## Awesome Student Quotes

The school experience. School related queries, discussions, and stories that aren't specific to a subject.

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Robert'); DROP TABLE *;
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

"Why are you holding the bottle?"
"Because I'm drunk"

Spoiler:
We were re-enacting a scene from A Streetcar Named Desire
...And that is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped.

JonathanOst
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

My old AP Chem teacher says he's going to write a book of stupid things said by his students. The title of that book would probably be a quote from a student who just messed up a very simple question. She exclaimed, "You know I'm bad at thinking!"

JGefell
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Calculus out of the blue: "When I'm 90 I'm going to do like a pound of cocaine, cause I'm 90, why not?"

While discussing the more crude points of stopping a male attacker: "No you have to be molesting me."

1st grader checking out books: "Diary of a Spider, it's perfect because I have diarrhea."
Run fast, make them chase you.

lemurdoom
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Student 1: Have you heard of a book called the secret life of bees...

Student 2 (interrupting): I'm writing a book called secret life of your mom. SPOILER ALERT: shes a whore.

Limepulp
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Student 1: The answer is 'Consumer'.
Student 2: (the one asking the questions): No its the person who buys things
Student 1: Which is a consumer.
Student 2: No.

To this day I can't figure out how she passed economics.

Monika
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Limepulp wrote:To this day I can't figure out how she passed economics.

If this is the US, I have a guess: All tests where multiple-choice or yes/no questions. Or fill-in-the blank where the ten words to fill in for the ten questions were the ten words that were marked in bold in the current chapter of the book and listed again in the end for convenience. The teacher assumed students never cheat and walked out during the test and/or allowed students who did not complete it during class to take it home or continue it on the next day. And of course all tests were open-book or open-notebook or both.

At least that's the way it was at my US high school. How anybody ever got below an A+ is a mystery to me.
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Dromtry
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Just today in Spanish:

Student: Hey Mr. X, do you know Barrack Obama's middle name?
Teacher: Hussein.
Student: How did you know?
Teacher: Everyone's known for two and a half years.
Student: Wait, so we elected a terrorist?
~steve

1996913
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

*student sprinting across the hallway*
Teacher: Hey! Why are you running so fast?
Student: Secret mission.

Limepulp
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Monika wrote:
Limepulp wrote:To this day I can't figure out how she passed economics.

If this is the US, I have a guess: All tests where multiple-choice or yes/no questions. Or fill-in-the blank where the ten words to fill in for the ten questions were the ten words that were marked in bold in the current chapter of the book and listed again in the end for convenience. The teacher assumed students never cheat and walked out during the test and/or allowed students who did not complete it during class to take it home or continue it on the next day. And of course all tests were open-book or open-notebook or both.

At least that's the way it was at my US high school. How anybody ever got below an A+ is a mystery to me.

Most of the tests were like that but a few were monitored and weren't multiple choice questions. Maybe she had a good memory.

Dromtry
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Limepulp wrote:To this day I can't figure out how she passed economics.

Slept with the teacher? That's a classic.
~steve

TheChewanater
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

These are small ass-cups.

http://internetometer.com/give/4279
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Presto Digito
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Actually heard these in a 9th grade class that I taught. After the stunned silence and follow-up grillings, I realized none of them were putting me on, either. I weep for the future:

Student: "You've got it all wrong! The Indians showed up on the Mayflower!"
Me: "So, uh, um, who was here first?"
Student: "All the white people, dummy!"
Me: "Okay, um, why do we call our language English, then?"
-----
Me: "So, this year we'll be covering the Revolutionary War, the War of 1812, the Civil War..."
Student: "Civil War? Sweet! I love learning about the Nazis."
-----
(after we got off on a tangent about NASA, space exploration, etc)
Student: "Wait a minute. You mean there's more stuff out there than just nine planets and the sun?!?"
Me: "Um...yeah, really. What did you think stars were?"

Flightless_bird
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Presto Digito wrote:(after we got off on a tangent about NASA, space exploration, etc)
Student: "Wait a minute. You mean there's more stuff out there than just nine planets and the sun?!?"
Me: "Um...yeah, really. What did you think stars were?"

"Dust on the telescope?"
Trying is the first step towards failure

CueBall
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

"Now, the child on the right of the seesaw is too heavy for where he is sat. What can we do?"
"Chop his arms off, Sir."
Spoiler:
Zohar wrote:Cueball is being generally hilarious today.
Sungura wrote:Cueball, I...I...
...
<3
Box Boy wrote:Now let us wait for the outcome of CueBall's fight to the death!

NeedfulThings
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

In my World History 2 Honors class last year,
Student: You know, England is so lucky. They have Paris AND France.
Me: I think you're forgetting something.
Student: What?
Me: Something important.
Student: Don't be silly, Madrid isn't in England.
Me: Oh, right. Silly me.

Later on in the year:

Same Student: Who was that guy who wrote his name really large on the Constitution?
Me: That would be Richard Nixon.
Student: The guy who resigned?
Me: Yep. He felt guilty for making everyone's signatures feel crowded and resigned.
Student: Oooh.

I felt kind of guilty afterward, but at least I don't have to deal with her anymore now that I'm taking AP History. How she got into Honors in the first place is beyond me....

Monika
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Presto Digito wrote:Actually heard these in a 9th grade class that I taught. After the stunned silence and follow-up grillings, I realized none of them were putting me on, either. I weep for the future:

Student: "You've got it all wrong! The Indians showed up on the Mayflower!"
Me: "So, uh, um, who was here first?"
Student: "All the white people, dummy!"
Me: "Okay, um, why do we call our language English, then?"
-----
Me: "So, this year we'll be covering the Revolutionary War, the War of 1812, the Civil War..."
Student: "Civil War? Sweet! I love learning about the Nazis."
-----
(after we got off on a tangent about NASA, space exploration, etc)
Student: "Wait a minute. You mean there's more stuff out there than just nine planets and the sun?!?"
Me: "Um...yeah, really. What did you think stars were?"

Tell me you are making this up. Pleeease.
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Presto Digito
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Monika wrote::shock: Tell me you are making this up. Pleeease.

I wish I were. One of the many reasons I have less hair now than when I started teaching.

Mungo0
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

We were having an AS Physics lesson in which we were quickly going over the basics of electricity. The teacher was talking about $I =\frac{V}{R}$ and how raising V made the current bigger, while raising R made the current smaller, etc.

After a while, he, for some reason, pointed out that R was a "German", V was a "Frenchie" and I was an "Italian". We were discussing electric currents by comparing it to guttering and water flowing through gutters, when a classmate burst out "So wait, the more French you have, the more Italians you have, but the more Germans you have, the less Italians you have. Is that a reference to the Second World War?"

Yeah, we were pretty gobsmacked, until we started to crack up a few seconds later. He never got why it was funny.

TheChewanater
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Today, while listening to the teacher review the conservation law of matter,

So, what happens when people lose weight?

He was shocked to find out that it's excreted.

http://internetometer.com/give/4279
No one can agree how to count how many types of people there are. You could ask two people and get 10 different answers.

grapefruit1
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

(After student 1 hit student 2 in the face with a water bottle, giving Student 2 a nosebleed.)

Student 1: I believe the correct word in this situation is 'oops'.
Student 2: 'Oops'? 'OOPS?' Yeah, I'm sure that's the correct word! In fact, I'm sure that's exactly what the guy who created the atomic bomb said! 'Oops, I just created the deadliest weapon of all time! I better-
Student 1 (cuts them off): Look, I'm really happy for you, and imma let you finish, but the H-bomb was one of the deadliest weapons of all time! Of ALL TIME!
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Kohlliah
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

"It's just like writing a story. Except with genitals." ~Robert, referring to porn
/I fear in me, you will find/
/the antithesis of your good time/

Isvan
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

My old Latin class was always a mine of quotes like this.

Teacher: *pointing out posters of the wonders of the world on the wall* So, which is the odd one out?
[silence]
Teacher: Come on, someone's got to have an idea?
*Student raises hand*
Student: Is it the Lighthouse of Alexandria?
Teacher: Why do you think that?
Student: Because it's the only one which uses electricity.

This next one was in the second last class of the day, beforehand the same student above had been unaware what a lapdance was and was laughed at for his ignorance.
*Student raises hand*
Teacher: Yes?
Student: Miss, what's a lapdance?
[class starts laughing]
Teacher: Come back at the end of school and I'll show you.
The lesson didn't progress much further after that.

The teacher in question was at least in her fifties.

Same student again, in a Music lesson:
Teacher: So, there are lots of different genres of music- can anyone name some?
Student: Jazz?
Teacher: That's right. Can you describe Jazz to me?
Student: Well.. it's quite... jazzy?

DeltaOne
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Eighth Grade Science, we were studying energy changing forms.
Teacher: The battery transforms chemical energy into electrical energy. Then, the light bulb lights up and produces radiant and thermal energy.
Student next to me (I had written down 'Chemical (battery)---> Electrical--->Radiant (light bulb): It's also thermal energy because the light bulb gets warmer.
Me: Yeah, but I just wrote down radiant because I can see it but not feel it. Like porn.

Carlington
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

A female friend and my male self have a long standing game in which we poke each other in the head and run away. While playing this game, the following exchange occurred between me and another, male friend

Me (to female friend): I think I felt your finger bend, Are you alright?
Female friend: it hurt a little, but I'm fine.
Male friend (arriving): how'd you know her finger bent?
Me (to male friend): she poked my head. What else could we have possibly been doing involving me, her and a finger?

It was then that my male friend lost it, died laughing and I realised what I'd jus said. I swear, if he tells my girlfriend, I'll kill him…
Kewangji: Posdy zwei tosdy osdy oady. Bork bork bork, hoppity syphilis bork.

Eebster the Great: What specifically is moving faster than light in these examples?
doogly: Hands waving furiously.

Please use he/him/his pronouns when referring to me.

hintss
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

there are 3 teams

math competition coach: not all of you will make it onto the teams
me: which team am I on?

Monika
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

hintss wrote:there are 3 teams

math competition coach: not all of you will make it onto the teams
me: which team am I on?

Not-aweseome self-reference.

BTW are you putting your e-mail address in your signature without any "encoding" (like @ -> (at)) as a spam trap?
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joshz
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

You, sir, name? wrote:If you have over 26 levels of nesting, you've got bigger problems ... than variable naming.
suffer-cait wrote:it might also be interesting to note here that i don't like 5 fingers. they feel too bulky.

Internetmeme
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

In Physical Science, after someone mentioned those injury lawyers that appear on TV
Teacher: So basically, these are guys that will take a case, but then will assign it to smaller lawyers, but wants a percentage because he gave them the customers.
Student: So they're likes pimps?
Spoiler:

hintss
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

I add my email, yes. I previously used a recaptcha mailhide, but I figured that the average forumite would be too lazy. And who cares about spam when you have...GMail! Also, the math competition is tomorrow at UCI. And wouldn't the average person here be very good at math, so it is normal?

inexplicable
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

It's not so much a quote as an action. In our economics class, we had a ton of football players. There was this one where you could tell when he was thinking about something just by the look in his eyes and the way he was acting. No, it wasn't a subtle little motion or something, but when our teacher said something once, his face got all screwed up in concentration, and he kept putting his hand up and down as if he just couldn't grasp the question he was trying to ask.
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Anonymosity213
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Teacher, while giving an oral quiz: Number eight... we didn't learn number eight. Just write "horse" as your answer.

Cheerleader in class: Does spelling count?

^Senior year english in highschool.

Gl1tch
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

We were to come up with mock horror movies, and then come up with catch phrases for them. A fellow classmate came up with: "Just because you can't be seen, doesn't mean you aren't being watched." Then, a person who remains anonymous to this day, shouted "Helen Keller!"

unus vox
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Anonymosity213 wrote:Teacher, while giving an oral quiz: Number eight... we didn't learn number eight. Just write "horse" as your answer.

Cheerleader in class: Does spelling count?

^Senior year english in highschool.

hoarse?
Spoiler:

kaimason1
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

In a friend's History class:

Teacher (to student): What year was sputnik launched?
Student: Sputnik? Who's that?
Teacher: ... You don't know what SPUTNIK is?
Friend: Think: *Beep*...*Beep*...*Beep*...
Student: Uhhh... a train?
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brakos82
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

PossibleSloth wrote:In a high school literature class we had just finished reading Tale of Two Cities.

Teacher: Any last questions before we begin the test?
Student: What exactly is a guillotine (pronounced it "gill-o-teen")
Class: Stunned Silence
Student: I know it's something bad...

And this was the honors class.

To be fair you are in Texas... and that's how yall say it down there.
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Arancaytar
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Mungo0 wrote:We were having an AS Physics lesson in which we were quickly going over the basics of electricity. The teacher was talking about $I =\frac{V}{R}$ and how raising V made the current bigger, while raising R made the current smaller, etc.

After a while, he, for some reason, pointed out that R was a "German", V was a "Frenchie" and I was an "Italian". We were discussing electric currents by comparing it to guttering and water flowing through gutters, when a classmate burst out "So wait, the more French you have, the more Italians you have, but the more Germans you have, the less Italians you have. Is that a reference to the Second World War?"

Yeah, we were pretty gobsmacked, until we started to crack up a few seconds later. He never got why it was funny.

Got it backward, though. Georg Ohm (R) was indeed German, but Alessandro Volta (V) was the Italian while André-Marie Ampère (I) was the Frenchman.
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hintss
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

I said space wasn't a perfect vacuum.
me and science teacher had 30 minute argument during class
I quoted wikipedia article
she read article, replacing technical terms with the word blah.
I won

today, science, talking about formation of earth and moon
me: how do we know the earth wasn't manufactured by magrathea?

kaimason1
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

hintss wrote:how do we know the earth wasn't manufactured by magrathea?

I just got to that part, so this has me cracking up.
SexyTalon wrote:If it walks like a person, talks like a person, and tastes like a person, it's probably a person. Or I Can't Believe It's Not People, which cannibals prefer to Soylent Green nearly 5 to 1 in a blind taste test.

hintss
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

kaimason1
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### Re: Awesome Student Quotes

No, I'm reading Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
SexyTalon wrote:If it walks like a person, talks like a person, and tastes like a person, it's probably a person. Or I Can't Believe It's Not People, which cannibals prefer to Soylent Green nearly 5 to 1 in a blind taste test.