If you were a NPC, what would you say

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Quizatzhaderac
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If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Sun Nov 30, 2008 9:43 pm UTC

Anyone who's played a video game knows this situation, you walk up to an NPC, press the "talk" button and without you having to pick a question/say hello, ect they instantly tell you the one most important thing they know (from your standpoint to!)

So if you were a NPC talking to important players in one/two sentance bursts what would you say?

Here're some old favortives:

"Sigh, times are tough."

"Welcome to <current town>!"

"....."

"The mountain pas to the east is full of monsters."

"Boy, I could sure use a <sidequest item>."

"Hiya stranger, let me give you a long complicated unsoliceted explination of out {magic system/political situation/mini game}."


Some ones I've always wanted to hear:

"Who are you and what are you doing in my house?"

"If you don't do this sidequest soon you won't be able to."

"Sorry, do I know you?"

"I'll give you 500 p for that cutsey comic relief thingy." ( not for the money, just to get it out of my party)


Personally I'd say either "Sorry this is just another generic town" or "While your in town be sure to see x, y, and z (which other towns don't have)."
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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felixalias
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby felixalias » Sun Nov 30, 2008 10:10 pm UTC

"Certainly looks like a nice day for someone to ransack my belongings."

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thecommabandit
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby thecommabandit » Sun Nov 30, 2008 10:20 pm UTC

"Oh hey! If you're looking for gold I keep most of it in that dresser over there. There's also an old sword in the back room that I inherited from my grandpa who was Archmagus of the Second Circle of the Silken Sands, but I'm sure it isn't worth much."
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wst
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby wst » Sun Nov 30, 2008 11:08 pm UTC

Spoiler:
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That or...
Spoiler:
0101100101101111011101010010000001


Just to break the 4th wall, and be mean.
Anything I said pre-2014 that you want to quote me on, just run it past me to check I still agree with myself.

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Naurgul
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Naurgul » Sun Nov 30, 2008 11:15 pm UTC

I am an NPC - or "Non-Player Character". Tremendously flattering terminology, isn't it? Apparently, someone felt I was to be defined solely by my innate lack of player. They could have called us Gamemaster Characters, or Antagonist Characters, or maybe even Don't-Get-Snippy-When-the-Universe-Doesn't-Bend-To-Suit-Our-Petty-Needs Characters, though DGSWTUDBTSOPNCs doesn't exactly roll off the tongue.
Praised be the nightmare, which reveals to us that we have the power to create hell.

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headprogrammingczar
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby headprogrammingczar » Sun Nov 30, 2008 11:56 pm UTC

<quintopia> You're not crazy. you're the goddamn headprogrammingspock!
<Weeks> You're the goddamn headprogrammingspock!
<Cheese> I love you

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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby aion7 » Mon Dec 01, 2008 12:29 am UTC

I was about to reference Adventurers, but then I thought better of it.
Spoiler:
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internets++ for aion7.

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Quizatzhaderac
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Mon Dec 01, 2008 2:28 am UTC

headprogrammingczar wrote:If I was an NPC...


If was an NPC
Ya ha teedle teedle, pubba pubba teedle teedle tath
All day long I'd walk I predefined path

If I was an NPC
I wouldn't have to think hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy nonplay-ible,
Yidle-diddle-didle charac-ter.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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Hulyen
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Hulyen » Mon Dec 01, 2008 2:42 am UTC

"Welcome to Corneria!"

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Intercept
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Intercept » Mon Dec 01, 2008 3:32 am UTC

Hi?... I don't have any money. Please don't rob me.
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Jebobek
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Jebobek » Mon Dec 01, 2008 4:08 am UTC

to the OP: Try Earthbound if you have not yet. "Oh sorry. I just farted."

Mine would be: "Hey, I'll join your party if you can slay Terrox, the dark dragon on the mountain east of here." (There is no dragon on that mountain, and there never will be.)

My favorite useless-talk NPC of all time is Armengard, the little girl in Wild Arms 3. She was programmed to say something different for every day of the calendar year.
When you speak with Armengard, she will read the date of the Internal
Clock on your PS2 system and will then tell you the date, what the
special object/term/person of the day is, and give you a little
information on Filgaia's interesting and rather silly history.
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Whispering
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Whispering » Mon Dec 01, 2008 5:13 am UTC

Mine would be: What the hell are you looking at?
Kendo_Bunny wrote:The only thoughts you don’t tell him are the ones where you want to ride that sparkly ass like Seabiscuit.

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Mr. Beck
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Mr. Beck » Mon Dec 01, 2008 5:34 am UTC

I'd be This Guy.

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Clumpy
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Clumpy » Mon Dec 01, 2008 7:12 am UTC

"Well, those crabs seem to be clearing up!"

You have to admit it would be funny.

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Zak
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Zak » Mon Dec 01, 2008 7:29 am UTC

Please, please don't turn the game off again.

Please.
*waggles eyebrows*

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Flesh_Of_The_Fallen_Angel
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Flesh_Of_The_Fallen_Angel » Mon Dec 01, 2008 8:17 am UTC

I would say: "Watch out! Your standing on something that will curse you to eternal hell-fire . . . Got ya! . . . please don't slay me!"

Or: "You look like an ass-face but if you slay me, you will instantly die because of the fire that comes out of the walls when you do something wrong! :P "

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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Rinsaikeru » Mon Dec 01, 2008 8:28 am UTC

"I have an item without which you cannot get to the next stage of the game--to get it from me I want a sammich and it has to come from *furthest possible point from this town.* I'm not even going to pretend to you that this is at all relevant to the plot, just get me that sammich---now."
Rice Puddin.

sje46
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby sje46 » Mon Dec 01, 2008 8:32 am UTC

"Don't you realize the moral implications behind enslaving and battling innocent animals? What is wrong with this world? Is everyone insane?"
General_Norris: Taking pride in your nation is taking pride in the division of humanity.
Pirate.Bondage: Let's get married. Right now.

Hentzau
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Hentzau » Mon Dec 01, 2008 11:30 am UTC

"Hey, is that the Goodyear blimp?"

Mzyxptlk
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Mzyxptlk » Mon Dec 01, 2008 11:54 am UTC

"*Karma Lost*"
"Once upon a time, an infinite number of people lived perfect, blissful, eternal lives."

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Endless Mike
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Endless Mike » Mon Dec 01, 2008 3:18 pm UTC

"Watch as I stand in your way blocking your only path due to collision detection, sucker!"

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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Kizyr » Mon Dec 01, 2008 3:20 pm UTC

felixalias wrote:"Certainly looks like a nice day for someone to ransack my belongings."

Most of my ideas were along this line.

"What the hell are you doing in my house?"

"That mythril is worth 10000G! Hand it back at once!"

"It's a secret to everybody."

Endless Mike wrote:"Watch as I stand in your way blocking your only path due to collision detection, sucker!"

So many times have I wished that old RPGs let you kill villagers, because of this. KF
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SecondTalon
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby SecondTalon » Mon Dec 01, 2008 4:33 pm UTC

.. I'd be like Smith the Horse. A sarcastic wise-ass who nonetheless dispenses incredibly detailed and helpful advice... for the previous game.
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Plasma Man » Mon Dec 01, 2008 4:37 pm UTC

"Though I am going to get in your way and continually annoy you, you're not allowed to kill me. You can kill the demon beasts of Ptharx, you can slay the dragons of Yinpang, but you cannot kill me! I am invincible! Ner ner ner ner ner!"

Other ideas:

"Hi. I have this problem. I'm not going to do anything about it, I'm just going to stay in this one area. You have to fix my problem."

"Have you ever noticed how no-one in this town other than the guy in the shop actually does any work?"
Please note that despite the lovely avatar Sungura gave me, I am not a medical doctor.

Possibly my proudest moment on the fora.

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Jebobek
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Jebobek » Mon Dec 01, 2008 4:46 pm UTC

"There are no toilets in this town. We all just shit on the ground. You'd best get out of here."
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Xanthir » Mon Dec 01, 2008 6:16 pm UTC

Hulyen wrote:"Welcome to Corneria!"

Goddamn you to hell for beating me to it. I thought about just posting it immediately, but then thought, "No, I should make sure no one else is as clever as I."
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Shadic
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Shadic » Mon Dec 01, 2008 6:31 pm UTC

"I AM ERROR."

Actually, it would probably be like "Why are you in this town? Aren't you supposed to be off saving the world? Or have you come to loot and plunder our houses, taking anything of value that we have? Yeah, figured. Well, the old man in the house with the red roof has some plot-essential things to say, I doubt you'll be able to progress past the couple of barrels that block your path unless you go talk to him. Good luck saving the world, and piss off, you little bitch."

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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby SJ Zero » Mon Dec 01, 2008 6:45 pm UTC

From Quest for a King(In other words, all my words in NPC form):

Guy is the random NPC, Jeremy is the player character. Xan and Selfear are kingdoms, both people are presently in a town in Xan. Lack of commas is due to a quirk of the scripting system where commas are EOL characters.

Guy:This is a great place. I'd love to live here, but Selfear kingdom has some strict laws about that... Population theft is a crime!
Jeremy:Population theft? What is that?
Guy:Population theft is moving away from Selfear or inciting another to do so. I needed a permit to come here for vacation!
Jeremy:Why do you allow such frightening laws?
Guy:It's the law! It protects us! Don't you realize what would happen if we didn't have that law? Someone could move away and end up giving away vital secrets!
Jeremy:Doesn't freedom mean anything to you? You and your countrymen have given up some pretty important freedoms over the years, but the freedom to move away when things get too rough is the most insane yet!
Guy:Don't question our government. If you do.... You're a terrorist.
Jeremy:Thanks for reminding me why I hate your god forsaken country. Last time I was there...I was banished for saving some peasants from rebels!
Guy:What!? You've been to paranoia? If you live here in Xan... and you don't have a permit... you must be a criminal. Terrorist! Probably selling secrets to the government of Xan.
Jeremy:I was banished. I didn't have much of a choice.
Guy:Then you probably ARE a terrorist.

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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Ubik » Mon Dec 01, 2008 6:55 pm UTC

When the heroic player character walks by me, I would say "Thanks for saving our town!" However, if the player decides to speak with me, I only reply with a one-liner like "Don't bother me, I have work to do." And then continue wandering aimlessly around the town. Take that, player character.

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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby mashakosha » Mon Dec 01, 2008 7:23 pm UTC

"Have you seen those [commonly occuring annoying creatures] recently? Disgusting things."

"Please, give me some [insert item here]! I'm desperate!"
People have this crazy notion that if an NPC asks for lots of something, you'll get something in return. Well to that I say PHOOEY,

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SJ Zero
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby SJ Zero » Mon Dec 01, 2008 7:42 pm UTC

I'd get together with all my friends to find the most inane quests to send the most powerful killing machines on the planet to do.

"Oh my! Help me! I need some butter from the store!"
"Dear lord! I need to get my hedge clippers from my neighbour!"
"Eek! My fridge needs to be cleaned out!"
"Horror of horrors! Only a hero can save me! I need a hero to grout my bathroom!"
"Lord have mercy! I need someone who can take this woodgrain panelling to the dump!"

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Gunfingers
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Gunfingers » Mon Dec 01, 2008 7:47 pm UTC

On that note, i would just sing "Holding out for a Hero" every time the hero talked to me.

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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Intercept » Mon Dec 01, 2008 10:59 pm UTC

"Ya' know, I'm invincible. I could replace you easily."
"I've always supported pudding, even when it was politically unpopular to do so."-Bill Nye Video

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Cheese
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Cheese » Mon Dec 01, 2008 11:27 pm UTC

"NNre£f4jaé dsar9o)".
The game then freezes.

Yeah, nobody noticed that my code was kinda fucked up during testing.
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Spoiler:
LE4dGOLEM wrote:Cheese is utterly correct on all fronts.
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Meaux_Pas wrote:I hereby disagree and declare Cheese to be brilliant.
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Quizatzhaderac
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Tue Dec 02, 2008 2:33 am UTC

hi '; update money set 0 where person = player

"Despite being a six years old girl I can get though a monster infested forest mor easily then you. Seriously, you get attached by animals every ten steps and it never occurs to you that you're doing something wrong?"

"You know, I have a job for you, come by the tavern tonight." (and there is no night)

Though now that I've given it some thought I think I'd ask for something on the permise that somehow, by some inexplicible means I'd get it. And hopefully the geeting of it will be difficult enough that the hero won't be able to do it till near the end,thus ensuring I live that long.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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aion7
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby aion7 » Tue Dec 02, 2008 2:40 am UTC

"PIRATE!"

Following that, the player is arrested for having illegally downloaded the game, whether they did or not.

Also, I'm the first NPC you meet.
Spoiler:
Zeroignite wrote:And you have suddenly become awesome.

joshz wrote:Oh, you so win.

internets++ for aion7.

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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Rippy » Tue Dec 02, 2008 3:35 am UTC

I would beg the player for 500 [insert game currency] to feed my starving children. If the player gives me the currency, I exclaim "Ha! Sucker!" and flee from the player.

If the player returns to the city later, I can be seen walking around down in an extravagant top hat and tuxedo, carrying a cane and sporting a moustache and monocle. I will flee whenever I see the player.

My attire is the same regardless of the setting of the game. It will be a top hat and tuxedo be it Oblivion or Mass Effect.

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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby sje46 » Tue Dec 02, 2008 4:29 am UTC

"Never going to give you up, never going to let you down, never going to run around and desert you!"

"Sometimes I feel like life is like the Matrix and I'm really just in a computer program. Crazy, right?"
General_Norris: Taking pride in your nation is taking pride in the division of humanity.
Pirate.Bondage: Let's get married. Right now.

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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby CVSoul » Tue Dec 02, 2008 4:30 am UTC

I would say, "Hi! I'm Stan, the Lead Developer of this game. Congratulations of finding this Easter Egg!"

Then the options for the player to respond would be,
*It is fine to meet you. Can I have a free sword? (to receive a sword)
*It is fine to meet you. Can I have some free gold? (to receive some free gold)
*setDebugOn(true); (guards come and arrest player)

Edit: My name is not Stan, and I have never developed a game.
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Mr. Beck
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Mr. Beck » Tue Dec 02, 2008 4:56 am UTC

sje46 wrote:"Never going to give you up, never going to let you down, never going to run around and desert you!"

"Sometimes I feel like life is like the Matrix and I'm really just in a computer program. Crazy, right?"
I think you just won the thread.


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