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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 9:11 pm UTC
by ObsessoMom
poxic wrote:My red-headed buddy wears a lot of leopard print. That might just be her, though.


LOL, I read that last post first, out of context, and thought the subject was menstrual spotting.

Ginger, according to various "doing your colors" systems, skin tone is more important than hair color for determining which colors are flattering to you (although hair and eye color does affect this, too).

According to the Color Me Pretty system, some redheads look better in autumnal colors and others look better in springlike colors, depending on skin tone. This seems like a good starting point to find out more, although it's someone's business website and it will try to sell you stuff.

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 10:40 pm UTC
by Ginger
Oh. I didn't know that skin tone was the factor here. Thanks! I'll read your website posthaste. And thanks to the other ladies that responded.

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Sat Dec 30, 2017 10:24 pm UTC
by Angua
I know a lot of people here are into making their own clothes, so any good recommendations for sourcing a corset-top pattern? We are thinking a two piece for my wedding dress, I have 2 months (my mother-in-law to be says won't be a problem to make it in that time) just looking for nice patterns? We have already bought two to see what they are like but thought I'd see if anyone had any recommendations here.

Also if you're in the UK and know a good place to buy fabrics from?

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Mon Jan 01, 2018 2:22 am UTC
by suffer-cait
this is one of the two sites I used. There was also a place that had a few demo patterns, one named "abundant hips" which is what I started with (I had to add more hips), but I so far can't find that.

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Mon Jan 01, 2018 10:48 am UTC
by Angua
Cool! Thanks so much.

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Mon Jan 01, 2018 7:51 pm UTC
by studyinserendipity
That's cool that you're making your wedding dress! This doesn't really relate to specific patterns or buying fabrics, but one thing you'll want to think about is what kind of dress tops and fittings you enjoy in other pieces of clothing, since you won't really be able to try on your dress until it's almost done. I've made a few things where it was a different neckline than what I usually wear and then when I finished it realized it looked very different from what I imagined. Seeing pictures of people actually wearing the pattern (not a sketch) can also be helpful.

I found making my own dress a really fun and rewarding task (although definitely intense sometimes), and I hope you have a similar experience!

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Mon Jan 01, 2018 10:15 pm UTC
by Angua
I may just end up buying one (if it looks good on me - planning on trying to go to the shop on Thursday as that's the only day they are open late). Given that she was spending more time looking at dresses online than me, I don't think she'd be offended. It was a fun bonding expereince trying to find the right patterns and fabric online at least!

Her idea is if she makes the dress to make a dummy one tacked together first out of a cheap material.

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Thu Jan 04, 2018 7:33 pm UTC
by Angua
Double post for update:

Ended up buying the dress. It just needs some minor alterations including the length so now I need to sort out the shoes.

Finding nice flipflops at this time of year is not the easiest in the world! A job for Saturday.

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Thu Jan 04, 2018 7:58 pm UTC
by PAstrychef
Angua wrote:Her idea is if she makes the dress to make a dummy one tacked together first out of a cheap material.

This is a very good idea and most seamstresses use it. You can make any necessary adjustments on the muslin (a fabric commonly used for this) and then use the muslin as your pattern to cut from. Almost all theatrical costumes are built this way.

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2018 12:57 pm UTC
by studyinserendipity
Angua wrote:Double post for update:

Ended up buying the dress. It just needs some minor alterations including the length so now I need to sort out the shoes.

Finding nice flipflops at this time of year is not the easiest in the world! A job for Saturday.
Awesome! Congratulations on finding a dress. I will say about making my dress was that it was another thing to worry about getting done; so now you don't have to worry about it so much :)

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Mon Jan 08, 2018 5:59 am UTC
by Plasmic-Turtle
Pap smears... are they supposed to hurt?

I went for one today, for the first time in about 8 years. Meant to have them once about every 3 years, but I'd been really slack with booking one in.

Anyway, so nurse says "shouldn't hurt, will only be a bit uncomfortable". She then proceeded to lube up speculum and shove it in, pushing quite quickly despite me quite clearly finding it painful, saying continuously "try to relax" while not giving me any time to relax my vaginal muscles what-so-ever, as the ramming continued.

It really hurt. You know, not HEAPS hurt, but it was certainly painful, enough that I was trying to back up the table to get away from her. I was left feeling kind of in shock (traumatised?) and with spots of blood on the toilet paper afterwards. My partner thinks I should complain, as I was in tears this afternoon when he asked how drs appt went. But I don't really know what's normal, and I don't want to get anyone in trouble, and if I did say something I'd like to do it anonymously. I don't remember my last one being that painful, but it was so long ago I just don't know.

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Mon Jan 08, 2018 6:29 am UTC
by ObsessoMom
My pelvic exams still always hurt, and cause bleeding, but the fact that that's "normal" for some people should make her take more care, not less.

Also, not every patient can just "try to relax." Situational vaginismus is an involuntary muscular response, and the patient can't voluntarily override it. Apparently she does not know this, and her employer needs to be informed so that they can educate her about it. Pronto.

Sorry for your unpleasant experience.

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Mon Jan 08, 2018 7:12 am UTC
by suffer-cait
I always find it uncomfortable to painful, depending. My current gyno seems to be very good, so that's nice.

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Mon Jan 08, 2018 7:23 am UTC
by AngrySquirrel
I haven't been to a gyno since I uh...kicked...the last one in the face cause of a similar situation.

Anyways, I really should find a new one, but I can't figure out how to approach it. It feels really embarassing, you know? I'm an adult, I should be able to handle basic stuff like this, but some part of my brain is going "you know it's probably better to die from cancer than to get into a vulnerable position with yet another asshole who don't understand". Which is ridiculous! But still here I am.

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Mon Jan 08, 2018 12:51 pm UTC
by studyinserendipity
AngrySquirrel wrote:Anyways, I really should find a new one, but I can't figure out how to approach it. It feels really embarassing, you know? I'm an adult, I should be able to handle basic stuff like this, but some part of my brain is going "you know it's probably better to die from cancer than to get into a vulnerable position with yet another asshole who don't understand". Which is ridiculous! But still here I am.
I had a hard time motivating myself to find a doctor and a dentist, too (although this was more of a general "I'm pretty okay so maybe I don't really NEED to do this right now"). I ended up just scheduling appointments with the people my husband sees - since we're on the same insurance it was easy. And I really like the people I see! The doctor has a team of 6 people so I don't always see the same person but I can request it if I want.

I think I've had 3 different people do my PAP smears, and they've all been very good about it. It's still uncomfortable enough that I don't like it as a surprise visit (sometimes when I go in for other things they'll say "OH btw you need a PAP smear, do you want to do that today?" but I usually schedule it for a different time so I know it's coming up). But everyone when it is happening has stopped at least a couple times during insertion to say "Is this okay, how are you feeling?" and once it's inserted done everything fairly quickly so it can be done ASAP. If you're feeling comfortable saying something I think you definitely should, even if it is anonymous it might be helpful.

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Mon Jan 08, 2018 10:34 pm UTC
by Plasmic-Turtle
Thanks everyone.

I think I might contact the clinic. The bit that's frustrating is that I'm sure I could have focused on relaxing my muscles if given time, but was in too much pain to stay calm and do so as she kept pushing causing more pain, which made me more anxious/upset.
You know, if I ask my partner to start off gently during sexy-times he'll do so. If I'm putting a tampon in myself I can be gentle. And it feels like this was really lube and ram, with no shits given about the pain caused, or my trying to back off her table or voicing that it's really hurting. I feel really violated. And anxious about letting anything up there again, like sleeping with my partner.

I feel stupid and melodramatic for feeling that way over a smear. But like AngrySquirrel there's a part of my brain saying not to get another one ever. (Maybe I should be glad I didn't kick her in the face?! On the other hand maybe being kicked in the face sends strong messages about trying not to cause your patients undue pain...)

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Tue Jan 09, 2018 5:35 pm UTC
by ObsessoMom
Plasmic-Turtle wrote:I feel stupid and melodramatic for feeling that way over a smear.

You are not being stupid and melodramatic for trying to stop others from having to go through the same bad experience that you did. Actually, I don't think you're being stupid and melodramatic for objecting to your own mistreatment, either.

My own rant about gynecological screenings--this one, mammograms:

Spoiler:
My primary care doctor retired, and the new one strongly recommended that I have a mammogram. It had been four years since my last one.

I told her that every time I've had a mammogram in the past, the pain has been almost unbearable for me during the procedure, and it's been followed by weeks of severe pain and swelling after having been crushed and bruised. And I am a person with very high pain tolerance--I've given birth twice without drugs, and have survived having a dental crown fall out minutes before I got on a five-hour flight with no painkillers.

And while I understand that mammograms are the best available tool for diagnosing breast cancer in most women, I have very small, dense breasts (almost-A cup, down from the C cup I was before pregnancy and the DD cup I was when lactating). My previous mammograms had never yielded much valuable data, because (I was told) my breast tissue is too dense for anyone to assess much of anything from the mammogram. So then they've requested follow-up ultrasounds.

And those ultrasounds always find some large but benign, fluid-filled cysts--WHICH I SUSPECT ARE SIGNS OF DAMAGE FROM HAVING BEEN CRUSHED IN A MAMMOGRAM MACHINE A WEEK OR TWO BEFORE, because those cysts have always vanished completely by the time I've had a follow-up ultrasounds, a few months later.

So I asked my new doctor to just cut to the chase and order an ultrasound without a mammogram. She agreed that this was a good idea, and did so.

But then I received a call from the imaging center (which was a different one than my previous primary care doctor had used), basically saying that they had to follow a protocol of some sort, and they said that my doctor obviously didn't know how things worked when she ordered only an ultrasound, and they flat-out refused to schedule an ultrasound without a mammogram first, "to see if an ultrasound is even necessary."

I would think an ultrasound is cheaper than a mammogram, so I didn't see the logic there, but I reluctantly scheduled the mammogram.

It was as horrible as it always is, and I got the same call a week later, saying that I needed to come back for a redo. No, I said, I'm only going to have an ultrasound. I had to have a mammogram to get one, which I had now done, and I was only going to the ultrasound I'd suffered for, not another mammogram. The scheduler finally relented, but she wanted to schedule the ultrasound right away. I said, "No, my breasts are so sore and tender and swollen from the mammogram that I'm still in severe pain a week later. I'm not going to let someone grind an ultrasound wand into them for at least another month." So we scheduled it later.

And then when I showed up for just the ultrasound, a technician tried to force me to have another mammogram that day, anyway!

She said that the technician who had taken the other mammogram wasn't as good at doing it as she is, because "you really have to smash the breast tissue absolutely flat." I assured her that NO ONE could have smashed my breasts any flatter than the previous technician had, and another mammogram would yield the same useless data and the same injury to me, and I wasn't going to put myself through that again.

Then she gave me a big, impassioned, INFURIATINGLY PATRONIZING lecture on how mammograms hurt, but "breast cancer hurts, too!" I am very proud of my usually passive-aggressive self for calmly saying to her, "No, I still don't think the risk outweighs the benefit here, and I will not be bullied into unnecessary pain and radiation exposure. I'm only having an ultrasound today."

So I did, and everything was fine. Not even any cysts.

I've since enrolled in a free genetic study that screened my DNA for nine genes associated with breast cancer, and woohoo! I tested negative for all of them! So I'm determined not to have another mammogram for several years.

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 7:19 am UTC
by Moo
Dear lord when will medical professionals consider that they have a lot of school smarts but we have lived in these bodies for all (if not more) of our lives and do also know one or two things about them!

Those stories both sound horrible, I'm so sorry :(

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 7:21 pm UTC
by Plasmic-Turtle
ObsessoMom wrote:
My own rant about gynecological screenings--this one, mammograms:

Spoiler:
My primary care doctor retired, and the new one strongly recommended that I have a mammogram. It had been four years since my last one.

I told her that every time I've had a mammogram in the past, the pain has been almost unbearable for me during the procedure, and it's been followed by weeks of severe pain and swelling after having been crushed and bruised. And I am a person with very high pain tolerance--I've given birth twice without drugs, and have survived having a dental crown fall out minutes before I got on a five-hour flight with no painkillers.

And while I understand that mammograms are the best available tool for diagnosing breast cancer in most women, I have very small, dense breasts (almost-A cup, down from the C cup I was before pregnancy and the DD cup I was when lactating). My previous mammograms had never yielded much valuable data, because (I was told) my breast tissue is too dense for anyone to assess much of anything from the mammogram. So then they've requested follow-up ultrasounds.

And those ultrasounds always find some large but benign, fluid-filled cysts--WHICH I SUSPECT ARE SIGNS OF DAMAGE FROM HAVING BEEN CRUSHED IN A MAMMOGRAM MACHINE A WEEK OR TWO BEFORE, because those cysts have always vanished completely by the time I've had a follow-up ultrasounds, a few months later.

So I asked my new doctor to just cut to the chase and order an ultrasound without a mammogram. She agreed that this was a good idea, and did so.

But then I received a call from the imaging center (which was a different one than my previous primary care doctor had used), basically saying that they had to follow a protocol of some sort, and they said that my doctor obviously didn't know how things worked when she ordered only an ultrasound, and they flat-out refused to schedule an ultrasound without a mammogram first, "to see if an ultrasound is even necessary."

I would think an ultrasound is cheaper than a mammogram, so I didn't see the logic there, but I reluctantly scheduled the mammogram.

It was as horrible as it always is, and I got the same call a week later, saying that I needed to come back for a redo. No, I said, I'm only going to have an ultrasound. I had to have a mammogram to get one, which I had now done, and I was only going to the ultrasound I'd suffered for, not another mammogram. The scheduler finally relented, but she wanted to schedule the ultrasound right away. I said, "No, my breasts are so sore and tender and swollen from the mammogram that I'm still in severe pain a week later. I'm not going to let someone grind an ultrasound wand into them for at least another month." So we scheduled it later.

And then when I showed up for just the ultrasound, a technician tried to force me to have another mammogram that day, anyway!

She said that the technician who had taken the other mammogram wasn't as good at doing it as she is, because "you really have to smash the breast tissue absolutely flat." I assured her that NO ONE could have smashed my breasts any flatter than the previous technician had, and another mammogram would yield the same useless data and the same injury to me, and I wasn't going to put myself through that again.

Then she gave me a big, impassioned, INFURIATINGLY PATRONIZING lecture on how mammograms hurt, but "breast cancer hurts, too!" I am very proud of my usually passive-aggressive self for calmly saying to her, "No, I still don't think the risk outweighs the benefit here, and I will not be bullied into unnecessary pain and radiation exposure. I'm only having an ultrasound today."

So I did, and everything was fine. Not even any cysts.

I've since enrolled in a free genetic study that screened my DNA for nine genes associated with breast cancer, and woohoo! I tested negative for all of them! So I'm determined not to have another mammogram for several years.


Holy hell. That is so, so infuriating. How many times in a row do they need to completely dismiss what you're telling them? Kudos for your clear, calm response to that last technician.

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 9:40 pm UTC
by Sungura
Plasmic Turtle - definite complain.
I will warn it may get you banished from that doctor (it did me, when I complained for similar, they said I was "out of control"
Tw for assault
Spoiler:
but it hurt so bad I was screaming and bleeding like a banshee and they made me leave the room to go pay so I was ofc still bawling my eyes out in the public waiting room area...blood stain on my pants from them! cause i didn't have anything with me but was like...bleeding!) But honestly that was the only time it hurt so badly, and I am sure it was because that doctor was a fucking jerk mcjaberson. Every other time? no bleeding, and a bit of cramping but not like, stabbing holyshit there is a knife being shoved into my cervix pain
.

So they sent me a letter the next week saying I was no longer allowed at that facility. And that facility is a part of the local hospital, so I am not allowed at that hospital all-together. Luckily, we have two hospitals in town.

So yes. COMPLAIN. it is not normal treatment and go with your gut that they fucked up because they did, but be prepared they may just try to blame you, and then banish you from the facility.

Also, not stupid or dramatic. They invaded your body more than you consented to. Violation of self is indeed something to be upset and "dramatic" over!

(**edited bc i realized i should tw that bit so just added a spoiler)

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2018 8:13 am UTC
by Moo

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2018 8:04 pm UTC
by Plasmic-Turtle
Thanks Moo - your words help so much!

Sungura, I'm so sorry to hear about your experience - that sounds absolutely horrifying. I just don't get the American health system, either... I mean, I'm not sure ours (NZ) is any better, it's regularly described as being "the ambulance at the bottom of a cliff". But you can't get banished from hospital, I'm sure. That's absurd. You should be able to take the complaint higher and the staff involved should face some repercussions - they've clearly messed up to inflict so much pain and blood, and to then force you to go and pay while you're crying and and bleeding shows an absolutely disgusting level of disregard for patient well-being. Ugh.

spoilered for possible sexual assault triggers
Spoiler:
I've drafted a complaint letter outlining my issues - that she didn't check I was ready for the procedure, didn't talk me through what was happening (other than the cervical brush part for which she said "this is what makes some people uncomfortable" and which felt like nothing compared to the pain I'd already experienced of her ramming the speculum in), and particularly that she didn't stop or slow down or so much as ask if I was OK despite my obvious distress. I've worded it pretty strongly but politely, I don't want it to happen to others. And you're right Moo, we DO know our own bodies. And I KNOW it wouldn't have hurt that much had I had sufficient time to relax my muscles, and I also know that my consent to what was being done was fully over when I experienced the pain of her ramming, and voiced this pain, and tried to back away from her on the examining table. I didn't consent to having her continue to ram the speculum in.

I don't know how any sexual assault survivors get smears ever. I had something rammed into me that my body was repelling and was causing substantial pain while I was repeatedly simply told "try to relax", not asked if I was OK, and then once she'd finished she hands me a box of tissues and pulls the curtain across to let me get dressed, saying "you might want to use the tissues to clean yourself up. I use a lot of lube." I feel like I shouldn't feel violated/traumatised by a medical procedure that I booked in and paid to go and have, bit I still do.


I'm waiting to send in the complaint until I've got through my results though, as they'll be directly text through by the nurse within a few days. That'll leave me free to make a clean break from that medical centre. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't banish me, they'll instead pretend like they care and are acting on it, to protect themselves from higher complaints. But I don't know if I ever want to go back there anyway, especially not with a possible negative label on my name as being the one who complained because she can't handle a smear.

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2018 6:38 am UTC
by Sungura
(Hugs)
Tw same as above
Spoiler:
exactly, they violated your conscent and you have every right to be furrious with them, and you have every right to whatever feelings you have of the event. Dont let anyone tell you otherwise. (Hugs). You were violated and it was traumatizing. (And while i obviously only speak for myself and my own experience, the similar event that happened to me was actually more traumatizing than when i was “clasicly sexually assaulted”). So please. Do not feel like you should deny your feelings as to what happened to you. Your feelings are *completely valid*.

I hope the letter you wrote causes them to take appropriate action, but i share your dubiousness. Medical professionals often seem far from professional :?

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Mon Aug 20, 2018 9:50 pm UTC
by Sprocket
I just learned I have a very high cervix, which might explain why a tampon might get lost more easily in me than in someone else. Anyway after some research I bought a Lilly Cup. But I can't seem to get it not be squished and I'm not sure how I know if it's in the right place. I've read about it but it's not really helping.

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2018 7:51 am UTC
by Moo
Sprocket wrote:I just learned I have a very high cervix, which might explain why a tampon might get lost more easily in me than in someone else. Anyway after some research I bought a Lilly Cup. But I can't seem to get it not be squished and I'm not sure how I know if it's in the right place. I've read about it but it's not really helping.
I don't know if this will be helpful, but I can tell you how I us my mooncup? I use the punch down fold, and then once it's inserted, I can push together the base a bit until the side I folded in, pops back out. But before I used the punch-down, it would sort of "unpop" after a few minutes to half an hour just from walking.

As to whether it's in the right place, I don't really think you can get this wrong. If you think about what it's doing (just catching stuff before it leaks out), as long as it's in the right general canal sort of area, I think you're good. The only variable will be if the stem irritates you (assumng the lily cup is similar to the mooncup here) wherever it lands up but that's a minor problem you can deal with once you're more comfortable about the other aspects.

Punch down fold:
Spoiler:
Image

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2018 6:48 pm UTC
by Sprocket
After many attempts and much wrist pain, I decided to just try the cup anyway against my better judgement, even though it totally felt like it was flat and not opened as I understood the concept based on how it was being described. But it worked! It feels squished pretty flat when I try to feel around it, and i didn't notice any thing I'd call "popping open" but it filled up, didn't leak. I wore it to sleep, emptied it in the morning. I'm really surprised at how liquid the blood is. I don't ever see this much of it pooled up at once, with no "uterine chunks". So I'm trying it again today. It still feels pretty flat in there but it worked yesterday despite feeling flat so we'll see! #blackpants

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Wed Sep 12, 2018 1:22 am UTC
by Sprocket
it was working fine as of mid-day. It feels like it's in wrong again now, but wrong has been right so far, so continuing to move forward.

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2018 3:18 am UTC
by Sungura
Yay!
Fwiw i rarely felt a “pop open” and i used a cup for about two years. It definitly to me had a softer feel than tampon and so the sensory of it is different. Also bc softness if you feel around it you may be pushing it flatter as you feel which may explain that.
Bottom line - If it isnt leaking, it is certainly correct! Sounds like its good!

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Wed May 15, 2019 8:00 pm UTC
by Sungura
Fuck georgia, alabama, etc.
Maybe this should be in rant thread but I could go off about this forever. I'm just so pissed off.

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Posted: Wed May 15, 2019 8:29 pm UTC
by addams
Sungura wrote:Fuck georgia, alabama, etc.
Maybe this should be in rant thread but I could go off about this forever. I'm just so pissed off.
Oh,...Crap!
I wish I didn't know what you are writing about.

They are counting on Kavanaugh.
Of course, the man's pattern of assault will continue.