Awesome Teacher Quotes

The school experience. School related queries, discussions, and stories that aren't specific to a subject.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Vicariously-Kaiser » Fri Apr 10, 2009 2:49 pm UTC

Here's one my friend said after being proven wrong,
"I curse you to eternal hell you Tory back-bencher, may you forever sleep with Ann Robinson"

Probably only the Brits among us will get it...

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Rakysh » Fri Apr 10, 2009 5:37 pm UTC

XD

Welcome to xkcd! You have a cool user name.

I can't remember exactly what he said, but my latin teacher set my parents a latin challenge at my parents evening. Neither of them had done any latin ever before, but my mum managed to bluff her way through.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Monika » Fri Apr 10, 2009 7:02 pm UTC

Substitute emperor?
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Lenary » Fri Apr 10, 2009 7:32 pm UTC

Vicariously-Kaiser wrote:Here's one my friend said after being proven wrong,
"I curse you to eternal hell you Tory back-bencher, may you forever sleep with Ann Robinson"

Probably only the Brits among us will get it...


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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Actaeus » Fri Apr 10, 2009 8:22 pm UTC

(We were doing a History unit on Mao vs. Gandhi)

Me: Mao: They're starving us; let's kill them! Gandhi: people are killing each other; let's starve ourselves
Teacher: (laughing) You've got it covered. Don't bother showing up to class this unit, you have it figured out.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Monika » Fri Apr 10, 2009 9:10 pm UTC

Actaeus wrote:Mao: They're starving us; let's kill them! Gandhi: people are killing each other; let's starve ourselves

Hehe, good summary.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby The Big G in Charge » Fri Apr 10, 2009 11:11 pm UTC

Oh man, I had an Anthropology professor who would say the most amazing things.

"You never know when a human being is going to turn around and kill you. And they're sneaky about it too! Like they get you to join the army and then somebody else kills you."

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Alpha Omicron » Sat Apr 11, 2009 3:22 am UTC

Vicariously-Kaiser wrote:Probably only the Brits among us will get it...

We have Tory back-benchers in Canada too. I don't know who Ann Robinson is though.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby lordofnarf » Sat Apr 11, 2009 5:30 am UTC

My High School Calculus and Physics teacher was a goldmine of these things. Once, when describing potential energy, he dropped a rock on the floor, then he told us "getting a rock dropped on you hurts, therefore, energy is the capacity to cause pain. I'm going to need a volunteer"

also, in a calc problem once, he declared that he was going to do some "spooky algebra voodoo"

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Rakysh » Sat Apr 11, 2009 5:46 am UTC

Alpha Omicron wrote:
Vicariously-Kaiser wrote:Probably only the Brits among us will get it...

We have Tory back-benchers in Canada too. I don't know who Ann Robinson is though.


So basically, what he said is correct.

She's this lady.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Alpha Omicron » Sat Apr 11, 2009 4:19 pm UTC

Rakysh wrote:So basically, what he said is correct.

Well, I didn't get half of it, so he was half-correct.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Gazared » Sat Apr 11, 2009 4:38 pm UTC

After school Thursday, I was trying to convince my friend that my Brit Lit teacher is scary, and the converation turned against me. Just before I pretended to leave in a fit, Hucke said to her, "See, you're good. Cheyenne is on the dark side. The dark side."
I said, "Oh, cool, I'm Anakin!" and left.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby thicknavyrain » Sat Apr 11, 2009 5:33 pm UTC

From the top of my head:

Maths: [Someone forgot their book] "NEXT TIME FORGET YOURSELF TO LESSON BOY!"

Teacher: "Now, you can do it either way, I don't mind but personally I prefer this way because it takes up less space and is less messy..." [Solving quadratic equations]

Me: [To the guy next to me] That's what SHE said...


Resistant Materials (the english equivalent to shop class):

[In reference to checking out trophies for evaluation] "You have to really get a hold on them! Take them, turn them around and upside down, check the texture, the aesthetics, everything!"

Me: [To the guy next to me] That's what SHE said


My friends electronics class:

[Can't remember the context] "Now let me tell you about ANOTHER time I touched children..."

English:

[We were studying A View from the Bridge]

Teacher: What is Bella not getting?

[i]Me: SOME!

Teacher: For God's sake Ricky just SAY SEX!

[/i]
I'll stop there because it's all I can think of...
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby rheakith » Sun Apr 12, 2009 5:06 am UTC

My 19th and 20th Century Literature on the Death Penalty (Man that's a lengthy name; now I know why it was shortened to Dead Man Writing) professor talking about Dostoyevsky's background: "In order to be a prophet in 19th century Russia, you had to have a beard."

Not all that funny, but it was enough for me to write it down.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby nahvkolaj » Sun Apr 12, 2009 7:17 pm UTC

math class again:

You may have been told that you can't take the natural log of a negative number. You were lied to.


(alluding to when he told us how screwing up math in the real world could lead to buildings collapsing, planes falling, and people dying)
Oh shit. Forgot a negative. *looks around* Did you see any buildings fall?

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Luthen » Mon Apr 13, 2009 2:24 am UTC

First year advanced calc lecturer: "Referring to the book, the next step is trivially, obvious and left as an exercise (hint: It'll be on the assignment). Hmm," lecturer looks down at an A5 magazine, "damn, I don't have bingo."
He was referring to the maths lecturer bingo in that month's maths society magazine (last page).

The rest are from Prosh Week (a week of general misbehaviour).
In a biology lecture:
*Opening music of Thriller*
Lecturer: Oh, no! Zombies!
*As zombie came down to front of theatre and danced/attack, she continued to lecture, occasionally pausing to stop them with a stick*
*And after we're "rescued" by zombie hunters*
Lecturer: Well, at least they weren't naked.

Another bio lecture that week, different lecture.
*A guy stands up and breaks into a love ballad to the male lecturer, culminating in him draped on the desk, delivering a rose*
Lecturer: Anyone else want to profess their undying love?

In my anthropology lecture on cannibalism:
*Knights from Monty Python's Holy Grail coconut in (before their music arrives)*
Arthur: Fair Camelot! As lively as ever!
Lecturer: No, I said cannibals not Camelot. Please sit down, and watch what you do with those swords. We don't want any flesh wounds.
*Music arrives and they break into "Knights of the Round Table"
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby eSOANEM » Mon Apr 13, 2009 8:14 am UTC

This is from a chemistry teacher on a school trip to the Isle of Wight (IoW), we were sailing.

"It's not that much to look at when you first get it out on the bed, but then you slide it out and you think: how does this beauty work?"

The best thing is that none of the younger pupils on the trip (some as young as 11) got it.

She was in fact talking about a clever device called a Colreg slider which can be used to match up the lights on a boat to the vessel's type.



From my old English teacher, talking to his class about auditions for a school play.

"This is going to sound awkward but are there any non-white people who want to audition to get abused?"



From a sailing instructor on the IoW:

"we don't have emotions, emotions come from the ovaries of women, and we don't have those. Well, accept for Tom"



From my old electronics teacher (in theory I should still have him but he lost us due to a "timetabling error", he also has responsibility for the timetable):

"you can call me Mr Clare or God, either is true"



Also, whilst not a quote but more of an anecdote I thought it was still relevant.

It was in physics and the test had just started.

I was sitting next to my friend (between us we tend to get the top two scores in the class).

Then, completely unexplained, the teacher brought out two retort stands and suspended a piece of foil from them in such a way that it would block any line of sight between our heads (even if we moved) but not line of sight to the papers.

After the test we finally got an explanation out of him which was that, as we always get such good marks, we must be collaborating and he had seen we weren't talking or copying so he had reasoned that there must be a telepathic link, he was experimenting to see whether it was EM based telepathy.

It became something of a running joke in physics tests with him.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Monika » Mon Apr 13, 2009 10:37 am UTC

eSOANEM wrote:Also, whilst not a quote but more of an anecdote I thought it was still relevant.

It was in physics and the test had just started.

I was sitting next to my friend (between us we tend to get the top two scores in the class).

Then, completely unexplained, the teacher brought out two retort stands and suspended a piece of foil from them in such a way that it would block any line of sight between our heads (even if we moved) but not line of sight to the papers.

After the test we finally got an explanation out of him which was that, as we always get such good marks, we must be collaborating and he had seen we weren't talking or copying so he had reasoned that there must be a telepathic link, he was experimenting to see whether it was EM based telepathy.

It became something of a running joke in physics tests with him.

ROFL! I hope he wasn't serious.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Luthen » Mon Apr 13, 2009 11:15 am UTC

Monika wrote:
eSOANEM wrote:After the test we finally got an explanation out of him which was that, as we always get such good marks, we must be collaborating and he had seen we weren't talking or copying so he had reasoned that there must be a telepathic link, he was experimenting to see whether it was EM based telepathy.
It became something of a running joke in physics tests with him.
ROFL! I hope he wasn't serious.
Yeah, you'd need at least a Faraday cage for that to be a proper test.

Also remembered these from my physics lectures:
*From discussing wavepackets and the relation between ΔkΔx*
Lecturer: And thus ΔkΔx=2π
Student: Didn't you start that proof by assuming it equalled one?
Lecturer: For the purposes of this course, two pi equals one.

*After working through an example of Lagrange's equations*
Lecturer: Just remember that 3=7 and you should be fine.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby eSOANEM » Mon Apr 13, 2009 12:13 pm UTC

Monika wrote:
eSOANEM wrote:Also, whilst not a quote but more of an anecdote I thought it was still relevant.

It was in physics and the test had just started.

I was sitting next to my friend (between us we tend to get the top two scores in the class).

Then, completely unexplained, the teacher brought out two retort stands and suspended a piece of foil from them in such a way that it would block any line of sight between our heads (even if we moved) but not line of sight to the papers.

After the test we finally got an explanation out of him which was that, as we always get such good marks, we must be collaborating and he had seen we weren't talking or copying so he had reasoned that there must be a telepathic link, he was experimenting to see whether it was EM based telepathy.

It became something of a running joke in physics tests with him.

ROFL! I hope he wasn't serious.


I don't think he was, he was an awesome teacher.

Luthen wrote:
Monika wrote:
eSOANEM wrote:After the test we finally got an explanation out of him which was that, as we always get such good marks, we must be collaborating and he had seen we weren't talking or copying so he had reasoned that there must be a telepathic link, he was experimenting to see whether it was EM based telepathy.
It became something of a running joke in physics tests with him.
ROFL! I hope he wasn't serious.
Yeah, you'd need at least a Faraday cage for that to be a proper test.


He was only worried about direct LoS transmission so it would've worked worked. Of course, only if the telepathic transmission originates and is received from the head.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Lleu » Mon Apr 13, 2009 10:45 pm UTC

During advanced music, the teacher related how Haydn got frustrated with a soprano and threw her out the window.
"I think it's everyone's secret fantasy to throw a soprano out the window."

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby nahvkolaj » Mon Apr 13, 2009 11:54 pm UTC

in physics lecture we were talking about Young's Modulus and the professor said it is constant for a given material and its units are in pascals.

a student in front raised his hand and asked, "If it's a constant then how can it have units?"

the professor simply responded, "Gravity."

for the purposes of this course, g is constant.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Sir_Elderberry » Tue Apr 14, 2009 12:01 am UTC

nahvkolaj wrote:in physics lecture we were talking about Young's Modulus and the professor said it is constant for a given material and its units are in pascals.

a student in front raised his hand and asked, "If it's a constant then how can it have units?"

the professor simply responded, "Gravity."

for the purposes of this course, g is constant.

Well, for the purposes of this universe, G is constant.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby MisterCheif » Tue Apr 14, 2009 1:40 am UTC

One of the reasons I joined was because I was dying to post this quote.

My eight grade history teacher, in the first week of school:

"The French are a bunch of cheese-eating surrender monkeys!"

I still don't know how we got on the subject of the French...
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Sir_Elderberry » Tue Apr 14, 2009 1:48 am UTC

MisterCheif wrote:One of the reasons I joined was because I was dying to post this quote.

My eight grade history teacher, in the first week of school:

"The French are a bunch of cheese-eating surrender monkeys!"

I still don't know how we got on the subject of the French...

I'm afraid it's not an original quote, however. The phrase has its own wikipedia article.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Actaeus » Tue Apr 14, 2009 2:09 am UTC

Sir_Elderberry wrote:
MisterCheif wrote:One of the reasons I joined was because I was dying to post this quote.

My eight grade history teacher, in the first week of school:

"The French are a bunch of cheese-eating surrender monkeys!"

I still don't know how we got on the subject of the French...

I'm afraid it's not an original quote, however. The phrase has its own wikipedia article.

Yes it does!

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby roflcopter » Tue Apr 14, 2009 2:12 am UTC

My Economics teacher is an AP Psychology teacher and got shanghai'd into teaching one class of econ each day, we never do anything in this class EVER. All in all its a pretty sweet gig...

So today i walk into class, being the first student in the room I ask him what we are doing today, he stops erasing the board, looks at me with the straightest face ever, and simply replies, "Honestly, I am a psychology teacher," and walked over to his desk and started playing on his computer.

The funniest part of it was after he sat down I walked over to where I could see his screen and he was playing the green and back, click-to-go-up, helicopter game :shock: .

EDIT: fixed grammar.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Actaeus » Tue Apr 14, 2009 2:20 am UTC

roflcopter wrote:The funniest part of it was after he sat down I walked over to where I could see his screen and he was playing the green and back, click-to-go-up, helicopter game :shock: .

I love that game!
But Bullet Bill 2 is better :P

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Pez Dispens3r » Tue Apr 14, 2009 12:15 pm UTC

I had a teacher who used to be a bus driver in Vietnam. One of his sons was a fireman and another was a bikie. He used to call us 'cretins', and threaten 'I'll rip off your arms, stick 'em in your ears and ride you like a motorcycle.'

The best one I heard was, 'Do you know what it sounds like when a shotgun blast hits a human body?! Very satisfying....'

He was actually quite a timid guy outside of school.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby MisterCheif » Tue Apr 14, 2009 7:25 pm UTC

Actaeus wrote:
Sir_Elderberry wrote:
MisterCheif wrote:One of the reasons I joined was because I was dying to post this quote.

My eight grade history teacher, in the first week of school:

"The French are a bunch of cheese-eating surrender monkeys!"

I still don't know how we got on the subject of the French...

I'm afraid it's not an original quote, however. The phrase has its own wikipedia article.

Yes it does!


Wow...
I did not know that...
Thanks for letting me know.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Whelan » Tue Apr 14, 2009 9:54 pm UTC

Not a quote, but I was just reminded of a temporary teacher we had for a term or two last year.
We had him as a sub for RE one lesson. We were set cover work as usual, and didn't do it, as usual. What was unusual, was that the class degenerated into story time, where everyone sat and listened to his stories about a prison school he'd worked in.
We were sad when he left.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby echoingsilence » Wed Apr 15, 2009 11:01 am UTC

During my US History class, we were talking about WWII, and the German success early on in the war. My teacher talks about Czechoslovakia, Poland, the Netherlands, etc... And then he pauses, and just says "The Maginot Line".

The whole class burst out laughing.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Monika » Wed Apr 15, 2009 11:31 am UTC

I don't get it, what's so funny about the Maginot Line?
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Vieto » Wed Apr 15, 2009 11:54 am UTC

Unless there is a hidden meaning I am not aware of, I think the word that sums up the Maginot Line would be...
Phail!

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Alpha Omicron » Wed Apr 15, 2009 3:22 pm UTC

I'm kind of tired of those jokes. So the French were unable to defend their homeland against a massive, well-armoured invasion force from a vicious, expansionist, evil empire? Hilarious!
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby wst » Wed Apr 15, 2009 4:16 pm UTC

Alpha Omicron wrote:I'm kind of tired of those jokes. So the French were unable to defend their homeland against a massive, well-armoured invasion force from a vicious, expansionist, evil empire? Hilarious!
Well, it would have been easier to defend if the massive invasion force hadn't been able to, y'know, go around it. If it hadn't got that massive flaw, then the war would have been a hell of a lot more interesting. Because, that line was actually very good, and that's exactly why it wasn't confronted head on. Because it would have made a mess of the German Army.

So I think jokes are very fitting, as it is a brilliant example of epic fail.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Alpha Omicron » Wed Apr 15, 2009 4:44 pm UTC

The fact that their generals' mistakes led to their loss does not make war funny.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby wst » Wed Apr 15, 2009 6:51 pm UTC

Alpha Omicron wrote:The fact that their generals' mistakes led to their loss does not make war funny.
I never said the war was funny, I said that, as far as 'massive plans of self defence' go, it's hilarious. It's like putting a fence halfway across a field, a really good fence. T-rex proof. Nothing will get through it...
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby rat4000 » Wed Apr 15, 2009 8:00 pm UTC

Hey, have I ever told you about that McDonalds in Ireland that I once visited?

*ten minutes later*

Wait. Why am I talking about Henry IIX's wives?
My English teacher is awesome.

Edit: the reason was actually that the McDonalds she was describing was built in Tudor style, so she went from the McDonalds to the Tudors and from there to Henry and from there to his wives. It was fun reconstructing the path in class.
Last edited by rat4000 on Wed Apr 15, 2009 8:56 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Alpha Omicron » Wed Apr 15, 2009 8:31 pm UTC

wst wrote:I never said the war was funny, I said that, as far as 'massive plans of self defence' go, it's hilarious. It's like putting a fence halfway across a field, a really good fence. T-rex proof. Nothing will get through it...
Still not funny.
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