If you were a NPC, what would you say

Of the Tabletop, and other, lesser varieties.

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Peevish
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Peevish » Tue Dec 02, 2008 4:58 am UTC

"Crono, we're out of hair gel. Sounds like you're FUCKED."

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Quizatzhaderac
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Tue Dec 02, 2008 5:51 am UTC

CVSoul wrote:I would say, "Hi! I'm Stan, the Lead Developer of this game. Congratulations of finding this Easter Egg!"

Then the options for the player to respond would be,
*It is fine to meet you. Can I have a free sword? (to receive a sword)
*It is fine to meet you. Can I have some free gold? (to receive some free gold)
*setDebugOn(true); (guards come and arrest player)

Edit: My name is not Stan, and I have never developed a game.


That's right! what the player characers can/do say to you is a property of you, not the player character! That open so many possibilites!

Leading questions
Have you stopped masturbating to hentai of <female party member>?
1) Yes I stopped after I ruined my keyboard.
2) Nope, I'm playing with one hand now.

Exposing the PCs for the stock characters they are
Me:
It's a shame I can't use materia.
Barret: I pity the fool who can't use materia!

The horribly awkard cutscenes I could cause
Me: Oh Elly! Tell that really racist joke about the ground-dwellers again!
Elly: Well, er... These four lambs are walking home three are captured and enslaved and the fourth is turned into food...
Fei: We're not dating anymore
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

Ubik
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Ubik » Tue Dec 02, 2008 7:41 am UTC

Z.A.K wrote:Please, please don't turn the game off again.

Please.

Almost the same, but...

Please don't stop playing. I don't want to die.

andy11235
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby andy11235 » Tue Dec 02, 2008 9:55 am UTC



Since I've had pretty much the exact opposite of that dream...

Please stop playing now.
Really.
You've been playing for far too long already. Don't you have something else to do?
Go outside. You look a little pale, you shouldn't spend so long in here.
Come on! Just give up already.
...
You hear that?
...
It's probably important, you should stop playing and check.
No?
Well, I hope you like talking to me since I can keep going all day.
But I won't.
...
Oh, and by the way...
I hope you saved! *Exits game*

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BumpInTheNight
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby BumpInTheNight » Tue Dec 02, 2008 10:51 am UTC

"Help! Ninjas killed my family, I need money for kung-fu lessons!"

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Vulcanis
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Vulcanis » Tue Dec 02, 2008 4:12 pm UTC

"I'm willing to hand you a tenth of the money it costs to buy a basic mount if you go out and bring me the carcasses of fifteen turkeys."
The only difference between insanity and genius is success.

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Xanthir
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Xanthir » Tue Dec 02, 2008 4:56 pm UTC

mashakosha wrote:"Have you seen those [commonly occuring annoying creatures] recently? Disgusting things."

"Please, give me some [insert item here]! I'm desperate!"
People have this crazy notion that if an NPC asks for lots of something, you'll get something in return. Well to that I say PHOOEY,

There was this silly little computer game I played years ago where you were Thor or something and the currency was golden apples (iirc). At several places people ask you for some apples apropos of nothing, but they'll give you something useful if you trust them. One guy, though, just says "Thanks!" and walks away.

After a confused "Whuzza?" period, it was a quick trip to the D button (for "die", which results in Thor screaming, spinning around, then falling to the ground dead, followed by you restarting the room with what you entered). I then killed the dick.
(defun fibs (n &optional (a 1) (b 1)) (take n (unfold '+ a b)))

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Jebobek
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Jebobek » Tue Dec 02, 2008 5:02 pm UTC

I hope you saved! *Exits game*
Anyone do the secret ending in chrono trigger where you would kill lavos on the +save file's very beginning? You meet NPC's with all of the developers' names attached. One will pretend to turn the game off. I flipped out the first time I saw it. So, as the first person you see in town when you get out of a long dungeon with two boss battles:

"If you're talking to me that means you're having the common reset bug where you can't reset the game using your controller. Sorry about that. You probably already saved before you talked to me so.." *game resets*
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby a_heavy_object » Tue Dec 02, 2008 5:10 pm UTC

"bomb has been planted"

"<players currents stats> *sigh what a waste"

"you have lost twenty dollars and my self respect"

"can a sparrow fly with a coconut tied to it
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby SecondTalon » Tue Dec 02, 2008 5:22 pm UTC

sje46 wrote:"Sometimes I feel like life is like the Matrix and I'm really just in a computer program. Crazy, right?"


[run.CheckConsecutivePlayTime : get CurrentPlayTime]
[If CurrentPlayTIme < 4 Hours]
"You aren't one of those losers who spends all day playing video games, right?"
[If CurrentPlayTime > 4 Hours]
"Seriously, get off your ass and go outside. No, really. Do it."
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heuristically_alone wrote:I have been informed that this is called writing a book.

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Kizyr
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Kizyr » Tue Dec 02, 2008 6:25 pm UTC

Xanthir wrote:There was this silly little computer game I played years ago where you were Thor or something and the currency was golden apples (iirc). At several places people ask you for some apples apropos of nothing, but they'll give you something useful if you trust them. One guy, though, just says "Thanks!" and walks away.

The game you're thinking of is God of Thunder. I loved that game!

(EDIT: Adept Software, the original publishers, offer this game for free now. You can get it here (may need DosBox to play:
http://www.adeptsoftware.com/got/)

The original idea came in Legend of Zelda, I think. In 2 or 3 caves, you could pay someone for information--either a small, mid-sized, or large amount. If you paid the small amount, they'd say "That's not enough." If you paid the large amount, they'd say "Boy, you're rich!"

There're actually a few phrases mentioned here that I have heard many NPCs say before. I'll try to see if I can dig up some screenshots later. KF
Last edited by Kizyr on Tue Dec 02, 2008 6:30 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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segmentation fault
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby segmentation fault » Tue Dec 02, 2008 6:28 pm UTC

i am error
people are like LDL cholesterol for the internet

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Xanthir
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Xanthir » Tue Dec 02, 2008 6:37 pm UTC

Kizyr wrote:
Xanthir wrote:There was this silly little computer game I played years ago where you were Thor or something and the currency was golden apples (iirc). At several places people ask you for some apples apropos of nothing, but they'll give you something useful if you trust them. One guy, though, just says "Thanks!" and walks away.

The game you're thinking of is God of Thunder. I loved that game!

(EDIT: Adept Software, the original publishers, offer this game for free now. You can get it here (may need DosBox to play:
http://www.adeptsoftware.com/got/)

Oh man that's awesome. Downloading now (and I already have Dosbox to play Master of Magic, so that's fine). Thanks!

My fondest memory of that game was trying to fight my brothers away from the d key when I was about to finish a room. The most frustrating part of playing that game was being just about to walk out of a room and then having forced suicide visited upon you by a 5-year old. >_<
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fishyfish777
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby fishyfish777 » Wed Dec 03, 2008 6:17 am UTC

"The Enrichment Center is committed to the well being of all participants. Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test. Thank you for helping us help you help us all."

"Go and retrieve the sacred <main quest item> from the <end boss's lair>!"
Neon Rain wrote:And somehow we humans can invent scanning-probe microscopes that can "see" individual atoms, yet still can't invent a machine that can reliably scan tests not taken with a #2 pencil.

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Uber_Apple
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Uber_Apple » Wed Dec 03, 2008 6:51 pm UTC

Can i interest you in some of my wares?
*smiles creepily at main character*

It would be useful if NPCs said:

'Hey did you remeber to turn off the oven before starting the game?'

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Yuri2356
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Yuri2356 » Wed Dec 03, 2008 7:06 pm UTC

Schala Lives.

Hentzau
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Hentzau » Sat Dec 06, 2008 5:33 pm UTC

"Hey, weren't you an NPC in that game I played? You know, the one where you inhabit [player's hometown, detect with their IP] and do [player's job/hobby/life]? Welcome to reality!"

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the_bandersnatch
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby the_bandersnatch » Mon Dec 08, 2008 10:14 am UTC

"Sometimes, I dream of cheese."
In girum imus nocte, et consumimur igni

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headprogrammingczar
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby headprogrammingczar » Mon Dec 08, 2008 2:15 pm UTC

"If you remember one thing, never, EVER, press the 'g' button!"
<quintopia> You're not crazy. you're the goddamn headprogrammingspock!
<Weeks> You're the goddamn headprogrammingspock!
<Cheese> I love you

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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby a_heavy_object » Mon Dec 08, 2008 2:18 pm UTC

missing "unlimited_health_cheat.wav" missing from disk or repository
:/SETPLAYER "VIEW_BLIND"*robs you of all weapons, armor, quest items,and soul* then
proceeds to SUMMON_SUPER DROCTAGONAPUS
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Plasma Man
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Plasma Man » Mon Dec 08, 2008 7:40 pm UTC

I'd in a place towards the end of the game and say

"Amount of game completed is 0.037%. Wow, you suck. You might as well give up now."
Please note that despite the lovely avatar Sungura gave me, I am not a medical doctor.

Possibly my proudest moment on the fora.

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Naurgul
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Naurgul » Mon Dec 08, 2008 9:16 pm UTC

the_bandersnatch wrote:"Sometimes, I dream of cheese."

"If I ever get my hands on Dr. Breen..."
Praised be the nightmare, which reveals to us that we have the power to create hell.

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Phrozt
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Phrozt » Mon Dec 08, 2008 10:19 pm UTC

If I were a NPC, I'd say, "I'm a PC."

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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Pizzashark » Tue Dec 09, 2008 7:28 am UTC

Depends on the setting, but it needs to be completely incongruous (yay speeling) with the gameworld. If it's DnD, ask for or talk about a shock rifle. If it's Fallout, ask for a scroll of Magic Missile. If it's Quake, cause their computer to immolate itself and rape their dog. Fucking heathens.

Not familiar with the Expedition to the Barrier Peaks, are we? - ST
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Xaddak
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Xaddak » Tue Dec 09, 2008 2:59 pm UTC

Uhhh...

Bitter much?

Or, wait, are you saying normally their computer while running Quake usually runs icy cold and avoids their dog as if it had a restraining order?

I'm confused. And disturbed. You know what, don't answer my questions. I'm not sure I want to know.
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Draaglom
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Draaglom » Tue Dec 09, 2008 7:19 pm UTC

Near the end of the game - "Hey, I heard there's a Sword of OMGPWNeverything back at *starting location*"

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Indon
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Indon » Tue Dec 09, 2008 7:41 pm UTC

aion7 wrote:I was about to reference Adventurers, but then I thought better of it.


"You heard the latest gossip? Yeah, turns out, castles have many guards in them. But you didn't hear it from me."

But seriously, I'd probably stand in a really important-looking pathway, not moving, and say:

"Gosh, I'm stuck in this town until my <super-uber-expensive item> is found and returned to me! This sucks."

Then I'd wait.
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Chfan
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Chfan » Tue Dec 09, 2008 8:11 pm UTC

"I HAVE NO GREETING"
Just FYI, the guy isn't avatar isn't me. But he seems pretty cool.

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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Upsilon » Tue Dec 09, 2008 8:57 pm UTC

"Alt+F4 to activate God Mode!"
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NMcCoy
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby NMcCoy » Wed Dec 10, 2008 7:10 am UTC

"I've heard that if you rotate the statue with the correct object in your possession, you can find something special underneath. But it's probably just a rumor..."

Guaranteed to torment gamers for years.
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Pizzashark » Wed Dec 10, 2008 7:39 am UTC

NMcCoy wrote:"I've heard that if you rotate the statue with the correct object in your possession, you can find something special underneath. But it's probably just a rumor..."

Guaranteed to torment gamers for years.


You're an evil, evil person. Make it worse by adding an achievements system or completion tally to the game and discover a "bug" years later that prevented it from going to 100% from 99%.

And I can't say I have heard of that DnD thing before you mentioned it, ST. But I've never had the patience or interest to give tabletop DnD a try :)

Xaddak wrote:Uhhh...

Bitter much?

Or, wait, are you saying normally their computer while running Quake usually runs icy cold and avoids their dog as if it had a restraining order?

I'm confused. And disturbed. You know what, don't answer my questions. I'm not sure I want to know.


It's a not-very-funny joke about Quake being inferior to UT (I thought the previous mention of a shock rifle was enough), and the resulting opinion that all Quake fans should be killed in the most painful and bizarre method possible :twisted:
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby NMcCoy » Wed Dec 10, 2008 7:45 am UTC

"You can't use that here."
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Kizyr
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Kizyr » Wed Dec 10, 2008 2:37 pm UTC

NMcCoy wrote:"I've heard that if you rotate the statue with the correct object in your possession, you can find something special underneath. But it's probably just a rumor..."

Guaranteed to torment gamers for years.

There's a phrase like that in one town in Shining Force 3 - Episode 1. One NPC says something to the effect of "There's a girl in the middle of the square just standing there. If you push her around then she'll get upset. I hear that if you push her to the right place, maybe something will happen." (paraphrased and rough translation)

I tried pushing said NPC around town, back to the headquarters, etc., and found nothing. Then I gave up 'cause I'm not that neurotic with the Shining Force games.

I wonder what you can "make happen" like that? KF
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Aikanaro
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Aikanaro » Wed Dec 10, 2008 3:23 pm UTC

Alternate between "Chat Gem enabled" or "Chat Gem disabled." Except every 13th time I'd instead say "Perfect Gem activated."

Or, "Oh crap, another eclipse!" *screen goes black for 5 seconds."

Or could be like Psycho Mantis, and read their memory card data, but mock their game choices. Or if they have game data for a rival company, "Hmm, I see you like games from (whoever), obviously you are a filthy heathen and are defiling your (game system). This cannot be tolerated!" *screen goes black for 3 seconds and/or says VIDEO in the top corner. Cut back to game screen after a minute* "Juuuuuust kidding!"
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NMcCoy
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby NMcCoy » Wed Dec 10, 2008 7:16 pm UTC

Segmentation fault
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Mr. Beck
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Mr. Beck » Thu Dec 11, 2008 2:00 am UTC

Fourthwall-SMASH!

(read like falcon punch)

Ronfar
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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Ronfar » Fri Dec 12, 2008 10:09 am UTC

Hmmm...

Me: "How many NPCs does it take to change a lightbulb?"
PC: I don't know, how many?
Me: "How many NPCs does it take to change a lightbulb?"

Alternatively:

"If you'd like to know how to keep an idiot busy, talk to me again."
- Doug

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Re: If you were a NPC, what would you say

Postby Flesh_Of_The_Fallen_Angel » Fri Dec 12, 2008 2:04 pm UTC

"You know that health potion I just gave you and you drunk because you are damaged . . . well its not a health potion. Haha!" *runs away* . . . A couple minutes later, like 10 or 20 minutes later, you spontaneously gain experience points* . . . and it never ever happens again in the game, just to piss you off. It only can occur in one of of 3 games . . . again, just to piss people off! :twisted: . . . but that is getting a little off topic.

Or

"You have just activated the self destruct sequence, do not attempt to run because that will only speed up the counter!" *The screen will count down from ten, when it reaches one second left, it will come up with an error saying that the self destruct could not be completed and you must talk to the NPC again to finish the self destruct. If you talk to the NPC, he gives you a shit-load of gold and useful potions.*

Or

I have some ammo for the gun that you don't have any ammo for, but if you kill me and try and take it, you will not get it! Haha! *You kill him and you actually get the ammo*

Or

"text error, please reboot your computer or die" (just after a realy long part where you haven't saved in a while)

I recommend that no on make me into a NPC. It would be a bad idea.


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