Feedback for my Photo-Comic

[dhl262]

I started these pieces when I was taking a photography class back in college.
I recently found them, so I decided to post them up. They're not really comics in the
traditional sense, but there is a flow and a story. Yes, it's similar to a softer world,
but I think mine takes more of a story approach.



http://www.blueberryghosts.blogspot.com

Any feedback would be appreciated.

[poxic]

I don't see a story line connecting the different strips, but I'm not sure if that's what you meant. Each one does have a story, yes.

They're neat. Not blow-my-socks-off awesome, but interesting enough that I read the five or so you have up now. I'd add a "First" button, if you can, so people can jump straight to the first one in the series. It's sometimes more fun to start at the beginning and click through, rather than see them all on one page through the archives.

[dhl262]

Hey thanks for the tips. Yeah each piece is a stand alone. There are no connections between the different pieces.
I will add a "first" button like you suggested.

[poxic]

You've added a couple more strips. They're also kinda neat, like the previous ones. I think I've picked out -- for myself anyway -- why they're "not blow-my-socks-off awesome".

You tell a story in a small paragraph and two photographs. I see the story, , then see how the photos fit in. Since there isn't a lot of thinking required, there isn't much payoff. You've already given us the whole story in one go. I have nothing to discover on my own.

If you compare a softer world, the authors take a single thought and frame it with some ambiguity, leaving lots of things to the imagination. I can chew on one of their comics for a bit and add my own experience to come up with an interpretation. That's more satisfying than being told what to think and feel by a very clear bit of text and very relevant pictures.

The ambiguous thing is hard to do right, of course. You could take another direction: flesh out the story, make it suspenseful, and add more tailored/interesting/amusing pictures. It becomes longer and harder to do that way, but that's kind of the point. If it's too easy to do, then a lot of people can do the same thing. If it's a constant challenge, and you're always wondering if you can keep it up, then you're pushing your own envelope. And that is interesting.

/from one artist to another
//mine's music. Same thing. Panic, square the shoulders and do it, then panic some more.

[dhl262]

Wow, I really appreciate everything you said. Yes, I do need to work on the ambiguity of my words and pictures a bit. I also feel that the pictures are too much of a direct representation of the story. I will definitely take your feedback seriously. Thanks man, I really appreciate it!

[dhl262]

New Design. Darker background, so the pictures pop out a bit more. Let me know what you guys think!

Thanks

[poxic]

There are a few places that suggest that white on black is a bad idea, or at least sometimes, depending, etc. For me, when I find a site with a black background, including yours, I immediately hit the "zap colors" button on my toolbar to force it to black on white. It's too painful otherwise. I'm highly sensitive to that sort of thing, though.

The last few comics are kind of interesting, but somehow lacking something. Let's look at the text on the latest one:

She's walking down the quiet streets of Brooklyn on her way to the cemetery, when she hears this pop song coming from a car radio. She looks down, and all of a sudden, she's nine years old again.

She's at the playground watching her older brother play baseball with his friends. She yells out his name to tell him that supper is ready, but he ignores her. He's too busy humming to that goddamn pop song.

There are a lot of words that aren't adding to the central point. Main point: a memory from childhood, how her older brother ignored her while having fun that she wasn't having. Things that are distracting from the main point: cemetery? Why? It's a promise that doesn't get fulfilled. "This" pop song? Which one? If it doesn't matter, then it's "a" pop song. Or even just a song.

I'll have a go at tightening it up a bit. This might suck, but we'll see:

Walking down the street, she hears music. She is suddenly nine years old again. She's calling to her brother that supper is ready, but he doesn't hear her. He is playing baseball with his friends, and humming that song.

[dhl262]

Hey thanks for the reply and all your feedbacks.
I'm trying to follow your advice on being more ambiguous with my writing so that the reader
can connect his/her own dots to create a complete story. For example, yes I do mention a cemetery
but I don't really explain it because I want the reader to use their own imagination. Perhaps she's
visiting her brother's cemetery and the thought of him brings back memories. As of right now, I'm
experimenting with the writing to find a style I like and is the most effective with the photographs.

I'll also play around with the background colors.

Thanks for your help!

[willaaaaaa]

I like the idea, a sort of a dark humor. A tip to make the comics look more professional visually, though, would be to put a slightly thicker border around the panes. It can be something artistic like in A Softer World, or a simple 10px black border. Whatever you choose, I think it will instantly make each comic look more unified.