[SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby poxic » Sun Mar 24, 2013 6:37 am UTC

Measure when neutral, if possible (neither in nor out). Make sure you can take a deep breath with the measuring tape around you.

Edit for pagetopper: ... and this, kids, is how you master Brameasure Meditation.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby PAstrychef » Mon Mar 25, 2013 3:30 am UTC

Whatever you do, when you find a bra you like that fits, buy several. Get them in different colors. As soon as they need to be replaced, you will discover that you can no longer find them.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Shivahn » Mon Mar 25, 2013 3:32 am UTC

PAstrychef wrote:Whatever you do, when you find a bra you like that fits, buy several. Get them in different colors. As soon as they need to be replaced, you will discover that you can no longer find them.

I think I'm gonna be safe owning only a couple at a time for a year or two :P

I will certainly do that the second I am consistently sized though.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby rieschen » Mon Mar 25, 2013 7:44 am UTC

If you're worried about fluctuation/gain that you know is incoming, compression sport bras don't make your boobs look quite as nice as a properly fitted regular bra (because they kind of squish them for support), but they have a bit more "range" before they just don't fit any more. They might stop offering proper support for high impact sports if you're not 100% fitted for them, but they should still be comfy to wear for everyday life.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Sungura » Mon Mar 25, 2013 10:23 pm UTC

I totally didn't know about the bra riding up in back one....which leads me to a question. My bras ALWAYS ride up in the back but if I go smaller it feels very constricting around my chest. I do hate how my boobs fall in the bra no matter how good the bra is. I was told this was simply a side effect of having big boobs. (36DDD/F/E depending on whateverthefuck brand sizing of cups is LOL)measuring with tape it is 35-36 inches so 36 band size seems to be right. :? maybe I keep the shoulder straps too tight? but if I loosen them my boobs just realllllly fall and at that point why the fuck wear a bra? LOL
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Shivahn » Mon Mar 25, 2013 11:37 pm UTC

rieschen wrote:If you're worried about fluctuation/gain that you know is incoming, compression sport bras don't make your boobs look quite as nice as a properly fitted regular bra (because they kind of squish them for support), but they have a bit more "range" before they just don't fit any more. They might stop offering proper support for high impact sports if you're not 100% fitted for them, but they should still be comfy to wear for everyday life.


Yeah, I'm transgendered and started estrogen a couple of months ago. Conventional wisdom is it takes about two years for most effects, including breasts, to be finalized, so anything that can aid me throughout that period is good. Anything I buy right immediately now would proooobably be no good in a couple months, I'd say. If everything continues as it has been (which hopefully it does).

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby bluebambue » Tue Mar 26, 2013 1:00 am UTC

Sungura wrote:I totally didn't know about the bra riding up in back one....which leads me to a question. My bras ALWAYS ride up in the back but if I go smaller it feels very constricting around my chest. I do hate how my boobs fall in the bra no matter how good the bra is. I was told this was simply a side effect of having big boobs. (36DDD/F/E depending on whateverthefuck brand sizing of cups is LOL)measuring with tape it is 35-36 inches so 36 band size seems to be right. :? maybe I keep the shoulder straps too tight? but if I loosen them my boobs just realllllly fall and at that point why the fuck wear a bra? LOL
I also have big boobs (32G). I found that once I started wearing bras with the right cup size for me I stopped having problems. So maybe you need to wear an even bigger cup size?

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby rieschen » Tue Mar 26, 2013 7:41 am UTC

Shivahn: I'd definitely go with a sports bra then! You'll probably still need to replace it after a year or so (bras wear out, especially if you only have a few). Once it becomes a little too loose in the band, you can wear it on a tighter hook. If it becomes too snug in the cup, in most sports bras, you can expand the straps to make room for your growing boobs. Mind that this reduces support, so depending on how large your boobs will get, you might need to buy a new one instead after all.

Sungura: Think of the bra as a really short corset - the support of the corset comes from the boobs resting on something, rather than from the fact that they're hanging from something (the straps). Once your boobs are in the bra cups, they still want to move down - but the band is in the way, because of the way the fabric is constructed. If the band rides up in the back, this doesn't work properly, and your boobs wind up hanging rather than resting, which reduces support, hurts your shoulders, doesn't look as nice under a shirt, etc.

Bluebambue makes a really good point about the cups - especially make sure the thingie between the cup isn't riding "in front of" your boobs. That can make the band constrict, and really pinch your boobs uncomfortably. It's a definite "up a size". If the cups fit really well and a smaller band size is uncomfortable, there are special hook extenders that might enable you to go "between band sizes" when applied to the more snug bra band. Kind of squareish little pieces of cloth with hooks in them that you can snag between your bra's actual closure.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby PictureSarah » Tue Mar 26, 2013 3:19 pm UTC

If you want the comfort and expandable-ness of a sports bra, but don't want the compression, you might want to go with something like this.

http://www.amazon.com/Medela-Sleep-Bra- ... 024&sr=1-4

It's designed for extra support when you have sore pregnancy boobs, or when you're nursing, but sore pregnancy boobs are not that different than sore puberty boobs, Shivahn!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Ashlah » Tue Mar 26, 2013 8:51 pm UTC

Aah, sore puberty boobs are the worst. Or at least they are when your brother (accidentally) punches you in the boob. :x

I'm loving all these bra tips! I did not realize you were supposed to first wear bras with the widest clasp then move inward. The best-fitting bra I found fit best clasped tightest, so I assumed that's just the way it was. But perhaps I've been wearing the wrong size too! Oh joy!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Shivahn » Wed Mar 27, 2013 6:05 am UTC

Yeah, I'm really really really thankful for all the tips. And Sarah, I'm planning on getting one of those. I like the way they look, too, so bonus :P

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Cathy » Wed Mar 27, 2013 10:42 pm UTC

Sooo, I used the bra calculator linked from the reddit thread and it says I'm a 32DDD/E/F? My 34Ds have been not fitting quite right recently so I am definitely tempted to go out and do some trying on of bras. It sounds ridiculous that I'd be an E cup or something, because I'm rather skinny. I associate DDD/E/F with biiiig boobie'd women. I guess that's a cultural thing. Me having a 30.5in rib cage and 37in bust = big cup size. Woooo.

Bras are confusing. The last time I got measured the lady at the store told me I was a 32C... Definitely not. By boobs were going allll over the place over the cups. :lol:
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Becani » Thu Mar 28, 2013 12:51 am UTC

Sore puberty boobs. -_-'

I'd had them for years. The good news though is that it means they haven't stopped growing yet! :D

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby PictureSarah » Thu Mar 28, 2013 12:59 am UTC

I actually don't remember having sore pregnancy boobs with any regularity or severity when I was a teenager. I would get shooting pains once in a while that hurt, but didn't last, and I would have sore boobs around when Shark Week was due, but it wasn't bad.

Sore pregnancy boobs are horrible. It's not the boobs so much as the nipples. If I get cold at all, it feels like they're burning. If my seatbelt brushes against them in the car, it feels like someone is trying to take them off with a potato peeler.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Shivahn » Thu Mar 28, 2013 2:28 am UTC

Cathy wrote:Sooo, I used the bra calculator linked from the reddit thread and it says I'm a 32DDD/E/F? My 34Ds have been not fitting quite right recently so I am definitely tempted to go out and do some trying on of bras. It sounds ridiculous that I'd be an E cup or something, because I'm rather skinny. I associate DDD/E/F with biiiig boobie'd women. I guess that's a cultural thing. Me having a 30.5in rib cage and 37in bust = big cup size. Woooo.

Bras are confusing. The last time I got measured the lady at the store told me I was a 32C... Definitely not. By boobs were going allll over the place over the cups. :lol:


Remember that as the band size changes, the cup size does as well. I believe 32DDD and 34D have the same actual volume in the breasts, just a smaller band. If your breasts have grown at all since you got the 34D, then going down a band size would put you at E (if I understand the math right).

It's funny to me that I program for fun and then think about bra sizing and that is where I am not confident in my mathematical skill.

Becani wrote:Sore puberty boobs. -_-'

I'd had them for years. The good news though is that it means they haven't stopped growing yet! :D


Yeah, they'd better not stop! Two months in would be a wee bit early for my tastes. I mean, I could be happy here but I am greedy.

They're really variable though. Some days they are just sort of tender and other days a cat will walk across me and I will not be able to avoid a big twitch.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby rieschen » Thu Mar 28, 2013 7:50 am UTC

That's because bra sizes make very little frelling sense. You have the right of it though for the cup volume equivalent.

Which reminds me that I might slip off even the speciality store's bra size roster: I'm wearing the largest cup size on one of the medium bands. If I have to go down a band size, I won't have a new cup size to go up into, which really sucks. :c On the plus side, I guess this means I just have to keep on eating cheesecake to make sure my band size stays right where it is! *cackles*

*offers hugs* Boob growing soreness sucks superbly.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Becani » Thu Mar 28, 2013 9:17 pm UTC

Yay cheesecake! <3 Horray for diversity in body shapes and sizes!

And, then pain is worth it. the boob growth pain. after not having any for the first 18 years of my life, having boobs is so worth it. (I am a trans woman, fyi)

I feel so fucking lucky! Most sources said that boobs probably won't grow very big when you transition, yet here I am wearing a 32C! They're bigger than my sisters'! I am so freaking happy and lucky and having boobs is so fun yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy <3

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Sungura » Thu Mar 28, 2013 9:49 pm UTC

Yay Becani!!! Glad you like your boobs =) I hope they grow nicely for you and not too painfully. I remember when I felt my boobs for the first time...sometimes I wish I was still not able to feel them with how painful they can get ha! (long time I couldn't feel any sensation on mine, it was like they were not a part of me, and all of a sudden I started to get sensation for the first time in my life about two years ago).
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Cathy » Fri Mar 29, 2013 2:29 am UTC

Shivahn wrote:
Cathy wrote:Sooo, I used the bra calculator linked from the reddit thread and it says I'm a 32DDD/E/F? My 34Ds have been not fitting quite right recently so I am definitely tempted to go out and do some trying on of bras. It sounds ridiculous that I'd be an E cup or something, because I'm rather skinny. I associate DDD/E/F with biiiig boobie'd women. I guess that's a cultural thing. Me having a 30.5in rib cage and 37in bust = big cup size. Woooo.

Bras are confusing. The last time I got measured the lady at the store told me I was a 32C... Definitely not. By boobs were going allll over the place over the cups. :lol:


Remember that as the band size changes, the cup size does as well. I believe 32DDD and 34D have the same actual volume in the breasts, just a smaller band. If your breasts have grown at all since you got the 34D, then going down a band size would put you at E (if I understand the math right).

It's funny to me that I program for fun and then think about bra sizing and that is where I am not confident in my mathematical skill.

Yeah, they'd better not stop! Two months in would be a wee bit early for my tastes. I mean, I could be happy here but I am greedy.

They're really variable though. Some days they are just sort of tender and other days a cat will walk across me and I will not be able to avoid a big twitch.


Good point! It's really kind of silly that I think a 32E sounds soo much larger than a 34DD. I really do feel like that's a societal construct. The thing that really makes me realize I need a new bra is that my shoulders *hurt* after a day of wearing my bras. It's the pull on the shoulder straps, and that's just not cool!

I definitely had puberty boob-growing pain. I didn't start 'developing' until 13 (many of my friends began a year or two earlier) but I definitely had sore boobs. They were <A cups but just... sore.

Hurray for boobs! They're pretty awesome, small or big! Or average, y'know.

Random factoid: I am exactly the average height for a woman in the US. 5 feet and 3 and 3/4 inches tall. Wooo! Funny enough, I always have been considered short!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Shivahn » Fri Mar 29, 2013 2:39 am UTC

rieschen wrote:*offers hugs* Boob growing soreness sucks superbly.

*hug*

Thanks! Becani's right though, totally worth it.

Cathy wrote:I definitely had puberty boob-growing pain. I didn't start 'developing' until 13 (many of my friends began a year or two earlier) but I definitely had sore boobs. They were <A cups but just... sore.

Hurray for boobs! They're pretty awesome, small or big! Or average, y'know.


Heh, that's all right, I didn't start until 24/25 :P

And yeah. Mine are pretty small at the moment but honestly? Even if they stopped here I'd be infinitely happier than I was. I didn't even realize what I was missing (my experience was less one of having stuff be wrong and more of having everything be not quite right).

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Cathy » Fri Mar 29, 2013 2:43 am UTC

I'm really happy for you!! It's wonderful to feel ... right, for lack of a better word. I've been going to the GLBTQ group at my school has increased my exposure to trans* people in particular and it's really wonderful to hear from a different perspective. <3

My hubby says that for every type of breast, there's a type of person who loves that type of boobies. :) So when a particular friend of mine says she wishes she has my boobs, I say, "Hey, your boobs are awesome! And they fit you!"
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby NovaNatalia » Fri Mar 29, 2013 2:58 am UTC

Becani wrote:I feel so fucking lucky! Most sources said that boobs probably won't grow very big when you transition, yet here I am wearing a 32C! They're bigger than my sisters'! I am so freaking happy and lucky and having boobs is so fun yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy <3


Oh wow, you have no idea how hopeful that makes me.

Edit: Apparently I'm a 44B / 42C (43 band / 45 bust), so I guess that's some good news at least.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Shivahn » Fri Mar 29, 2013 4:16 am UTC

Cathy wrote:I'm really happy for you!! It's wonderful to feel ... right, for lack of a better word. I've been going to the GLBTQ group at my school has increased my exposure to trans* people in particular and it's really wonderful to hear from a different perspective. <3

My hubby says that for every type of breast, there's a type of person who loves that type of boobies. :) So when a particular friend of mine says she wishes she has my boobs, I say, "Hey, your boobs are awesome! And they fit you!"

Aww, thanks! Yeah, I am REALLY worried for when I stop being able to hide them, what with all the other gendered stuff that is not quite F, but yeah. Feeling this way is fantastic.

I am really curious how they end up though. Silly body. With its taking two years to finish results.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Cathy » Fri Mar 29, 2013 4:55 am UTC

Shivahn wrote:Aww, thanks! Yeah, I am REALLY worried for when I stop being able to hide them, what with all the other gendered stuff that is not quite F, but yeah. Feeling this way is fantastic.

I am really curious how they end up though. Silly body. With its taking two years to finish results.

You know, boobs are one of those wonders of the world in that they never really seem to settle down. Lol. I can get that with hormone therapy there's definitely that initial 'growth' period, but I feel like everyone I know just gets boob fluctuation.

I mean, of course all the parts of our body are constantly changing but it seems like boob shifts are more noticeable... haha.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] wyfman needle-pulled thing - All Things wyfm

Postby Sungura » Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:17 pm UTC

How to find a good Gyno?

It seems All the nice ones who care don't know shit. And all the ones who know stuff treat ya like you are hysterical (word choice on purpose there).

My new iud is not working (in a away not suprising considering the myriad of pills they put me on with the last one to try and stop the bleeding. Kinda last ditch effort I guess) I want to do something perminant. Anything to destroy my endometrium or even full on hystorectomy. I have to find a southern doctor who will 1) listen 2) does such procedures and 3) does such on a 26 yr old! I'm fucking sick of not having a life.

This. Ends. Now.

In the last SIX months I have only had 62 days not bleeding (and many of those with spotting) "oh you arnt anemic though" so what?! I'm lying?!? Maybe bleeding like that since I was fucking 11 years old means my body is adjusted to it. Conventional bc not working. Blood workups show nothing. Ultrasounds show nothing. This MUST mean I'm a hysterical liar.

>_<

No.

This. Ends. Now.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] wyfman needle-pulled thing - All Things wyfm

Postby Роберт » Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:33 pm UTC

Sungura wrote:This. Ends. Now.

If you used pads you could try mailing the used ones to them as evidence.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] wyfman needle-pulled thing - All Things wyfm

Postby Sungura » Mon Apr 01, 2013 10:11 pm UTC

Ha word filters

I use cloth pads (allergic to something in reg disposable ones). But yes I have been tempted! Went back today and left a huge mess from just having my pants off for 5 min might give them a clue?

I'm researching now. It seems most endometrial ablation things Are only about 50% effective across the board with the various methods and as many as 25% go on to have a full hystorectomy anyway. That plus other health history stuff I'm reading about its looking like a full out hystorectomy is the way for me to go.

Now to find a doc who would do this and bill it as medically necessary for insurance. And I live in the south. Yes. This will be easy. Not.

Any experiences here with hystorectomies?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] wyfman needle-pulled thing - All Things wyfm

Postby PictureSarah » Mon Apr 01, 2013 11:09 pm UTC

No direct experience but I know quite a few women who have had them. My advice is to not have one unless the other options don't work, because every woman I know who has had one, has either already had to get, or has been told that they will in the future have to get, another surgery to basically install a bladder hammock. I guess leaving a vacant space in the abdomen causes other organs to start to shift out of place, including the bladder, which can cause incontinence when it starts sagging.
Not trying to discourage you from a hysterectomy if it will drastically improve your quality of life and it is the only way, but a heads-up about this side effect that seems pretty common, that I'd never heard of until I started talking to people who'd had hysterectomies.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] wyfman needle-pulled thing - All Things wyfm

Postby Enuja » Mon Apr 01, 2013 11:14 pm UTC

My mother had a hysterectomy right about the age when she was expecting menopause, but that's not my experience, and it's not super relevant. But I know you will be able to find a doctor to give you a hysterectomy. Good luck on it being a swift and pleasant experience. And I'm not particularly hopeful that you'll be able to get it paid for by medical insurance. You should, because in the long term it is the cheapest, most effective, best treatment for your very serious medical issues, but I'm more confident about you finding an OBGYN who will give you a hysterectomy than I am confident about sensible behavior out of health insurance companies.

(Note: my mother's hysterectomy actually solved her bladder problems, because she had fibroids, which pressed on her bladder.)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Becani » Tue Apr 02, 2013 12:32 am UTC

My fiance had one last year, and he's been much happier ever since. He was lucky enough to find a doc that would code it correctly so medicaid would cover it, and had his hysterectomy done laparoscopically. Just four little incisions on his belly and that's it. There are scars that you can see if you look hard enough, but they're generally not noticeable.

I'll hit him up when he wakes up and see if he has anything else he is willing to share. (we even have a picture! I wonder if he'll be ok with posting that. It's a before and after of his insides... one with uterus and ovaries, and one with it all gone! :D )

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby XJ_0 » Wed Apr 03, 2013 6:08 am UTC

@Becani
That picture is already posted in the queer thread, so, yeah, you can post it here too.

@PictureSarah
I wasn't told a thing about the bladder hammock. o.o Most women who are able to get hysterectomies get them when they are older, right? and I'm fairly young. Could it be because of our age difference? Also, I have a pretty slim physique (Doctor mentioned having performed this surgery on 400+ lbs. women).

@Sungura
I was able to get mine covered by Medicaid, but I also live in NH. In addition to this, I was able to be covered for my surgery in Boston, MA because she specializes in laparoscopic surgeries. She was also nearer and more convenient to get to than any comparable place in our state. She coded mine as "abnormal/dysfunctional bleeding." My periods pre-testosterone were only slightly heavy and off, but what she used to help me was the fact that I was on T now and that should techniquely render me unable to get a period at all. (I don't think she had to disclose the this particular fact to Medicaid. NH is specifically against any type of trans surgeries. xP)

This may not be relevant, but I was recommended to her because I contacted a medical center in Boston that specializes in the care of LGBT folks. (I had been there before because I started my testosterone there.)

It also took me several months from the time I first met this doctor, to the date when my actual surgery came up. Had to sign plenty papers of consent, and wait on them to make sure that I was still consenting a month later. Also had a few invasive tests, as they ultrasound-ed and then scraped my cervix (that was f*cking painful p_q) to rule out cancer (should they have any reason other than abnormal bleeding for which this could be done).

Do you have any towns or cities nearby that are known for having better than average healthcare? (as for us, Boston is known for having better healthcare than where we live, and NH generally.)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Sungura » Wed Apr 03, 2013 10:07 pm UTC

Nashville has a good health center I am told. It is about 3 hours away. Birmingham might have good hospitals but you are digging further south then, of course. I do wonder if the theory about her being LGBTQ friendly doctor had a lot to do with it. Are you aware of any such places that are good down south (im northeast Alabama, Nashville isn't a horrible drive, that's probably the most progessive city "nearby" I can think of). I have some friends who are nurses and am poking them for doctor recommendations but haven't gotten any so far. The endometrial abilation things are definitly out, I just confirmed this morning there is a history of uterine cancer in my family. Who knew...yay super religious family that doesn't talk about health stuff. I also found out B vitamin definicies are genetic in our family (mutation of some enzymes required in the cycles) so I think i'm on the right track with taking B supplements. Grahhh ya know it would be nice if my family didn't hide problems so much. I had to get up the courage to share mine and prod to get any information. I doubt my current gyno would be willing to do such a procedure and lately she has seemed rather pissed at me. Hey, it's not my fault I"m bleeding everywhere for SIX GODDAMN MONTHS. And it's not my fault every prediction I told her was RIGHT. So you know maybe she should listen. Or something. I dunno all doctors down here are the same, they don't do diddly shit and they don't listen. It's a fight to get anything done.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Shepherdess » Thu Apr 04, 2013 8:35 pm UTC

Hi, just jumping in here without reading, because I have a headache from crappy sinuses and a high pollen count and I don't want to read a lot right now. This has been on my mind a quite a bit lately, so I'm glad I have someplace I can speak it. Please excuse this new person popping up and monologuing to strangers.

From about fourteen to nineteen, I never identified myself as a woman. I wasn't too "girly" (whatever that means) after the age of seven--being called a tomboy very often-- but I still referred to myself as a girl. It wasn't until I learned the difference between sex and gender that I started using the term "female" and rejecting it when people called me "girl", "woman", or "lady". I didn't feel particularly masculine either, so I didn't describe myself in those terms, even though I didn't mind it when people got my sex confused. (I'm either always mistaken for a twelve-year-old or as a boy. Oddly enough, I've never been mistaken for a twelve-year-old boy. Of the two, the age thing is considerably more annoying.) I didn't feel feminine, I didn't feel masculine, but I was biologically female and accepted that (though I have been trying for years to convince my doctors to PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEFORTHELOVEOFALLTHINGSGOODANDGREENONTHISEARTH PLEASE REMOVE MY OVARIES I DON'T WANT THEM OR THE AGONIZING PERIODS AND IF I WANT CHILDREN IN THE FUTURE I'LL ADOPT! But they never listen. Oddly enough, the response is never "No, it could pose problems to your health", but "No, you'll want children in the future." Make of that as you will.

Anyway, so I always thought of and described myself in gender-neutral terms. I wasn't a woman, I was female. Nothing wrong with being a woman, it just wasn't me. But over the last year, I've gone from "I'm not a woman" to "I AM WOMAN, HEAR MY MIGHTY ROAR!" The reasons are obvious. Things have been politically shaky for women's rights, and women's rights affects all females, regardless of mental gender. I don't know if my mental process has just grown to like the idea of whatever womanhood is, or if my reasoning is that women could use all the allies they could get right now. But I've gone from ambivalent in regards genderhood to fiercely proud of womanhood, even though nothing about me has really changed. I don't know if I'll go back to gender neutrality when things become calmer or if I'll keep on identifying as Woman, Hell Yeah! I've just been reflecting on the changes and thought it interesting, and wondering if anyone else has ever experienced that before.

EDIT: Like my name, for example. A year ago, I probably would have just been "Shepherd", but when I typed that in as I was making my account, I felt compelled to tack on the "ess", even though I always thought the term "shepherdess" sounded clumsy and awkward. As it is, I'm "Shepherd" on another site.
Dear Blitzgirl,

I don't know if you got my previous message and I just missed your reply, but I got tired of reading the same message so I decided it was time for a new one.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby existential_elevator » Thu Apr 04, 2013 8:45 pm UTC

Shepherdess, you describe very much what I went through, except that I've never really found myself a true-blood feminist - though I am finally comfortable with being a woman. I was also a "tomboy", never really thought of myself specifically as female and have always felt a bit out of my depth with other women. Even after having gone to an all-girls' school. I desperately wanted my ovaries out. I thought about transitioning, but other than cross-dressing on occasion during my teen years, never really did anything, and never really spoke openly with anyone about that. Nowadays I'm far more comfortable with my femininity, I even present female on occasion (wow) and enjoy wearing pretty dresses (double wow) even if sometimes I feel a bit awkward about it. I'm not sure what made the change for me. I still don't really feel girly, and probably do think of myself half of the time as male and the other half as female. I honestly part blame it on the fact I hit puberty so early (around 9) and experienced a lot of body-shaming from my peers. It took me a very long time to stop feeling quite so ashamed of having breasts.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Sungura » Thu Apr 04, 2013 10:38 pm UTC

I"ve never been 'good at being a girl' I guess. I liked legos and k'nex and cars and hated dolls and frilly crap growing up. I also matured early so perhaps there is a link there? I'm in my 20's and still have mostly male friends, do lots of outdoor activity (camp, backpack, cave, climb, kayak) which is really super hard beacuse they don't make outdoor clothes I like in my size. Guy clothes don't fit my boobs and hips Gal clothes aren't made big enough (most outdoor companies stop their sizing at a 12 or 14 US, and outdoor clothes are for some reason automatically a size or two smaller than any standard jean/shirt size, and I'm typically a size 16 jean and in outdoor clothing sizes this would apparently be a 20 or something fucking rediculous). I struggle a lot with my body not looking like how I am. I am constantly surounded by men and the few females are very typical outdoorsy-body-type females. I'm not saying there is anything wrong at all with that shape and type, but I am highly out of place. Put on top of that debiliating periods since I was 14 years old and the past 6 months of nonstop bleeding and I have never wanted kids and every doctor I try won't do shit about the bleeding (because all tests show I'm normal and there is nothing wrong!) I really want a hystorectomy. I've always been perfectly fine with my hormones and until last 6 months I've been very stable mood wise my entire life. But my uterus hates me, and I hate it. And it's really fucking difficult to be in wilderness situations constantly and need to change pads/tampons every few hours. Often in wet, muddy, and such situations where I really worry about what shit gets where if you know what I mean. Not to mention in all these situations it's pack out what you pack in, so yay ziplock bags full of bloody mess to lug around all week. So yeah. I like dresses and pretty things now at this point in my life, I just rarely have a oporitunity to wear such things becuase of the activities I partake in. But what I love to do does not fit what my body is. I can't find clothes. I can't find gear that fits or works right (I've had to invent a new climbing system, actually). I am always (and not exagerating, always) preoccupied with when and where I can best change my tampon/pad next so I can't enjoy the things I do because I"m always worried about bleeding through and all this sort of stuff, not to mention having to cancel trips and lately do prettymuch nothing due to debiliating cramps and nausia.

So yeah. I like being a women, but I fucking hate my body. It's too big it's too fat it's too bloody. Don't get me wrong, I love my curves. I like having boobs and hips. I like that shape. But I'm way too fucking fat to be doing the stuff I do. (Measurements 47-35-45 in case curious). And I'm constantly reminded of how out of place I am whether it be by simple surroundings, or not finding clothes that fit at outdoor stores (which I've about given up doing because it's too depressing), or every time I go to the bathroom and see the massive amounts of blood.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Plasmic-Turtle » Thu Apr 04, 2013 11:45 pm UTC

A vent.
Spoiler:
Dear Women's Thread,

I'm not very good at getting dressed in the mornings, I'm always sleepy and running really late and grab the nearest thing I can find. This morning the only clean and dry top I could find for the life of me is, in retrospect, probably too low cut for the work day, but it's not like I'm showing most of my boobs and it was paired with jeans (not skinny ones) and sneakers.

Apparently, however, it was invite for some rather creepy man to choose to sit right next to me on the bus and make several glances at me despite the bus being barely a quarter full such that there was a great abundance of two-seater spots completely empty, and filling up these spots is usually the norm.

It was also apparently invite for some other random man I'd never seen in my life to say "Hello there" to me as I walked down a path from the university. I'm a fan of the make eye contact and smile, maybe with a 'good morning', at people you pass on the street if there's just you two. But something felt quite creepy about a pointed "hello there" when no eye-contact was or would have been made as it was a steep hill and my eyes were looking down to see where I was going, and we weren't passing that close.

So now I'm spending the rest of my day trying to keep my cardy closed high across my chest, and I feel angry and upset at this stupid world that'll treat me like an inappropriate slut if my top's a bit too low cut but like a frumpy and undesirable woman who doesn't 'put in the effort to look presentable' if I just grab a baggy T-shirt, and it's just compounding on all the anger/hurt that's already sitting there from the myriad of other things like the way that when it comes to sex women so often get talked about like they're a passive vessel for a penis (Enuja's talking about "vagina-around-penis" sex instead of PIV sex should NOT have been some revolutionary mind-fuck to me when I was already in my early twenties), but I'm just like, a fucking crazy feminist bitch right, cause it's just reading into things that aren't there if I feel harrassed by a man sitting beside me on the bus and another man saying hello. I must be either way to precious or some form of snooty bitch who's imagining that every man out there wants a piece of her.

I hate being a woman sometimes. Sometimes I just want to cry or hide away or live somewhere no-one else does, a hermit that could be free.

Thank the heavens for wonderful workmates though, who look straight in my eyes even if my cardy falls, and send packets of vegetarian-friendly lollies all the way from Germany. They make my day. (Go science!)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Shepherdess » Fri Apr 05, 2013 5:06 am UTC

I've had my "girly" moments. My "tomboy" label came from not having "feminine" interests, as opposed to having "masculine" ones. I read a lot (apparently that was considered ungirly, go fig.), never took any concern with my appearance. Stopped shaving after the first year because I was tired of nicks. Wore baggy clothes because I absolutely loathe the feeling of tight clothing on my body. I ran around as a kid but I was never athletic. Sometimes in the week before Shark Week I get the urge to wear a dress or skirt. I played with Barbies until I was...uh...I've had male friends and female friends, and I still have a healthy supply of both. I read comics and wrote poetry and struggled with math but did at least okay in almost everything else except for a vague conceptual class that I'm not sure what it even was. I went through puberty at twelve, which was two years earlier than my sister but around the same time as my peers, though I was one of the firsts, I believe. If Shark Week intensity and bust size are any indication, I'm not lacking in estrogen so I'm told by all rights I should have a clear gender identity. But I don't. I was never ashamed of being female, I just never felt strongly about being a woman. I'm a lesbian, but I don't think that really means anything about my femininity, or lack thereof.

Plasmic-Turtle: A female, or even a male, should be able to walk down the street in as little or as much as they want without anyone making them feel than less of a person for it. Unfortunately, some people can't get that through their thick skulls, and the responsibility for these lechers fall solely on the (usually) female. It's not fair, it's not right, and it's part of a major problem in humanity.
Dear Blitzgirl,

I don't know if you got my previous message and I just missed your reply, but I got tired of reading the same message so I decided it was time for a new one.

Your Eternal Servant And Companion Through Time,
Dame Not-Bob
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Sungura » Sat Apr 06, 2013 10:36 pm UTC

What are shorter tampon brands? I'm finding my cervix is getting lower and lower, shrinking my already small size "in there". I hate pads with a passion but that's all I can use of late (too scared to try my cup with my iud since I always struggled to break suction when I used to use it, plus, I never got it to the point of being able to wear it without a pad, also always being outdoors I have no where to wash and clean it easily to reinsure when my toilet for days on end may well be a tree in the woods and not much privacy at all). I need somethig easy quick I can change out toss in a ziplock and go without worry. Which came to be tampons. But now even that is against me.

Can I trim tampons shorter? I read OB brand is shorter but that is not found anymore. I did find organic tampons (wtf ?) in my local organic grocery store but they have no applicators which means it takes me forever to use them and I have to get my hands messy, and again, tree in woods for days. I can't afford pack weight or space for a huge mega box of baby wipes lol.

What do you all do for situations like this? I didn't get active before until I had everything under control . But now it's been a fucking flood for about six months straight and I've not figured out how to deal with it indoors much less outdoors and I have long expeditions coming up I have to be able to function on and hike 12-15 miles a day comfortably wih approx 50 pound pack.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Enuja » Sat Apr 06, 2013 10:42 pm UTC

OB tampons are also without applicators, but you should be able to use them without mess. You push the tampon in with your finger, so the tampon is always in front of your finger. They have a string, so you just pull the tampon out, which is exactly like tampons with applicators. I do not know if OB tampons are shorter than other tampons, though, it being years since I used tampons, and many more since I used anything other than OB tampons.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby PictureSarah » Sat Apr 06, 2013 10:53 pm UTC

I like the OB tampons, but I could never manage to insert one high enough without an applicator (I seem to have a really high cervix). I solved the problem by saving a plastic applicator from a different brand of tampon, and using it to insert the OB tampons. I just washed it every time and kept it in a ziplock.
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