Paraprosdokian

For the discussion of language mechanics, grammar, vocabulary, trends, and other such linguistic topics, in english and other languages.

Moderators: gmalivuk, Prelates, Moderators General

Paraprosdokian

Postby Clumpy » Sun Feb 10, 2008 9:18 am UTC

Just discovered this neat little word. Though I've been familiar with the usage of these "switcheroo" jokes through the likes of Emo Philips and Mitch Hedberg, I hadn't yet discovered the term for them until just a few minutes ago.

Paraprosdokian

Some great examples:

"I decided to go into a draconian diet, cutting alcohol, fat, and sugar. In two weeks, I lost 14 days." — Tim Maia

"If I could say a few words . . . I would be a better public speaker." — Homer Simpson

Any other examples?
User avatar
Clumpy
 
Posts: 1883
Joined: Thu Jul 19, 2007 4:48 am UTC

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby Justinlrb » Sun Feb 10, 2008 9:22 am UTC

Does this one count?
Bill is so righteous he doesn't smoke drink eat or sleep.
User avatar
Justinlrb
 
Posts: 46
Joined: Fri May 04, 2007 5:59 pm UTC

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby Clumpy » Sun Feb 10, 2008 9:40 am UTC

I don't really get the twist but that might be a Garden Path Sentence.
User avatar
Clumpy
 
Posts: 1883
Joined: Thu Jul 19, 2007 4:48 am UTC

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby zomgmouse » Mon Feb 11, 2008 7:03 am UTC

One of my favourites is the Mitch Hedberg one:
"I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long."

Jimmy Carr seems to have quite a few:
"Boxers don't have sex before a fight, do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other."
"I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it."
"No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea... you never get that tea."
"Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?""
"When someone close to you dies, move seats."
"Alf Todd," said Ukridge, soaring to an impressive burst of imagery, "has about as much chance as a one-armed blind man in a dark room trying to shove a pound of melted butter into a wild cat's left ear with a red-hot needle." P.G. Wodehouse
User avatar
zomgmouse
 
Posts: 167
Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 2:44 am UTC
Location: Melbourne, Australia.

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby evilbeanfiend » Mon Feb 11, 2008 1:20 pm UTC

Spoiler:
lee & herring wrote:And this week's on lazy comedy slags , "and then I got off the bus."
S Comedians will never fail to surprise us with their inventive ways of doing the same pull back and reveal joke again and again. I will now demonstrate the And Then I Got Off The Bus joke.
(TURN TO CAMERA)
You know the other day I got so drunk. I woke up bare ass naked, sick all over me, I had a traffic cone stuck up my bum. I was in a state of priapic excitement ... and then I got off the bus aaaah.
R What? You were on a bus all along?
S That's right.
R I assumed you must have been at home on your own!
S No. I was on a bus.
R Wow! My expectations were confounded and from thence the humour arose!
S Indeed. Observe once more as I bewitch you all again. (TURN) The other day I was really badly constipated. I was straining away (GRUNT GRUNT) for about three hours, then finally I managed to release my bowel.... then I got off the bus.
R Ah ha! I thought you were in the toilet
S No! I was on a bus all along. (TURN) The other day I was indulging my own sexual pleasure in the sinful act of onanism. And then I got off the bus. Aaaaah.
R Yeah. That's happened to me a few times as well Stew. Embarrassing isn't it? I didn't want to get off the bus, but the police made me.
S Eh. I was joking?
R Oh. And me. Ha ha! Imagine that.
S Another good tip is to go aaah at the end of the phrase 'and then I got off the bus', as it gives the impression that you are moving on to a new piece of material, and flatters the audience by implying that they were clever to have spotted the joke so quickly.
R And then I got off the bus aaah. Right. Can I have a go Stew?
S No you messed it up last week...
R No, no, please...
S OK, go on.
R (TURN) I was on the bus the other day.
S I'm gonna have to stop you there.
R No, let me go with this Stu. I think I will confound you. (TURN) I was on the bus the other day, I got on at Balham, travelled two stops to Tooting, rang the bell... and then I got off the bus aaaah.. aaaaaah. Aaaaaaah. And then I got off the bus aaaaaah etc
S No. The fact you are on a bus has to be a surprise, in order to confound us. And the thing you're doing has to be something you couldn't imagine taking place on a bus.
R OK. OK I got it. I wasn't on the bus the other day. I was indulging in behaviour that you wouldn't expect in such a public place as a bus, because as I said I wasn't on a bus.... Then I got off the bus.Aaaaah. aaaaaah aaaaaah.
S No. For experienced scholars the And Then I Got Off The Bus joke doesn't even have to take place on a bus, it could be any public place...
R A coach?
S Well yeah but..
R A minibus?
S Anywhere
R A double decker.
S Yes.
S Other possible punchlines include - And then I was thrown out of the library aah, and then I got out of the toddlers' paddling pool aah, or the classic, and then I was sacked as head of the girls' boarding school biology department,aaah. That's right. I was one of the teachers!
R Wow! That was a double surprise! Brilliant!
in ur beanz makin u eveel
User avatar
evilbeanfiend
 
Posts: 2650
Joined: Tue Mar 13, 2007 7:05 am UTC
Location: the old world

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby Felstaff » Mon Feb 11, 2008 2:07 pm UTC

I'm on a whiskey diet; I've lost three days already.


To my horror I found out my son was taking drugs; some of my very best ones too.


There is no word in the English language for


I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that's flogging a dead horse.
Habent sua fata libelli et balli
User avatar
Felstaff
Occam's Taser
 
Posts: 4946
Joined: Fri Feb 01, 2008 7:10 pm UTC
Location: ¢ ₪ ¿ ¶ § ∴ ® © ™ ؟ ¡ ‽ æ Þ ° ₰ ₤ ಡಢ

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby lowbart » Mon Feb 11, 2008 3:31 pm UTC

I am completely incapable of making these up on my own, but if someone supplies me with the first half (usually unintentionally) I'm often pretty good at coming up with the second half quickly.
...a fish called the Henamo grunter, named because it makes grunting noises from its swim bladder.
v1nsai wrote:Yes, I'm Linux, how can I help you ma'am?
User avatar
lowbart
 
Posts: 668
Joined: Sun Dec 09, 2007 10:00 pm UTC
Location: northeastern USA

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby Indon » Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:55 pm UTC

lowbart wrote:I am completely incapable of making these up on my own, but if someone supplies me with the first half (usually unintentionally) I'm often pretty good at coming up with the second half quickly.


In general terms, you could say you need assistance. In lieutenant terms, you're making someone else do it.

Okay, so that was a poor one. Next time, I'm sure I'll pay for it.

I would have stopped by now, but thanks to Einstein I know there's no objective frame of reference.
So, I like talking. So if you want to talk about something with me, feel free to send me a PM.

My blog, now rarely updated.

Image
User avatar
Indon
 
Posts: 4433
Joined: Thu Oct 18, 2007 5:21 pm UTC
Location: Alabama :(

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby 4=5 » Tue Feb 12, 2008 3:08 am UTC

Today is the first day of the rest of the week.
User avatar
4=5
 
Posts: 2068
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2007 3:02 am UTC

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby zomgmouse » Fri Feb 15, 2008 10:06 am UTC

I think the point of these is that the sentence makes sense, just not the one you were expecting.

“Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.”
"Alf Todd," said Ukridge, soaring to an impressive burst of imagery, "has about as much chance as a one-armed blind man in a dark room trying to shove a pound of melted butter into a wild cat's left ear with a red-hot needle." P.G. Wodehouse
User avatar
zomgmouse
 
Posts: 167
Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 2:44 am UTC
Location: Melbourne, Australia.

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby Felstaff » Tue Mar 04, 2008 2:36 pm UTC

There's no place like an equivalence relation defined on absolute values of an integral domain or field

Two's company, three's an amateur video opportunity.

Take my wife--please.

I've had a wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
Habent sua fata libelli et balli
User avatar
Felstaff
Occam's Taser
 
Posts: 4946
Joined: Fri Feb 01, 2008 7:10 pm UTC
Location: ¢ ₪ ¿ ¶ § ∴ ® © ™ ؟ ¡ ‽ æ Þ ° ₰ ₤ ಡಢ

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby 4=5 » Wed Mar 05, 2008 5:29 am UTC

I found your story both original and witty, unfortunately it was never both at the same time.
User avatar
4=5
 
Posts: 2068
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2007 3:02 am UTC

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby Cosmologicon » Wed Mar 05, 2008 4:50 pm UTC

I saw a man eating fish in the Caribbean. His wife had a salad.
User avatar
Cosmologicon
 
Posts: 1806
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2006 9:47 am UTC
Location: Cambridge MA USA

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby 4=5 » Thu Mar 06, 2008 3:03 am UTC

that one didn't work because my mind inserted an "a" before fish. Maybe it was something about the capitalization, or probably it's usually "man-eating".
User avatar
4=5
 
Posts: 2068
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2007 3:02 am UTC

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby Cosmologicon » Thu Mar 06, 2008 3:23 pm UTC

Yeah I think it probably works better if you speak it. It's not my favorite, but it's the only one I could think of that I haven't seen here yet.
User avatar
Cosmologicon
 
Posts: 1806
Joined: Sat Nov 25, 2006 9:47 am UTC
Location: Cambridge MA USA

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby Puck » Wed Jun 18, 2008 6:49 pm UTC

Sorry for the slight necro, Felstaff's other pun thread pointed me here... but this wouldn't be complete without the Groucho Marx classic:

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
22/7 wrote:If I could have an alternate horn that would yell "If you use your turn signal, I'll let you in" loud enough to hear inside another car, I would pay nearly any amount of money for it.
Puck
 
Posts: 615
Joined: Tue Nov 27, 2007 7:29 pm UTC

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby Felstaff » Wed Jun 18, 2008 6:59 pm UTC

Who's that lady?
That's no lady--that's my wife.
Habent sua fata libelli et balli
User avatar
Felstaff
Occam's Taser
 
Posts: 4946
Joined: Fri Feb 01, 2008 7:10 pm UTC
Location: ¢ ₪ ¿ ¶ § ∴ ® © ™ ؟ ¡ ‽ æ Þ ° ₰ ₤ ಡಢ

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby The Hyphenator » Thu Jun 19, 2008 7:27 am UTC

I was using my mouse the other day, but then it bit me.

That one kinda sucked; I'll try blowing next time.
Spoiler:
how_it_happened.png
how_it_happened.png (9.33 KiB) Viewed 6641 times

This is hard to do; maybe I should soak it in water.
The image link changes whenever I find a new cool website.
Spoiler:
Image
User avatar
The Hyphenator
 
Posts: 791
Joined: Mon Nov 19, 2007 2:16 am UTC
Location: The Shades, Ankh-Morpork

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby Shakes » Thu Jun 19, 2008 9:22 pm UTC

personal favorite:

"I believe in a better world for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex"

This was my senior quote in highschool. I don't think too many people understood it...
Shakes
 
Posts: 39
Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2008 8:22 pm UTC
Location: Chicago

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby zomgmouse » Sat Jul 05, 2008 11:45 pm UTC

"There are so many obese people in the world, that if they all jumped up and down at the same time, then they'd lose some weight."
- Jimmy Carr (again).
"Alf Todd," said Ukridge, soaring to an impressive burst of imagery, "has about as much chance as a one-armed blind man in a dark room trying to shove a pound of melted butter into a wild cat's left ear with a red-hot needle." P.G. Wodehouse
User avatar
zomgmouse
 
Posts: 167
Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 2:44 am UTC
Location: Melbourne, Australia.

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby Fryie » Sun Jul 13, 2008 7:22 am UTC

"It's true what they say about women. It's an irregular plural."
I like this one :mrgreen: .
Fryie
 
Posts: 77
Joined: Sun Jul 13, 2008 5:55 am UTC

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby Quixotess » Sun Jul 13, 2008 8:10 am UTC

Ooh, I'm not sure if this counts, but it always makes me laugh.

"From the moment I picked up your book until the moment I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it."
Raise up the torch and light the way.
User avatar
Quixotess
No. Cookies.
 
Posts: 3243
Joined: Mon May 28, 2007 7:26 am UTC

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby plumlinden » Fri Jul 18, 2008 12:27 am UTC

Fryie wrote:"It's true what they say about women. It's an irregular plural."
I like this one :mrgreen: .

That one made me cry. =) I shared it with my mom, though, and she didn't care for it at all.
plumlinden
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2008 12:32 am UTC

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby hippoluvsmud » Fri Jul 18, 2008 12:45 pm UTC

I'd like to say its been a pleasure.
User avatar
hippoluvsmud
 
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue Jul 15, 2008 2:56 pm UTC

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby seladore » Fri Jul 18, 2008 5:55 pm UTC

I love Scruffy from Futurama,

[about Fry] "I have never seen him so down, or ever before"
User avatar
seladore
 
Posts: 586
Joined: Thu Mar 20, 2008 8:17 pm UTC
Location: Tumbolia

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby Ashbash » Mon Jul 21, 2008 1:33 pm UTC

There's that tempations song that should fit nicely here, although it words better when you hear it.

Papa was a rolling stone, wherever he laid his hat was his home,
And when he died, all he left us was alone.


It's interesting, you could hear it as 'a loan', and it would still have a similar effect. It's nice :D
Ashbash
 
Posts: 184
Joined: Thu Oct 11, 2007 5:46 am UTC

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby Felstaff » Mon Aug 16, 2010 2:01 pm UTC

I accidentally sent a picture of my penis to everyone in my address book today. Not only was it really embarrassing, it cost me a fortune in stamps.
Habent sua fata libelli et balli
User avatar
Felstaff
Occam's Taser
 
Posts: 4946
Joined: Fri Feb 01, 2008 7:10 pm UTC
Location: ¢ ₪ ¿ ¶ § ∴ ® © ™ ؟ ¡ ‽ æ Þ ° ₰ ₤ ಡಢ

Re: Paraprosdokian

Postby VPeric » Mon Aug 16, 2010 6:08 pm UTC

In Africa, every minute 60 seconds pass.

(Ok, so I don't believe it's technically a paraprosdokian, but still...)
VPeric
 
Posts: 43
Joined: Fri Mar 28, 2008 1:33 am UTC


Return to Language/Linguistics

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests