So, they put me in charge. No idea who, just woke up to a new spring day to "Estee! You're in charge now!"
I take a look around.. not too bad, I suppose.. water falling in to the tower, let me have a look at that...
Wait, wasn't the point of the tower that we were supposed to LIVE in it eventually? How the hell are we going to live in that? Alright, let me drain this thing and.. what do you mean there's no drain? You're serious... someone started to flood the thing without any way of pulling the water back out?
Alright, fine.. I'll figure it out.... I need at least twenty corkscrews, twenty tubes, and blocks. Oh, and gobs of wood.... Let's get the water wheels set up here, great.. now let's make a run to over here, where the drains are. You guys get started on getting a path for the water to take, get it to flood.. I don't know, to the north. That will work.
Like I was saying, get me those supplies to make the screw pumps. Just chop down some trees and.... what do you mean an Elven emissary is here? Can't Thendash meet them? He's busy? *sigh* Fine, I'll talk to the guy.
Alright, change of plans, dwarves. The Elven pansy is getting all pissy about us chopping down the forest. Now, I don't know about you guys, but I like it when they bring us cougars.. and they always have shitty weapons, so I've got no real desire to take their rubber spears, if you know what I'm saying. So I said we'd limit our forestry majors to 100 trees for a while. We've got plenty on hand and, honestly, we really only need it for beds, barrels, and bins. So get those screw pump supplies out of glass. Cheap stuff, I don't care if it's green.
What else do we have here? Let me check the cage stocks and.. HOLY SHIT! Why the hell do we have so many goblins around? Uh huh.. Goblin Fight Club. And how often do they fight each other.. uh huh... so the only way is to rely on these spear traps, or to go in and do it ourselves.
... New plan. See this area right above the boneyard here? Pop a hole in it and stick a hatch down. We're going to flood this area, throw the goblins in to it, and when they're all dead, pop the hatch open let it all drain down here where it can rot. We'll take the good stuff and make crafts out of their bones. Chain that hydra up right near the door, just in case one of them gets out.. those thieves are slippery bastards.
And while we're at it, can someone clean up in this damned place? Here, just dig out areas here, here, and here. Shove everything loose into them, we'll sort it out later. Alright, leave the stones alone.. just throw the coal and ores in there.
.. how's the guard looking? What do you mean, "What Guard"? The Fortress Guard. ... Alright, so who's the Captain of the Guard? Uh huh.. that asshole's fired. I'm taking over for that. We need security. Why? BECAUSE THE HAMMERER JUST BEAT A MECHANIC TO DEATH! If *we* do it, we can pretend to slap a guy around for a minute, and the Hammerer, blind as he is, will leave us alone.
...seriously, dude just bashed that mechanic's brains in. What the hell is wrong with him? He'd already been arrested... I think we may need to throw him in the Volcano if you... he's right behind me, isn't he? Crap.
Traders are here! And.. they can't get in? What's going on at the gates? .. where are all these damned horses coming from? Where's our military?.... what do you mean, dicking around in the barracks? Get them out there! .. We've only got two squads? Ah, those idiots follow their captain around like a puppy, any time he takes a drink, they're all gone...... alright, here we go, we'll make a bunch of three-dwarf squads. I want you guys to patrol here, right by the gate in that area behind the fortifications. Kill any of those damned horses that so much as breathe at us funny. I'm tired of them constantly hitting that pressure plate.. I mean, it's doing it's job, sure, but .. let's just clean it up.
Now that I have some time and have all of you lazy bastards cleaning up this pig sty, let me take a good look at this lava fall. Hmm.. nice, nice.. may have to build a secure area around it, make some kind of drinking hall here..... wait, is.. that gold in the lava flow? Real.. gold? Gold? Who the hell let Lava in here with gold still in there! I mean, it's one thing that someone did that at the forges, but here?! Dig a hole in there and throw a couple of buckets of water on it.
Wait, the pumps are all in place? Hot damn! All the gears are all ready, switches are lined up, and the grate closed? Right on! Pull the lever and start draining the thing!
..So the water on the lava didn't work? Damn. Alright, leave the tunnel here.. we'll figure it out eventually. .. hey, wait, someone covered over a hole here near the main pipe. Open this up, it'll make the perfect garbage dump. And.. there's still coal in the wall here?! Dig that out!
Alright, with this done, I want exploratory shafts here, here, and here. ..Malachite, and some gems, huh? Better than nothing, I suppose.
That drain done yet? No? Damn.
Drain's done? Great! Alright, this thing needs to be glass and steel. Maybe a little marble. Take this granite off of here. Yes, the whole thing. I don't know, start a the top or bottom or something, figure it out.
Did.. I just hear someone fall off the tower? Make that.. two.. no..thr..f....SIX PEOPLE JUST FELL OFF THE TOWER! YOU MORONS! STOP! STOP! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING?! NO! NO! BAD! BAD! YOU DO NOT REMOVE A WALL WHILE BILLY'S STILL STANDING ON IT WHEN THERE'S NOTHING BELOW HIM! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!?
Alright, let me hold your hand while you do this.... there, that better? We'll leave the bottom floor alone, but put some temporary supports here and here. And be careful, the ground's got some nice carvings on *crack*... the ground HAD some nice carving's on it. Morons.
Bottom floor's almost done.. hopefully whoever takes over will use this as a guide. Let's see.. if we did a tunnel here, and make it this tall.. we can get water in here faster.. hook some floodgates up here, do a bit of this there.... crap, time's almost up, isn't it? Well.. let me just note everything I did. If it's not done yet, I'll stick a Red Dwarf on it with what I was planning to do.. that should be obvious. Hopefully.
...as soon as I find out who didn't label some of these levers, I'm arresting him myself. No, I'm not touching them. For all I know some maniac rigged the volcano to blow when I so much as sneeze at it.
I'm done.. let some other fool deal with this.. I'm taking a nap, call me when you need me.