What-If 0001: "Relativistic Baseball"

[WriteBrainedJR]

Say; what are the rules in the situation where the umpires are unable to make a call, and the instant replay video equipment is not available/sufficient?

Yes, but they're in a different rule book. Based on the available evidence in the aftermath of a massive nuclear event in the infield, investigators would not treat this as a case of the pitcher hitting people with a baseball, but as a case of a pitcher throwing an explosive baseball. As domestic terrorism is defined as an act that "appears to be intended to intimidate a civilian population," and explosions at major sporting events are generally considered to appear to be intended to intimidate a civilian population, the USA PATRIOT Act would apply here. Under that rulebook, the pitcher's closest surviving friends and family would be placed on either the Disqualified List or the Suspended List and sent down to Gitmo.

[rmsgrey]

Say; what are the rules in the situation where the umpires are unable to make a call, and the instant replay video equipment is not available/sufficient?

Yes, but they're in a different rule book. Based on the available evidence in the aftermath of a massive nuclear event in the infield, investigators would not treat this as a case of the pitcher hitting people with a baseball, but as a case of a pitcher throwing an explosive baseball. As domestic terrorism is defined as an act that "appears to be intended to intimidate a civilian population," and explosions at major sporting events are generally considered to appear to be intended to intimidate a civilian population, the USA PATRIOT Act would apply here. Under that rulebook, the pitcher's closest surviving friends and family would be placed on either the Disqualified List or the Suspended List and sent down to Gitmo.

Would there be sufficient evidence to conclude that the cause was the pitcher's throwing arm rather than some form of ball-tampering by parties unknown? The lag involved in turning light into radio waves within a camera would mean that no footage of the pitch itself would escape - wired transmission is slower than light so the last information to escape will be wireless transmissions sent before the radiation sphere passed the point of origin - and the receiver would have to be close enough to receive the signal, but far enough away, or sufficiently hardened, to store/relay the information despite being exposed to the radiation from the nuclear event a fraction of a second later.

Someone watching on TV at home would see the pitcher winding up and then either static or a "signal lost" screen before cutting to breaking news of a nuclear fireball over the stadium...

[WriteBrainedJR]

Say; what are the rules in the situation where the umpires are unable to make a call, and the instant replay video equipment is not available/sufficient?

Yes, but they're in a different rule book. Based on the available evidence in the aftermath of a massive nuclear event in the infield, investigators would not treat this as a case of the pitcher hitting people with a baseball, but as a case of a pitcher throwing an explosive baseball. As domestic terrorism is defined as an act that "appears to be intended to intimidate a civilian population," and explosions at major sporting events are generally considered to appear to be intended to intimidate a civilian population, the USA PATRIOT Act would apply here. Under that rulebook, the pitcher's closest surviving friends and family would be placed on either the Disqualified List or the Suspended List and sent down to Gitmo.

Would there be sufficient evidence to conclude that the cause was the pitcher's throwing arm rather than some form of ball-tampering by parties unknown?

Likely yes, at least if it's a Major League game in the present day. The baseballs are under constant supervision of MLB's security personnel.

[Sableagle]

If every baseball team starts employing relativistic pitchers, will there be no more baseball, or will teams continue to play baseball but do it by proxy outside the main stadiums, using jumpers for bases?

[WriteBrainedJR]

If every baseball team starts employing relativistic pitchers, will there be no more baseball, or will teams continue to play baseball but do it by proxy outside the main stadiums, using jumpers for bases?

Jumpers? What's a jumper?

The widespread use of relativistic pitchers would create an untenable balance in the sport. There are many historic precedents for this in baseball and outside of it. In baseball, this goes all the way back to the fair-foul hits of the 1870s and was most recently seen in the effect of steroids on the game in the 1990s.

Some sports, like basketball, are creative in the ways they go about addressing imbalances in the game. They introduced a shot clock to increase the pace of the game, changed the design of the key to limit the tall and technical George Mikan and then widened it to nerf 7-foot freak athlete Wilt Chamberlain, and finally introduced the three-point shot to balance Kareem Abdul-Jabar, who was incredibly skilled despite being a literal giant.

Baseball is more straightforward. They typically just ban things like fair-foul hits and steroids. They would almost certainly ban relativistic pitching.

[Sableagle]

If every baseball team starts employing relativistic pitchers, will there be no more baseball, or will teams continue to play baseball but do it by proxy outside the main stadiums, using jumpers for bases?

Jumpers? What's a jumper?

Kind of a thick, warm, long-sleeved t-shirt worn between shirt and coat for extra warmth.
[img]https://lp2.hm.com/hmgoepprod?set=source[/a9/51/a9513f075166b364724214aa0314e3387fd16a86.jpg],origin[dam],category[ladies_knitwear_jumpers],type[LOOKBOOK],res[s],hmver[1]&call=url[file:/product/main][/img]
There used to be a show on TV here which had the same people in the same costumes doing the same sketch every week, for people to know the "punchline" and feel cool. One of them ended with "Jumpers for goalposts." It became a common phrase among people who couldn't cope with having more than 3 albums out of storage at a time.

[ijuin]

Ah, us Yanks call that sort of garment “sweaters”.

[Sableagle]

To be fair, that's probably a more appropriate name.

"Footway" and "carriageway," too, rather than confusion about what is and isn't part of the "pavement."

I'm still calling the box-on-a-pulley a lift, though. Elevators are for grain.