Awesome Student Quotes

The school experience. School related queries, discussions, and stories that aren't specific to a subject.

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HarleyQuinn
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby HarleyQuinn » Mon Oct 05, 2009 10:21 pm UTC

*Science teacher had asked if friction was good or bad*

Student: It keeps pennies from being deadly (referring to previous lesson regarding maximum velocity and air resistance)
Teacher: So, it's good then, right?
Student: From a moral perspective, I suppose...
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby lulzfish » Tue Oct 06, 2009 2:04 am UTC

Software design teacher: "What kind of algorithm would you use to convert a string to uppercase?"
Lulzfish: "I would call the string.upper function in the string library"

I guess my software teacher wasn't looking for the answer that gave efficient, readable code and re-used work that other people had already done and given away.

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby eSOANEM » Wed Oct 07, 2009 7:45 pm UTC

having just mispronounced many words from the lord of the flies.

"I told you I'm a complete spastic"

it was hilarious.



Also, during sex ed, different guy BTW

"I like ear sex... and nose sex"

same guy later

"isn't precum lemon juice?"
my pronouns are they

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby 33 Draconis » Mon Oct 12, 2009 3:47 am UTC

I've got an entire book of these from middle school.

Proper Julia: "I don't even like Spanish, but whenever I have it, I'm so happy! It's like Prozac!"

Jonathan: "I need a hammer!"
Me: "Don't we all?"

Other Dylan: "Dude. The fourth dimension is time. What the hell is wrong with you?"

Me: "Excuse me, Ms. Gonzales. Could a student in this class do today's lesson gagged and duct-taped to their chair?"
Ms. Gonzales: "Si."
Me: See? You'll be just fine, Gordon."
Gordon: "MMPH!"

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Maxgtp6 » Mon Oct 19, 2009 7:36 am UTC

I took Photo/film Digital 1 this year, and it's the first year it's ever been taught at our school. Nearly every class, our teacher asks someone presenting their photos "Have you tried it black and white?" Moving along, the conversation went thus:

Teacher: I told you to remember this on the first day of school! What was the advice that I gave you?
Senior from back of room: Have you tried it black and white?
Entire class (inc. teacher): *laughter*

This has since become our mantra. Ever since then, any time someone didn't know something, or the teacher was at a loss for words, someone will, without a doubt, yell "Have you tried it black and white?"

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby MisterCheif » Thu Oct 22, 2009 1:32 am UTC

Just got this one yesterday at lunch.

Senior Guy: *giggling* God filled my head with a lifetime supply of weed.

He said this after he was just kind of sitting there giggling to himself while a couple of other seniors were criticizing him, because he has decided to do basketball in the winter instead of swimming, and had done swimming for the three years before this. And also, he sucks at basketball...
I can haz people?
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Zelda007 » Thu Oct 29, 2009 10:22 pm UTC

This little gem came from the words of my own mouth.

A couple of weeks ago in Astronomy class, we had to give presentations on the planets. On this particular day, Saturn was up. The girl had given her notes and then had quiz game for us to play (as a class). Throughout the thing, I kept answering a lot of them. I knew them because I just took the notes, but the others couldn't remember what they just wrote.

One of the questions asked was "The (something) Gap is located between which two rings?" I was getting tired of answering, so I just sat there as the others kept saying answers. No one was getting it right. Soon, I had enough.

I then blurted out "F and A!".

However, it sounded like I yelled "F'n A!". (As in "Fucking A!".)

Laughter ensued.

(And when I think about it, either thing would have fit in the situation.)
Last edited by Zelda007 on Thu Oct 29, 2009 10:35 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Monika
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Monika » Thu Oct 29, 2009 10:32 pm UTC

Fna? What would that have meant?
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby animeHrmIne » Thu Oct 29, 2009 11:46 pm UTC

Monika wrote:Fna? What would that have meant?


Sounds like "Effing A", or Fucking Ass.
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby grapefruit1 » Sat Oct 31, 2009 6:03 am UTC

B: Today's my dad's five year anniversary.
V: Your dad got remarried? When did this happen?
B: Five years ago...?
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby j.bells » Mon Nov 02, 2009 9:09 pm UTC

This girl, Carly, in my AP Computer Science class. Stereotypical cheerleader type, except uh.. brilliant.
We had to design a flash game, and I don't exactly remember what her's was, except that it was shockingly pink and had something to do with flowers. I don't know.
Everyone else (she was the only girl) had shooting or sports related games, and when someone asked her why her game was so girly she said "even programming can be pretty!"
Not really that funny, I suppose. But I'll never forget it.

Also, a few weeks after that, she came into class complaining that she didn't feel good. The kid sitting next to her joked that she had Swine Flu. Our teacher came around to where they were sitting and he told the teacher "Don't touch her, Mr. B, she has swine flu!"
and without missing a beat, she added "Yeah, and also don't touch me because I'm a sixteen year old girl."

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby MidsizeBlowfish » Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:01 am UTC

A student once wrote on one of my anonymous teacher evaluations:

"His only weakness is that he is utterly without weakness. Even the mighty Achilles had his tender heel, but MidsizeBlowfish has no such problem. He can turn water into wine and teach calculus to a three year old."

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Monika » Wed Nov 04, 2009 12:02 pm UTC

Wow :D .

But as it was anonymous, he didn't even benefit from writing such a eulogy for you 8) .
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Esperite » Sat Nov 14, 2009 12:25 am UTC

While on an event at a nearby college with a small group (We are from high school) this exchange happened (names changed):

[Random Girl from that college]: Hey! Jack, it''s you! I love you!
John: (to Jack): Well, that makes one person.
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Flightless_bird » Sat Nov 14, 2009 6:45 pm UTC

Teacher during chemistry class:

T: See all the chemistry teachers gets one of these (points to a lab coat with the phrase "chemists have solutions" on it and the class laughs a little)

A few minutes afterward a guy from the class says:

G: Oh... now I get it!
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Monika » Sun Nov 15, 2009 12:38 am UTC

Flightless_bird wrote:G: Oh... now I get it!

:lol:
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby mmmcannibalism » Sun Nov 15, 2009 5:35 am UTC

Flightless_bird wrote:Teacher during chemistry class:

T: See all the chemistry teachers gets one of these (points to a lab coat with the phrase "chemists have solutions" on it and the class laughs a little)

A few minutes afterward a guy from the class says:

G: Oh... now I get it!


I'm guessing that kid is usually part of the precipitate so to speak?
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby TheChewanater » Sun Nov 15, 2009 6:08 am UTC

Student: Why do we need to learn HTML if we have Dreamweaver?
Teacher: Well, you can't really make a whole website with HTML. You'd need to use Dreamweaver.


Also,
Do you like bananas?
//The student who said this did not have bananas and immediately left without accepting a response.



Almost forgot,
Those Alienware computers have like a terabyte of memory. They're pretty much invincible to viruses.


Another,
BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY! I wanna find out who says that. I worship him. I'm serioiusly gonna worship him as a second god. I'm not even kidding.


In reference to the ridiculously deep voice a few seconds into this.

Knowing him, he wasn't kidding.
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Flightless_bird » Sun Nov 15, 2009 6:31 pm UTC

mmmcannibalism wrote:
Flightless_bird wrote:Teacher during chemistry class:

T: See all the chemistry teachers gets one of these (points to a lab coat with the phrase "chemists have solutions" on it and the class laughs a little)

A few minutes afterward a guy from the class says:

G: Oh... now I get it!


I'm guessing that kid is usually part of the precipitate so to speak?


Actually none of us ever knew if he was really stupid or just acted...
Trying is the first step towards failure

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Vohu Manah » Tue Nov 17, 2009 5:34 am UTC

(preparing for band concert, kids trying to impress drummer)
Drummer: These are nice marimbas. I haven't seen instruments this good in a middle school before.
Person: I bought them all.
Me: Yes, he sold his brain cells to purchase them.


Teacher: Can you tell me how to graph y=3x-1?
Student: You find -1 on the y-axis, which represents the average student's attention span. Then you go up three, across 1. This point represent Ritalin. You now draw a line, which shows how a student's attention span increases as he gets more meds.

(While voting for...something)
Teacher: Aren't you going to vote for your answer Chase, not the competition's?
Chase: I'm not that kind of person.
Me (raising hand for his own answer): I am.


Student A (watching The Office on his cell phone while pretending to read): This is a great book
Student B: What season is it?

Unfortunately for A, the teacher found out about this during a kissing scene between Michael and Dwight.
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby GrantSolar » Tue Nov 24, 2009 11:14 pm UTC

During an English Lit. lesson.
60% of the world is gay... and they're all at [Our High School Name]

Never understood where any of that information had come from. Wikipedia?

During AS Computing
On how the definition of theft/robbery has been altered to account for digital information:
Why does the law have to be worded this way?

To account for haxxorz


Many SkyNet jokes go on in that room...

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby artay » Wed Nov 25, 2009 10:42 am UTC

A kid in my biology class asked:

"If a woman is having sex with a man while dyeing her hair, what hair colour will the baby have?"

I started laughing thinking he was joking, but as I looked up, his face was completely serious, wow.

This kid is friends with a guy that was surprised to learn in our physics class that stars are just far away suns.

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Whelan » Wed Nov 25, 2009 6:06 pm UTC

In physics today.

Teacher *draws a symbol, then an equivalence sign, then another symbol*
Student: Why does your equals have three lines?
Teacher: (almost hysterically)Don't you take maths!?
Student: No.

Teacher: The resistive forces must equal the weight of the tank, or it will sink to the centre of the earth, and you never want that.
Student: Unless you're waging war on the Mole People.
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby GrantSolar » Tue Dec 01, 2009 10:29 pm UTC

At the end of a demonstration wherein a metal ring was made to levitate by passing a current through it over a magnetic field.

Teacher: "This is used in some modern cookers so that the hob stays cool but the pan gets hot. See how cool it is, you can even put it in your mouth without it burning. Everyone come to the front and lick my ring!"

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby TheChewanater » Wed Dec 02, 2009 3:45 am UTC

Each student was supposed to give a report on what would happen if an element disappeared one day. The first criteria was to list where the element was used. This student had oxygen.

Oxygen is used by many people such as doctors and mountain climbers. Some athletes also use oxygen in between plays.


...I guess my suspicions are confirmed. Professional athletes are robots.
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Vieto » Wed Dec 02, 2009 5:52 am UTC

TheChewanater wrote:Each student was supposed to give a report on what would happen if an element disappeared one day. The first criteria was to list where the element was used. This student had oxygen.

Oxygen is used by many people such as doctors and mountain climbers. Some athletes also use oxygen in between plays.


...I guess my suspicions are confirmed. Professional athletes are robots.


Someone either did too little research, too much research, or had too little oxygen.

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Zeroignite » Wed Dec 02, 2009 6:19 am UTC

TheChewanater wrote:Each student was supposed to give a report on what would happen if an element disappeared one day. The first criteria was to list where the element was used.
For the record, I think that's an excellent assignment.
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby TheChewanater » Wed Dec 02, 2009 4:33 pm UTC

It was. I had sulfur, so all of the methionine got destroyed.
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby kvothe10 » Sat Dec 05, 2009 12:57 am UTC

AP Gov

*For homework we had been given an assignment to research an interest group. One of the kids in the class did the Pro-Life Alliance of Gays and Lesbians. The discussion that broke out resulted in this comment:*

"Manly people can be Gay too!"

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby AwesomeJosh » Mon Dec 07, 2009 6:46 pm UTC

Physics II class, 2004 (I am proud of this, no matter how corny it was, or that my professor didn't understand it)

Professor: "Well, we have pretty much finished up for the semester. All we have left are transformers, and those are pretty simple"
Me: "I dunno, there's more than meets the eye!"

Half of the class groaned, and the other half just sat there looking confused.

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Vieto » Mon Dec 07, 2009 10:33 pm UTC

AwesomeJosh wrote:Physics II class, 2004 (I am proud of this, no matter how corny it was, or that my professor didn't understand it)

Professor: "Well, we have pretty much finished up for the semester. All we have left are transformers, and those are pretty simple"
Me: "I dunno, there's more than meets the eye!"

Half of the class groaned, and the other half just sat there looking confused.


I've done worse. Trust me. I still don't regret Sherlock Ohms and his sidekick Dr. Wattson.

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Whelan » Mon Dec 07, 2009 11:08 pm UTC

Vieto wrote:
AwesomeJosh wrote:Physics II class, 2004 (I am proud of this, no matter how corny it was, or that my professor didn't understand it)

Professor: "Well, we have pretty much finished up for the semester. All we have left are transformers, and those are pretty simple"
Me: "I dunno, there's more than meets the eye!"

Half of the class groaned, and the other half just sat there looking confused.


I've done worse. Trust me. I still don't regret Sherlock Ohms and his sidekick Dr. Wattson.


That actually made my toes curl up in bad pun-ness.
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TaintedDeity wrote:And all I get is this tame space dragon. Where's my recognition?!
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Vieto » Mon Dec 07, 2009 11:31 pm UTC

Whelan wrote:
Vieto wrote:
AwesomeJosh wrote:Physics II class, 2004 (I am proud of this, no matter how corny it was, or that my professor didn't understand it)

Professor: "Well, we have pretty much finished up for the semester. All we have left are transformers, and those are pretty simple"
Me: "I dunno, there's more than meets the eye!"

Half of the class groaned, and the other half just sat there looking confused.


I've done worse. Trust me. I still don't regret Sherlock Ohms and his sidekick Dr. Wattson.


That actually made my toes curl up in bad pun-ness.


I warned you.

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby hintss » Tue Dec 08, 2009 8:34 am UTC

Sherlock Ohms and Dr. Wattson solving the motion equation to find the speed of the weightless knife that stabbed the weightless rope in the back while both were in a frictionless vacuum

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby Vieto » Tue Dec 08, 2009 1:05 pm UTC

I forgot to mention Professor Moriampere

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby TheChewanater » Wed Dec 09, 2009 3:30 am UTC

Student, on The Tomb of the Unknowns:

Why don't they just, like, do a DNA scan or something?
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby snowolf » Wed Dec 09, 2009 6:17 pm UTC

Teacher: Ok class, we're going on a fieldtrip
Student: Uh my parole officer won't let me

raffj002
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby raffj002 » Wed Dec 09, 2009 9:23 pm UTC

A: Here's a tip, never type incest into google
B: Why were you searching incest?
A: I was trying to research it for an essay....

Yeah, this tend to happen a lot with my friend.

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby hintss » Sun Dec 13, 2009 5:17 am UTC

tech teacher: Why do you keep messing with the computers?
me: because I aspire to be a hacker.

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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Postby kvothe10 » Fri Dec 18, 2009 12:36 am UTC

on Dec 7, 2009

me: How do you celebrate an attack on our country?
brett: Firecrackers.


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