THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

It's only cool if no one's heard of it.

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LSK
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THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby LSK » Wed Mar 18, 2009 3:59 pm UTC

John Linnell would be a nightlight shaped like a blue canary.
David Bryne would be a mentally ill murderer.
Danny Elfman would be a child molester.
...

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1337geek
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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby 1337geek » Wed Mar 18, 2009 7:08 pm UTC

Rick Astley would never give you up.
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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby thatguy » Wed Mar 18, 2009 7:15 pm UTC

Trent Reznor would have a nice comfy straight jacket.
Frank Black's father would be his mother's brother.

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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby ChocloManx » Wed Mar 18, 2009 9:23 pm UTC

um, chuck berry would be play the guitar just like a ringing a bell?

oh wait.
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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby SirMustapha » Wed Mar 18, 2009 9:28 pm UTC

No sane milkman would want to offer his services to Richard D. James.
(shudder)

Ween would have stopped making music and would have the Church of the Boognish, Scientology's greatest rival.

Kraftwerk would be retired from working in a car manufacturing plant -- and not as members of the staff.

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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby steewi » Thu Mar 19, 2009 2:17 am UTC

Freddie Mercury would be straight (a la Fat Bottomed Girls)

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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby malec2b » Thu Mar 19, 2009 2:45 am UTC

steewi wrote:Freddie Mercury would be straight (a la Fat Bottomed Girls)

He would also have killed a man. And Brian may would have gone to space for one hundred years.

Peter Gabriel would be a rapidly aging ghost of a young child who goes through the Apocalypse and come out afterward only to end up lost in a strange underground world below New York in search of his brother.

Ian Anderson would still be crazy.

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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby mickyj300x » Thu Mar 19, 2009 5:15 am UTC

Tom Lehrer would have come up against PETA for his cruel abuse of pigeons.

We would just about all be dead thanks to a rampaging Iron Man (Black Sabbath)

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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby PhatPhungus » Fri Mar 20, 2009 5:08 am UTC

Tapio Wilska would be a giant troll running around Finland killing Christians with his hammer.
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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby OmegaLordX » Sat Mar 21, 2009 2:52 pm UTC

Colin Meloy would be a child prostitute whose hobby is killing babies.
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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby ExpatYankInBritain » Sat Mar 21, 2009 3:00 pm UTC

SirMustapha wrote:Kraftwerk would be retired from working in a car manufacturing plant -- and not as members of the staff.


So I take it they'd no longer be functioning automatic or dancing mechanic. :P

To add my own contribution in the spirit of this thread...
You couldn't trust a damn thing Henry Rollins said.

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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Sat Mar 21, 2009 3:03 pm UTC

Zager and Evans were the greatest prophets since Nostradamus, and engineered the end of society.

All rappists would be dead before their first album got released.

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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby ChocloManx » Sat Mar 21, 2009 6:37 pm UTC

OmegaLordX wrote:Colin Meloy would be a child prostitute whose hobby is killing babies.


whaaat D:
Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby kaniman2 » Sat Mar 21, 2009 7:32 pm UTC

Richey James Edwards would be a prostitute...
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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby Rhombulus » Sat Mar 21, 2009 8:19 pm UTC

Jello Biafra (and the Dead Kennedys) would have been arrested for using chemical weapons on a bunch of wealthy golfers.

David Gilmour would be in a drug-induced trance.
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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby ExpatYankInBritain » Sat Mar 21, 2009 8:57 pm UTC

The City of Los Angeles would've filed a Missing Persons Report on Brian Wilson, who would've long since been enjoying himself with heroes and villains.

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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby OmegaLordX » Mon Mar 23, 2009 1:36 am UTC

ChocloManx wrote:
OmegaLordX wrote:Colin Meloy would be a child prostitute whose hobby is killing babies.


whaaat D:


On The Bus Mall and The Rake's Song, respectively.

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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby achan1058 » Mon Mar 23, 2009 2:16 am UTC

Mahler would have been fell by 3 strokes of fate. Wait, that did happen.

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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby kaniman2 » Mon Mar 23, 2009 3:23 am UTC

Thom Yorke would be a creep, a loser.

Weird Al would be fat, white, nerdy, and decapitated, and loves rocky road.

Frank Zappa would be plastic.

Cedric Bixler-Zavala is lost.

Stephin Merritt wants to be a playboy's bunny and hates Californian girls.
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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby SkaBassist » Mon Mar 23, 2009 6:00 am UTC

Oh god, don't get me started on John Darnielle. It would take more than a lifetime to equal even one of his zillions of albums.

Sean Bonnette would be a crude, racist, meth-addicted serial killer.

Devin Davis would simultaneously be an American caveman and a turtle.

I'm From Barcelona would be from Barcelona. But really they're from Sweden.

Mastodon would be Ahab/a guy on a mountain.

mc chris would be dead.

The guy from Slim Cessna's Auto Club would have killed his girlfriend because she looked at him funny.

Tyr would be vikings.

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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby Dromtry » Mon Mar 23, 2009 11:35 pm UTC

Johnny Cash would have been executed.

James LaBrie would probably have committed suicide around when Six Degrees came out.
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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby Nexan » Tue Mar 24, 2009 10:02 am UTC

OmegaLordX wrote:Colin Meloy would be a child prostitute whose hobby is killing babies.


Also, eaten by a whale.

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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby Sir_Elderberry » Sun Mar 29, 2009 6:06 pm UTC

Dromtry wrote:Sue Cash would have been executed.

Fixed.
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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby i_ll_winn » Wed Apr 01, 2009 10:39 pm UTC

I wouldn't be a virgin.

Kelis would have a record breaking ice cream/milkshake shop.
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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby smw543 » Sun Apr 05, 2009 5:29 am UTC

malec2b wrote:
steewi wrote:Freddie Mercury would be straight (a la Fat Bottomed Girls)
He would also have killed a man.
And also gay, as per the classic Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy. So Freddy Mercury is a bisexual murderer (when he isn't sailing the seven seas of rhye or fighting in ogre battles.) But not a prince of the universe; he lied about being immortal :cry:

And Jackson Browne has needed to refill his tank for over 30 years.

/isn't half as old as this post implies
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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby malec2b » Tue Apr 14, 2009 7:38 am UTC

Robert Plant would have stopped performing rock music for a while.

Ian Hunter would have been in a struggling rock band trying to find fame...wait...

Geddy Lee would have a nine to five job.

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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby PhatPhungus » Tue Apr 14, 2009 7:47 am UTC

Babies could drive Paul McCartney's car.
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Re: THEME: If all music were autobiographical...

Postby Surgery » Wed Apr 15, 2009 5:18 am UTC

Alice Cooper would be a necrophiliac who murdered his wife, refuses to believe he is an adult and not a child and occasionally eats people. He also would be a cross-dressing cop who is very lonely. Also he would be a killer and a runner.

Not too shabby for the son of a preacher.


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