1550: "Episode VII"

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1550: "Episode VII"

Postby Linux0s » Mon Jul 13, 2015 5:24 am UTC

Image

Title Text:
The Lord of the Rings sequel, set years after the Ring hubbub has died down, is just Samwise discreetly creeping back to Bag End to finish dropping the eaves.

But I haven't even started my popcorn...
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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby rhomboidal » Mon Jul 13, 2015 5:31 am UTC

The Force awakens, but groggily hits the snooze button.

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby brandbarth » Mon Jul 13, 2015 7:40 am UTC

Samwise Gardner: Elanor (the Fair), Frodo, Rose, Merry, Pippin, Goldilocks, Hamfast, Daisy, Primrose, Bilbo, Ruby, Robin, and Tom. Nudge nudge. Say no more.

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby orthogon » Mon Jul 13, 2015 8:48 am UTC

"I'm sorry, Mr Skywalker, but items ordered using our Click & Collect service have to be picked up within five working parsecs"
xtifr wrote:... and orthogon merely sounds undecided.

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby wayne » Mon Jul 13, 2015 8:52 am UTC

**twitch**
**twitch**

parsecs

**twitch**

used as a measure of time

**twitch**

like light-years

**twitch**

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby Eoink » Mon Jul 13, 2015 9:06 am UTC

wayne wrote:**twitch**
**twitch**

parsecs

**twitch**

used as a measure of time

**twitch**

like light-years

**twitch**


To cheer you up..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bosSsgzgenA

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby Flumble » Mon Jul 13, 2015 10:54 am UTC

THAT'S NOT CHEERING UP

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby da Doctah » Mon Jul 13, 2015 11:02 am UTC

For god's sake, Randall, don't give them any ideas!

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby kryton » Mon Jul 13, 2015 11:11 am UTC

If the kessle run is measured in distance as a factor of how fast a ship is....
1) catch a moving target : "we overtook the lightspeed target drone in the last kessle run competition after it had only covered 12 parsecs..."
2) a dangerous shortcut: : "from the kessle black hole observation station, around the singularity and back, we were fast enough to get really close to the event horizon and the astrogator recorded that our plot was just 12 parsecs long. most folks take the cautious 18 parsec route well away from it cause they can't get as close as we did without falling in...."
3) inverse law and relativity: "we went so fast we hit the Einstein dilation factor target of the kessle run benchmark after only 12 parsecs, most ships take 20 parsecs to get up to that speed".

4) Lucas's official answer - techno-babble: "hey chewie, watch me BS these yokels, he he ..."
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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby speising » Mon Jul 13, 2015 11:37 am UTC

kryton wrote:
4) Lucas's official answer - techno-babble: "hey chewie, watch me BS these yokels, he he ..."


i like this best, it actually fits with Han's personality and the stupid look on Luke's face. Only Obi-Wan should have called him out on it, unless he was holding back.

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby moody7277 » Mon Jul 13, 2015 1:25 pm UTC

The Lord of the Rings sequel, set years after the Ring hubbub has died down, is just Samwise discreetly creeping back to Bag End to finish dropping the eaves.


Considering that a. Sam bacame Mayor of Hobbiton for the rest of his life and b. inherited Bag End from Frodo when Frodo went to the Undying lands, discretion seems neither possible nor necessary.
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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby rmsgrey » Mon Jul 13, 2015 1:31 pm UTC

moody7277 wrote:
The Lord of the Rings sequel, set years after the Ring hubbub has died down, is just Samwise discreetly creeping back to Bag End to finish dropping the eaves.


Considering that a. Sam bacame Mayor of Hobbiton for the rest of his life and b. inherited Bag End from Frodo when Frodo went to the Undying lands, discretion seems neither possible nor necessary.


Besides, there ain't no eaves at Bag End, and that's a fact!

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby nitePhyyre » Mon Jul 13, 2015 1:38 pm UTC

speising wrote:
kryton wrote:4) Lucas's official answer - techno-babble: "hey chewie, watch me BS these yokels, he he ..."
i like this best, it actually fits with Han's personality and the stupid look on Luke's face. Only Obi-Wan should have called him out on it, unless he was holding back.
Don't forget, Obi-Wan was trying to pass as a local yokel.
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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby JudeMorrigan » Mon Jul 13, 2015 1:43 pm UTC

nitePhyyre wrote:
speising wrote:
kryton wrote:4) Lucas's official answer - techno-babble: "hey chewie, watch me BS these yokels, he he ..."
i like this best, it actually fits with Han's personality and the stupid look on Luke's face. Only Obi-Wan should have called him out on it, unless he was holding back.
Don't forget, Obi-Wan was trying to pass as a local yokel.

He shoots Han a look in response that I always thought could easily be interpreted as "I know you're feeding me a line of BS, but I need your ship too badly to call you out on it". Frankly, I think it's a FAR better interpretation seen than the whole Maw idiocy from the EU.

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby orthogon » Mon Jul 13, 2015 1:44 pm UTC

rmsgrey wrote:
moody7277 wrote:
The Lord of the Rings sequel, set years after the Ring hubbub has died down, is just Samwise discreetly creeping back to Bag End to finish dropping the eaves.


Considering that a. Sam bacame Mayor of Hobbiton for the rest of his life and b. inherited Bag End from Frodo when Frodo went to the Undying lands, discretion seems neither possible nor necessary.


Besides, there ain't no eaves at Bag End, and that's a fact!

The whole thing is a bit odd (that's probably the joke, but I'm not sure I get it): eavesdropping isn't really something where you can carry on where you left off. And wasn't he eavesdropping on a conversation that became the whole basis of the rest of the story? So it wasn't really an unfinished bit of eavesdropping; he simply continued as an official member of the conversation, and then as a key participant in the ensuing adventure.

ETA:
JudeMorrigan wrote:... Maw idiocy from the EU.

Is that the latest bailout proposal for Greece?
xtifr wrote:... and orthogon merely sounds undecided.

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby Someguy945 » Mon Jul 13, 2015 1:53 pm UTC

The title text for this comic easily could have been: "There will be no one to stop us this time."

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby mathmannix » Mon Jul 13, 2015 2:54 pm UTC

Image
I hear velociraptor tastes like chicken.

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby cryptoengineer » Mon Jul 13, 2015 3:23 pm UTC

moody7277 wrote:
The Lord of the Rings sequel, set years after the Ring hubbub has died down, is just Samwise discreetly creeping back to Bag End to finish dropping the eaves.


Considering that a. Sam bacame Mayor of Hobbiton for the rest of his life and b. inherited Bag End from Frodo when Frodo went to the Undying lands, discretion seems neither possible nor necessary.


There's actually a very interesting and well written fanfiction sequel to LotR. It can't be published in the west due to Tolkien estate objections, but is available online:

The Last Ringbearer, by Kirill Eskov

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Last_Ringbearer

It's main conceit is that it's told from the PoV of characters on the losing side; it turns out the LotR is mostly Elvish/feudal propaganda, used to bolster their
hold on the humans, and keep them feudal vassels at best.


"This, then, was the yeast on which Barad-Dur rose six centuries
ago, that amazing city of alchemists and poets, mechanics and
astronomers, philosophers and physicians, the heart of the only
civilization in Middle Earth to bet on rational knowledge and
bravely pitch its barely adolescent technology against ancient
magic. The shining tower of the Barad-Dur citadel rose over the
plains of Mordor almost as high as Orodruin like a monument to
Man – free Man who had politely but firmly declined the
guardianship of the Dwellers on High and started living by his
own reason. It was a challenge to the bone-headed aggressive West,
which was still picking lice in its log ‘castles’ to the monotonous
chanting of scalds extolling the wonders of never-existing Númenor."


ce

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby Whizbang » Mon Jul 13, 2015 3:35 pm UTC

cryptoengineer wrote:The Last Ringbearer, by Kirill Eskov

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Last_Ringbearer



Ooooh! Thanks for the link!

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby arkoenig » Mon Jul 13, 2015 3:40 pm UTC

wayne wrote:**twitch**
**twitch**

parsecs

**twitch**

used as a measure of time

**twitch**

like light-years

**twitch**


Of course a light year is a measure of time. It has 2/3 the calories of a regular year.

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby orthogon » Mon Jul 13, 2015 3:48 pm UTC

arkoenig wrote:Of course a light year is a measure of time. It has 2/3 the calories of a regular year.

Still more than a wet week though, though possibly not as much as a month of Sundays.
xtifr wrote:... and orthogon merely sounds undecided.

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby mathmannix » Mon Jul 13, 2015 3:49 pm UTC

arkoenig wrote:
wayne wrote:**twitch**
**twitch**

parsecs

**twitch**

used as a measure of time

**twitch**

like light-years

**twitch**


Of course a light year is a measure of time. It has 2/3 the calories of a regular year.

but a diet year has just one calorie!
I hear velociraptor tastes like chicken.

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby ShifterCat » Mon Jul 13, 2015 3:57 pm UTC

Then Luke finds out that what used to be Tosche Station is now a strip mall with a bunch of chain outlets, identical to what you can find anywhere else in the galaxy. All the local charm is gone. You can't go home again.

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby ShifterCat » Mon Jul 13, 2015 3:59 pm UTC

speising wrote:
kryton wrote:
4) Lucas's official answer - techno-babble: "hey chewie, watch me BS these yokels, he he ..."


i like this best, it actually fits with Han's personality and the stupid look on Luke's face. Only Obi-Wan should have called him out on it, unless he was holding back.


Did you catch the look on Obi-Wan's face? It clearly said, "This guy's BSing us. Moving on..."

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby pkcommando » Mon Jul 13, 2015 4:32 pm UTC

ShifterCat wrote:Then Luke finds out that what used to be Tosche Station is now a strip mall with a bunch of chain outlets, identical to what you can find anywhere else in the galaxy. All the local charm is gone. You can't go home again.

I have mixed feelings abut the gentrification of Mos Eisley. I mean, sure, you can't/shouldn't just ignore "wretched hive of scum and villainy"...

And the Cantina Band totally turned into a bunch of sell-outs. They lost their edge when they went mainstream.

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby Kit. » Mon Jul 13, 2015 6:00 pm UTC

kryton wrote:2) a dangerous shortcut: : "from the kessle black hole observation station, around the singularity and back, we were fast enough to get really close to the event horizon and the astrogator recorded that our plot was just 12 parsecs long. most folks take the cautious 18 parsec route well away from it cause they can't get as close as we did without falling in...."

That's close to how Wookieepedia explains it.

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby speising » Mon Jul 13, 2015 6:06 pm UTC

Here i was frantically trying to find out what this was all about, only to find out that this references a scene which never actually happened? (except in a deleted scene)
How come everybody seems to know it?

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby mathmannix » Mon Jul 13, 2015 7:48 pm UTC

speising wrote:Here i was frantically trying to find out what this was all about, only to find out that this references a scene which never actually happened? (except in a deleted scene)
How come everybody seems to know it?

What are you talking about? The comic, which comes from the line Luke says in the movie (not in a deleted scene), whinily, "But I was going into Tosche Station to pick up some power converters!"
... or the part being referenced in a few posts (also not from a deleted scene) where Han claims the Millennium Falcon is "the ship that made the Kessel run in less than twelve parsecs!"

(EDIT: there were deleted scenes of Luke on Tatooine early in the movie, including one that actually took place in Tosche station.)
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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby speising » Mon Jul 13, 2015 8:58 pm UTC

mathmannix wrote:
speising wrote:Here i was frantically trying to find out what this was all about, only to find out that this references a scene which never actually happened? (except in a deleted scene)
How come everybody seems to know it?

What are you talking about? The comic, which comes from the line Luke says in the movie (not in a deleted scene), whinily, "But I was going into Tosche Station to pick up some power converters!"
... or the part being referenced in a few posts (also not from a deleted scene) where Han claims the Millennium Falcon is "the ship that made the Kessel run in less than twelve parsecs!"

(EDIT: there were deleted scenes of Luke on Tatooine early in the movie, including one that actually took place in Tosche station.)

Tosche station, Ah, i interpreted wookipedia that way.
Tosche Station was supposed to appear in Star Wars: Episode IV A New Hope, but was cut from the film.

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby Eternal Density » Tue Jul 14, 2015 12:37 am UTC

JudeMorrigan wrote:
nitePhyyre wrote:
speising wrote:
kryton wrote:4) Lucas's official answer - techno-babble: "hey chewie, watch me BS these yokels, he he ..."
i like this best, it actually fits with Han's personality and the stupid look on Luke's face. Only Obi-Wan should have called him out on it, unless he was holding back.
Don't forget, Obi-Wan was trying to pass as a local yokel.

He shoots Han a look in response that I always thought could easily be interpreted as "I know you're feeding me a line of BS, but I need your ship too badly to call you out on it". Frankly, I think it's a FAR better interpretation seen than the whole Maw idiocy from the EU.

So Han shot first?
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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby RogueCynic » Tue Jul 14, 2015 4:07 am UTC

Watch the Family Guy version of "Star Wars" (NO. I will NOT call it Episode IV!). Chris, as Luke, calls out Peter, as Han, on the Kessel run. As for the availability of "The Last Ringbearer", by Kirill Eskov in the west. We of the Westernesse have lost interest in the world of men when the Ring was destroyed.
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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby GuesssWho » Tue Jul 14, 2015 4:24 am UTC

The bit that got me was 'many years later.'

No, they had returned well before the end of Return of the King.

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby Pfhorrest » Tue Jul 14, 2015 4:30 am UTC

Westernesse was part of the world of Men. In fact the whole place was created just for Men.
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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby gcgcgcgc » Tue Jul 14, 2015 7:52 pm UTC

kryton wrote:If the kessle run is measured in distance as a factor of how fast a ship is....
1) catch a moving target : "we overtook the lightspeed target drone in the last kessle run competition after it had only covered 12 parsecs..."
2) a dangerous shortcut: : "from the kessle black hole observation station, around the singularity and back, we were fast enough to get really close to the event horizon and the astrogator recorded that our plot was just 12 parsecs long. most folks take the cautious 18 parsec route well away from it cause they can't get as close as we did without falling in...."
3) inverse law and relativity: "we went so fast we hit the Einstein dilation factor target of the kessle run benchmark after only 12 parsecs, most ships take 20 parsecs to get up to that speed".

4) Lucas's official answer - techno-babble: "hey chewie, watch me BS these yokels, he he ..."


Or maybe because it all happened a long time away in a place far ago, and in a language coincidentally almost but not quite identical to English...

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby Eshru » Wed Jul 15, 2015 2:22 am UTC

gcgcgcgc wrote:
kryton wrote:If the kessle run is measured in distance as a factor of how fast a ship is....
1) catch a moving target : "we overtook the lightspeed target drone in the last kessle run competition after it had only covered 12 parsecs..."
2) a dangerous shortcut: : "from the kessle black hole observation station, around the singularity and back, we were fast enough to get really close to the event horizon and the astrogator recorded that our plot was just 12 parsecs long. most folks take the cautious 18 parsec route well away from it cause they can't get as close as we did without falling in...."
3) inverse law and relativity: "we went so fast we hit the Einstein dilation factor target of the kessle run benchmark after only 12 parsecs, most ships take 20 parsecs to get up to that speed".

4) Lucas's official answer - techno-babble: "hey chewie, watch me BS these yokels, he he ..."


Or maybe because it all happened a long time away in a place far ago, and in a language coincidentally almost but not quite identical to English...

You might even say the language is...

8-)

Basic.


I've always liked the EU one, combined with Lucas', wherein the claim is impossible due to hyperdrive speeds, but he doesn't call him out. Admittedly the whole maw cluster was a pretty terrible plot device to hide future problems.

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby RogueCynic » Wed Jul 15, 2015 3:01 am UTC

Harrison Ford recently crashed his plane. I guess he can fly an FTL ship across the galaxy with no problems but not a plane across a city. :D
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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby Neil_Boekend » Wed Jul 15, 2015 7:54 am UTC

RogueCynic wrote:Harrison Ford recently crashed his plane. I guess he can fly an FTL ship across the galaxy with no problems but not a plane across a city. :D

Well, space is mostly empty.
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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby Echo244 » Wed Jul 15, 2015 8:56 am UTC

Apart from when someone leaves an asteroid field where a planet should be. Which is just rude.

Oh, an asteroid field and a new moon...
Unstoppable force of nature. That means she/her/hers.
Has committed an act of treason.

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby brandbarth » Wed Jul 15, 2015 12:30 pm UTC

... this is no moon.

Sorry. "That's no moon..."

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Re: 1550: "Episode VII"

Postby ps.02 » Thu Jul 16, 2015 4:48 am UTC

brandbarth wrote:Sorry. "That's no moon..."

Yes, that was part of Echo's joke. It works better when you let the reader fill in the gap, like she did.

Also, the asteroid field brings up a question I hadn't considered. Did the Death Star actually blow up Alderaan with a weapon, or was it just designed with enough mass and tensile strength to get close enough to exceed Alderaan's Roche limit without exceeding its own?


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