Awesome Student Quotes

The school experience. School related queries, discussions, and stories that aren't specific to a subject.

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nsmjohn
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby nsmjohn » Wed Jun 25, 2008 3:56 pm UTC

Sparv wrote:Not the best condition to code in C. Segfaults, infinite loops, out-of-memeory crashes...

You or the program you were making?
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Sparv
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Sparv » Wed Jun 25, 2008 4:12 pm UTC

nsmjohn wrote:
Sparv wrote:Not the best condition to code in C. Segfaults, infinite loops, out-of-memeory crashes...

You or the program you were making?


That was the program. I was bluescreening the whole day.
Shit happens

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby CharlestonCharlie » Wed Jun 25, 2008 8:59 pm UTC

My English teacher was notorious for throwing stuff up on the overhead and sitting at her desk. One day the light burnt out and after she fetched a new bulb she exclaimed "What would teachers do without overheads!!!!" Casually I said, " I don't know... teach?"

The best part was we were on the subject of satire and she was assigning a project that required us to write a satire on something school related. I decided to make a powerpoint that explained how any moron can teach and seem intelligent by using the powerpoints given by the textbook companies to accompany the books. I even threw in a few "bear with me" slides :lol:

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Wolf
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Wolf » Wed Jun 25, 2008 10:54 pm UTC

Hyena wrote:Also, i have a "train friend" (because i only talk to her on the train) who suddenly thinks i'm really funny, because of this quote:
Her: imagine you saw someone in the grating (air conditioning duct on the roof of the train), you know, just looking down at you? what would you say?
Me: Um... I wouldn't really know, normally i'm the one stuck in the roof. people just look at me funny, and sometimes offer me a screwdriver.


Is it bad that I first thought of the drink and not the tool?
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby mrcheesypants » Sun Jun 29, 2008 6:26 pm UTC

In my AP CS class senior year of high school after said by student A after he was helped by student B with a segment of code.and added a smart ass remark about how stupid the error was.

Student A wrote: Student B you're going to be rich someday and have a bunch of people working for you, but I just hope I'm not one of them.
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby niteice » Thu Jul 17, 2008 4:39 pm UTC

On the subject of wind resistance:

"You're driving down the road and you stick your hand out the window. What do you feel?"

"awesome"
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Amoeba » Sat Aug 16, 2008 9:44 pm UTC

A few I remember from school, all from R.E. for some reason:

Teacher: What was Ascension Day?
Student: When Jesus got erected?

Student: Do carrots have sex?
Class: *blank*
Student (panicking): Dolphins do!

Student: In France, do they read The Bible in French?
Jesus Christ you have confused me

DoomyDoom
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby DoomyDoom » Sat Aug 16, 2008 11:20 pm UTC

My math teacher was demonstrating a problem on the white board.

Teacher: "So you see we're sort of taking the scenic route with this problem.."
Me: "I want mountains."
Teacher, without missing a beat: "I'll get [Student Name] to draw some."

I guess that's student and teacher, but nyeh.

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Hyena » Sat Aug 16, 2008 11:37 pm UTC

Wolf wrote:
Hyena wrote:Also, i have a "train friend" (because i only talk to her on the train) who suddenly thinks i'm really funny, because of this quote:
Her: imagine you saw someone in the grating (air conditioning duct on the roof of the train), you know, just looking down at you? what would you say?
Me: Um... I wouldn't really know, normally i'm the one stuck in the roof. people just look at me funny, and sometimes offer me a screwdriver.


Is it bad that I first thought of the drink and not the tool?

erm... quite possibly.
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby quartrmster007 » Sat Aug 16, 2008 11:45 pm UTC

In AP Gov, a couple of friends and I were sitting in the back of the room having a conversation about past presidents/vice presidents, when we got on the subject of W and Cheney.

*right about the moment the class gets quiet because the teacher told us to pay attention*
Student: "Yeah, I like Dick better."
Teacher: "Ok, so now...YOU LIKE WHAT BETTER?!"
Student: "...I meant the vice president!"

Not who, what. Made it epic, and he still hasn't lived it down (this was a year ago).

The class was HYSTERICAL.
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Hayden
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Hayden » Sun Aug 17, 2008 2:04 am UTC

In my Italian Beginners class we were learning the Italian names of the European Countries and one of the girls says, "Oh, I thought Canada was in Europe!"
:shock:

At my year 10 school retreat we were gathered together to talk about relationships and the teacher asks us, "So what do you think a relationship is?" I put my hand up and replied, "I believe it's an old, old, wooden ship, used during the civil war era." Everyone just burst out laughing and the teacher is standing there looking very confused. That was fun.

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Poochy
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Poochy » Sun Aug 17, 2008 7:10 am UTC

Teacher: What's a subordinate clause?
Me: One of Santa's elves!
(The teacher and about half the class got it and laughed, the other half had confused reactions, resulting in the teacher spending a minute to explain my joke.)

Me, in Spanish class: ¡Qué pesado!("What a pain!" referring to another student)
Someone else: Did he just call him a dead fish? (pescado)

Teacher: ...and thus we have a paradigm shift. So, what's a paradigm?
Student: 20 cents?
Last edited by Poochy on Mon Aug 18, 2008 7:30 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby lamito » Mon Aug 18, 2008 5:02 am UTC

recently at school we've had mock interviews to practice for when and if we get a job interview. we could either have free dress all day or where our uniforms and change before and after the interview.
this was during drama and someone had just come back to class after their interview.
"can i go put my clothes back on please"

they probably ment uniform not clothes but it made for some good laughs
*thumbs up and grin creepy-like*
Spoiler:
you just wasted a few seconds of your life. congratulations

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby rustedneurons » Mon Aug 18, 2008 6:56 am UTC

Teacher: *says something regarding leprosy*
Resident Blonde: Is that when you turn into a leprechaun?

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby VislorTurlough » Mon Aug 18, 2008 6:26 pm UTC

I was at a table with three not-so-intelligent people in an SAT prep course my mom had signed me up for, and one day, the word terracotta came up in an essay on a practice test. they proceeded to spend the class debating what it meant. One of them was sure it was a type of wood, one thought it was a person and one thought it was a food. Later, they figured out that the third (the one who thought it was a food) was thinking of ricotta, and then they decided it was a type of wood...

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby fallenstar » Wed Aug 20, 2008 10:20 pm UTC

In one of our labs in AP Chem last year we had to figure out the percent composition of some substance (I can't remember what it was). This proved to be difficult. Personally, I got data showing I created matter, and a few other people lost matter. This led one of my friends to write in her lab report: "12% magic." She didn't get any points off, either.

edit: I just thought of another one. Last year my friend and I were studying for a test on the religion of Islam in our World Studies class, and we were talking about the difference between Sunni and Shi'a Muslims, and my friend says "Don't the Sunnis believe in Muhammad Ali?" She's actually pretty smart, just a little ditzy sometimes.
Last edited by fallenstar on Thu Aug 28, 2008 4:26 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Durin » Thu Aug 21, 2008 1:37 am UTC

In my English class my teacher got angry when people whispered because he said it was insulting that they think he can't hear them.
Person A: *talking*
Teacher: Hey! Person A!
Person A: What? I wasn't whispering!

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Mr. Beck » Wed Sep 03, 2008 2:59 am UTC

Just got a few from my new and apparently awesome Philosophy class.

While debating the nature of truth, one student made an appeal to the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. I said:
Oh, come on now! You can't really expect to apply Schrodinger's Cat to thew question of whether George bush has or has not snorted cocaine!

Later, as we discussed the differentiation between killing and murder, another student said:
OK, what about this. Suppose that somehow, I don't know, a monkey really insulted a guy and the guy killed the monkey in revenge. Would that be murder?

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby S7RR » Wed Sep 03, 2008 12:34 pm UTC

From my Freshman Study Skills class. (a very lame excuse for special ed.)

Teacher:"<Me>! I don't want to see that phone for the rest of the period."
*I reach down and grab the clingwrap from a cookie from lunch"
Me:"There! you can't see it!"
Teacher: "Yes I can!"
Me: "LIES! Why are you staring at my clingwrap?"

"Don't stare at my clingwrap bro" became the class motto.

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electronic mily
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby electronic mily » Wed Sep 03, 2008 3:15 pm UTC

Kid 1: So what you're saying is that if you, like, chopped off his hand there would be mint-chocolate swirl in there?
Kid 2: Yup. That's my theory - people are ice cream cakes.
(No, I don't know any context.)

11th grade english teacher: So he's stabbing him over and over with the switchblade and yelling, "Die! Die!"
Kid: That doesn't sound like Spiderman...

Kid 1: You can't "your mom" your own statement!
Kid 2: Your mom can't "your mom" your own statement!

Kid: ...and it would be, like, a gauntlet.
Creative writing teacher: You mean a goblet, right?
Kid: Yeah, or a callus.
Teacher: You mean a chalice?
Kid: Oh. Yeah.

Biology teacher: And when you get a bunch of DNA all clumped together, what's it called?
Kid: A BABY!

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Fiddeponken » Thu Sep 04, 2008 7:53 pm UTC

One of the older students that was assigned to our class the first two weeks expressed himself a bit bad when he said that it doesen't matter if you don't get all A´s. He said something along the line of: It doesn't matter if you don't graduate with straight A's, if you have managed to get through this program you're part of the over layer of humanity after all. It became the running joke for days after, all hail the superior breed! :D

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greatom
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby greatom » Fri Sep 05, 2008 12:19 am UTC

I was out after the long weekend with some sort of cold/flu thing. I came back yesterday from it, still a bit foggy from being sick. My 5th period high school biology students treated me with this exchange:

Kid 1: "You're back! Yay!"
Kid 2: "What happened?"
Me: "I was sick. Still am. That's why I have the biohazard sign on my desk."
Kid 2: "Did you die?"
Me: "Yes. I have passed on and am now a zombie. That's why it's so cold in here - to slow my rate of decomposition. In addition *sips Ginger Ale* Ginger Ale is a preservative..."
Kid 2: "Oh."

Most interesting students yet. Now I'm not only "Freakin' Weird lady" but also a zombie. And it's only 3 weeks into school.

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby peterd08 » Fri Sep 05, 2008 2:04 am UTC

Okay, so my AP physics C class was... interesting.

Mr. Davies, our teacher was describing some equation with the most random analogy ever, something about water pressure.
So one kid goes: "So you mean it's like a balloon and a water snake?"
Davies: "Sure."

He had just said the most random thing off the top of his head!

And my Vector Calculus prof: "I'm teaching you this not just for midterms. I had to use these test tricks, because, when you are in Russia, if you don't pass entrance exams, you go straight to army." (all of us look at each other)

History in 11th grade. US AP, and dumb blond goes "Well, everybody knows Canada's the biggest state!!!"

Oh, another from physics: "The right hand rule: you'll feel silly, you'll look stupid, but everybody does it."
Same guy: "Ok, so like masturbation."
"Some men just want to watch the world burn"

Spoiler:
You have to admit, that'd be pretty awesome to watch from space...

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Pandora_Bound
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Pandora_Bound » Fri Sep 05, 2008 11:40 pm UTC

I don't believe in the Anarchist's Cookbook, its not violent enought.


That was a quote from my friend jake in english. Not exactly what he meant, but that's verbatim what he said. This happened, like, 2 days, ago, so I'm sure there'll be plenty more this year :D
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Benfrenchman » Sun Sep 07, 2008 3:53 pm UTC

Struggling Substitute Teacher : The next person to make a clever remark will be sent straight to the headteacher!!
<pause>
Student (standing up): Office is bureau in French!

My sister's friend: What's a lawyer?
(three months later)
Same friend: So what's a lawyer again?

Teacher (explaining how things are often better than they seem): And what's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
(For those who don't know, the joke here goes 'finding half a worm in your apple')
Me (really loudly): Syphilis!

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pkuky
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby pkuky » Sun Sep 07, 2008 7:01 pm UTC

the classic version for that is "the halocaust".
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby '; DROP DATABASE;-- » Sun Sep 07, 2008 11:27 pm UTC

Pa-Patch wrote:Keeping in mind that this was in grade 10 history, and 3/4 of the way through the semester, and from a girl who manages to get good grades (a testament to why grades don't measure intelligence)

"Wait, didn't the Germans win WW2?"
Oh God.
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Skaevola
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Skaevola » Mon Sep 08, 2008 5:26 am UTC

Teacher: "For PE homework, find the most important vitamins and minerals found in the body.
Jake: "*raises his hand* Are there vitamins in cheese? I love cheese, I eat it al the time, every day."

Also:
Newman: "Guess this song!" *sings "Never Gonna Give You Up" complete with hilarious music and dancing"
Drew: "Newman, you're a dick."
Newman: "Sorry, not the name of the song. Anyone else?"

One more; this is a story from my mom, not me:
Teacher: *going on and on about the ravages of cancer, showing horrible pictures and explaining Chemotherapy in detail, giving the room a somber atmosphere*
Student: "What page are we on?"
Image

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Vertana
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Vertana » Mon Sep 08, 2008 5:22 pm UTC

It was my 12th year and it was a film class (we were required to take this) and the class started discussing religion due to the film having to do with religious persecution. I couldn't hear what the comment was, but another student replied, "That's untrue; that's like saying Christ wasn't Jewish." A response to which a shocked girl immediately stood up and angrily exclaimed, "Jesus was Christian!" She stomped out of the room and slammed the door. We were stunned.

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Shakleton » Mon Sep 08, 2008 8:34 pm UTC

Vertana wrote:It was my 12th year and it was a film class (we were required to take this) and the class started discussing religion due to the film having to do with religious persecution. I couldn't hear what the comment was, but another student replied, "That's untrue; that's like saying Christ wasn't Jewish." A response to which a shocked girl immediately stood up and angrily exclaimed, "Jesus was Christian!" She stomped out of the room and slammed the door. We were stunned.


I like that. I wonder what dialouge would occur if you asked her this:

You: Define "Christian".
Her: "A person who believes in... Jesus.... damn"

LoL
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby kellsbells » Mon Sep 08, 2008 8:47 pm UTC

Not really much of a punch line here, but this guy in my physics class could NOT say "centripetal". I don't know why, he just could not manage the word. We eventually got him to manage with "century pedal", which he used for the rest of the year... :roll:
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Silvyr » Mon Sep 08, 2008 10:34 pm UTC

haha. Wow. I've got lots for this, but I'll stick with just a few for today...

*in a pre-calc class*
student: Yeah. And I mean. It's not like those are shitty schools.
teacher: Hey!
student: What? It's not a swear! I said it's NOT a shitty school. That makes it appropriate.
teacher: Oh. Okay. Well you're NOT a fuckhead. There. Thats appropriate because I said not first.

*while typing up interviews for the school paper*
me: Oh joy! I get to do Mr. Riley!

I said it with sincere enthusiam too XD I'm now quoted on teh board.

*while randomly sitting in a chem lab after school*
Me: Dostal [my MALE chem teacher from last year]! You should dress up like a nun and hit people with rulers!
Andrew: Maybe he should dress as a preist instead.
Dostal: Hmm.. I suppose I could.
Me: Ew! No! Then he'll start raping small boys!
Andrew: Thats only the Catholics...
Me: Uhm.. Andrew. He is Catholic. *we both turn to look at him*
Dostal: my preist never raped me as a young boy. I was an alterboy and everything. That still makes me sad to this day.

*in french class*
me: hey... do you think Murray [my french teacher] would get mad if I write "voulez-vous coucher avec moi?" on the board for hangman?
teacher: Toni! Don't even think of joining this game.

*while playing pictionary in French*
student 1: uhm.. is that a butterfly?
me: *snicker*
student 2: why does it look like theres fire?
student 3: what the hell? Is that blood exploding from that man?
Me: dude. you guys suck at this. Its a butterfly shredding apart a man and dropping bombs on teh building. sheesh.
teacher: yeah... Toni, you're not allowed to play pictionary either.
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lhl456
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby lhl456 » Thu Sep 11, 2008 10:52 pm UTC

In my grade, we have one of those stupid smart people; they make good grades but have no common sense or thinking abilities of their own.

So in history while we're studying the French Revolution, this guy asks the teacher, "So did the French win the French Revolution?"

And in another instance, during literature, the same guy asks our teacher, "So who's the tragic hero of Othello?" As sad as that is after reading the play, what makes it worse was the teacher had just got through saying that Othello was the tragic hero!

And the list goes on and on and on (and yes, there is a list; another friend of mine actually made one of these little "gems" that were asked...)
Honestly, some people make me worry...

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Luigi Mario: KOG » Fri Sep 12, 2008 12:58 am UTC

I've long since passed the worrying stage. I've gotten so cynical that I believe that humanity is too stupid to ever be able to destroy itself.

As for a quote, "WWII cost dozens of lives."

I am ashamed to admit that I am the source of that gem. I think it wins the Understatement Of All Time Award. I wish to know what it is that was going through my head when I wrote that.

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Kilogolf » Fri Sep 12, 2008 4:38 am UTC

oh, so, 3rd or 5th day of school (we have block scheduling, btw, so we have a class once every 2 days), for a project for english, we had to bring in a shoebox with stuff in it in case we had to become refugees or something (it was stupid, and for the book we read over the summer, The Grapes of Wrath).

anyway, I completely forgot about the assignment, and we were supposed to present it.

note: i always bring a laptop to school.

anyway, I go up to present, and I have my laptop with me, with the idea being to present that.

so, I'm holding the laptop, and do my bullshitted presentation.

as I'm describing my laptop, I say that it "holds my music, my videos, my porn..."

I think I got a fairly good grade on the assignment as well.

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby localhost » Fri Sep 12, 2008 7:00 am UTC

In High School biology, on the subject of the composition of Semen...

Teacher: So the semen has a large amount of fructose, which is a type of sugar
Dumb Blonde: So then why does it taste salty?

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby BlackSails » Fri Sep 12, 2008 11:41 am UTC

In the middle of physics class, for no other reason than to drag the teacher off track (he was very easy to distract from physics)

Student: Professor, I dont believe in Giant Squid
Teacher: You mean you dont believe they exist?
Student: No, I dont believe in them. Like God

Followed by 30 minutes of talk about giant squids

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby mypsychoticself » Fri Sep 12, 2008 1:10 pm UTC

In my hs bio class:

Teacher: . . . genetic disorder that runs through some group of Jews. Ash-something.
Me: Ashkenazi.
Teacher: Yes, that's it!
Guy behind me, in rude tone of voice: What, are you Jewish or something?
Me: Yes, yes I am.
Guy: Oh . . .
Blonde across the room: You're Jewish?
Me: Yes.
Blonde: So, wait. Do you believe in God?
I knew that we had suffered each as other,
And could have grasped your hand and cried, "My brother!"

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby codyhotel » Fri Sep 12, 2008 2:05 pm UTC

BlackSails wrote:In the middle of physics class, for no other reason than to drag the teacher off track (he was very easy to distract from physics)

Student: Professor, I dont believe in Giant Squid
Teacher: You mean you dont believe they exist?
Student: No, I dont believe in them. Like God

Followed by 30 minutes of talk about giant squids


Me and a guy in my class had our Bio teacher off subject for almost an hour discussing whether or not a girl returns to her original vaginal tightness after giving birth.

No good quotes came of it though, it was just a fun class.
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...sorry.

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby pseudoidiot » Fri Sep 12, 2008 2:15 pm UTC

localhost wrote:In High School biology, on the subject of the composition of Semen...

Teacher: So the semen has a large amount of fructose, which is a type of sugar
Dumb Blonde: So then why does it taste salty?


That reminds me of something that happened to a friend of mine in a high school biology class. The teacher was showing the class what cells look like, so she asked for a volunteer to swab their cheek to get a sample and some girl volunteered. The teacher puts the sample under the microscope and projects it up on the wall... only to see a lot of movement. And by movement, I mean sperm swimming around.
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