House MD hilarious quotes

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CivilDefense700
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House MD hilarious quotes

Postby CivilDefense700 » Tue Jan 29, 2008 2:48 am UTC

God I love House. So socially inept, so rude, kind of remind me of myself in a way.

Anyway..... this is the place to share what you think are the funniest things said by House or his gang.
I'll share first.

Forman: The kid was taking his AP Calculus exam when all of a sudden he got nauseus and disoriented.
House: That's the way Calculus presents.

and in a close second place

House (talking about a brain dead organ donor): She's like a fridge with the power out, you go poking around and the vegetable goes bad.
"I happen to have access to one of the sexiest lasers on the eastern seaboard."

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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby JayDee » Tue Jan 29, 2008 2:50 am UTC

Chase: "I'm pretty sure my x-ray machine can take your phone in a fight."
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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby reflectia » Tue Jan 29, 2008 3:03 am UTC

House: I've been alienating people since I was 3.

Foreman: You stash your drugs in a Lupus textbook.
House: It's never Lupus.

House: Okay, you two grab some scalpels and settle this like doctors.

House: Lungs, skin... skin, lungs... Sklungs?

Mother: You're talking about brain surgery.
House: I'm talking about really cool brain surgery.

Foreman: Our kid's been tripping on Lucy in the Sky with Cubic Zirconium...

House: Bad mojo is not a diagnosis.

Foreman: It's risky and invasive.
House: But that's why God invented the long consent form.
I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.

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Gunfingers
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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby Gunfingers » Tue Jan 29, 2008 2:35 pm UTC

My personal favorite

House: Mighty Casey is down to his last strike.
Foreman: Mighty Casey struck out.
House: Thanks, i was gonna read that this weekend.

Also:

http://www.housemdquotes.com/

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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby Endless Mike » Tue Jan 29, 2008 2:44 pm UTC

Cuddy's assistant: Umm Dr. Cuddy said not to let anyone in.
House: Who are you?
CA: I'm Dr. Cuddy's new assistant.
House: When did Cuddy get a secretary?
CA: I'm not a secretary! I'm an assistant! I went to Rutgers!
House: Rutgers has a secretarial school?

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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Tue Jan 29, 2008 3:47 pm UTC

Dr. Cuddy: You don't prescribe medicine based on guesses. At least we don't since Tuskeegee and Mengele.
Dr. House: You're comparing me to a Nazi? Nice ...

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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby Mother Superior » Tue Jan 29, 2008 4:01 pm UTC

Cuddy: I’ll get started on the blood tests.
House: You haven’t been a real doctor in ten years, you’ll make a mess all over the sheet.
Foreman: I’ll do it.
Cuddy: You have clinic duty. I still know how to handle a patient.
House: Get me blood. Lots of blood.
*the kids all get up*
House: They’re better. They’ve showered.
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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby aaron » Tue Jan 29, 2008 5:58 pm UTC

New episode of House tonight!

Cuddy: Are you being intentionally dense?

House: Huh?

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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby Enigma90825 » Wed Jan 30, 2008 1:04 am UTC

Foreman: My date screamed last night too, should we bring her in here and do brain surgery??
House: Of course not! This isn't a veterinary hospital! ZING!
I am not here... isn't "here" just "there" without the T?

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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby Bakemaster » Thu Jan 31, 2008 4:01 am UTC

House: *takes the marker away from Foreman* "Ah, ah, ah! There's a reason they call it a whiteboard."
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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby Mother Superior » Thu Jan 31, 2008 4:09 pm UTC

*House & Wilson walk down a hallway after an argument*
House: Where are we going?
Wilson: Nowhere I just know it hurts you.
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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Thu Jan 31, 2008 4:43 pm UTC

Hehe, that was Tuesday ;)
    Dr. Wilson: Where'd you get those keys?
    Dr. House: Blew the janitor.
    Dr. Wilson: What?
    Dr. House: That's his name. Blue.
    Dr. Wilson: His name's Lou!
    Dr. House: ...Owe him an apology.

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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby Endless Mike » Thu Jan 31, 2008 5:28 pm UTC

*House's pager goes off*
Wilson: Did you pager actually go off or are you just trying to get out of this conversation?
House: Why can't it be both?

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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby Gunfingers » Fri Feb 01, 2008 5:33 pm UTC

Why would someone make this?

http://itsnotlup.us/

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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby SecondTalon » Fri Feb 01, 2008 6:54 pm UTC

To be awesome?
heuristically_alone wrote:I want to write a DnD campaign and play it by myself and DM it myself.
heuristically_alone wrote:I have been informed that this is called writing a book.

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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Fri Feb 01, 2008 6:58 pm UTC

My werewolf in Diablo II is "ItsNeverLupus"

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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby Bakemaster » Fri Feb 01, 2008 7:52 pm UTC

...I used to think my Paladin, Levar Burton, had the best name of any D2 character. No more.
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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Fri Feb 01, 2008 7:58 pm UTC

What was your Pally's skillset to earn the name LevarBurton?

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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby Bakemaster » Fri Feb 01, 2008 8:57 pm UTC

Er... um... you see...
Zeal/holy shock fistadin monk.
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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby Bakemaster » Fri Feb 01, 2008 9:22 pm UTC

Hey, punching things to death with electricity is totally Geordi! In some universe. And FoH is your "Butterfly in the skyyyyy"...
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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby Midnight » Wed Feb 06, 2008 6:34 am UTC

ahh i forget the context, but he said one that went along the lines of

"I was researching using my computer--also known as the INTERWEBZ among fans--"

i laughed so hard. and then i was surprised that it hadn't already been said..

GAHH! why can't i remember the context!
uhhhh fuck.

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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby Jazhara7 » Thu Feb 07, 2008 1:07 pm UTC

This quote really made me laugh when I first heard it:

Foreman: Not sure I understand your ghetto slang, Dr. House. How many black women have you dated, by the way?
House: I don't care about color, as long as they can help me breed a superior race.


- :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
- "esc(x) cot(x) dx = -csc(x)!" Dennis added, and the wizard's robe caught on fire. "Gosh," Dennis said, "and some people say higher math isn't relevant."

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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby Girl™ » Thu Feb 07, 2008 7:32 pm UTC

I realized after watching a lot of House this week that House quotes are not terribly funny unless you can hear Hugh Laurie's delivery along with it.
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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby Jessica » Thu Feb 07, 2008 8:32 pm UTC

Hugh Laurie does make house awesome.
I quite enjoyed the two new episodes.
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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby Gelsamel » Sat Feb 09, 2008 1:03 am UTC

The last two episodes are so awesome.

I love house, my favourite TV show.
"Give up here?"
- > No
"Do you accept defeat?"
- > No
"Do you think games are silly little things?"
- > No
"Is it all pointless?"
- > No
"Do you admit there is no meaning to this world?"
- > No

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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby Mother Superior » Sat Feb 09, 2008 11:02 pm UTC

House: The cure only works for about five minutes.
*patient begins to lose his balance and faints*
House: ...sometimes less. This is exactly why I created nurses.
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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby Alisto » Mon Feb 11, 2008 3:48 am UTC

Foreman: "Look, she's nuts. But we can't just give her 10cc of atheism and send her home."
Bad grammar makes me [sic].
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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby Gunfingers » Mon Feb 11, 2008 3:11 pm UTC

Mother Superior wrote:House: The cure only works for about five minutes.
*patient begins to lose his balance and faints*
House: ...sometimes less. This is exactly why I created nurses.

This one doesn't really work unless you explain that House had just spend several minutes comparing himself to God.

Forgot about this one:

*While discussing a patient who had to be kept concious for a colonoscopy*
Cameron: Do you have any idea what it feels like to have a six foot hose jammed up your large intestine?
House: No, but i suddenly have a much greater respect for whatever basketball player you dated in High School.

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Re: House MD halarious quotes

Postby cephalopod9 » Tue Feb 12, 2008 7:18 am UTC

More strange than funny, and I can't remember exactly how it went, but in the episode Sleeping Dogs Lie, Cameron watches the patient fall asleep sitting up and House says something like "Unless she has two extra teats and hooves on her feet, she doesn't have the muscle tension to go into REM sleep sitting up"
I had to think about that one for a minute...


(the patient is not a cow, cows can sleep standing up)
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Re: House MD hilarious quotes

Postby Alisto » Wed Feb 13, 2008 4:48 am UTC

Fun Fact: Cows don't sleep standing up. Horses, however, do.
Bad grammar makes me [sic].
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Re: House MD hilarious quotes

Postby lonelynocturnal » Wed Feb 27, 2008 10:21 pm UTC

Just FYI, fellow House fans: the timeslot is being changed to Mondays at 9/8c and the next new episode will air April 28th.
Who knows how I'm going to last two months, though.


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