1464: "Santa"

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azule
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Re: 1464: "Santa"

Postby azule » Fri Dec 26, 2014 12:32 am UTC

Baccar Wozat wrote:Maybe he poops coal!
Yes, he does. I wouldn't mind a toy Santa that pooped some coal type confection.
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Re: 1464: "Santa"

Postby ycc » Sat Dec 27, 2014 10:14 am UTC

Surprised no one mentioned this yet. A lot of the weight we eat in are lost to respiration. The carbohydrates combine with oxygen to become CO2 and H2O so you are literally breathing out the food. I don't think cookies have too much fibre so maybe Santa doesn't need to poop much from them?

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Re: 1464: "Santa"

Postby Sprocket » Sat Dec 27, 2014 6:17 pm UTC

"She’s a free spirit, a wind-rider, she’s at one with nature, and walks with the kodama eidolons”
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Re: 1464: "Santa"

Postby Pfhorrest » Sat Dec 27, 2014 7:36 pm UTC

Kim Jong-Un poops too.
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Re: 1464: "Santa"

Postby azule » Sat Dec 27, 2014 11:57 pm UTC

And so did Hitler.

Uh, I win?
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Re: 1464: "Santa"

Postby Copper Bezel » Sun Dec 28, 2014 7:26 am UTC

Yep. Thread over, collect your prize.
So much depends upon a red wheel barrow (>= XXII) but it is not going to be installed.

she / her / her

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Re: 1464: "Santa"

Postby azule » Sun Dec 28, 2014 9:04 am UTC

Santa is Hitler.

Okay...I think I just lost. Who's up next?
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Re: 1464: "Santa"

Postby Copper Bezel » Sun Dec 28, 2014 7:23 pm UTC

Might just have to consider it a disqualification and devolve the prize to Pfhorrest.
So much depends upon a red wheel barrow (>= XXII) but it is not going to be installed.

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Re: 1464: "Santa"

Postby Flumble » Sun Dec 28, 2014 9:34 pm UTC

Copper Bezel wrote:Might just have to consider it a disqualification and devolve the prize to Pfhorrest.

I can accept the prize in name of azule if they don't want to pick it up. If it weren't worthy of a prize, it shouldn't've be called a Godwin.


azule wrote:Santa is Hitler.

It does explain why Jews in general don't celebrate christmas.
Did I just go there? Yes, I did. :oops:

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Re: 1464: "Santa"

Postby Klear » Sun Dec 28, 2014 10:55 pm UTC

Flumble wrote:
azule wrote:Santa is Hitler.

It does explain why Jews in general don't celebrate christmas.
Did I just go there? Yes, I did. :oops:


It feels like there's should be an inappropriate joke about chimneys here, but I can't seem to come up with it.

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Re: 1464: "Santa"

Postby azule » Sun Dec 28, 2014 11:57 pm UTC

Now now, let's not get terrible. I will not be the start of a Hitler Jewdown. (No...I will not explain that....)

Flumble wrote:It does explain why Jews in general don't celebrate christmas.
Did I just go there? Yes, I did.
Yes, you went there. And I think you accidentally won.
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Re: 1464: "Santa"

Postby DougDean » Mon Dec 29, 2014 2:29 pm UTC

He eats a few cookies and throws the rest in his bag and takes them back to his hungry elves.

You're welcome.

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Re: 1464: "Santa"

Postby fangbeer » Mon Dec 29, 2014 3:20 pm UTC

azule wrote:I wouldn't mind a toy Santa that pooped some coal type confection.


Coal type?

You mean a candy made out of coal?

We'll get right to work on that once we finish up this recipe for candy made out of spent fuel rods.

--the Awful Candy Company.

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Re: 1464: "Santa"

Postby Coyoty » Mon Dec 29, 2014 3:30 pm UTC

No one sees the obvious. Santa has Federation transporter/replicator technology. He orbits Earth in his cloaked ship (his "sleigh"), beams up the cookies and milk for raw material, and spot-replicates the gifts directly into everyone's homes. His "elves" are Vulcan crew members. The mission is apparently to sneak future technology into Earth's current technology to bootstrap it, and the Santa myth is to avoid notice from Prime Directive complications and continuity issues. (They haven't resolved whether the Prime Directive applies to a society's own past development.)

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Re: 1464: "Santa"

Postby Flumble » Mon Dec 29, 2014 5:43 pm UTC

Coyoty wrote:No one sees the obvious. Santa has Federation transporter/replicator technology. He orbits Earth in his cloaked ship (his "sleigh"), beams up the cookies and milk for raw material, and spot-replicates the gifts directly into everyone's homes. His "elves" are Vulcan crew members. The mission is apparently to sneak future technology into Earth's current technology to bootstrap it, and the Santa myth is to avoid notice from Prime Directive complications and continuity issues. (They haven't resolved whether the Prime Directive applies to a society's own past development.)

Not only can you view this as excellent fan-non-fiction —for which I thank you—, but it encourages celebrating christmas and even supports the consumerism.

I bet the Romulans are behind stories like "A Charlie Brown Christmas".

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Re: 1464: "Santa"

Postby Pfhorrest » Mon Dec 29, 2014 9:51 pm UTC

No, no, no... it's simple really. Santa is a Time Lord. They sleigh and flying reindeer and everything are all his TARDIS's chameleon circuit disguise. The interior of the TARDIS is in the sack, which is consequently bigger on the inside. The TARDIS can manufacture basically unlimited quantities of anything you want, which is where the toys come from. He can control the smaller-on-the-outside-ness to fit down chimneys. Being able to travel in both space and time allows him to make simultaneous deliveries around the world all in a single night, and to skip over the rest of the year and exist only on Christmas Eves. That plus natural Time Lord longevity accounts for his continued existence across the centuries.

The hard part I can't figure out is how to compile the naughty/nice list. That seems like it would just take an unholy buttload of boring manual observation.
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Re: 1464: "Santa"

Postby azule » Mon Dec 29, 2014 10:27 pm UTC

He just looks at the parent's faces.

fangbeer wrote:
azule wrote:I wouldn't mind a toy Santa that pooped some coal type confection.


Coal type?

You mean a candy made out of coal?

We'll get right to work on that once we finish up this recipe for candy made out of spent fuel rods.

--the Awful Candy Company.
lol. I've actually had a bag of candy coal. I think it was licorice or gum.

Then there is a jelly bean pooping Easter Bunny. I just need those two concepts put together.
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Re: 1464: "Santa"

Postby thunderenlightening » Tue Dec 30, 2014 12:34 pm UTC

Guys. He always waits til he's in Catalonia, or in the home of a Catalonian. See for yourself.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caganer
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ti%C3%B3_de_Nadal

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Re: 1464: "Santa"

Postby HES » Tue Dec 30, 2014 7:57 pm UTC

azule wrote:He just looks at the parent's faces.

I read that as feces.
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Re: 1464: "Santa"

Postby jpvlsmv » Tue Dec 30, 2014 8:05 pm UTC

I once did a calculation on this... if Santa consumes 150 kCal (a reasonable-sized cookie, and some milk) at every north american household, this is enough energy to take an olympic-sized swimming pool at competition temperature (300K) to boiling and then to steam.

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Re: 1464: "Santa"

Postby azule » Wed Dec 31, 2014 3:26 am UTC

Steam powered, I told ya.

HES bad.

LOMG at thunderenlightening. LOL at HES.
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Re: 1464: "Santa"

Postby rmsgrey » Fri Jan 02, 2015 7:46 pm UTC

According to this year's Christmas Doctor Who, Santa is real and handy to have around when you're caught in a plot Red Dwarf used before Chris Nolan got anywhere near it...

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Re: 1464: "Santa"

Postby mathmannix » Mon Jan 05, 2015 5:27 pm UTC

thunderenlightening wrote:Guys. He always waits til he's in Catalonia, or in the home of a Catalonian. See for yourself.

Wikipedia: Caganer
Wikipedia: Tió de Nadal


Wow, just wow. I did not know those were things.
I hear velociraptor tastes like chicken.


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