Boy Thread: put a hat on ur butt

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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby Zak » Wed Mar 19, 2008 4:12 am UTC

God i love this conversation, also, lazorcock would be pretty sweet, if inconvineint.
*waggles eyebrows*

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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby SecondTalon » Wed Mar 19, 2008 4:14 am UTC

...yeah, you can keep the lasercock. I'd rather not accidentally blast apart a toilet or urinal. Or wife.

But giant fist thing? That I could control. That just would not be my caressing hand.
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby PictureSarah » Wed Mar 19, 2008 4:16 am UTC

I realize I'm a little late to this, but how could a mole on the face (or a scar, or birthmark, or any other "blemish") detract from sexiness? I love interesting distinguishing features. Case in point. I suspect nobody is going to tell me that this young lady's moles would disqualify her from attractiveness.
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby Zak » Wed Mar 19, 2008 4:17 am UTC

With powerfistTM you don't need a wife/girlfriend/SO anymore!

Edit: whoa, that girl looks like one of my exs
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby SecondTalon » Wed Mar 19, 2008 4:20 am UTC

Z.A.K wrote:With powerfistTM you don't need a wife/girlfriend/SO anymore!
....
I wrote:But giant fist thing? That I could control. That just would not be my caressing hand.

Because ow. Ow ow ow ow ow ouch ow ow ow ow owwie ow ow.
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heuristically_alone wrote:I have been informed that this is called writing a book.

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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby Zak » Wed Mar 19, 2008 4:50 am UTC

PowerFistTM, now with SuperLubeTM!
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby Izawwlgood » Wed Mar 19, 2008 5:01 am UTC

This kid stole my girlfriend. And my job. And my dignity. But i guess I had it coming.

Also, @Sarah: She's a babe.
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby NMcCoy » Wed Mar 19, 2008 5:42 am UTC

Improbably enough, I think the Power Glove just won this thread.
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby rachel » Wed Mar 19, 2008 2:01 pm UTC

PictureSarah wrote:I realize I'm a little late to this, but how could a mole on the face (or a scar, or birthmark, or any other "blemish") detract from sexiness? I love interesting distinguishing features.


Sarah is correct, that's just ridiculous. My face is covered in freckles, and that is okay. I've seen plenty of gorgeous girls with some sort of facial ... thing. You guys need to get your priorities straight.
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j&r-bffl

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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby Izawwlgood » Wed Mar 19, 2008 2:05 pm UTC

Annnnnd if your a redhead my imagination just got the best of me.
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby MoonBuggy » Wed Mar 19, 2008 2:11 pm UTC

How come robotic arms are still made of so much fail? I know it's a tough problem, but really when a runner with prosthetic legs is deemed to have an unfair advantage, why is every video of a 'breakthrough' in prosthetic arm technology devoid of lasers, crushing or power-tool attachments?

Seriously, though, I am actually quite surprised how far we still are from normal human speed and range of motion - when I look at some of the robotics tech we do have, it seems a lot more complex than my hand.
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby rachel » Wed Mar 19, 2008 2:14 pm UTC

I'd buy a laserarm. You know, just to have one in case I have a terrible accident where I lose an arm.


Annnnnd if your a redhead my imagination just got the best of me.

My hair's a sort of brownish-reddish-blondish colour. Not red like you're thinking of, I think.
Mighty Jalapeno wrote:I played "porn" against my sister last night.
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby SecondTalon » Wed Mar 19, 2008 2:23 pm UTC

MoonBuggy wrote:How come robotic arms are still made of so much fail? I know it's a tough problem, but really when a runner with prosthetic legs is deemed to have an unfair advantage, why is every video of a 'breakthrough' in prosthetic arm technology devoid of lasers, crushing or power-tool attachments?


I'm totally with you. The best I could find is a rocket powered arm which has a *slight* problem in that it vents steam in excess of 230 degress Celcius.

Which I consider a feature, not a bug. At least, if you can aim it.
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby bigglesworth » Wed Mar 19, 2008 3:01 pm UTC

rachel wrote:
Annnnnd if your a redhead my imagination just got the best of me.

My hair's a sort of brownish-reddish-blondish colour. Not red like you're thinking of, I think.


He is now.
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby segmentation fault » Wed Mar 19, 2008 3:01 pm UTC

hey what does a strained groin feel like? someone grabbing your testicle? i think i have one.
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby joeframbach » Wed Mar 19, 2008 4:38 pm UTC

segmentation fault wrote:i think i have one.

A testicle, or a strained groin?

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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby segmentation fault » Wed Mar 19, 2008 4:45 pm UTC

joeframbach wrote:
segmentation fault wrote:i think i have one.

A testicle, or a strained groin?


both?
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby PhantomReality » Wed Mar 19, 2008 6:36 pm UTC

a strain groin just hurts. but it hurts in your leg. none of the gut twisting pain of betting kicked in the balls
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby segmentation fault » Wed Mar 19, 2008 6:48 pm UTC

PhantomReality wrote:a strain groin just hurts. but it hurts in your leg. none of the gut twisting pain of betting kicked in the balls


yeah thats the thing, the discomfort stems from where my scrotum meets groin and when walking i can sort of feel it in my thigh and knee.
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby rachel » Wed Mar 19, 2008 7:06 pm UTC

And how, exactly, did you manage to strain your groin?
(I hope it was worth it, mister.)
Mighty Jalapeno wrote:I played "porn" against my sister last night.
Meaux_Pas wrote:So in otherwords, it's like the best cake ever, covered in bees.


j&r-bffl

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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby segmentation fault » Wed Mar 19, 2008 7:17 pm UTC

strain, not sprain.

i dont remember the exact moment. i woke up one morning and was like man my no-no area hurts a little.
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby Bakemaster » Wed Mar 19, 2008 8:06 pm UTC

PictureSarah wrote:I suspect nobody is going to tell me that this young lady's moles would disqualify her from attractiveness.

She should get another one or two added to make a triangle or a diamond shape.

Oh and of course, this.
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby Fat Tony » Wed Mar 19, 2008 11:31 pm UTC

PictureSarah wrote:I realize I'm a little late to this, but how could a mole on the face (or a scar, or birthmark, or any other "blemish") detract from sexiness? I love interesting distinguishing features.
Image
Case in point. I suspect nobody is going to tell me that this young lady's moles would disqualify her from attractiveness.

I still think that's unattractive, but obviously I'm alone here.
Also, her facial expression is unattractive. She's definitely forcing that smile and is actually feeling really crappy.
Edit: She's still beautiful, but without the moles/sadness she'd look so much better.
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby The Mighty Thesaurus » Wed Mar 19, 2008 11:49 pm UTC

I think her expression is hot.
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby Fat Tony » Thu Mar 20, 2008 1:12 am UTC

I'm surprised no one called me out on having an "Edit: ..." note in that last post of mine despite the lack of "This post has been edited 1 time..." note.
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby bbctol » Thu Mar 20, 2008 1:18 am UTC

Fat Tony wrote:I'm surprised no one called me out on having an "Edit: ..." note in that last post of mine despite the lack of "This post has been edited 1 time..." note.

Hey, I do that too!

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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby Fat Tony » Thu Mar 20, 2008 1:26 am UTC

It's not too outrageous a concept I guess. It'd be more proper of me to put "Note:" instead of edit, but that just doesn't have the same ring to it.
That and it's instinct =D
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby JayDee » Thu Mar 20, 2008 2:34 am UTC

Fat Tony wrote:I'm surprised no one called me out on having an "Edit: ..." note in that last post of mine despite the lack of "This post has been edited 1 time..." note.
Nothing wrong with doing that. The "This post has been edited 1 time..." note is only added when someone has posted after you - people may have read you message pre-edit and no posted, and they would presumably appreciate the indication that the post has changed.
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby Zak » Thu Mar 20, 2008 2:43 am UTC

segmentation fault wrote:i dont remember the exact moment. i woke up one morning and was like man my no-no area hurts.

You were raped in the night. Is there a burning sensation?
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby cypherspace » Thu Mar 20, 2008 2:49 am UTC

Heheh, all this talk of pain in the tender areas makes me wonder if I should post a story that could make every man cringe.
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby Upsilon » Thu Mar 20, 2008 2:53 am UTC

Story time. NOW.
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Spoiler:
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby Aluminus » Thu Mar 20, 2008 3:00 am UTC

Oh please can we not return to snapped banjo strings? That was an era this thread should not return to.
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby cypherspace » Thu Mar 20, 2008 3:36 am UTC

Too late! Spoilered if you don't want to read it :)
Spoiler:
This is going to get quite graphic. You have been warned! (Also, I have taken some artistic licence in an attempt to amuse. ;))

Okay, I was going out with a girl who is the biggest nympho I have ever met. She's the only girl who's ever outstripped my sex drive. Seriously, if we had sex five times, it was a bad day. And I think it's probably pretty obvious that a girl who is this voracious is not a make-love-gently-and-kiss-me-tenderly-until-i-cry-of-happiness kind of girl. Oh no, it was hard, energetic, sweaty, dirty sex.

It was a good day for her. We had been at it for a while. It had been as vigorous as usual (I don't think I've ever had better abs), of numerous separate occurrences, and to be absolutely frank, my cock was practically red raw (she was on the pill, so no condoms). But she needed another hit of my love drug, so like a trooper, I put aside the slight pain in my happy parts and went to work.

As we did the good-time dance, the pain became more and more noticeable. With every thrust and parry of the pork sword, there was a sharp stinging sensation, which slowly turned from soreness to a slight discomfort, to an irritation, to a significant distraction. I went from a wry smile to a raised eyebrow to a grimace at every pressurisation of the pleasure piston. I was beginning to think that it might be a good idea to stop.

But I did not have time to finish this thought. Oh no, it was too late. After one almighty drop of the vaginal depth detector, the distraction became searing, burning agony. The grimace turned to a convoluted, tortured, shocked expression.

I pulled out. I looked down. There was blood. A surprising amount of blood.

For a moment, I was confused. She had been on Shark Week only a week earlier, and surely even the most enthusiastic intercourse couldn't actually rub the skin off my most treasured possession?

No. Another look told me what I needed to know - my precious, valuable, unique, irreplaceable one-string bass needed a new E.

Oh dear god, the horror of looking down at that torn, lacerated sliver of skin, which seems so unimportant until it's gone... my banjo will never play the same tune again.

Men of the world - if it hurts, don't carry on. I implore you.
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby Zak » Thu Mar 20, 2008 4:11 am UTC

D:
*waggles eyebrows*

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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby bbctol » Thu Mar 20, 2008 4:14 am UTC

Just another benefit of being Jewish, folks.

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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby Zak » Thu Mar 20, 2008 4:17 am UTC

Or, non jewish but still de-flapped.
:wink:
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby segmentation fault » Thu Mar 20, 2008 4:22 am UTC

Z.A.K wrote:You were raped in the night. Is there a burning sensation?


unless the rapist somehow inserted into my scrotum i doubt that as a possibility.

referring to the story: seriously, im glad im cut. i really dont understand why more people dont do it.
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby Zak » Thu Mar 20, 2008 4:23 am UTC

Do you have suture scars?
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby Belial » Thu Mar 20, 2008 4:38 am UTC

referring to the story: seriously, im glad im cut. i really dont understand why more people dont do it.


Because that doesn't happen often? And the extra sensation is nice?
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Re: Man Thread: I hear eunuching, but you can't come in

Postby The Mighty Thesaurus » Thu Mar 20, 2008 6:58 am UTC

Pointing at one isolated example at the extreme end of the spectrum is never a good idea (see also: Godwin's Law)
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