1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

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keithl
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1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby keithl » Wed Oct 01, 2014 4:31 am UTC

Image
alt text: "I was almost fired from a job driving the hearse in funeral processions, but then the funeral home realized how much business I was creating for them."

I hope Cueball is talking to a military recruiter, at one of those rare times when there are appropriate enemy things to break.
edit: Like Facebook headquarters?

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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby Coyne » Wed Oct 01, 2014 4:48 am UTC

Sadly, like Groo the Wanderer, I fear Cueball will most always break the wrong things.

Best running gag in the strip is when Groo says, "My, that [ship/bridge/wall/castle/etc.] did not [sink/collapse/fall down/catch fire/etc.] so easily the last time I [boarded/crossed/leaned against/visited/etc.] it."
In all fairness...

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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby Pfhorrest » Wed Oct 01, 2014 5:12 am UTC

keithl wrote:I hope Cueball is talking to a military recruiter, at one of those rare times when there are appropriate enemy things to break.

Reminds me of that line from Alice's Restaurant, where Arlo is trying to get out of military recruitment by psychological disqualification. So he walks into the psychiatrist's office and says "Shrink… I wanna kill. I mean I wanna, I wanna kill. I wanna see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill. Kill! KILL!" and he starts jumping up and down shouting "Kill! Kill!" and the psychiatrists starts jumping up and down with him shouting "Kill! Kill!" and they were both jumping up and down shouting "Kill! Kill! Kill!" until the sergeant walked in, pinned a medal on him and said "You're our boy!"
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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby Mikeski » Wed Oct 01, 2014 5:29 am UTC

He could have a short but fulfilling career as a crash test dummy...

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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby Rombobjörn » Wed Oct 01, 2014 7:26 am UTC

And then he became a software developer, and found that he was finally in the right place.

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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby Philbert » Wed Oct 01, 2014 8:03 am UTC

Rombobjörn wrote:And then he became a software developer, and found that he was finally in the right place.

Actually, he sounds more like a tester.

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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby JeromeWest » Wed Oct 01, 2014 8:42 am UTC

I don't understand why he'd be fired as a Fedex driver.

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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby TheEngineer » Wed Oct 01, 2014 12:13 pm UTC

That motto hasn't done Usain Bolt any harm.

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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby orthogon » Wed Oct 01, 2014 12:36 pm UTC

I was going to post that this motto was probably fine when Facebook was a cutting-edge startup made up of a few guys working out of a rented house, but less so when it's a multi-billion dollar public company with investors who are likely to be somewhat unimpressed if you break stuff. Anyway, it seems that MZ himself had the same thought and changed the motto back in April. "Move fast with stable infra"? Please.

Another one arguably up for revision is, of course, Google's "Don't be evil". What jobs would that get you fired from? Bond villain's henchman? Motorbike-based daredevil?
Spoiler:
(Sorry, that would be "Don't be Evel".)
xtifr wrote:... and orthogon merely sounds undecided.

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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby Jackpot777 » Wed Oct 01, 2014 12:46 pm UTC

orthogon wrote:Another one arguably up for revision is, of course, Google's "Don't be evil". What jobs would that get you fired from? Bond villain's henchman? Motorbike-based daredevil?


Second-in-command to Skeletor?

Image

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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby cellocgw » Wed Oct 01, 2014 12:47 pm UTC

Hey, I break something fast every morning! :mrgreen:

Speaking of breaking things, this isn't exactly 'breaking,' but:

A Vagabond Frets, Methinks.

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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby Whizbang » Wed Oct 01, 2014 1:01 pm UTC

Around these parts (my family), I am known as "The Master of Disaster". Things just fall apart in my hands. I don't think I have exceptional grip strength or anything (in fact I know this because my deadlift weak point is my grip), but things just crumble when I try to open/fix/assemble/etc. it.

My son is really into legos. I try to stand at least 6 feet away, for his protection.

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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby Spectrum » Wed Oct 01, 2014 1:03 pm UTC

Sysadmin. "Move fast and break things" is definitely what they're looking for in a sysadmin...

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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby ctdonath » Wed Oct 01, 2014 1:25 pm UTC

Philbert wrote:Actually, he sounds more like a tester.

Send him over. We have an opening for exactly such a "breaks things fast" person.

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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby cellocgw » Wed Oct 01, 2014 3:23 pm UTC

Wait -- I have another actually truly job which needs someone who does this:

TV reporter/anchorman. You know, "Breaking News: Wolpy Bites Cueball! Story at 11!!!"

I still miss Craig Kilborne's line, "When news breaks, ... we fix it."
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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby Envelope Generator » Wed Oct 01, 2014 4:14 pm UTC

There would have been potential for some epic "broken window fallacy" satire in here but I can't think of the right alternate mouseover. The best I can do is something along the lines of his first job at a window repair business causing the entire dotcom boom.

TheEngineer wrote:That motto hasn't done Usain Bolt any harm.


5/5 subversion, sir.
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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby sotanaht » Wed Oct 01, 2014 5:55 pm UTC

JeromeWest wrote:I don't understand why he'd be fired as a Fedex driver.


Certainly wouldn't be fired as a package handler. Move fast and break things sounds exactly like my job description, unofficially anyway.

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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby TheEngineer » Wed Oct 01, 2014 6:14 pm UTC

Having just finished reading Randall's book "What If?" I now find that I can walk out through my front door so much better prepared to face the world.
But now I keep asking "Just how fast would I have to be moving to literally walk through my front door?".
Perhaps Cueball has the answer.

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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby ps.02 » Wed Oct 01, 2014 6:27 pm UTC

Meh. Should be titled "Professions I would have been fired from if I'd invested years of my life training for them, all the while somehow not noticing their fundamental incompatibility with my motto. And when the situation finally did come to a head, it would have turned out that I cared more about my motto than about the thing I'd spent years preparing for."

(Granted, a few of those professions do not require years of investment of time and money to break into, but several of them do.)

In other words, a little too absurd to be funny. C-, would not read again.

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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby brenok » Wed Oct 01, 2014 6:38 pm UTC

ps.02 wrote:Meh. Should be titled "Professions I would have been fired from if I'd invested years of my life training for them, all the while somehow not noticing their fundamental incompatibility with my motto. And when the situation finally did come to a head, it would have turned out that I cared more about my motto than about the thing I'd spent years preparing for."

(Granted, a few of those professions do not require years of investment of time and money to break into, but several of them do.)

In other words, a little too absurd to be funny. C-, would not read again.

Let me guess: you're an adult.

I believe this comic may be unsuitable for you.

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da Doctah
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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby da Doctah » Wed Oct 01, 2014 6:44 pm UTC

I hear Apple is really upset that they were legally enjoined from using "think different and bend things".

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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby Lee_Dailey » Wed Oct 01, 2014 7:15 pm UTC

Pfhorrest wrote:
keithl wrote:I hope Cueball is talking to a military recruiter, at one of those rare times when there are appropriate enemy things to break.

Reminds me of that line from Alice's Restaurant, where Arlo is trying to get out of military recruitment by psychological disqualification. So he walks into the psychiatrist's office and says "Shrink… I wanna kill. I mean I wanna, I wanna kill. I wanna see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill. Kill! KILL!" and he starts jumping up and down shouting "Kill! Kill!" and the psychiatrists starts jumping up and down with him shouting "Kill! Kill!" and they were both jumping up and down shouting "Kill! Kill! Kill!" until the sergeant walked in, pinned a medal on him and said "You're our boy!"

howdy Pfhorrest,

i'm delighted to know that there are others who are aware of "the song that relates to [almost] _everything_!" [*grin*]

take care,
lee

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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby dg61 » Wed Oct 01, 2014 11:07 pm UTC

Museum curators I don't think actually handle objects as part of their usual job description do they? A registrar or curatorial assistant yes but not a curator.

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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby addams » Thu Oct 02, 2014 3:08 am UTC

Dog Walker?
Why would moving fast and breaking things get you fired from walking Dogs?
People that pay you to hang out with Dogs, like Dogs. That's what Dogs do.

Move fast and break things is what Dogs do, for most of their lives.
The rest of the time they are worming their way into the hearts of man.
Life is, just, an exchange of electrons; It is up to us to give it meaning.

We are all in The Gutter.
Some of us see The Gutter.
Some of us see The Stars.
by mr. Oscar Wilde.

Those that want to Know; Know.
Those that do not Know; Don't tell them.
They do terrible things to people that Tell Them.

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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby sfmans » Thu Oct 02, 2014 12:51 pm UTC

addams wrote:Dog Walker?
Why would moving fast and breaking things get you fired from walking Dogs?


If our dogs went out with a dog walker and came back broken we'd not be very happy.

Actually, the dogs probably wouldn't be too happy either.

sotanaht
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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby sotanaht » Thu Oct 02, 2014 1:06 pm UTC

orthogon wrote:I was going to post that this motto was probably fine when Facebook was a cutting-edge startup made up of a few guys working out of a rented house, but less so when it's a multi-billion dollar public company with investors who are likely to be somewhat unimpressed if you break stuff. Anyway, it seems that MZ himself had the same thought and changed the motto back in April. "Move fast with stable infra"? Please.

Another one arguably up for revision is, of course, Google's "Don't be evil". What jobs would that get you fired from? Bond villain's henchman? Motorbike-based daredevil?
Spoiler:
(Sorry, that would be "Don't be Evel".)


Politician?

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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby jpvlsmv » Thu Oct 02, 2014 1:14 pm UTC

TheEngineer wrote:Having just finished reading Randall's book "What If?" I now find that I can walk out through my front door so much better prepared to face the world.
But now I keep asking "Just how fast would I have to be moving to literally walk through my front door?".
Perhaps Cueball has the answer.

Well, at any non-zero temperature there is a (small) probability that every particle of your body would tunnel simultaneously to the other side of the door. And an approximately equal probability that every particle of the door would tunnel simultaneuously to the other side of you.

On the other hand, if you're in a hurry to get through, if you are travelling at relativistic baseball speeds, the shockwave and ionized atmosphere in front of you would vaporize the door.[1]

On the gripping hand, just open the door, and walk through at your own pace.

--Joe
[1] If travelling fast enough in a perfect vacuum, lorentz length contraction would reduce the apparent thickness of the door to less than one planck length, which would make it easier to tunnel through. Computing this speed is left as an exercise to the reader.

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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby suso » Thu Oct 02, 2014 2:24 pm UTC

Maybe Randall is too young for this one, but it would have been hilarious if the last job on the list was TV/VCR or gun repairman.

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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby Introbulus » Thu Oct 02, 2014 2:49 pm UTC

Of coures, the boring answer is that Cueball needs to be part of a demolition team.

Or drive a Monster Truck.

But I think we all know, as an intellectual, what his real calling in life should be.






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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby rtanenbaum » Thu Oct 02, 2014 6:46 pm UTC

Good bartenders have to move fast and there is a certain amount of breakage that is expected and tolerated.
Anyone who has observed the best bartenders on a busy night will witness a fair amount of breakage.
But even so, there is an upper bound on how much breakage is tolerated for even the fastest bartenders.

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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby addams » Thu Oct 02, 2014 7:05 pm UTC

Lee_Dailey wrote:
Pfhorrest wrote:
keithl wrote:I hope Cueball is talking to a military recruiter, at one of those rare times when there are appropriate enemy things to break.

Reminds me of that line from Alice's Restaurant, where Arlo is trying to get out of military recruitment by psychological disqualification. So he walks into the psychiatrist's office and says "Shrink… I wanna kill. I mean I wanna, I wanna kill. I wanna see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill. Kill! KILL!" and he starts jumping up and down shouting "Kill! Kill!" and the psychiatrists starts jumping up and down with him shouting "Kill! Kill!" and they were both jumping up and down shouting "Kill! Kill! Kill!" until the sergeant walked in, pinned a medal on him and said "You're our boy!"

howdy Pfhorrest,

i'm delighted to know that there are others who are aware of "the song that relates to [almost] _everything_!" [*grin*]

take care,
lee

I know that song. too.
It was a simpler time.

ThanksGiving meant looking at Trash or Litter, while discussing the pros and cons,
...Let us bow our heads and Remember....

Some people remember, "A conviction for Littering, got that man out of Military Service."
Other people remember, "Cleaning up other people's Trash, is not as simple as it might seem.

Have a Written Plan with Deviations from The Plan that show a steady progression into Madness.
Anything you do, you are going to have to explain to your Mother.
Life is, just, an exchange of electrons; It is up to us to give it meaning.

We are all in The Gutter.
Some of us see The Gutter.
Some of us see The Stars.
by mr. Oscar Wilde.

Those that want to Know; Know.
Those that do not Know; Don't tell them.
They do terrible things to people that Tell Them.

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Lee_Dailey
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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby Lee_Dailey » Thu Oct 02, 2014 7:48 pm UTC

addams wrote:
Lee_Dailey wrote:
Pfhorrest wrote:
keithl wrote:I hope Cueball is talking to a military recruiter, at one of those rare times when there are appropriate enemy things to break.

Reminds me of that line from Alice's Restaurant, where Arlo is trying to get out of military recruitment by psychological disqualification. So he walks into the psychiatrist's office and says "Shrink… I wanna kill. I mean I wanna, I wanna kill. I wanna see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill. Kill! KILL!" and he starts jumping up and down shouting "Kill! Kill!" and the psychiatrists starts jumping up and down with him shouting "Kill! Kill!" and they were both jumping up and down shouting "Kill! Kill! Kill!" until the sergeant walked in, pinned a medal on him and said "You're our boy!"

howdy Pfhorrest,

i'm delighted to know that there are others who are aware of "the song that relates to [almost] _everything_!" [*grin*]

take care,
lee

I know that song. too.
It was a simpler time.

ThanksGiving meant looking at Trash or Litter, while discussing the pros and cons,
...Let us bow our heads and Remember....

Some people remember, "A conviction for Littering, got that man out of Military Service."
Other people remember, "Cleaning up other people's Trash, is not as simple as it might seem.

Have a Written Plan with Deviations from The Plan that show a steady progression into Madness.
Anything you do, you are going to have to explain to your Mother.

howdy addams,

what i remember depends on the situation. it _generally_ is one of the following ...
- kill! kill! kill!
- group w bench
- father rapers!
- twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy photographs
- a typical case of american blind justice

there's _so_ much material! [*grin*] plus, we still listen to it every turkey day.

take care,
lee

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Re: 1428: "Move Fast and Break Things"

Postby Neil_Boekend » Tue Oct 14, 2014 8:16 am UTC

rtanenbaum wrote:Good bartenders have to move fast and there is a certain amount of breakage that is expected and tolerated.
Anyone who has observed the best bartenders on a busy night will witness a fair amount of breakage.
But even so, there is an upper bound on how much breakage is tolerated for even the fastest bartenders.

Especially breakage in bones of innocent customers.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

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he/him/his


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