Awesome Teacher Quotes

The school experience. School related queries, discussions, and stories that aren't specific to a subject.

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Whelan
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Whelan » Sun Oct 03, 2010 2:00 pm UTC

I assumed no, because the velociraptor is pushing right next to the pivot, but you aren't so your moment is larger.
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sai
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby sai » Mon Oct 04, 2010 1:58 pm UTC

My classmate had to ask our research teacher a favor regarding his paper to be submitted a week later from the set deadline coz his laptop crashed down and he wasn't able to back up the files. Our teacher said "what did i tell you about saving files? always have a BACK UP so things won't FUCK UP for you"...


prof. DY was one hell of a teacher.....

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby aender13 » Tue Oct 05, 2010 5:14 am UTC

my cal 3 professor had some weird things he did, but my favorite quote from him was in response to someone complaining about getting a negative value for a volume.
he let out an exasperated sigh and said "Math...Math doesn't care"

this is my first post :)

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freaki
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby freaki » Tue Oct 05, 2010 11:48 am UTC

one of the ICT teachers at my previous school was great for wild stories such as:
[quote=Mr. Miller]I once won a sumo tournament when I lived in Japan.[/quote]
bear in mind, he was very skinny, so he claimed that he won through agility, but as they start clasped together, this is extremely unlikely.
Ever looked at the sky and thought "why?"
no?
me neither.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby SlyReaper » Tue Oct 05, 2010 11:53 am UTC

Said by a maths teacher in high school

For God's sake John. Die. Just die. Why won't you die?
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What would Baron Harkonnen do?

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby hintss » Tue Oct 05, 2010 11:43 pm UTC

"my pet is very low maintainance." *pulls out petri dish*

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby 123 » Wed Oct 06, 2010 12:22 am UTC

"Look, I don't care the other kids say, you're alright,"
"Hey, thanks...Wait? What do the other kids say about me?"
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but that won't stop me from secretly hating you

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Turtle_ » Wed Oct 13, 2010 1:41 am UTC

In one of my classes we were discussing how to make posters to inform people about AYP (Adequate Yearly Progress, I think it's a NCLB thing; basically how well the school is doing on standardized tests) so another teacher was in the class talking about it. Our teacher interrupted her to say "Hey guys," and looked like he was going to say something important. Then he finished: "Sex sells." Then let her keep talking.
"Sometimes lies were more dependable than the truth." ~ Ender's Game
"Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge." ~ Charles Darwin

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby masakatsu » Wed Oct 13, 2010 6:46 pm UTC

My professor for Accounting I upteen million years ago pointed out he wrote his dissertation on tax accounting. He used it as a warning to other how best intentions can go very, very wrong.
I will not attack your math, just your epistemology.

You think you have it bad, I teach Intro to Project Management to Undergrads.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby VnorekV » Thu Oct 14, 2010 1:27 am UTC

"You might think that baby powder is made from grinded babies, but it's not. It's actually made from grinded talc."

"To me, rap music sounds like cats having sex."

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby VnorekV » Thu Oct 14, 2010 2:23 am UTC

My math teacher while explaining some geometry thingy I don't really remember: "So it goes both ways, if you know what I mean... No, not like that!"

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby VnorekV » Thu Oct 14, 2010 3:46 am UTC

Shakleton wrote:That reminds me of one of my chemistry teachers, He wanted to show us a reaction with nice light-effects so he set up the apparatus and the chemicals (forgot what they were). When he added the last one he said: "ok, normally I should not add that much of it to this mixture but if you promise not to tell anyone I'll forget that rule for a moment" Of course, we all agreed. When he was done adding the whole chemical he watched the mixture starting to make funny glows and little lightnings. But then, suddenly, it took uo to create rly dark smoke. And a lot of it. I'm happy today that I watched him and not the mixture at that moment. His eyes became wide, he said something like "uh-oh" and then shouted to the class "COVER!". We all hid under our desks and then the mixture in the front blew up. Luckily nobody was hurt, the test tube did explode but nobody was hit by anything. To this day there is a dark spot on the cieling of our chemistry room.


That reminds me of a joke:

Chem teacher to a student: What color is your mixture, Andrew?
Andrew: Red
Teacher: Very good, A. What about you John?
John: Yellow
Teacher: Ok C+. Tony?
Tony: Uuuh, blue?
Teacher: TONY - F, CLASS- COVER!


Approved as the posts were all in the queue, but in the future please edit your last post rather than double posting. -Lanicita

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Ouch.jars
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Ouch.jars » Sun Oct 17, 2010 1:29 pm UTC

Not really awesome, but:
Religion teacher wrote:I'm sick and tired of spooning you!
I hope she meant "spoon-feeding".

Society & Environment teacher wrote:(after talking about Asian cultures) As part of [our Asian Studies unit], we'll be visiting the zoo.
ouchjars: putting the "pie" in "sapience" since '08

TheDawg
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby TheDawg » Wed Oct 27, 2010 10:45 pm UTC

At university, I had this hilarious math professor.

So one time, he said: "during the break, one of you students will clean the black board." But since we were all freshmen, we were to timid to go to the front and clean the black board. When the break ended, the professor said "to bad for you" and he just started overwriting everything on the black board without cleaning it. Nobody could read a thing. The following lessons, somebody always cleaned the black board...

On another occasion he was teaching. And all of a sudden he said: "It is my birthday today, what am I doing here?" and he just left the room without coming back.

I'm now the TA of this professor :D

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby hintss » Thu Oct 28, 2010 1:06 am UTC

earthquake drill, science teacher:

"ok. now in an earthquake, everyone gets under their tiny desks, and I get under this large countertop. sorry, only room for one person in here."

on school lockdowns:

"the manual says that everyone should stand in the center of the room, but it probably wouldn't work in this room. see all these windows? so, what we'll do is everryone gets on the ground, I turn the lights off, then I'll go hide in the supply closet."

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Dason
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Dason » Thu Oct 28, 2010 1:22 am UTC

They sound like a courageously noble teacher!
double epsilon = -.0000001;

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby TheGrammarBolshevik » Sun Nov 07, 2010 10:06 pm UTC

Philosophy TF: "‎"Things are seldom clarified by substituting Nazis in for X."
Nothing rhymes with orange,
Not even sporange.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby hintss » Mon Nov 08, 2010 4:55 pm UTC

on the board, in one of the physics classrooms:
NO CHEATING

cheaters will be boiled in cheese fondue and poured over nachos!

yummy!!

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby TaintedDeity » Mon Nov 08, 2010 6:31 pm UTC

Teacher: A class of coma patients are more lively than my 9am class this morning
Student: Do you teach many coma wards?
Teacher: I'll do anything to get the numbers up. They generally have good attendance and better participation too.
Ⓞⓞ◯

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby TheChewanater » Mon Nov 08, 2010 8:03 pm UTC

Teacher: I used to have this one professor who was the meanest teacher ever. He gave me an F and told me never to write again.

Student: Where is he now?

Teacher: *smiles* Oh, he's dead.

Student: Wait, so was he old?

Teacher: Uh... no. *changes the subject*
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Ideas sleep furiously. » Tue Nov 09, 2010 6:02 am UTC

My history teacher said "Hitler is a ratbag".

Massive understatement.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Thurid » Wed Nov 10, 2010 12:40 am UTC

Student: Mrs. T, isn't it true that if a girl is on top she can't get pregnant?
Mrs. T: No, I have two kids.

Couldn't stop laughing for 20 minutes.
You put the 'ass' in mass murder.

andy999999999
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby andy999999999 » Fri Nov 12, 2010 3:03 am UTC

"Iron and nickle are the heaviest/densest(I don't remember which)elements"
Context:Talking about why the core is composed of iron and nickle

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Bingo Little
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Bingo Little » Sat Nov 13, 2010 10:28 pm UTC

My biology teacher is a goldmine for these. He loves our class as, by chance, it's all boys, so he can get away with a lot of jokes he couldn't get away with otherwise, such as yelling very loudly about testicles every time the Y chromosone is mentioned.

But this story is my favourite...

So some year 7's been running down the corridor, and he winks at us, leaves the class, and drags them in to tell them off, ie belittle them. This is fairly common and not too noteworthy, but his parting shot as he forces the kid out the class is "And tie your tie longer!"

He turns back to us, and picks out his own tie, and holds it in front of him.

"I don't know. I mean, with some of the kids here, I've always thought that there's a direct correlation between tie length and penis size."

At this, he drops his tie down, and we see that it's ridiculously long, reaching a way below his crotch. We then all glance down at our own ties, and feel embarrassed and ashamed.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Sir_Elderberry » Sun Nov 14, 2010 12:44 am UTC

"大鱼 means big fish, like...catfish, whale."
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I reiterate. Coolest. Guy.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Robert'); DROP TABLE *; » Tue Nov 16, 2010 8:26 pm UTC

My maths teacher wrote:You won't get the right answers if you start breaking the fundamental laws of the universe.
...And that is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Meem1029 » Wed Nov 17, 2010 4:53 am UTC

Robert'); DROP TABLE *; wrote:
My maths teacher wrote:You won't get the right answers if you start breaking the fundamental laws of the universe.


I have to say that this quote is made even more awesome by your signature and taking the two together.

Edit: And to clarify for the future if the signature is changed, it currently reads:
...And that is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped.
Last edited by Meem1029 on Sat Nov 20, 2010 5:43 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby F_N_N » Wed Nov 17, 2010 5:19 am UTC

My favorite electronics prof, on the topic of inductance.

"One Henry ... is a FUCKLOAD ... of Henry's"

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Odd_nonposter » Sun Nov 28, 2010 12:41 am UTC

My English teacher habitually stands outside his door between classes, and his room is directly across from where I have calculus the period before his class.
One day, after we learned that each of us had received A's in calc for the quarter:
"I'm a little worried. You guys are coming out of calculus looking happy."
CorruptUser wrote:Religions are like genitalia. It's OK to have them, but don't whip them out in public, don't argue about whose is better, and keep them away from my kids.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Ruin » Tue Nov 30, 2010 4:11 am UTC

This is from my history teacher:
"Hey, hey... Quiet, everyone. Knowing this stuff could save your life."
"How?"
"Well... What if you're being held at gunpoint, and the guy with the gun says he'll kill you unless you tell him the exact date of Napoleon's death?"

And from my English teacher last year:
"Good luck next year... I'm sure you'll all do great! I'll miss you all! Well, except for Chase."

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Nani the man
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Nani the man » Wed Dec 01, 2010 10:49 am UTC

teacher: I know we're supposed to make a test today... but I did not brought them...
Students: WOOOOOOW OH YEA *hi5* YEA AWESOMEEEE *hi5*

teacher: You didnt let me finish, I didn't brought them in printed in colors. Here's the test in black and white!

minty
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby minty » Sun Dec 05, 2010 12:17 pm UTC

Physics professor: to evaluate the limit of f(x) as x approaches something, we first check if there is a math major in the room, if there isn't, erase the lim sign.

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Thirty-one
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Thirty-one » Sun Dec 05, 2010 12:33 pm UTC

We had a sub for our physics go

Code: Select all

..but everything's relative.


Then ten minutes later he went

Constants aren't that exciting, it's what's relative that's interesting.


I snickered.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Monika » Sun Dec 05, 2010 12:34 pm UTC

minty wrote:Physics professor: to evaluate the limit of f(x) as x approaches something, we first check if there is a math major in the room, if there isn't, erase the lim sign.

That ones really good :D
Last edited by Monika on Thu Dec 09, 2010 2:00 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby jjfortherear » Thu Dec 09, 2010 1:35 am UTC

Not my teacher (I'll have him next year), but this was posted on our quote wall in the physics lobby (guy teaches mechanics):

"These things get hard, so you just have to play with them until something comes out."
Qaanol wrote:Actually this could be a great idea. See, you just have to bill the mission to an extrasolar planet as a mission, and then let all the fundamentalists from all religions be the missionaries.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Persephonethinx » Fri Dec 10, 2010 4:27 am UTC

My IB HL Math 2 teacher has our class last every day. So by the time we get in there, all of us a tired of the day and want to go home. Oddly this leads to 50 minutes of nonstop, terrible math puns during the whole lesson.
Usually, it's just we students disrupting class with a "this is integral to our enjoyment of the class" , but today we got Mrs. H into it.

Someone had a problem with a homework problem (integrals of circular functions) and as we were solving it together, the student realized that he had lost a negative sign somewhere. As we all "ah"d over this, our teacher responded, "It seemed you had a sine problem." It took us a bit to get back on task after that.

I learned later that my rather shy friend really wanted to shout "Now guys, let's not get off on a tangent here!" Missed joke of awesome.
"The Universe is big and it's vast and complicated, and ridiculous and sometimes, very rarely, impossible things just happen and we call them miracles..." -The Eleventh Doctor

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby JLauer » Mon Dec 13, 2010 3:39 am UTC

My physics professor wrote:So anyway way when I was a student my professor took me to Scotland because he thought I was Scottish. [Note: Professor's last name is a common Scottish name.] Technically he's right but most of it comes from a bottle.

I have [some disease no one has heard of] so that's my it looks like I'm drunk.


Same Professor: Essentially, I like to cover material quickly to leave more time for questions. Any question now.
Me: Sir, you do realize you spent twenty minutes explaining that and were now out of time?
Professor: Shit.

Impish
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Impish » Sat Dec 18, 2010 3:13 am UTC

"Now, class, your teacher is always right. If, however, a paradox should occur, consult me."

Can't remember which teacher... maybe a friend's...

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Arabascan
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Arabascan » Sat Dec 18, 2010 10:55 am UTC

Teachers class didn't stop talking and doing shit. They were in the

The teacher was very pissed off, so he told his class that he'll jump out of the window if they don't stop.
They didn't stopped, he jumped, landed on the ledge and ducked so that his class couldn't see him.

They really thought he jumped. That was really funny.
"Everyone has his price. Mine is a clean conscience."

If I make any spelling or grammar mistakes, just tell me (if you stay polite).
(Edit:Or if I write anything stupid.)

j.lou
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby j.lou » Sat Dec 18, 2010 9:56 pm UTC

I had a neuroscience lecturer this past quarter who was pretty terrible, but often funny without intending to be. He spoke very slowly, had a really thick Russian accent, and was often searching for English words to fit his explanations.

[on taste receptors]
We can't really distinguish very much between bitter tastants because the main message that is.. uh... sent your brain is that something... uh... inappropriate is in your mouth...

[class giggles]

[he picks up on it] Awww, come on, guys...

[class cracks up]

I had a hilarious AP physics and AP computer science teacher in high school that had golden quotes all the time, but I've forgotten a lot of them. He would pronounce torque like "tor-kay" (like por que in Spanish) and sound out equations (there was "muh-guh-huh" (PE=mgh) and "roh-guh-huh" and "fmah" (F=ma)). He often said "You're a horrible person," to students who made inappropriate remarks.

Man, I miss his classes.


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