pretty cool things.

It's nothing I'd ever heard of before I started my job, but I enjoy it. I find it interesting and I get to travel a bit for work. And I have awesome coworkers.

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 8:25 am UTC
by SlyReaper
Ptolom wrote:So, you're /kind/ of a rocket scientist, when viewed in the right light?

Rocket science is overrated. Rocket engineering is where the real hard work is.

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 1:44 pm UTC
by Felstaff
I write words down, and try not to spell them wrong.

People read the words, and hopefully as a result they then click on the wewantthemtoclickthisbutton button, where qualified professionals proceed to harvest their personal measurements for monetary gain.

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 1:56 pm UTC
by clockworkmonk
I fix computers for teachers.

I don't really know how else to describe it an a more interesting way.

Though most people respond with "I have a quick question..."

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 2:35 pm UTC
by Plasma Man
I inject people with radioactive substances, then scan them to find out where it's gone.

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 4:03 pm UTC
by Goldstein
Which is made all the more horrible by the concession in your signature that you're not a doctor.
Yeah, I know. Don't spoil it, man!

I browse the fora.

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 4:39 pm UTC
by The Mighty Thesaurus
I read, play board and card games, listen to music, and dick around on my computer. Occasionally, I go to lectures.

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 7:11 pm UTC
by PictureSarah
Official job description:
"The Home Visitor is responsible for providing child development services and/or prenatal services to families in their home. Home Visitors create weekly individualized lesson plans for children birth to three years of age, conduct weekly 90-minute home visits, complete developmental screenings and assessments, collect health records, make referrals and identify community resources to meet the needs of families, and document all information in computer system. Home Visitors use a prenatal curriculum to provide health and nutrition information to pregnant women, support women to obtain prenatal care and provide breast feeding education."

How I explain it: I help people play with their babies (this sounds ridiculously easy, but sometimes isn't). I also hook them up with things they need, which could be anything from school/financial aid information and employment help to food resources and domestic violence counseling. I also help support them in making and achieving goals and break generational cycles of poverty and dysfunction. Sometimes it's the best job in the world. Often, it keeps me up at night.

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 7:36 pm UTC
by You, sir, name?
I'm a physics student. I transform coffee into solutions to hand-in problems.

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 7:43 pm UTC
by jawdisorder
I sit in a small silent room and do next to nothing.

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 8:35 pm UTC
by Sandry
I write up requests for additions and modifications to in house software used for ordering, receiving and selling products for a retail business. Additionally, I do testing on those additions and modifications, write up training documentation, provide end user support, conduct trainings for end users and for other trainers, and basically function as a human encyclopedia on most of the information relating to this system. Oh, and theoretically I also sometimes do project management on various modules that are part of or related to the larger project. My title says project management is the only thing I do, but that is a giant pile of lies, which honestly I count as a good thing - project management is in fact the thing I am *least good at* out of all the hats that come with this job.

Basically, I do everything you would expect to be a part of a software development life cycle except actually code enhancements or bug fixes.

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 11:25 pm UTC
by Cithoge
Currently, I put PowerPoint presentations into a specific template. I sometimes also change the font.

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Tue Feb 08, 2011 4:14 am UTC
by Bakemaster
I currently tutor students in math. It's not a living, though; just five hours a week. I spent most of today's hour helping an older fellow with adding variable terms and the distributive property. More fun than it sounds, seriously.

I used to give out money for a living! How about that, eh?

Once while I was temping, I spent a week running around an almost-fully-constructed hospital, sending blood and plasma back and forth through a pneumatic tube system. Woosh!

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Tue Feb 08, 2011 6:08 am UTC
by Me321
I sell tacos, for the next 3 months.

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Tue Feb 08, 2011 9:06 am UTC
by Retne
I push buttons and play with potentiometers. I essentially get paid to play computer games/watch web junk/browse the net. AKA a radio board operator.

I know, you guys are jealous don't lie. ;)

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Tue Feb 08, 2011 9:11 am UTC
by blue_eyedspacemonkey
I give people drugs, in return for slips of green paper

I'm a dispenser in a pharmacy, and UK prescriptions are green, for those who can't see the picture

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Tue Feb 08, 2011 11:33 am UTC
by TheKrikkitWars
I work in an air-free environment, playing with chemicals and liquid nitrogen.

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Tue Feb 08, 2011 1:56 pm UTC
by SecondTalon
blue_eyedspacemonkey wrote:I give people drugs, in return for slips of green paper

I'm a dispenser in a pharmacy, and UK prescriptions are green, for those who can't see the picture
American Money's green, so the line still mostly works on this side of the pond.

The Canadians have no idea what you're babbling about, though, so glad you explained it.

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Tue Feb 08, 2011 2:04 pm UTC
by micco
I shoot electricity and different types of additives to metal objects.

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Tue Feb 08, 2011 2:40 pm UTC
by Plasma Man
TheKrikkitWars wrote:I work in an air-free environment, playing with chemicals and liquid nitrogen.
How... how do you breath? Are you a robot?

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Tue Feb 08, 2011 3:23 pm UTC
by TheKrikkitWars
Plasma Man wrote:
TheKrikkitWars wrote:I work in an air-free environment, playing with chemicals and liquid nitrogen.
How... how do you breath? Are you a robot?


I also work in a howie coat which is full with needles, syringes, party balloons, forceps, scalpels and the like, Can you guess what I am yet?

Spoiler:
Image
Not actually my schlenk lines, but a good example.


I work with air and moisture sensitive (often pyrophoric) chemicals (synthesising polyfluroene oligomers to improve these to be specific), so it's all done in nitrogen, oxygen free nitrogen or argon atmospheres or under oil or vaccum... I myself have lots of air to breathe.

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Tue Feb 08, 2011 3:30 pm UTC
by Felstaff
TheKrikkitWars wrote:I also work in a howie coat which is full with needles, syringes, party balloons, forceps, scalpels and the like, Can you guess what I am yet?

I was hoping for "nightmare clown"

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Tue Feb 08, 2011 4:24 pm UTC
by TheKrikkitWars
Felstaff wrote:
TheKrikkitWars wrote:I also work in a howie coat which is full with needles, syringes, party balloons, forceps, scalpels and the like, Can you guess what I am yet?

I was hoping for "nightmare clown"

That is a sideline, (I'll see if I have a photo), but I have to leave the pointy objects at home :(

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Tue Feb 08, 2011 5:56 pm UTC
by blue_eyedspacemonkey
SecondTalon wrote:American Money's green, so the line still mostly works on this side of the pond.
The Canadians have no idea what you're babbling about, though, so glad you explained it.
That line actually doesn't work this side of the pond, but as it does over your way (and a lot of people would get it) I thought why not?

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Tue Feb 08, 2011 8:11 pm UTC
by Rodion Raskolnikov
I talk to people about things that have happened/are going to happen/might happen in the local area then write them down foe others to read

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Tue Feb 08, 2011 8:17 pm UTC
by Izawwlgood
Last week I cut off the heads of a dozen 9-10 day old rat pups, with a pair of scissors, then crucified them on a styrofoam block and harvested chunks of their still beating heart. I don't have the skill to do the neuronal dissection, so the person teaching me cut into their cheeks, lifting their jaws backwards and accessing the portion of the brain needed.

The first time I saw this, I had to go for a walk and get a hold of myself. It's literally the most barbaric thing I've seen in the sciences.

Today I mixed clear liquids together and placed them into itty bitty tubes that went into a quarter of a million dollar machine that spat back some numbers at me about the contents of the tubes.

Mostly, I think I'm getting paid to think about and eventually figure out cool stuff. Science is awesome.

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Sat Feb 12, 2011 3:50 pm UTC
by icanus
I follow 3 & 4 year old children around, narrating everything they do in simple language. I also take away any toy they try to pick up and refuse to give it back until thy give me a small laminated, velcro backed card with a picture of the toy on it.

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Sat Feb 12, 2011 7:48 pm UTC
by OBrien
Most of my time is taken up being a mathemagician's apprentice (BSc Mathematics undergrad), however at weekends I explain simple thing to people who refuse to understand, clean up after inconsiderate people and swap bits of paper for used clothes to make money (I work in a vintage clothes shop). In what little free time I have left, I also like to rip-off copyrighted images and shepard people to drinking establishments and encourage them to poison themselves (Marketing and Design rep for my uni's Real Ale and Cider Society; my best posters included an edited Motorola advert, and edited Ramones logo, and edited picture of Bonne Mamman jam, etc. I also have to make sure people actually make it to the pubs, and obviously I want them to try different ales).

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Sat Feb 12, 2011 9:53 pm UTC
by PictureSarah
Are you some sort of speech therapist?

icanus wrote:I follow 3 & 4 year old children around, narrating everything they do in simple language. I also take away any toy they try to pick up and refuse to give it back until thy give me a small laminated, velcro backed card with a picture of the toy on it.

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Sat Feb 12, 2011 10:26 pm UTC
by icanus
PictureSarah wrote:Are you some sort of speech therapist?
Special needs support worker in a nursery, but I'm delivering the programmes recommended by the visiting speech therapists and EdPsychs.

Re: Describe What You Do

Posted: Sat Feb 12, 2011 11:52 pm UTC
by Cahojama
I spin big chunks of metal really fast, and then slam small chunks of carbide into them at precise depths and speeds. This produces lots of heat, and lots of small peices of metal. Somehow at the end of the day I end up with a piece of metal that matches a bunch of smaller lines and sqiggles on a piece of paper.

And sometimes it doesnt, and I hang my head in shame.