Movies to AVOID

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T3m3r1ty
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Movies to AVOID

Postby T3m3r1ty » Sun Jul 22, 2007 2:42 am UTC

So, what are they and more importantly why?

I would like to suggest:

Muriel's Wedding

Low budget, badly acted, over hyped piece of crap. It was supposed to be a comedy, I didn't laugh once.

I love Toni Collette, just not in this film.
Last edited by T3m3r1ty on Sun Jul 22, 2007 2:43 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Rodan » Sun Jul 22, 2007 2:43 am UTC

The movie I'm going to avoid seeing as if my life depended on it: Norbit.

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Postby __Kit » Sun Jul 22, 2007 2:56 am UTC

"You're terrible Muriel!" - I laughed the once.

I generally don't like movies, and CAN base one by its cover, I'm renowned for it i my family, like "Oh, Kit, you were right it was utter crap!" "we shoulda listened to Kit..."

Yeah I'm arse-ome
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Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Sun Jul 22, 2007 3:16 am UTC

Rodan wrote:The movie I'm going to avoid seeing as if my life depended on it: Norbit.

That's like saying "Also, don't drink Drano." Uhm.... duh.

My movies to avoid:

There's Something About Mary - it's just like watching mentally handicapped people try to have sex...
The Blair Witch Project - It was, at no point, scary or interesting. I demanded my money back
Alien Resurrection - This utterly useless movie in no way related to the spirit of any of the other movies, and is a bigger shame to the original trilogy than the new Star Wars movies were.
Last edited by Mighty Jalapeno on Sun Jul 22, 2007 3:22 am UTC, edited 2 times in total.

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T3m3r1ty
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Postby T3m3r1ty » Sun Jul 22, 2007 3:19 am UTC

Not just to avoid but the reason as well please.


Never seen "Blair Witch Project"

Think I laughed once at "Something about Mary" when he was trying to revive the dog using the wires from the broken lamp. Other than that it was pretty awful.
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Postby Bondolon » Sun Jul 22, 2007 3:26 am UTC

Wicker Man (the new one) - This was one of the worst movies I've ever seen, on par with Troll 2 and Manos: Hands of Fate. Holy crap was it bad. We watched it rifftrax'd, and it was only barely tolerable.

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Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Sun Jul 22, 2007 3:33 am UTC

Borrowed from Bomtreger's site, www.badmovies.org

Wing Commander Video games rarely make good movies. Here is another prime example.
Things I Learned From This Movie
* Critical self-destruct mechanisms should have backups.
* There is a pulsar, black hole, quasar (that would be a surprise), or similar gravity distortion very close to Earth.
* Speeding near a black hole is a big no-no!
* How to win friends and influence people: scotch.
* Command and control ships are used as picket craft for fleets.
* Concussion waves only spread out on a horizontal axis.
* Jumping into an area controlled by the enemy fleet should be carefully planned.


Uncle Sam A soldier returns from the dead to kill people on the 4th of July.
Things I Learned From This Movie:

* Identifying a five year old burned corpse is no fun.
* Don't hand a woman her dead husband's melted dog tags.
* Kids carry around ammo cans all the time, even to school.
* Nothing kills the romantic mood like a coffin in your dining room.
* Nice people don't hide veteran's artificial legs.
* Stilts are pretty handy for peeping toms.
* Getting spray painted sucks.
* Every school has a hatchet or two hanging around.
* Never let an antisocial teenager sing the National Anthem.
* Unamplified country music can muffle a gunshot.
* Replica cannons are fully functional and deadly accurate.


The Star Wars Christmas Special Okay, so he did make something worse than Episode 1.

Things I Learned From This Movie:

* Darwin sometimes gives kids a freebie.
* It is difficult to look evil and brooding while shopping at the dollar store.
* Long ago, in a galaxy far away, they had LSD.
* Princess Leia leases office space in the Tardis.
* Hiding your rebel communications terminal in the living room is a good way to increase grandfather's blood pressure.
* Military radio communications should always be encrypted.
* There are fates worse than death.
* Cross Julie Andrews with the "Star Wars" theme and suddenly Gene Roddenberry looks like a lyrical genius.

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Postby SpitValve » Sun Jul 22, 2007 3:33 am UTC

Bondolon wrote:Wicker Man (the new one) - This was one of the worst movies I've ever seen, on par with Troll 2 and Manos: Hands of Fate. Holy crap was it bad. We watched it rifftrax'd, and it was only barely tolerable.


Wicker Man was pretty hilarious though. Has anybody seen the old one?

Invasion America is pretty terrible. Some commies turn up in America and start firing rockets at people's houses and stuff, then Bruce Schneier kills them all. Has a guy who kills people by shoving a pistol down their pants. Just not a good movie.

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Postby Rodan » Sun Jul 22, 2007 3:33 am UTC

T3m3r1ty wrote:Not just to avoid but the reason as well please.

Norbit is self-explanatory if you've seen or heard anything about it.

I generally only see good movies, with rottentomatoes and my brother's good taste at my side. I only saw bad movies when I was young enough not to notice.

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Postby parkaboy » Sun Jul 22, 2007 3:50 am UTC

Zombie Nation
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Postby Malice » Sun Jul 22, 2007 6:13 am UTC

Heathers. (It goes too far with its subject matter, which turns most of the comedy into cruelty. Also, it stars Christian "I never stop doing my Jack Nicholson impression" Slater.)

The Blair Witch Project is actually a very good movie. If nothing else, it shows how you can make an effectively scary movie on a shoestring budget by showing nothing. Often, nothing is a lot scarier than all the CGI monsters in the world.

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Postby GhostWolfe » Sun Jul 22, 2007 7:39 am UTC

Malice wrote:The Blair Witch Project is actually a very good movie. If nothing else, it shows how you can make an effectively scary movie on a shoestring budget by showing nothing. Often, nothing is a lot scarier than all the CGI monsters in the world.

I don't know. I get scared really easy, and there wasn't anything scary about Blair Witch.

I refused to watch Starship Troopers 2, and I'm thankful I did.

But I want the lost hours of my life after watching the animated Lord of the Rings movie. *shudder*
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Postby pollywog » Sun Jul 22, 2007 9:12 am UTC

Prophet

According to Wikipedia, it doesn't exist, and this page was on the third google results page. Basically crap, but the only sex scene involved ten minutes of neck kissing.
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Postby German Sausage » Sun Jul 22, 2007 3:25 pm UTC

Cannibal Holocaust.
it's horrible. gang rape and killing people. the only interesting thing is that it did the 'this is real' schtick before blair witch.

Soldier
its a kurt russel movie about anyone who makes a better version is going to get their arse kicked by the old version because it has spirit. in this case it's soldiers, but there's a pretty strong vein of 'robots took our jobs in manufacturing'

Nacho Libre.
i don't care if jack black is otherwise a genius. his seed should not be allowed to carry.
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Postby Jesse » Sun Jul 22, 2007 3:39 pm UTC

SpitValve wrote:
Bondolon wrote:Wicker Man (the new one) - This was one of the worst movies I've ever seen, on par with Troll 2 and Manos: Hands of Fate. Holy crap was it bad. We watched it rifftrax'd, and it was only barely tolerable.


Wicker Man was pretty hilarious though. Has anybody seen the old one?


With Christopher Lee and Edward Woodward? Yes I have, and it's amazing.

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Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Sun Jul 22, 2007 4:02 pm UTC

Malice wrote:Heathers. (It goes too far with its subject matter, which turns most of the comedy into cruelty. Also, it stars Christian "I never stop doing my Jack Nicholson impression" Slater.)

The humor is top-notch, the acting is all sarcastic, and it's my wife's favorite movie, and definitely one of mine. One of the greatest black comedies of my generation.

Also, although Soldier had serious glaring problems, it was an ATTEMPT at a great movie.... and I have to add it to my guilty pleasure list. I am the first to admit that it is, in all honesty, a bad movie, and I just can't stop watching it.
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Postby Bondolon » Sun Jul 22, 2007 5:34 pm UTC

German Sausage wrote:Soldier
its a kurt russel movie about anyone who makes a better version is going to get their arse kicked by the old version because it has spirit. in this case it's soldiers, but there's a pretty strong vein of 'robots took our jobs in manufacturing'


While I didn't think it was a masterpiece, I thought this movie was really alright.

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Postby Dark Ragnarok » Sun Jul 22, 2007 8:54 pm UTC

The Passion.

and i'll add more as i think of them....

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Postby ruderalis » Mon Jul 23, 2007 1:43 am UTC

Garden State - Hopefully Natalie Portman will distract you from the complete lack of substance.

Napoleon Dynamite - What if Beavis and Butthead were the same person?!?!?
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Postby Oort » Mon Jul 23, 2007 3:23 am UTC

Catwoman. I watched it just because it was related to Batman. But it stunk in every way possible.

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Postby xooll » Mon Jul 23, 2007 3:55 am UTC

SpitValve wrote:Wicker Man was pretty hilarious though. Has anybody seen the old one?

The old one was really good. Haven't seen the new one.
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Postby GhostWolfe » Mon Jul 23, 2007 4:36 am UTC

SpitValve wrote:Wicker Man was pretty hilarious though. Has anybody seen the old one?

I was so disappointed, I hired this out, having heard nothing about it and fully prepared to take it very seriously as a psychological thriller. So, so disappointed. I will endevour to watch the orginal now because I think the new version was extremelly well done right up to the closing sequence.
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Postby Nyarlathotep » Mon Jul 23, 2007 5:00 am UTC

Dungeons and Dragons

Worst $7 I ever spent in my entire life.
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Postby ruderalis » Mon Jul 23, 2007 5:08 am UTC

Nyarlathotep wrote:Dungeons and Dragons

Worst $7 I ever spent in my entire life.

I thought Marlon Wayans would shine as he always has, but sadly, he was somewhat lackluster.
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Postby __Kit » Mon Jul 23, 2007 5:24 am UTC

German Sausage wrote: Nacho Libre.
i don't care if jack black is otherwise a genius. his seed should not be allowed to carry.


I agree, NL sucked, but all his other movies are ORSEOME!

Also don't watch either The grudge - I generally dislike horror's, they're kinda wasting all my times.
=]

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Postby Malice » Mon Jul 23, 2007 7:28 am UTC

__Kit wrote:I generally dislike horror's, they're kinda wasting all my times.


To anybody who says this, I always say: you're watching the wrong horror movies.

The best movies are the ones that aren't just effective (at making you laugh or scaring you or whatever) but the ones that are also meaningful.

Chances are, if you don't like horror movies, it's either because you dislike being scared (odd, but whatever) or it's because you don't like movies which try to do nothing but scare you (more understandable).

Therefore, try some horror that'll scare you and tell you something:
-Silence of the Lambs
-Don't Look Now
-The Exorcist
-Dawn of the Dead (the original)
-Freaks
-Se7en
-Vertigo
-Jacob's Ladder
-Wolf
-Stir of Echoes
-The Devil's Backbone

^ random list, randomly cut-off

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Postby Dark Ragnarok » Mon Jul 23, 2007 7:59 am UTC

Your forgetting the utmost classic... The Evil Dead. That was piss shit scary.

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Postby SpitValve » Mon Jul 23, 2007 8:22 am UTC

Dark Ragnarok wrote:Your forgetting the utmost classic... The Evil Dead. That was piss shit scary.


True. Until you watch Army of Darkness :P

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Postby Dark Ragnarok » Mon Jul 23, 2007 9:11 am UTC

hm, I'll have to go watch it then. But nothing defies my ultimate horror love of Silent Hill. Maybe not scary, but its my kind of horror film. I love terrifyingly disturbing scary... versus pop out scary.

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Postby GhostWolfe » Mon Jul 23, 2007 9:16 am UTC

Malice wrote:Therefore, try some horror that'll scare you and tell you something:
-Silence of the Lambs
-Don't Look Now
-The Exorcist
-Dawn of the Dead (the original)
-Freaks
-Se7en
-Vertigo
-Jacob's Ladder
-Wolf
-Stir of Echoes
-The Devil's Backbone

I'd like to add Steven King's IT to that list.
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Postby Traisenau » Mon Jul 23, 2007 12:47 pm UTC

I'd also add any of Carpenters early horror, and really anything done by Wes Craven to that list.
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Postby TheTankengine » Mon Jul 23, 2007 1:35 pm UTC

Every movie Gary Busey has ever been in, unless you want to see some truly, truly horrid acting.
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Postby Phenriz » Mon Jul 23, 2007 2:34 pm UTC

Eternal bla bla bla of a spotless mind: le bore
Vanilla Sky: same as the above
The Aviator: yawnfest
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Postby MFHodge » Mon Jul 23, 2007 2:52 pm UTC

Worst movie I ever saw in the theatre:

Autumn in New York - Bitch, your life is pointless. Get laid like crazy then hurry up and die.

It was my GF 18th birthday, too. I feel bad about that.
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Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Mon Jul 23, 2007 4:06 pm UTC

Phenriz wrote:Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: unmitigated awesomeness for anyone who's ever been in love.

Fix'd.

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Postby Belial » Mon Jul 23, 2007 4:13 pm UTC

I generally dislike horror's, they're kinda wasting all my times.


If you...don't like the genre that the movie is in....why would you watch the movie? You're not going to have a terribly good opinion of it regardless.
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Postby LE4dGOLEM » Mon Jul 23, 2007 5:26 pm UTC

Monster in Law. Most terriblest anything ever. Romance was unromantic, humor was unfunny, drama was undramatic. Also, worst two hours I have ever, ever spent. Ever.
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Postby Tractor » Mon Jul 23, 2007 5:26 pm UTC

Movies previously mentioned:
Something About Mary - It wasn't that bad. It is in fact, funny at times. Moreso if you're drunk
Starship Troopers 2 - I can't believe they made one. Nor can I believe anyone would watch it. First one's good for a few laughs though.
Garden State - I fell asleep during it.
Jack Black movies - His stuff is really hit or miss. NL looked like a huge miss and I avoided it like the plague. Another miss is Saving Silverman.
The Grudge - Kicked 9 kinds of ass
General horror movies - Tend to fall into 3 categories - hilarious, scary, or awful. I thoroughly enjoy all in the first 2 categories.


Ones to add:
Down With Love - I wanted to kill myself. This is, IMO, just about the worst movie ever.
The Ring - I turned off the movie 45 min in.
Hostel - I wanted it to be good, I really did. The concept was there. In the end, I just wanted to kill the production team.
Shaolin Soccer - Watched it once, no dubs or subs, while drinking heavily. Laughed my ass off with a bunch of people. Tried to watch the subbed version later, didn't make it all the way through.
My Boss's Daughter - No. Just no.
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Postby Malice » Mon Jul 23, 2007 5:37 pm UTC

Tractor wrote:The Ring - I turned off the movie 45 min in.

Really? The movie's a horror-mystery. So you basically missed all the answers to the mystery and all the scariest parts. Good work. You remind me of the people who walked out of Grindhouse, bored at Death Proof, right before Death Proof went from 0 to fucking awesome in 5.4 seconds.
Snark aside, try it again. The movie's extremely well made, and a lot of fun as well (like I said, especially toward the end).

---

Also, I'd like to add "The Descent" to my own list above. The best horror film of its year.

---

Also also, I know I'm probably in the minority on this one, but I love the hell out of Vanilla Sky. It interacts with Cruise's image more than any movie (except maybe Magnolia), it's beautifully shot, and in most cases exceedingly well-written... and very subtle. I'm still not exactly sure what's real and what isn't. That ambiguity is the mark of a great surrealist film.

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Postby Tractor » Mon Jul 23, 2007 5:45 pm UTC

Malice wrote:
Tractor wrote:The Ring - I turned off the movie 45 min in.

Really? The movie's a horror-mystery. So you basically missed all the answers to the mystery and all the scariest parts. Good work. You remind me of the people who walked out of Grindhouse, bored at Death Proof, right before Death Proof went from 0 to fucking awesome in 5.4 seconds.
Snark aside, try it again. The movie's extremely well made, and a lot of fun as well (like I said, especially toward the end).

Really? Hrm, perhaps I could give it another shot. It's one of the very few movies I've stopped part way through. Intentionally, that is. I saw the first 15-20 min of Mission Impossible about a dozen times before I finally saw the whole thing. So frustrating.
Also, Grindhouse was amazingly awesome.
9 x 6 = 42



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