Awesome Student Quotes

The school experience. School related queries, discussions, and stories that aren't specific to a subject.

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mythindril
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby mythindril » Thu Oct 23, 2008 3:12 am UTC

Girl who sits in front of me: "He [English teacher] is so precious... but then he gives me a 75 on my essay and I want to gouge his eyes out."

In English, reading the Inferno
Teacher: Not to gross you guys out or anything, but the ever swirling around of the carnal in Hell has been suggested by some scholars to be an eternal orgasm.
Girl: Why is that a bad thing?

In Government
Teacher: And when you're not doing stuff with your friends or your family, you're doing what?
Me: Homework.

Apparently the answer was "watching TV." Who knew?

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Snowdream
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Snowdream » Thu Oct 23, 2008 6:28 pm UTC

Student news: "Today we celebrate the largest protest of the war in Vie... Viet... Vermont."

I found it quite funny. The taking of Newport must have been thrilling.
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Jigganis
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Jigganis » Thu Oct 23, 2008 6:39 pm UTC

This is from Matt Groening in his School is Hell comics (doesn't exactly fit, but what the hell, might as well):

School's out school's out
Teacher let the monkeys out
One was jailed
One prevailed
Both asked God,
"How have I failed?"

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JJarad
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby JJarad » Sat Oct 25, 2008 8:47 pm UTC

One day we were in math class doing a problem with 2 names in it and the names were bob and tim. A friend of mine asks the teacher why isn't the problem in the book. The teacher replies saying there are guidelines and rules that state you must have names of different genders and races. My friend then says " So it should be Lafaunda and Tray"

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Shakleton
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Shakleton » Sun Oct 26, 2008 10:00 pm UTC

This one is back from 2007, when I spent 4 months in Cork, Ireland.

My (substitute, new young still in training kinda like) chemistry teacher wanted to mediate three values we got in an experiment. It was something reeeeeally obvious like "3.20", "3.25" and "3.30" and he asked me for a calculator !

I most certainly could not miss that chance to make his life a little harder and went on about his later life. Something along this lines happened:


"Imaging yourself in 20 years. Maybe you will have a son by then. And by any chance, one day he will come for you and tell you the following:
Daddy, the mean boy from across the street said he is ten years older than me. I am five years old. How old is he?"

and you will desperately jump to the phone to call a random student to hand you up a calculator. Do you really wanna be like that?!"

He got another student to give him a calculator, I got to write out 4 A4-Pages of the chemistry book. So worth it.
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby l33t_sas » Mon Oct 27, 2008 1:36 pm UTC

Shakleton wrote:This one is back from 2007, when I spent 4 months in Cork, Ireland.

He got another student to give him a calculator, I got to write out 4 A4-Pages of the chemistry book. So worth it.


That doesn't sound worth it at all. :(

But then again, I can't really judge since I used to be like that until quite recently. I remember last year I spoke up and told my English language teacher that the lesson was a complete waste of time and got kicked out. Then later when she asked me why I think she kicked me out I replied with something like: "Because I openly subverted your authority in front of the class, undermining your position of power as a teacher and making you lose the respect of your students"

I like to think I've matured a lot in the last year.
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Monika » Mon Oct 27, 2008 1:51 pm UTC

i_ll_winn wrote:
Monika wrote:
i_ll_winn wrote:Someone in my class.
"If you press the 3 button(referring to a calculator) the right way it will say something else."
"I don't get it, it is not working." While pressing the 3 button furiously.

IDGI.


Seriously?

Seriously. I have no idea what that was supposed to be about.

incompetentia wrote:This was in a polisci class that I'm taking; it's about the political/social impact on war and warfare, and their transformation over the last few hundred years. It's supposed to be primarily an upper-level undergrad class with several prerequisites and all - I snuck in somehow to take it as an elective.

Professor: Okay, we've outlined the transformation of the wars being fought between the early 20th century and the wars that are fought, but also not fought, and its general political consequences. What would the social consequences be?
Student: Well, war is bad because it kills people, right?

That's just what I was thinking when I read your description of the course ;) .
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby pkuky » Mon Oct 27, 2008 1:56 pm UTC

l33t_sas wrote:
Shakleton wrote:This one is back from 2007, when I spent 4 months in Cork, Ireland.

He got another student to give him a calculator, I got to write out 4 A4-Pages of the chemistry book. So worth it.


That doesn't sound worth it at all. :(

But then again, I can't really judge since I used to be like that until quite recently. I remember last year I spoke up and told my English language teacher that the lesson was a complete waste of time and got kicked out. Then later when she asked me why I think she kicked me out I replied with something like: "Because I openly subverted your authority in front of the class, undermining your position of power as a teacher and making you lose the respect of your students"

I like to think I've matured a lot in the last year.[/
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Lenary » Tue Oct 28, 2008 11:14 am UTC

We were doing the good old lemon cell experiment, to find out how much voltage each of them produced. our electrodes kept falling out, so, the guy i was working with actually pretty-much shouted:
They're Coming Out like Zombies!

i pretty much fell about laughing
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Pirate.Bondage » Tue Oct 28, 2008 12:53 pm UTC

Not sure if other schools have this, but we have a thing called PLATO where you do an entire class on the computer. It's for kids who failed that particular class before.

Student: "YES!"
Teacher: "What are you so happy about?"
Student: "I just made Physics my bitch!"
Teacher: "Oh...very well then.."
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby pkuky » Tue Oct 28, 2008 9:18 pm UTC

happened to me today. but I just went around shouting at people "hooray! I've solved the rope problem!" (the rope problem being to determine the function describing the shape of a rope hanging between two walls)
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby paragon12321 » Wed Oct 29, 2008 8:25 pm UTC

"Wait...isn't Italy in France?"
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby HareichiSan » Wed Oct 29, 2008 11:32 pm UTC

I was on my way back from a field trip to chinatown yesterday, and this girl in the back of the bus was eating this weird Chinese food called pockies, and she said, "Mm, these are good, they taste like something."

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Seda
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Seda » Thu Oct 30, 2008 12:20 am UTC

HareichiSan wrote:I was on my way back from a field trip to chinatown yesterday, and this girl in the back of the bus was eating this weird Chinese food called pockies, and she said, "Mm, these are good, they taste like something."


...Pocky are Japanese.
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Sartorius » Thu Oct 30, 2008 12:46 am UTC

Monika wrote:
i_ll_winn wrote:
Monika wrote:
i_ll_winn wrote:Someone in my class.
"If you press the 3 button(referring to a calculator) the right way it will say something else."
"I don't get it, it is not working." While pressing the 3 button furiously.

IDGI.


Seriously?

Seriously. I have no idea what that was supposed to be about.


From what I gather, the person said "If you press the three button in a special way it will display something that is not a three (like a five or something ridiculous)," and someone was gullible enough to believe that.

Or I could be totally off.
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Benfrenchman » Thu Oct 30, 2008 8:46 am UTC

Seda wrote:
HareichiSan wrote:I was on my way back from a field trip to chinatown yesterday, and this girl in the back of the bus was eating this weird Chinese food called pockies, and she said, "Mm, these are good, they taste like something."


...Pocky are Japanese.



And furthermore, do not taste like something, or indeed anything. I get more enjoyment out of eating my fingernails.

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby embernator » Sat Nov 08, 2008 3:33 pm UTC

"Do you need to be connected to the internet to be on msn?"

girl 1: brrr why do I always have to be so cold?
girl 2: ...
girl 1: you can always see my nipples through whatever i wear.

Guy (pointing at zucchini): What's that stuff?
Girl: Seriously?! It's cucumber. But when you cook it, it turns into zucchini. I eat it ALL the time.
Guy: Oh... Is it just like... water?

Girl in cafeteria: "Oh me yarm! I hate my roommate SO much! She's, like, ALWAYS doing homework and sober and stuff!"

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Ashi
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Ashi » Sat Nov 08, 2008 4:20 pm UTC

Sociology class. We were discussing inequalities of race, gender, age, etc. and social stratification. Our teacher had been talking about how people who are considered "ugly" or "bland" tend to have it worse than those who are pretty. One girl piped in,
"Yeah, but it's their fault they're ugly, it's their choice."

I just about died.

History class:
Our teacher was discussing the causes of the Civil War, and how the slavery issue had been a problem for a long time prior.
Teacher: "In the end, it had to be squashed to save the country."
Student: "Wait, squash?"
Me: "Heh, no, squash-ed."
Student: "Yeah, I thought that sounded odd. 'A vegetable was going to save the country!'"
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby mattdude » Sat Nov 08, 2008 7:57 pm UTC

My physics teacher is Chinese and can't pronounced buoyancy... he pronounces it beyonce like the singer. A week or so ago, he was talking about the 'beyonce' force, and somebody had a question. There were a couple equations on the board and the student was trying to refer to one of them. the professor was pointing to the wrong one and the student said, "no... to the left... to the left" a few of us in the class who got the reference to beyonce's song chuckled to ourselves... it was good fun, especially since the student who said it was clueless of the irony.

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby rubber314chicken » Sat Nov 08, 2008 8:03 pm UTC

So we were doing presentations. I was holding a poster for a kid, and as he was presenting, he pointed towards a map on his poster....
"here you can see these lines represent blah blah blah.... They are kinda small, you probably can't see them"
to which I respond "thats what she said"

Everyone but the teacher heard that.
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Cynical Idealist » Tue Nov 11, 2008 5:11 am UTC

For our freshman seminar, we just had a project where we went through the application process for a fake internship. Our teacher was discussing our interview skills...
instructor: W***, you were the best with the "WOOOOO!" (he was talking about how enthusiasm is important)
W: It must have been the meth.
instructor: Okay...keep it up...I guess...?
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Hurduser » Tue Nov 11, 2008 10:10 am UTC

Chauvinist student in class in a ridiculing tone to a female classmate who struggled with the subject: "Women and technology!"
Other female student: "are things you don't know anything about!"
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Master_Bratac » Wed Nov 12, 2008 3:47 pm UTC

In my 9th-grade science class, we had someone who was well-known for his interesting questions. Questions like . . .

"What would happen if you put a giant lead sphere around the sun?"
"What would happen if all the fat people in the world went to Australia and jumped?"

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Mr. Beck » Thu Nov 13, 2008 10:16 pm UTC

In Government class today, we were reading over some of the "Modern" Amendments to the Constitution. Paraphrased from a fellow student.
Is it just me, or are some of these amendments a little redundant? Amendment 13 says that Slavery is illegal. The 14th Amendment says that Black people can vote. The 15th says that yes, Black people really can vote. And then the 24th Amendment comes along as says "For the last time, you can't stop Black people from Voting! For real!!" It's a little sad, really...

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby RSMaster » Fri Nov 14, 2008 1:58 am UTC

Picked this one up in World Civ today:

Coach: And don't forget, World War I test tomorrow!
Student: What? Tomorrow? We just started!
Coach: Y'all er so gullible! Test on Tuesday!
Student: Tomorrow is Tuesday? I thought it was Friday!

Edit - Coach because the football coach teaches history.
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby HarleyQuinn » Fri Nov 21, 2008 9:19 pm UTC

Band:

Director: The notes are the letters of the...
Zack: Rainbow!
(she was looking for alphabet. Good ol' Zack)

English:

Teacher: ... so the essasy is mandated by the principal.
Me: Figures; forced to write an essay about freedom.
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Silvyr
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Silvyr » Wed Dec 03, 2008 12:02 am UTC

"Hey look! It's 'Rape Me!' Santa!"
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mythindril
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby mythindril » Wed Dec 03, 2008 1:00 am UTC

"I think the Sticker Monster, like, threw up all over my computer." ~ Freshman

In Journalism...
Everyone: *is doing their own thing*
Then, randomly...
Editor: Why can't Israel and Palestine just get along?!?

In Government...
Teacher: Okay girls, I have to go get my car fixed. Be good, don't be loud.
Teacher: *leaves*
Girl who sits behind me: Okay guys, is [the teacher] a Democrat or a Republican? BECAUSE I CAN'T TELL!

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby RawrMage » Thu Dec 04, 2008 1:41 am UTC

In math...
Ok, I admit, this was me. I was tired...

Teacher: So, can you tell me what we just did?
Me: We found the negative reciprocal of x.
Teacher: No, in other terms.
Me: We did [imath](x^-1)*-1[/imath].
Teacher: No, the answer.
Me: -2.
Teacher: But what does that mean?
Me: [utterly confused]
Friend: <whispering to me> 1/2!
Me: 1/2?
Teacher: Yes, that's right.

I just sat there for a while with a confused expression on my face...
If we find the negative reciprocal of the universe, what do we get? -1/Universe?

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Silvyr » Thu Dec 04, 2008 3:01 am UTC

*I brought in cake, but we had no plates or napkins, lots of plastic knives, and only a few forks*

Ian: Hey! Cake! I want some!
Me: Alright
Krystle: *cuts him cake*
Ian: ... are you using my coffee filters for plates?
Me: ..yes..We have no napkins or plates.
Ian: Alright. That's cool. Cake! *walks off wiht his piece of cake*
*two minutes later* Hey.. Can I have a fork?
Emily: We don't have anymore *about to throw coffee filter out taht she ate her cake on and fork she used*
Ian: *snags fork* Thanks. *walks away* Wait! *runs back* You don't have anything do you?
Emily: ahh.. I have herpes!
Ian: *sticks fork in mouth* Delicious. I have syphilis.
*three minutes later*
Ian: uhm.. I made a mess.. can I have a napkin?
Me: We still only have coffee filters.
Ian: Same thing. *takes filter and goes to clean*
*35 seconds later*
Julia: *runs into classroom* LooK! I have napkins!
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Zak
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Zak » Thu Dec 04, 2008 3:05 am UTC

Going over the "alphabet soup" corporations in U.S history, specifically some kids had questions about HOLC (the Home Owners Loan Corporation)

I was kind of out of it.

teacher: Okay, so what does HOLC do?
me, at the top of my lungs: HOLC SMASH!!!!!!!1
*waggles eyebrows*

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby devinhoo » Thu Dec 04, 2008 3:06 am UTC

"It's normal if you talk to yourself, its not normal if you talk back to yourself." 112008

Funny thought I had while sitting in english class...


More of my quotes
"I intend to break physics."

Oh, and if you feel the need, check out my blog and my webcomic at devinhoo.com

Thanks! :)

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby kinigget » Thu Dec 04, 2008 9:49 am UTC

allow me to suggest using a different color of text for your site, as none of the quotes are readable without highlighting.
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby TZer0 » Thu Dec 04, 2008 12:35 pm UTC

Student: "Come on, everyone knows 2/3 is the same as 3/4!"
---
A student is asking a question he knows the very obvious answer to.
Student: "How do we change font-size on text in dreamweaver?"
IT-teacher: "Let me check."
The IT-teacher returns 15 mins later and says: "nope, couldn't figure out how to do that".
Needless to say.. that teacher is a total noob.
---
Math teacher: we once had a bunch of students that got way lower grades on their exams because they didn't know how to input sin^2 x on the calculator.

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Silvyr » Thu Dec 04, 2008 10:01 pm UTC

*in a class wide discussion of lack of family picture christmas cards nowadays*

Ian: Oh! I'm doing that this year! It's gonna be a picture of me, lying naked on my fireplace, with a stocking and a mistletoe, and it will say "Season's best stocking stuffer" on the bottom! It's gonna be awesome!
Class: *laughter*
Mrs. O: *face/palm* Ian..
Ian: And then!! I'm making some for graduation..
Mrs. O: Ian.
Ian: And it will be the same thing, but with a graduation cap...
Mrs. O: *raising voice slightly* Ian!
Ian: And it'll say "Lookit! I'm all grown up!" On the bottom and..
Mrs. O: *shouting* FOR CHRISTS SAKE IAN, SHUT IT!
Ian: My grandma gets the first one!!!1
Class: *cracking up even more now*
Ian: I can send one to you too!! I'll adress it to Tommy!!! [teacher's 4 year old son]
Mrs. O: *glowers* Ian.. I'm gonna kill you.
Ian: hahaha. "Mommy! It burns! My eyes! I can't see anything anymore!"
Class: *dying of laughter*
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Zepto » Thu Dec 04, 2008 11:54 pm UTC

When I was in the equivalent of the 12th class we had a wonderful teacher who had the perk of insulting al the student in the most amusing sorts of way, specially the girls. After class one time I told him a funny insulting story about blonds, brunets and redheads of the female sex. When I was done he smiled at the punch line and told me to tell them that story and pointed behind me.
I spun around and saw the class strongest brunet, bitchiest redhead and cutest blond.
Me: Fuck...

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Cynical Idealist
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Cynical Idealist » Fri Dec 05, 2008 1:41 am UTC

devinhoo wrote:More of my quotes

I love dark backgrounds, they're easy on the eye. However, (mostly) black background and black text? Really isn't cutting it.

I'm sorry to sound confrontational, but...that's impossible to read unless you use a text-only browser or resort to highlighting.
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wst
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby wst » Fri Dec 05, 2008 6:27 pm UTC

Cynical Idealist wrote:
devinhoo wrote:More of my quotes

I love dark backgrounds, they're easy on the eye. However, (mostly) black background and black text? Really isn't cutting it.

I'm sorry to sound confrontational, but...that's impossible to read unless you use a text-only browser or resort to highlighting.

The text is white... and I'm on Opera, which is decidedly GUIfied....
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Dropzone » Fri Dec 05, 2008 9:27 pm UTC

That page's HTML is hilariously broken - apparently Opera's (and IE 7's, by the looks of it) desperate attempts to make sense of it happen to produce something readable, whereas Firefox's don't.

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Monika » Fri Dec 05, 2008 9:57 pm UTC

wst: The text is black in Firefox. You shan't put the doctype as
<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN"
"http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd">
and then use illegal attributes like
<body background="http://hi5.bigoo.ws/content/layout/fantasy/fantasy_20.jpg" bgproperties="fixed" text="FFFFFF" link="FFFFFF" vlink="FFFFFF" alink="FFFFFF">
(nor non-XHTML tags like <br>)
If it isn't XHTML and isn't strict, don't call it that.
You used a WYSIWYG tool called BBEdit? Seems to be broken.

To bypass the problem without learning HTML/XHTML properly, just delete the doctype statement. Not optimal, but works.
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