lee & herring wrote:And this week's on lazy comedy slags , "and then I got off the bus."
S Comedians will never fail to surprise us with their inventive ways of doing the same pull back and reveal joke again and again. I will now demonstrate the And Then I Got Off The Bus joke.
(TURN TO CAMERA)
You know the other day I got so drunk. I woke up bare ass naked, sick all over me, I had a traffic cone stuck up my bum. I was in a state of priapic excitement ... and then I got off the bus aaaah.
R What? You were on a bus all along?
S That's right.
R I assumed you must have been at home on your own!
S No. I was on a bus.
R Wow! My expectations were confounded and from thence the humour arose!
S Indeed. Observe once more as I bewitch you all again. (TURN) The other day I was really badly constipated. I was straining away (GRUNT GRUNT) for about three hours, then finally I managed to release my bowel.... then I got off the bus.
R Ah ha! I thought you were in the toilet
S No! I was on a bus all along. (TURN) The other day I was indulging my own sexual pleasure in the sinful act of onanism. And then I got off the bus. Aaaaah.
R Yeah. That's happened to me a few times as well Stew. Embarrassing isn't it? I didn't want to get off the bus, but the police made me.
S Eh. I was joking?
R Oh. And me. Ha ha! Imagine that.
S Another good tip is to go aaah at the end of the phrase 'and then I got off the bus', as it gives the impression that you are moving on to a new piece of material, and flatters the audience by implying that they were clever to have spotted the joke so quickly.
R And then I got off the bus aaah. Right. Can I have a go Stew?
S No you messed it up last week...
R No, no, please...
S OK, go on.
R (TURN) I was on the bus the other day.
S I'm gonna have to stop you there.
R No, let me go with this Stu. I think I will confound you. (TURN) I was on the bus the other day, I got on at Balham, travelled two stops to Tooting, rang the bell... and then I got off the bus aaaah.. aaaaaah. Aaaaaaah. And then I got off the bus aaaaaah etc
S No. The fact you are on a bus has to be a surprise, in order to confound us. And the thing you're doing has to be something you couldn't imagine taking place on a bus.
R OK. OK I got it. I wasn't on the bus the other day. I was indulging in behaviour that you wouldn't expect in such a public place as a bus, because as I said I wasn't on a bus.... Then I got off the bus.Aaaaah. aaaaaah aaaaaah.
S No. For experienced scholars the And Then I Got Off The Bus joke doesn't even have to take place on a bus, it could be any public place...
R A coach?
S Well yeah but..
R A minibus?
R A double decker.
S Other possible punchlines include - And then I was thrown out of the library aah, and then I got out of the toddlers' paddling pool aah, or the classic, and then I was sacked as head of the girls' boarding school biology department,aaah. That's right. I was one of the teachers!
R Wow! That was a double surprise! Brilliant!
I'm on a whiskey diet; I've lost three days already.
To my horror I found out my son was taking drugs; some of my very best ones too.
There is no word in the English language for
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that's flogging a dead horse.
...a fish called the Henamo grunter, named because it makes grunting noises from its swim bladder.
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lowbart wrote:I am completely incapable of making these up on my own, but if someone supplies me with the first half (usually unintentionally) I'm often pretty good at coming up with the second half quickly.
22/7 wrote:If I could have an alternate horn that would yell "If you use your turn signal, I'll let you in" loud enough to hear inside another car, I would pay nearly any amount of money for it.
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