[SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Sungura » Wed May 30, 2012 9:14 pm UTC

Since I'm antsy and it's been a whole day (haha) in searching this thread seems like folk like moom. So I just ordered it. Hope it works well =)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Ashlah » Wed May 30, 2012 10:08 pm UTC

I've been meaning to order and try for a while. Come back with a review? :)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby studyinserendipity » Wed May 30, 2012 10:27 pm UTC

Last week I tried shaving my legs with my husband's safety razor. I liked it a great deal - it felt like a closer shave, I could control how close it was by angling the blade more or less, and I like the idea of only throwing out the little blade instead of a whole razor or razor head. It wasn't the most even of shaves, but I think that was because I was afraid of cutting too close or making a slip. But I'm going to keep with it and see if it gets better and closer with practice.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby mochafairy » Thu May 31, 2012 12:47 am UTC

Sungura wrote:Since I'm antsy and it's been a whole day (haha) in searching this thread seems like folk like moom. So I just ordered it. Hope it works well =)


I knew I was forgetting to reply to something. I remembered seeing the moom, and thought it looked interesting, but I personally stick with shaving because I'm nervous about trying new stuff.

Let us know how it goes!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Sungura » Thu May 31, 2012 2:03 pm UTC

Okay will do! It is supposed to arrive on Monday I think. I'll probably try it then or Tuesday - I think I'm supposed to have some stubble so I have to look up how much and I want to be smooth over the weekend. I'll report back!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby PictureSarah » Fri Jun 01, 2012 3:27 pm UTC

So, I bought a dress for my sister's wedding...I like it, it fits well, but I have to ask...are the ruffles stupid?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby ShortChelsea » Fri Jun 01, 2012 3:51 pm UTC

It's really cute!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Sungura » Fri Jun 01, 2012 4:39 pm UTC

No they aren't stupid, that's a cute dress!!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Aaeriele » Sat Jun 02, 2012 2:59 am UTC

Sungura wrote:No they aren't stupid, that's a cute dress!!


^ That, exactly.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby sophyturtle » Sat Jun 02, 2012 2:34 pm UTC

With Moom you need like 1 cm of hair I think? Anything that is too short will not get grabbed by the honey like stuff.
Still, I have been using it for 2.5~3 years now and I won't go back to shaving. However, I also am pretty fine with having hairy legs most of the time.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby apricity » Sat Jun 02, 2012 5:27 pm UTC

Sarah: I think ruffles CAN look stupid, but on that dress they are really well-integrated into the overall design, and they look fun but classy. I approve :)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby doogly » Sat Jun 02, 2012 5:29 pm UTC

lanicita wrote:I think ruffles CAN look stupid

wat
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Virtual_Aardvark » Sat Jun 02, 2012 6:08 pm UTC

doogly wrote:
lanicita wrote:I think ruffles CAN look stupid

wat


Ruffles have become associated with girlishness to start. A lot of dresses with ruffles for adults don't strike me as being much different from the ones I was stuffed into as a little girl for birthday parties. Some women can wear these and look fabulous (goth, lolita, rockabilly, vintage) but I always feel like a poodle.

Then there's ruffled dresses that are clearly for adults but don't flatter many body shapes. Placement of volume is a tricky business in fashion and it runs the risk of appearing to be ill fitting. There's that risk that comes with any addition of decoration, a lot more finesse is necessary if you don't want to appear overdone.

Finally there's dresses like the one above where the overall design is understated so the ruffles serve to add a bit of "pop" or fun. Also the frilly bit isn't too big or flamboyant so a variety of women could wear it without worrying about overall effect. It's very tasteful in it's nod towards youth with running the risk of infantalization. And you can get away with accessories!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby PictureSarah » Sat Jun 02, 2012 6:13 pm UTC

I usually think ruffles just look kind of silly, but I thought they were small enough and the rest of the dress was simple enough in this case that they were ok. I'm glad that people seem to agree, it will help prevent me feeling silly!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby apricity » Sat Jun 02, 2012 6:54 pm UTC

doogly wrote:
lanicita wrote:I think ruffles CAN look stupid

wat
Well, stupid is probably the wrong word because other people might like things that I don't like. What I meant was when they are kind of just stuck on the shirt/dress/whatever just to be there and don't actually help the design at all, I avoid them. The ruffles on this shirt are integrated into the design and look lovely, while the ones on the front of this shirt are okay, but the extra ones on the sleeves seem unnecessary.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby poxic » Sat Jun 02, 2012 7:04 pm UTC

Yes, superfluous rufflage has turned me off of many otherwise good clothing options. PicSar's new dress looks cool and makes me miss short, flirty things. I approve of the ruffles in this case.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Cathy » Sun Jun 03, 2012 4:28 am UTC

Why do my legs hurt the day or two before Shark Week starts? I don't like this. Makes it hard to fall asleep.

:(

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby mochafairy » Sun Jun 03, 2012 4:52 am UTC

Cathy,

I take hot showers and take some pain killers for all my aches and pains. Heating pads are also wonderful.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Aaeriele » Sun Jun 03, 2012 7:14 am UTC

mochafairy wrote:Heating pads are also wonderful.


http://www.etsy.com/shop/WarmHugsCornBags <-- Highly recommended.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby semicharmed » Sun Jun 03, 2012 7:32 am UTC

PictureSarah wrote:I usually think ruffles just look kind of silly, but I thought they were small enough and the rest of the dress was simple enough in this case that they were ok. I'm glad that people seem to agree, it will help prevent me feeling silly!


Chiming in way late, but it's a lovely dress. I'm generally not a fan of ruffles, but on your dress I think the ruffles are what brings it from 'cute casual dress' to 'lovely party dress'.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby cephalopod9 » Sun Jun 03, 2012 9:31 am UTC

I'm fairly neutral about ruffles. I'm tired of the trend of piling ruffles on the front of a shirt, and I rather dislike ruffles on underwear. But I do like ruffly skirts, and some shirt ruffles.

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bluh, my stomach has not been feelin' great either. Earlier this week, and last, it was almost definitely just bad decision making, but now I'm wondering if the new pills are also part of it.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Sungura » Sun Jun 03, 2012 6:10 pm UTC

sophyturtle wrote:With Moom you need like 1 cm of hair I think? Anything that is too short will not get grabbed by the honey like stuff.
Still, I have been using it for 2.5~3 years now and I won't go back to shaving. However, I also am pretty fine with having hairy legs most of the time.

Thanks. I stopped shaving three days ago and am just letting it grow. Should be in tomorrow or Tuesday so I think it'll be about right. It's actually weird to let it grow. I have patches of legs that have been beat up by caving and all the stuff I do that apparently I don't grow hair there anymore! I'ts probably 4-5mm right now the longest stuff.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Alder » Mon Jun 04, 2012 2:40 pm UTC

Cathy wrote:Why do my legs hurt the day or two before Shark Week starts? I don't like this. Makes it hard to fall asleep.

:(

How do YOU get rid of menstrual-related muscle aches?

Sending loads of sympathy your way, the leg pain thing is something I hate too.

I have Mefenamic Acid on prescription to help with that and other period pain, I call them my magic pills... :D
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby ShortChelsea » Mon Jun 04, 2012 4:33 pm UTC

Sungura wrote:Thanks. I stopped shaving three days ago and am just letting it grow. Should be in tomorrow or Tuesday so I think it'll be about right. It's actually weird to let it grow. I have patches of legs that have been beat up by caving and all the stuff I do that apparently I don't grow hair there anymore! I'ts probably 4-5mm right now the longest stuff.

My dad wore waders nearly every day for a year and now his lower leg hair still won't grow back. :D

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby sophyturtle » Mon Jun 04, 2012 5:02 pm UTC

Oh whoa Shark Week pain. Last night I had the worst cramps I have ever had. Like, I though I might have a UTI or Salmonella or something. I could not go to bed because every time I tried I cried from pain. I used the heating pad to no avail. Hot shower with the plug on so I was on my stomach in hot water while hot water poured against my back. Pacing at 04:00, yoga ball that I could not do circles on because of the pain. The pain killers we had in the house seemed to make it worse. I was so exhausted I passed out in the bathroom with my forehead against the wall. So much unhappiness. Man friend woke up from time to time and came to check on me to make sure I was not on the floor somewhere needing to go to the hospital.
Then this morning before he went to work man-friend went to the store before work and bought me some Midol. Wow wow wow. I love it. I could sleep. I could be straight out on my back. he told me some story of some guy trying some and being all 'the ladies are keeping this wonder drug to themselves!'

Amazing. Wonderful. I am both lucky to have a lover who will go to the store unprompted to buy me Midol, but also will think to buy it instead of some other junk. I will make sure I always have this stuff in my house forever.


Edit:
Wonder drug the other night. This morning just enough to make it so I could not sleep (caffeine) but still feel pain (making me worry it is not just cramps). On the plus side, I did make lunches. So there's that.
Last edited by sophyturtle on Tue Jun 05, 2012 11:47 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby suffer-cait » Tue Jun 05, 2012 8:07 am UTC

so explain to me this wader thing. do they have to be tight? cause I don't feel waders usually are, but what is preventing the growth then, if not friction?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby ShortChelsea » Tue Jun 05, 2012 3:04 pm UTC

They were regular waders, but he wore them for a long time.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby KestrelLowing » Tue Jun 05, 2012 5:32 pm UTC

suffer-cait wrote:so explain to me this wader thing. do they have to be tight? cause I don't feel waders usually are, but what is preventing the growth then, if not friction?
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I think time/money would be better spent going with a laser treatment... :wink:

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby skippysheila » Tue Jun 05, 2012 10:08 pm UTC

Hello fine people,

I have not posted in here before (while I am female-bodied and present as such because it doesn't really bother me either way and "matching" is easier, I regard myself as more agendered than anything else so it didn't feel quite right to join in) but am having a specifically female problem at work and am hoping that someone may have some ideas that might help.

I work in a male-dominated job, and am by all objective measures and according to those with whom I directly work good at what I do. I started with the company as a typist/admin type person, and by a lot of hard work and kicking my way through various glass ceilings have made my way to a position where I am now nearly on a par (although with less experience) than nearly all the men in the office. My direct boss and my other team members are a joy to work with: this may be something to do with the team already containing one of the few females who has been there for years in the company, thus making everyone in the team already used to the idea that one does not need a penis to do this job, but they all do seem genuinely not to care whether the people with whom they are working are male or female.

However, the majority of the other team in the office are very much of the opinion that one needs a penis to do this job, and choose to make their views known through passive-aggressive rudeness (and outright rudeness if they think no-one else is listening). It is probably relevant that I started out working for them, then moved teams when a vacancy opened up and it had become apparent that further kicking was not going to break the next glass ceiling if I stayed where I was, but men have moved on from the same team for career reasons and had no problems. The rudeness tends to take the form of me being ignored and left out of meetings that I should be going to if they can get away with it (and actively protesting, so I am told, if it is suggested that I should be there), comments or ideas from me being met with blank looks or death stares, and not doing things for me that they do for other people. I am constantly being made to feel "less than" and being put in what they think is my place (i.e.: I'm good at the admin, but really shouldn't be dealing with clients or making decisions).

The chap in charge of the office is very much on side: he has noticed that they are doing this, and I have told him that it was the reason I moved teams which he understands. He was shocked to learn that they are worse when he is not there, having thought that he was setting them off by treating me as a person rather than as some lower form of life, and is going to have a serious word with them. I have a horrible feeling that it might make things worse when he's not around, but I don't think letting them get away with it is an option.

At the moment, I am dealing with it by clinging desperately to the moral high ground, being polite and helpful if it's relevant and avoiding them when at all possible (not very often, the office is not large). However, I'm getting to the point where it's becoming increasingly difficult not to get cross at them about it, which has been tried before - it did not end well. I can vent at my direct colleagues and the chap in charge of the office (and my poor boyfriend, who must be heartily sick of hearing about it but never shows it), but they don't have any concrete suggestions and I feel guilty about taking up their time when the job is high-pressure and time-sensitive enough anyway. The guys with whom I'm having trouble are known low-level arseholes anyway, but are so far unsackable for reason I'm not able to explain without putting more about my job on the internet than I'm comfortable doing, and pushing them too hard will, eventually, make them leave which is also undesirable for all sorts of reasons. In addition, I strongly suspect that if I did try to make a big issue out of it, they would at the very least claim not to be doing it and I doubt anyone could impose any sanctions (or that they would help at all - they'd just get angry, which would make things worse).

Does anyone have any experience of this sort of vague-but-definitely-there misogyny at work? Any suggestions? Want to trade war stories?

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Aaeriele » Tue Jun 05, 2012 11:31 pm UTC

Pocket tape recorder?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby poxic » Tue Jun 05, 2012 11:47 pm UTC

Taping could backfire, though it would certainly provide good evidence. I've heard good (anecdotal) things about "firing back" -- mouthing off at people who mouth off at you. Also backfirey, but if you're good with repartee it's an option.

(One example, from this interesting and informative book: when a male coworker touched the author inappropriately while she was in his office, she told him to stop doing that. When he did it again, she yelled loud enough for everyone to hear, "If you touch me again I will scream." He looked embarrassed and stopped.)

I don't have any reliable ways of dealing with harassment, myself. I don't face it very often, or at least not where others aren't there to stick up for me, so I haven't had to develop tactics for it.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby skippysheila » Wed Jun 06, 2012 6:01 am UTC

Aaeriele wrote:Pocket tape recorder?


You almost got my well-worn rant about why business-style office clothes for women never have any pockets, but I found a shop filled with them a week ago. Hooray! And I might try that, thank you.

poxic wrote:Taping could backfire, though it would certainly provide good evidence. I've heard good (anecdotal) things about "firing back" -- mouthing off at people who mouth off at you. Also backfirey, but if you're good with repartee it's an option.


Taping might backfire, it's true, but I can think of a good excuse to be carrying a recorder so it might not be so bad (do smartphones tend to have recorders, and do they work at all?). I'm not really sure why I'm reluctant to speak up about it at the time - I can do the mouthing off in a humorous but pointed fashion some of the time, and do when not in the office. One guy in particular I think would probably take the hint if I did that, and they definitely feed off each other so one less of them doing it might slow the rest of them down... Must run now, but I'll think it through and try to steel myself and see how it goes! Thanks.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Aaeriele » Wed Jun 06, 2012 7:22 am UTC

skippysheila wrote:You almost got my well-worn rant about why business-style office clothes for women never have any pockets, but I found a shop filled with them a week ago. Hooray! And I might try that, thank you.

Oh I can relate to that rant. I was more referring to the size of the recorder, not where it might be placed. (Purse, etc.)

Also smartphones can totally have voice recording apps on them.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby KestrelLowing » Wed Jun 06, 2012 12:03 pm UTC

As much as I hate to say it, I think you've done what you can by informing someone above you. Any direct retaliation probably isn't going to go far. The best you can do is to continue taking the high road, IMO, and to be good at what you do.

Now, I obviously don't know the exact extent of what you're doing/what they're doing, but could it be remotely possible that they don't even really know they're being horribly sexist? If so, sometimes a well placed "excuse me!?!" after certain comments can go far to show people that they're being sexist.

Now, if they know they're sexist, that's a different story, and I haven't found much that works. The biggest things I've had issues with is getting accused that I was only hired/there "because you're a girl and they need better ratios". The only way you can disprove that, IME, is to just be good at what you do - but unfortunately you have to be better than all the guys.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Apparently Anonymous » Wed Jun 06, 2012 1:08 pm UTC

http://rookiemag.com/2012/05/it-happens-all-the-time/
(Warning: might contain some triggers)
Just read this convo, then posted it in a group chat with mostly guys because it's something I think they should know about.
First response I get: "well thats just unfair to ugly girls"
Ugh.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Sungura » Wed Jun 06, 2012 10:17 pm UTC

Was so excited for moom....and somehow amazon.com used my old shipping address. Was supposed to be here today. Now, it shall be here next week. My legs are seriously hairy since I've been growing it out for the mooming, it's hot, icky, and VERY ITCHY Oh me yarm SO ITCHY. It looks seriously horrible so I'm wearing pants to cover it up in the heat, but it sticks into the pants and brushes weird. I'm gonna have bloody legs soon from scratching. I was looking forward to getting rid of all this today. Been growing for a week. I dont know if it will get long enough by the time it comes if I shave it now, but I *know* I won't be able to handle this much longer without tearing my hair out.

So.....early analysis; moom sucks because my legs are incredibly itchy to the point of painfulness while growing it out.

That does it. I'm going upstairs to shave before the meeting tonight. I can't fucking stand this any longer. It's one of those things that is so uncomfortable and so itchy and so...almost painful, that I have been on the verge of tears all afternoon waiting for the doorbell to ring and it be delivered.

...it's not even a cm long. Longest bits are like 7mm. So...I might fail all around for this moom thing.

Edit: ahhhhh smooth again. Itchies gone. Glad I shaved, wouldn't be worth the suffering for another week!
"Would you rather fight a Sungura-sized spider or 1000 spider-sized Sunguras?" -Zarq
she/<any gender neutral>/snug

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modularblues
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby modularblues » Thu Jun 07, 2012 8:03 am UTC

Congrats to the recently-wedded :-)

Meanwhile I'm trying
Spoiler:
not to become a bridezilla when I'm stuck between a momzilla and groomzilla (a rare, rare species). He's handling more wedding stuff than I am because he's physically in the same town as the event and has been thinking about marriage longer than I have :-P It's a sign that I need to take a vacation in Tibet... because I want to murder something. Already screamed bloody murder when a fucking undergrad ripped me off about "getting $5 off" my lunch for doing her survey... I suspected it was a fraud but did the survey anyway. Then I asked the cashier whether there was such a discount, and the cashier was like, yeah, I heard something like that, but I don't see that girl around. And then I was like SURVEY FRAUD!!!!!! FUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In the student center. Then promptly inhaled 2 beers and 2 ramen noodle cups and a whole roll of Pringles. And then watched Revenge of the Bridesmaids. Currently watching that TV show Bridezillas while listening to the Pikachu 10-hour loop..........................

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Jessica
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Jessica » Thu Jun 07, 2012 3:34 pm UTC

Another article from Lindy West, about just what you were talking about.
That Condescending Feeling You Get From Dudes in the Office? Yeah, That’s Real.
doogly wrote:On a scale of Mr Rogers to Fascism, how mean do you think we're being?
Belial wrote:My goal is to be the best brain infection any of you have ever had.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby KestrelLowing » Thu Jun 07, 2012 5:10 pm UTC

Jessica wrote:Another article from Lindy West, about just what you were talking about.
That Condescending Feeling You Get From Dudes in the Office? Yeah, That’s Real.


Just, just don't read the comments. Lots of comments about how women bosses are bitches. *sigh*

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby skippysheila » Thu Jun 07, 2012 6:07 pm UTC

Thanks everyone. I think KestrelLowing is right about there not being much else I can do (wait for them to retire?) but as a tiny step I've found the voice recorder on my phone so I can use it if they're being verbal about it. What they do is usually not recordable, but sometimes they get a bit bolder when there's no-one else around.

Jessica, that article is it exactly. It's insidious and really hard to explain to someone who hasn't seen it themselves. Thankfully my boyfriend gets it (and has learnt not to try to sympathise by saying "that's just like when I started in my job and no-one took me seriously for the first couple of months") as well as the people I actually work for rather than just share an office with. Speaking of women bosses, the woman who's the highest up in the company at the moment is known to this lot as The Ice Queen, despite being, as far as I can tell, a genuinely thoughtful and considerate person as well as extremely good at what she does. I guess if she's not simpering at them she's automatically a ball-breaker? They can't "accuse"* her of being a lesbian because her husband works (indirectly) for her, although I'm sure they would if it weren't for that.

The article from Rookie Mag is rage-inducing. I've only had something like that happen to me once:

Spoiler:
A guy jumped out of a bush and flashed me when I was walking home from school

but I was so surprised I laughed loudly and he legged it.

*Sorry about the word choice: I can't think of a better way to put how they would view it.


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