Awesome Teacher Quotes

The school experience. School related queries, discussions, and stories that aren't specific to a subject.

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CosmicFugue
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby CosmicFugue » Sun Jun 27, 2010 6:05 pm UTC

Oh, late to the party as per usual I see. My high school physics teacher produced derogatory gold on a regular basis.
"String Theory is, in a nutshell, horseshit."
"Apparently string theorists have never heard of a nifty little thing called Occam's Razor."


There's more, but I'm forgetting. He also used to rip on students when he felt like it:
"What are you smiling about? Have you looked in the mirror lately?"


And no, that last one wasn't directed at me. >.>

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Whelan » Sun Jun 27, 2010 6:11 pm UTC

"At the start of the universe all matter was squished into the smallest space possible, smaller even than a year 7"
"Stars are Massive, just like [Student]"
"Stop being mean to [Student] it's his turn to be bullied next week"
"Until 10-43 seconds the universe was opaque, now you might say that's very specific, and it is."
"I like to be understood whenever I open my mouth; I have a horror of blinding people with science"- Richard Dawkins
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby F-13 » Tue Jun 29, 2010 10:21 am UTC

This is not a quote per se, but my high school English teacher used to do funny shit in class. Once, his wife, another teacher, was passing by and looked through the window in the door. He looked at her, drew her a big heart, then got his wallet out, and signaled to her that "It's empty!!!"

And there's a History teacher of ours who's totally convinced that Vancouver is located in the US. When we called him on it, he said "CHECK YOUR SOURCES!!!"

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby x2017 » Tue Jul 06, 2010 8:09 pm UTC

I’m obviously really late, too.

Imagine being said in bad German with a thick Russian accent by my math professor wrote:Oh, btw…Forster (author of some book about calculus) forgot a minus sign here – so if you’re wondering who’s wrong: It’s Forster, not me!


Theoretical physics preclass (mathematical methods of physics) wrote:I never really cared about notation, we all now what we’re talking about. (volume integrals)


Math for Physicists wrote: You can’t use that, but if you know it, you know at least somethin
PLEASE DELETE THIS ACCOUNT!

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unus vox
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby unus vox » Wed Jul 07, 2010 3:23 am UTC

As a high school teacher, may I quote myself? I don't know if that's Kosher, but here it goes...

Let me preface this by saying my 9th period (last period of the day) class was quite obnoxious this year. We had a couple of clowns and a lot of people who had absolutely no interest in their education; quite a few of them were a year behind. Needless to say, it was a battle to keep their attention. Moreover, it was a battle to keep them from texting on their cell phones and looking out the window. The final straw came, however, when I saw a student starting to craft a paper airplane as I was going over a chapter in our book.

I glared at him and said quite sternly, "You better not throw that" and continued talking.

As I strolled down the aisle, still talking, I saw him start to throw the airplane out of the corner of my eye. I suddenly hunched over, contracted my arms, and pretended to be a T-rex (roars and all) as I lunged for the airplane in mid-air, catching it in my mouth and shaking it about. After I'd sufficiently "killed" it, I dropped it to the ground, straightened up, and continued teaching.

Somehow, to my surprise, no one threw anymore airplanes.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby chridd » Wed Jul 07, 2010 6:45 am UTC

F-13 wrote:And there's a History teacher of ours who's totally convinced that Vancouver is located in the US.
It is. There's also a city by that name in Canada.
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mittfh wrote:I wish this post was very quotable...

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Monika » Wed Jul 07, 2010 6:46 am UTC

You caught the paper plane with your mouth? Quite sportive.

And awesome enough to self-quote :D
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby hintss » Wed Jul 07, 2010 7:10 am UTC

I was actually playing with a paper plane just after lunch.

now, I can feel worse about nearly hitting the TV and fish tank. and my cousin hitting the ceiling really hard multiple times.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby vilidice » Thu Jul 15, 2010 3:46 am UTC

"Well I was thinking we'd just use alcohol, like in vodka, but we can use rabbits too. But they need to be liquid for dilution, so we'll need a rabbit juicer over here [draws rabbit juicer on board]." - my DE teacher when we were going over modeling, we just did biological models with rabbits and chipmunks,and he asked for a substance for rates of dilution with inflow/outflow from the system for the next example, so we juiced rabbits for the next class and a half.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby hintss » Thu Jul 15, 2010 9:32 am UTC

vilidice wrote:"Well I was thinking we'd just use alcohol, like in vodka, but we can use rabbits too. But they need to be liquid for dilution, so we'll need a rabbit juicer over here [draws rabbit juicer on board]." - my DE teacher when we were going over modeling, we just did biological models with rabbits and chipmunks,and he asked for a substance for rates of dilution with inflow/outflow from the system for the next example, so we juiced rabbits for the next class and a half.

alive?

also, my friend wants to dress up as a Dalek for the first day of school next year. if he does, there should be some awesome quotes...

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby PhillipCup » Sat Jul 17, 2010 8:51 pm UTC

I got two. Now, just as some background I went to a Catholic high school. Teachers were "strongly encouraged" to incorporate prayer in class. In one biology class there was a kid that would request to pray and in his naturally droning and monotonous voice always mention world peace and hunger.

Teacher: "Alright, who would like to pray today?"
*annoying kid raises hand*
Teacher: *audible sigh* "Frankly Jonathan, I would rather cheesegrate my testicles than listen to you pray."

The second one, which involved our AP Calc teacher (who we pestered mercilessly) attempting to explain the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.

Teacher: "Alright, so if you differentiate an integral, you pretty much just get whatever is inside the integral sign. Think of it like a jacket. You take the jacket off, put the the jacket on. Ok? Jacket on, jacket off, jacket on, jacket off."

Three actually, this one is from my Uni Freshman Calc Class. Our TA was a little...crazy...

TA: "Ok, ya gotta use Partial Fractions to split this up and integrate. So ya gotta think of it as if this integral is a big ol' bear, k? But you can't take on this WHOLE thing at once, cause it's fucking huge. It's a fucking enormous bear. So what do ya do? Ya cut this shit up ok?"
*makes a cutting motion downward with chalk*
TA: "Bam! There goes a paw!"
*another few brandishes of chalk followed by swishing sounds*
TA: "And then voila, you have your sliced and diced bear integral. Now it's cute enough to integrate... So, can anyone tell me what the lesson is we learned today?"
Student: "Um, you can kill bears with integration?"

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby vilidice » Sun Jul 18, 2010 9:36 pm UTC

hintss wrote:
vilidice wrote:"Well I was thinking we'd just use alcohol, like in vodka, but we can use rabbits too. But they need to be liquid for dilution, so we'll need a rabbit juicer over here [draws rabbit juicer on board]." - my DE teacher when we were going over modeling, we just did biological models with rabbits and chipmunks,and he asked for a substance for rates of dilution with inflow/outflow from the system for the next example, so we juiced rabbits for the next class and a half.

alive?

also, my friend wants to dress up as a Dalek for the first day of school next year. if he does, there should be some awesome quotes...


Well it was all theoretical, but yes, there was some interesting commentary.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Tenth Speed Writer » Wed Jul 21, 2010 4:50 am UTC

From a major, regionally renowned professor of civil engineering (and my department head!):

"My point is, all engineers should strive to be fruitcakes."

This was following an introductory lecture involving the state of the job market for CE undergrads. And Jimmy Buffet. His point was that, with the excess of "commodity engineer" positions being outsourced to India and other countries, the typical North American Joe needs to be just crazy enough to have an original thought every once in a while if he wants to earn his pay.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Hit3k » Thu Jul 22, 2010 7:38 am UTC

My astrophysics lecturer is awesome.
Now we're in the maths department so we have to put a little bit of maths into this otherwise you might think you're in the... ARTS faculty or something and thats the correct spot for sort of generalised waffle.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Tiem » Fri Jul 23, 2010 10:13 pm UTC

We used to have a completely insane science teacher. She was angry at our class one time, so she angrily announced "You kids today have too much freedom! If you were my kids, if you came home late, I wouldn't take any crap like that! I'd be puttin' you up against the wall, smacking you across the face, saying 'Where you been, man?' Smack smack!"During this, she kept on beating an imaginary child.
One day, our class went to the pool, and she found a bra someone had apparently dropped on the way back. She hung it up proudly in the front of the class, like a beautiful pink speckled trophy. Then, she grabbed it, and announced "Whose is this? Whose hat is this?"she then proceeded to put the bra on her head and dance around." C'mon, somebody speak up! Whose hat is this? Is it YOURS?" she then took the bra and put it around a male student's head. Then she hung it up for the rest of the year.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby The Scyphozoa » Sat Jul 24, 2010 6:05 am UTC

I would devote my life to inventing time travel if only to see the expression on the male student's face.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby WHSTech » Sat Jul 24, 2010 6:08 am UTC

Last year, I had a chemistry teacher who was in the Vietnam War. He was talking about flamethrowers and concluded with "Warfare. Physics. Awesome!"

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Tiem » Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:19 am UTC

We had another, much more annoying teacher who once said something along the lines of "Joseph, if you don't shut up, I swear to god I'm going to metamorphis you into a butterfly."
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Secateurs » Wed Jul 28, 2010 8:33 am UTC

Both from my physics teacher:
"So, does anyone here like whales?"
*confused silence*
"Good. This graph looks like a lot like a whale with two harpoons sticking out of it."

The graph, for context, looked like this:
Spoiler:
x-spec.gif
x-spec.gif (9.63 KiB) Viewed 7470 times

And:
"You farm all day and you drink all night. Like a lumberjack."
(This was something about getting drunk on your farm and looking out at the stars with a telescope. Why? To figure out how to use the parallax method to calculate distance, of course.)
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Monika » Wed Jul 28, 2010 6:20 pm UTC

Tiem wrote:"Joseph, if you don't shut up, I swear to god I'm going to metamorphis you into a butterfly."

This is truly awesome.


Secateurs wrote:Both from my physics teacher:
"So, does anyone here like whales?"
*confused silence*
"Good. This graph looks like a lot like a whale with two harpoons sticking out of it."

The graph, for context, looked like this:
Spoiler:
x-spec.gif

He is right, it DOES look like a whale with two harppons sticking out of it.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Zarq » Wed Jul 28, 2010 8:41 pm UTC

I can only come up with one for the moment. It's from a teacher's assistant in my Basics of Mathematics-course at Ghent University. Note 1: he looked like a hippie. Note 2: in Dutch, square root and carrot are the same word.

So we take the square root of... Hehehe, square root, what a funny word


He also once stopped midsentence to say the word he just said had lost all meaning to him.

Yeah, pretty sure he was teaching while high.

Also, in highschool, I had this physics teacher who was extremely racist and sexist. He was the best! :D
Sadly, I can't remember any of his quotes :(
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby phider2 » Thu Jul 29, 2010 2:03 am UTC

Zarq wrote:
So we take the square root of... Hehehe, square root, what a funny word

That reminds me. My precalc/calc teacher was German. He had a really thick German accent, too, so everything came out like "And here we take the squeeroot of the cousin of x." You kind of get used to it after a few weeks though, and then it's not as interesting. Really though, he said at least one quotable thing per day, but I don't really remember any of them in particular.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby CaptainPerson » Fri Jul 30, 2010 10:34 am UTC

My calc this teacher is brilliant, he picks on students who are fooling about, but always in a joking way.
"[Student name], do you want to be supressed?"
He also used to threaten to deport my friend back to Korea so he can personally be punished by Kim Jong-il, and he's always complaining about the NZQA who's course he is teaching. He wrote the statistics book they use and he considers them all useless.

I also once got into a talk with my chem teacher about trust, and how you used to be able to leave houses unlocked
"If you're so big on trust sir, can I have your house keys?"
*throws keys at me*
"Take them. The alarms on anyways. Oh no wait, my wife's home...wait, is that why you want them? She did say he was young!"
The conversation then gradually descended until we were talking about bondage.
He also attacks us, insults all other teachers whenever he can and gives us stock market advice.
He's the Depute Head of our school.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Ralph Slatton » Thu Aug 05, 2010 12:23 pm UTC

My art teacher used to say, "The only difference between me and you, is that I've learned how to correct my mistakes where they don't show."

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby merseyless » Sat Aug 07, 2010 4:57 am UTC

my physics teacher just recently came up with this little beauty

today we're finding the specific heat of casterol magnetec w40, which you'll be pleased to know is not just oil, it's liquid engineering!


good lesson
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby bagnew » Mon Aug 09, 2010 9:08 am UTC

CaptainPerson wrote:My calc this teacher is brilliant, he picks on students who are fooling about, but always in a joking way.
"[Student name], do you want to be supressed?"
He also used to threaten to deport my friend back to Korea so he can personally be punished by Kim Jong-il, and he's always complaining about the NZQA who's course he is teaching. He wrote the statistics book they use and he considers them all useless.

I also once got into a talk with my chem teacher about trust, and how you used to be able to leave houses unlocked
"If you're so big on trust sir, can I have your house keys?"
*throws keys at me*
"Take them. The alarms on anyways. Oh no wait, my wife's home...wait, is that why you want them? She did say he was young!"
The conversation then gradually descended until we were talking about bondage.
He also attacks us, insults all other teachers whenever he can and gives us stock market advice.
He's the Depute Head of our school.


Whereabouts in NZ are you?
I've got several teachers who complain about NCEA and NZQA

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby CaptainPerson » Wed Aug 11, 2010 7:33 am UTC

bagnew wrote:Whereabouts in NZ are you?
I've got several teachers who complain about NCEA and NZQA


Auckland, I go to Macleans out in Buckland's Beach. Some of the funniest teachers I've known are out here, but I'm stumped for any more quotes at the moment.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Slavaa » Sat Aug 14, 2010 10:47 pm UTC

After mentioning to my principal that I did pretty well on all my exams except for French history he said "French history doesn't count."

I got a 94 on the final, big project, though, so while it may not have counted, I finished it well enough...

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Midnight » Tue Aug 24, 2010 3:37 am UTC

political philosophy teacher:
"When you're trying to make love to your girlfriend, you don't go to google and type in 'how to make love to my girlfriend', you just... DO!"
uhhhh fuck.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Dason » Tue Aug 24, 2010 4:06 am UTC

Midnight wrote:political philosophy teacher:
"When you're trying to make love to your girlfriend, you don't go to google and type in 'how to make love to my girlfriend', you just... DO!"

Hey now. What I google during my time with my girlfriend is none of his business.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby NecklaceOfShadow » Tue Aug 24, 2010 6:09 am UTC

Pfft. Googling that information.

All of the cool kids use Wikipedia.

Spoiler:
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Mike_Bson » Tue Aug 24, 2010 2:50 pm UTC

History teacher:

''I will hit you, Lukas.''
''But everyone will see. . . ''
''Who do you think they'll side with?''

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Kaervek » Tue Aug 24, 2010 7:09 pm UTC

*long-winded discussion about the inverted/cyclical nature of Amazonian cosmology*
Student: "So... Amazonian cosmology is like a mobius strip?"
Teacher: "What's a mobius strip?"
*Shows*
Teacher: "F**k. Ok, that's a far better explanation. Yes. It's exactly like a mobius strip."

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Chrishy » Tue Aug 24, 2010 9:05 pm UTC

French teacher: "To remember the gender of copain and copine, just think: guys are a pain, and girls smell like pine cones."

Wat.

Also, the teacher is female.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Monika » Tue Aug 24, 2010 9:41 pm UTC

Kaervek wrote:*long-winded discussion about the inverted/cyclical nature of Amazonian cosmology*

What is Amazonian cosmology?
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Macbi » Wed Aug 25, 2010 8:05 am UTC

Monika wrote:
Kaervek wrote:*long-winded discussion about the inverted/cyclical nature of Amazonian cosmology*

What is Amazonian cosmology?
It's like a Möbius strip.
    Indigo is a lie.
    Which idiot decided that websites can't go within 4cm of the edge of the screen?
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby darknut » Wed Aug 25, 2010 9:27 am UTC

while taking a mechanics course had a teacher that was hilariously cruel
once while in the shop
teacher walks up to a student with a shocked expression"what are you doing ?!"
student nervous he's done something horribly wrong "I was just losening these bolts so i could take this cylinder off"
teacher "ok, carry on then" walks off grinning

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Monika » Wed Aug 25, 2010 10:27 am UTC

/me whacks Macbi.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby cjmcjmcjmcjm » Thu Aug 26, 2010 8:46 pm UTC

I had a physics prof explain how static electricity worked by telling how he used to zap his sister to relieve the boredom of living in Wisconsin in the winter.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Grop » Tue Aug 31, 2010 1:12 pm UTC

Chrishy wrote:French teacher: "To remember the gender of copain and copine, just think: guys are a pain, and girls smell like pine cones."


The usual joke in French is a bit different : with your copain you share pain (French for bread), with your copine you share your pine (slang for penis).


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