Bad advice thread.

Things that don't belong anywhere else. (Check first).

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zenten
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Postby zenten » Tue Aug 07, 2007 3:38 pm UTC

People who say they'll try anything once really mean it.

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bbctol
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Postby bbctol » Tue Aug 07, 2007 3:46 pm UTC

Racing from Boston to New York is fun and safe.

My uncle can do it in less than two and a half hours.

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Cheese
and spam. (Euggh)
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Postby Cheese » Tue Aug 07, 2007 5:31 pm UTC

Hawknc wrote:We've looked into that before. From memory, the curve is exponential until it reaches a certain slope, at which point it becomes linear.


One problem with the fora: they attract curious people, who want to find things out. But pretty much everything that can be found out already has, and a lot of them are annoying, so when someone who wasn't there the first time it was tried finds out, it's not new to most of the populace.

Oh, and it's a good idea to stand on top of moving cars and hang on the back of lorries. It gets you a knighthood if you do well.
hermaj wrote:No-one. Will. Be. Taking. Cheese's. Spot.
Spoiler:
LE4dGOLEM wrote:Cheese is utterly correct on all fronts.
SecondTalon wrote:That thing that Cheese just said. Do that.
Meaux_Pas wrote:I hereby disagree and declare Cheese to be brilliant.
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LoonRadio
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Postby LoonRadio » Tue Aug 07, 2007 8:32 pm UTC

Put butter on your deep-fried chocloate-covered bacon. Or sour cream. Sour cream's good, too.
You know what's worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxicabs.

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Castaway
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Postby Castaway » Tue Aug 07, 2007 8:33 pm UTC

What's the worst that could happen?
You've just lost twenty dollars and my self respect.

Rat wrote: so i sprinted back down this hill like a fucking mountain goat

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Darcey
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Postby Darcey » Tue Aug 07, 2007 8:43 pm UTC

Adding butter to a pot of boiling sugar will be fun!

You should totally take the glass off of a lightbulb, then turn it on!

(Actually my dad did both of those things, not me. But I can't think of anything I did. -lame-)

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Wilibus
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Postby Wilibus » Tue Aug 07, 2007 9:28 pm UTC

Add lettuce to the baconator actually makes it quite healthy.
"A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there."
-Charles Robert

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Darcey
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Postby Darcey » Tue Aug 07, 2007 10:06 pm UTC

Oh, and bad advice I gave to someone a long time ago just to see the result: "Spraying bug spray into a bug candle is the ultimate method for keeping bugs away. You should do it!" There was a HUGE FIREBALL. It was crazily cool. Apparently the kid could have been killed though. =X

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Swordfish
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Postby Swordfish » Tue Aug 07, 2007 10:13 pm UTC

If a flame shoots out of the top of your test tube, but you haven't held it over the burner for the amount of time listed in the experiment's instructions, then keep cooking it.

(10th Grade chemistry. Fun.)
"If I had a nickel for every time I was wrong, I'd be broke." Stephen Colbert

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Jesse
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Postby Jesse » Tue Aug 07, 2007 10:14 pm UTC

You should watch the Bratz movie.

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bbctol
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Postby bbctol » Tue Aug 07, 2007 10:16 pm UTC

Just because a table had a mild concentration of sulfuric acid spilt on it doesn't mean you shouldn't lean against the side! It won't dissolve your clothes!

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Dibley
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Postby Dibley » Tue Aug 07, 2007 11:12 pm UTC

If you're holding a test tube of twelve molar HCl in your ungloved hand, it would be great fun to add three or four times the recommended number of Magnesium shavings. If worse comes to worst and it boils over, you can just put it down. Because test tubes are easily put downable. Thank god I got it into the rack in time.

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(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
As the Arbiter of Everything, Everything Sucks
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Postby (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ » Tue Aug 07, 2007 11:26 pm UTC

Co-sign someone's school loan, even if you haven't known them very long, and they barely graduated High School. I'm sure they're quite reliable and won't fuck you over. It's important to trust people.
Heyyy baby wanna kill all humans?

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Narsil
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Postby Narsil » Wed Aug 08, 2007 3:13 am UTC

Parents are stupider than you can possibly imagine.
Do whatever you want behind their back and they'll never figure it out. Ever.
Spoiler:
EsotericWombat wrote:MORE JUNK THAN YOUR BODY HAS ROOM FOR

Mother Superior wrote:What's he got that I dont?
*sees Narsil's sig*
Oh... that.

LoonRadio
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Postby LoonRadio » Wed Aug 08, 2007 2:37 pm UTC

Lye is cheaper than mouthwash.
You know what's worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxicabs.

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Lani
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Postby Lani » Wed Aug 08, 2007 2:39 pm UTC

You should wash out your eyes regularly. Toothpaste is a great product to do so.
- Lani

"They think they're so high and mighty, just because they never got caught driving without pants."

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J Spade
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Postby J Spade » Wed Aug 08, 2007 2:49 pm UTC

If you're not wearing a shirt in the morning, cook bacon for breakfast.

lukkucairi
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Postby lukkucairi » Wed Aug 08, 2007 3:01 pm UTC

it's just fine to post to the fora at 3am when you're sleepless because of poison ivy rash and full to the eyeballs with benadryl.

MarshyMarsh
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Postby MarshyMarsh » Wed Aug 08, 2007 3:26 pm UTC

If you grab either side of your chair and pull really hard, you start to levitate.

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CorranH
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Postby CorranH » Wed Aug 08, 2007 3:34 pm UTC

Magnesium coils are fun to play with. Go ahead, pick one up with your bare hand and light it. You can always blow it out when it starts to get too close to your fingers!*

*Disclaimer: I did not do this. I've always been fairly responsible . . . ish . . . When playing with fire. This was my lab-mate in 11th grade Chemistry. When he couldn't blow it out, he dropped it. On our table. Right beneath the rubber tube carrying gas to our lit Bunsen burner. Thank god I was there to save the idiot.
It's a muon, you cunt - Robin Williams

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LizardKing
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Postby LizardKing » Wed Aug 08, 2007 3:35 pm UTC

Duck is fine to eat even if it's a funny shiny green colour. It was probably a mallard or something, go ahead and chow down on it. Especially if you're drunk, a stomach with alcohol is practically invincible!

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existential_elevator
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Postby existential_elevator » Wed Aug 08, 2007 11:54 pm UTC

The only thing that matters in life is that you amass a vast amount of personal wealth. It makes other people like you more.

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Mat Cauthon
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Postby Mat Cauthon » Thu Aug 09, 2007 12:12 am UTC

Real moments from robotics:

"So what if the arm is overweight? Fix it in code!"

"Its not moving - try doubling the power to the motor."
(moments later...)
"... is that smoke?"
"HOLY CRAP THE MOTOR IS ON FIRE TURN IT OFF!"
mootinator wrote:No, assembly is difficult to read even if you do understand it.

Turns out a PC has more registers than my brain.

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~Jake~
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Postby ~Jake~ » Thu Aug 09, 2007 12:59 am UTC

J Spade wrote:If you're not wearing a shirt in the morning, cook bacon for breakfast.


I have done this on numerous occaisions without ill effect*

*I cook my bacon in the grill(UK)/broiler(US)

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Dibley
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Postby Dibley » Thu Aug 09, 2007 1:04 am UTC

~Jake~ wrote:
J Spade wrote:If you're not wearing a shirt in the morning, cook bacon for breakfast.


I have done this on numerous occaisions without ill effect*

*I cook my bacon in the grill(UK)/broiler(US)


Have done this on numerous occasions with ill effect. Another good one is no pants/boxers. FUCKING HURTS!!!

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~Jake~
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Postby ~Jake~ » Thu Aug 09, 2007 1:21 am UTC

Dibley wrote:
~Jake~ wrote:
J Spade wrote:If you're not wearing a shirt in the morning, cook bacon for breakfast.


I have done this on numerous occaisions without ill effect*

*I cook my bacon in the grill(UK)/broiler(US)


Have done this on numerous occasions with ill effect. Another good one is no pants/boxers. FUCKING HURTS!!!


Hmmm... Well, the best advice I can give to anyone planning on cooking bacon for breakfast in the morning whilst nude is to turn the burner on to full the night before and leave the pan on the hob overnight with approximately half a pint of cooking oil in it. That way, when you put the bacon in, it probably won't spit out the hot fat. If you feel the oil is too hot; add cold water liberally.

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kilgore trout
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Postby kilgore trout » Thu Aug 09, 2007 12:12 pm UTC

You can't get pregnant if you have sex in a hot tub, the hot water kills all the sperm.

You can't get pregnant if you have sex standing up, sperm can't swim against gravity.

Prayer is an effective form of birth control, especially when used as the "pull out and pray" method.

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BiancaBlack
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Postby BiancaBlack » Thu Aug 09, 2007 12:21 pm UTC

Cooking eggs in a microwave oven works just fine.

(The egg won't explode and bust the door of the microwave open and leave yellow gooey stuff all over your kitchen walls. Promise.)
This one time at, er, space camp...

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dschneider
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Postby dschneider » Thu Aug 09, 2007 12:26 pm UTC

Returning your Christmas tree to the store you bought it from the day after Christmas for a full refund won't make you a douche at all.
Could somebody please remove these cutleries from my knees?

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bbctol
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Postby bbctol » Thu Aug 09, 2007 12:48 pm UTC

It's totally fine to leave these really, really old computers on non-stop for a year without a surge protector. It's not like they're going to catch on fire or something.

(best moment of fifth grade)

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bookishbunny
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Postby bookishbunny » Thu Aug 09, 2007 1:09 pm UTC

Tell him you slept with his brother. He will find your honesty refreshing and Christmas won't be awkward at all!
~Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you push them down the stairs.

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~Jake~
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Postby ~Jake~ » Thu Aug 09, 2007 2:00 pm UTC

BiancaBlack wrote:Cooking eggs in a microwave oven works just fine.

(The egg won't explode and bust the door of the microwave open and leave yellow gooey stuff all over your kitchen walls. Promise.)


Only if you leave the shell on.

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iknoritesrsly
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Postby iknoritesrsly » Thu Aug 09, 2007 4:06 pm UTC

Listen to Belial, learn, enjoy the eudimonia that follows.

*ducks incoming moderation*
Last edited by iknoritesrsly on Fri Aug 10, 2007 2:59 am UTC, edited 2 times in total.
Diogenes was once asked what he thought of Socrates. "A madman," he replied.
Later, Plato was asked what he thought of Diogenes. "A Socrates gone mad," he replied.
Diogenes ridiculed Plato for being long-winded.

Gofyr
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Postby Gofyr » Thu Aug 09, 2007 4:18 pm UTC

If you get cold, rub Deep Heat ALL over yourself.


Everywhere.



Then climb into bed naked with your partner and insist on a cuddle.

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refreshingapathy
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Postby refreshingapathy » Thu Aug 09, 2007 4:46 pm UTC

Gold Bond medicated foot powder also works well to soothe itches on the dangling man parts.

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Narsil
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Postby Narsil » Thu Aug 09, 2007 4:52 pm UTC

If you have bouts of intense self-loathing for long periods of time, the best thing to do is to not tell anybody. They don't want to hear about your silly problems anyway, and it'll turn out alright in the end.
Spoiler:
EsotericWombat wrote:MORE JUNK THAN YOUR BODY HAS ROOM FOR

Mother Superior wrote:What's he got that I dont?
*sees Narsil's sig*
Oh... that.

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bbctol
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Postby bbctol » Thu Aug 09, 2007 8:10 pm UTC

Swatting bees with your hands works just as well as swatting flies!

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Belial
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Postby Belial » Thu Aug 09, 2007 8:22 pm UTC

iknoritesrsly wrote:Listen to Belial, learn, enjoy the eudimonia that follows.

*ducks incoming moderation*


Why would I moderate that? It seems rather flattering. Unless one of the following is true:

a) "eudimonia" is a separate word from "eudaimonia", and is somewhat less complimentary.

b) it's already been edited, and used to say something less pleasant.

edit: Oh right, because it's "bad advice". I should really have an attention span long enough to remember what thread I'm in.

Still not getting moderated though. Forcing someone to stop talking shit is a bit low.
addams wrote:A drunk neighbor is better than a sober Belial.


They/them

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I Zimbra
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Postby I Zimbra » Thu Aug 09, 2007 10:39 pm UTC

Condoms are for losers. Same with bike helmets.

Dentists are overpaid, there's no reason you can't pull your own teeth.

You're going to think that tattoo is even more awesome in 20 years.

Does it look infected? Just put a little bleach on it and forget about it.
Take your play seriously

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PhantomReality
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Postby PhantomReality » Thu Aug 09, 2007 10:47 pm UTC

HAHA@bookishbunny, and along the same lines:

Go ahead DO IT...you know it's kinky but she won't tell anyone. Especially not at a public gathering with all your friends....
DROP ACID NOT BOMBS.


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