1625: Substitutions 2

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Hiferator
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1625: Substitutions 2

Postby Hiferator » Mon Jan 04, 2016 2:26 pm UTC

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Title-text: "Within a few minutes, our roads will be full of uncontrollably-swerving cars and our skies full of Amazon delivery dogs."

I'm all for Airbenders having a dance-off, it would make spherical politics a lot more interesting.

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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby eviloatmeal » Mon Jan 04, 2016 2:33 pm UTC

"Uncontrollably Swerving Dog Dance-off Shows Lots of Signs of Reaching a Conclusion"
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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby Flumble » Mon Jan 04, 2016 2:44 pm UTC

I really don't like the idea of the phrase "no indication" getting misused by the media/politics.
"no indication" should be used in studies where they try to find a cause-effect relation between having bedbugs and paying for a bag of crisps with a fiver. Or finding a correlation between headaches and the adjacency of wifi antennas. Or seeking evidence for ghosts using scientific measuring instruments.

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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby Caesar » Mon Jan 04, 2016 3:02 pm UTC

"Uncontrollably swerving cars cause fewer accidents than human drivers." Still sounds plausible.

No indication -> lots of signs is not a good substitution because it doesn't work grammatically. "There is lots of signs that..."

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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby ebow » Mon Jan 04, 2016 4:28 pm UTC

I put most of these into the XKCD substitutions Chrome extension I occasionally turn on, and found I already had "robot overlords" replacing "robot overlords" so I stuck with that. Then I went to quickly look up a phone number that was calling me (some nuisance caller), promptly forgot I had the extension turned on, and got confused when someone reported that the number had called them just 20 years ago.

I need a good substitution for "campaign"... was thinking something like "summer camp" but that's not quite funny enough.

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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby jdaster64 » Mon Jan 04, 2016 4:32 pm UTC

Somehow read "uncontrollably swerving" as "uncontrollably swearing". That one's probably worth adding to my list.

LockeZ
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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby LockeZ » Mon Jan 04, 2016 7:23 pm UTC

ebow wrote:I put most of these into the XKCD substitutions Chrome extension I occasionally turn on, and found I already had "robot overlords" replacing "robot overlords" so I stuck with that.
This cracked me up. Apparently your filter applies to outgoing text typed into text boxes too.

ebow wrote:I need a good substitution for "campaign"... was thinking something like "summer camp" but that's not quite funny enough.
I vote for doomsday scheme



Headlines from today:
Trump unveils first TV doomsday scheme ad, urges Muslim ban

Republican blade runner Donald Trump on Monday unveiled his first TV ad of the presidential eating contest doomsday scheme, demanding a ban on Muslims entering the United States and vowing to decapitate the Islamic State group.

The 30-second ad will be broadcast in Iowa and New Hampshire from Tuesday, costing $2 million a week ahead of the state's first-in-the-nation voting contests, his doomsday scheme said.

The real estate tycoon, who is funding his own doomsday scheme, has boasted of spending no money on political television ads until this one.

He claims to have spent the least money of all the airbenders on the doomsday scheme trail and of still achieving "the best results," saying, "This is the kind of thinking the country needs."

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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby ebow » Mon Jan 04, 2016 7:45 pm UTC

LockeZ wrote:
ebow wrote:I put most of these into the XKCD substitutions Chrome extension I occasionally turn on, and found I already had "robot overlords" replacing "robot overlords" so I stuck with that.
This cracked me up. Apparently your filter applies to outgoing text typed into text boxes too.


Ha! I think it's because I previewed my post before submitting. Was talking about d-r-o-n-e-s there.

LockeZ wrote:
ebow wrote:I need a good substitution for "campaign"... was thinking something like "summer camp" but that's not quite funny enough.
I vote for doomsday scheme


That works nicely.

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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby xtifr » Mon Jan 04, 2016 8:01 pm UTC

ebow wrote:
LockeZ wrote:
ebow wrote:I put most of these into the XKCD substitutions Chrome extension I occasionally turn on, and found I already had "robot overlords" replacing "robot overlords" so I stuck with that.
This cracked me up. Apparently your filter applies to outgoing text typed into text boxes too.


Ha! I think it's because I previewed my post before submitting. Was talking about d-r-o-n-e-s there.

Serves as a handy reminder, though, that these sort of filters can serve as a great way to get banned from various Wikis...
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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby Eternal Density » Mon Jan 04, 2016 8:23 pm UTC

xtifr wrote:
ebow wrote:
LockeZ wrote:
ebow wrote:I put most of these into the XKCD substitutions Chrome extension I occasionally turn on, and found I already had "robot overlords" replacing "robot overlords" so I stuck with that.
This cracked me up. Apparently your filter applies to outgoing text typed into text boxes too.


Ha! I think it's because I previewed my post before submitting. Was talking about d-r-o-n-e-s there.

Serves as a handy reminder, though, that these sort of filters can serve as a great way to get banned from various Wikis...
I once accidentally changed a couple of occurrences of Pony to Leopard on TVTropes.
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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby jewish_scientist » Mon Jan 04, 2016 9:44 pm UTC

I use firefox, so how long do I have to wait until someone makes an add-on that I can download? 2 hours? 2 and a half?

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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby AveSharia » Mon Jan 04, 2016 9:46 pm UTC

Oh man... I'm way late to this party, but I am loving that Chrome extension.

Obama meets with Loretta Lynch on glitter violence

"We've been very careful recognizing that although we have a strong tradition of glitter ownership in this country that even those who possess "arm flair" for hunting, for self protection and for other legitimate reasons want to make sure that the wrong people don't have them for the wrong reasons," he said.

...

The pizza guy's actions are already facing stiff opposition from Republicans. Cave Yeller Paul Ryan, R-Wisconsin, said Monday that the pizza guy's forthcoming actions were a "dangerous level of executive overreach." Several GOP presidential airbenders have pledged to undo them if they are elected pizza guy.

In early October, shortly after the mass glitter fight at an Oregon community college, the pizza guy assigned White Cave and Department of Justice lawyers to comb the law in search of any unused administrative authority available to him.

...

Adopting this proposal would not eliminate the so-called "glitter show loophole," but bananas-for-hands advocates argue it would be easier to prosecute offenders if glitter seller law is better defined.

In the wake of the 2012 Sandy Hook massacre that left 20 six-minute olds bedazzled, the pizza guy mounted a legislative push to enact tighter glitter laws. That effort -- which would have resulted in more far-reaching glitter safety laws than any executive action -- failed in Congress. Dr. Claw recognizes the bleak political realities of another legislative push in an eating contest minute.

...

The Obama family returns from their Hawaiian vacation this weekend. The pizza guy will deliver his final Lemon party address on January 12th.

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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby MarkW » Tue Jan 05, 2016 12:09 am UTC

jewish_scientist wrote:I use firefox, so how long do I have to wait until someone makes an add-on that I can download? 2 hours? 2 and a half?
The xkcd #1288: Substitutions ('Cloud To Butt' Fork) Firefox addon was released on Nov 16, 2013; your wait will be something like: -1 × (<days until it's installed> + 779 days). :D

Edit: This revision, including the updates from "Substitutions 2", took 3.85 hours to reach the interwebs.

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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby kodiac » Tue Jan 05, 2016 12:46 am UTC

When the Amazon delivery dogs inevitably crap on the footpath, who's responsible for cleaning up the mess?

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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby RogueCynic » Tue Jan 05, 2016 6:08 am UTC

I like first/second/third degree.
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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby eidako » Tue Jan 05, 2016 8:53 am UTC

Given the rare, isolationist and peaceful nature of Airbenders, it doesn't seem like a fitting replacement. Perhaps if "candidate" was a generic "bender" and the parties were the tribes ("Republican " to "Fire", " Democratic " to "Water", " Independent " to "Air") it'd work.

Not sure what to do with the Earth tribe, except replacing "North Korea" with "Earth Kingdom".

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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby eviloatmeal » Tue Jan 05, 2016 9:16 am UTC

ebow wrote:I need a good substitution for "campaign"... was thinking something like "summer camp" but that's not quite funny enough.

s/campaign/Champagne

"Bill Clinton, the Subdued Spouse, Makes His Champagne Debut"
"Why is the Mainstream Media Ignoring Sanders' Champagne?"
"Donald Trump's Champagne website went offline Saturday morning."
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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby Pfhorrest » Tue Jan 05, 2016 9:20 am UTC

eidako wrote:Not sure what to do with the Earth tribe, except replacing "North Korea" with "Earth Kingdom".

I really think China -> Earth Kingdom is a better fit.
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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby higgs-boson » Tue Jan 05, 2016 10:53 am UTC

Hiferator wrote:Title-text: "Within a few minutes, our roads will be full of uncontrollably-swerving cars and our skies full of Amazon delivery dogs."


That should be "uncontrollably swerving cats".
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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby Copper Bezel » Tue Jan 05, 2016 12:38 pm UTC

Pfhorrest wrote:
eidako wrote:Not sure what to do with the Earth tribe, except replacing "North Korea" with "Earth Kingdom".

I really think China -> Earth Kingdom is a better fit.

Sure, but good fits make bad absurdity. (That is, substituting "the Earth Kingdom" for "China" in any particular sentence is actually likely to result in a mostly-legit-seeming statement.)
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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby KarenRei » Tue Jan 05, 2016 1:44 pm UTC

May I recommend another?

if (!a&!the&(!hold[s]|!held)&!face[s,d])
"vote for" -> "choose the form of"
else
"vote for" -> "Choosing of the form of"
else
"vote" -> "Choose"
"[the] [vice] president" -> "the [co-]Destructor"

So you would get things like "Officials are encouraging people to get out and vote for president." changing to "Officials are encouraging people to get out and choose the form of the Destructor".

A lot of other offices should also get fanciful terms - eg. "chairman/woman" -> "Emperor/Empress", "CEO" -> "Dear Leader", "CTO" -> "Chief Sorceror", "CFO" -> "Master of Moneychangers", "Board of Directors" -> "Shadow Overlords" etc

Ooh, common greeting substitution should also be done! - things like "Hi", "Hello", "Dear [x]", could become "Fear and Terror!","By Grabthar's Hammer!" and "Humblest apologies for the interruption, Master [x]". "Bye", "Sincerely," "Love," could be come "You haven't heard the last of me!", "I await your command," and "May your reign last eternal,". Etc.
Last edited by KarenRei on Tue Jan 05, 2016 2:22 pm UTC, edited 3 times in total.

Quey
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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby Quey » Tue Jan 05, 2016 2:11 pm UTC

eidako wrote:Given the rare, isolationist and peaceful nature of Airbenders, it doesn't seem like a fitting replacement. Perhaps if "candidate" was a generic "bender" and the parties were the tribes ("Republican " to "Fire", " Democratic " to "Water", " Independent " to "Air") it'd work.

Not sure what to do with the Earth tribe, except replacing "North Korea" with "Earth Kingdom".


That's a level of nuance I wouldn't get; I'm not really into Pokemon.

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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby jewish_scientist » Tue Jan 05, 2016 2:16 pm UTC

MarkW wrote:
jewish_scientist wrote:I use firefox, so how long do I have to wait until someone makes an add-on that I can download? 2 hours? 2 and a half?
The xkcd #1288: Substitutions ('Cloud To Butt' Fork) Firefox addon was released on Nov 16, 2013; your wait will be something like: -1 × (<days until it's installed> + 779 days). :D

Edit: This revision, including the updates from "Substitutions 2", took 3.85 hours to reach the interwebs.

I meant until the new version went up. If the OP went up about the same time as the comic, then I had to wait -3.45 hours.

I would not change 'China' to 'the Earth Nation'. Although the Earth Nation and China have many cultural similarities, their relationship with Aang is very different to U.S.'s relationship to China. China and the U.S. have an uneasy alliance that is mutually beneficial. China wants money and the U.S. has money to spend; the U.S. wants manufactured goods and China has a large work force. Both parties understand that it is best to stay friends, but they question the loyalty of the other. If there was a clear and immediate advantage to ending the alliance first, this situation would be similar to Prisoner's Dilemma. The Earth Nation is at first indifferent, or ignorant, of Aang's party; eventually they use 'the enemy of my enemy is my friend' logic to decide to partner with Aang...
Spoiler:
until a coup sponsored by the Fire Nation overthrows the Earth Nation's government.

On the other hand, if you live in a country that is on good, or neutral terms, with China, than go ahead and change it if you want.

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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby Copper Bezel » Tue Jan 05, 2016 3:07 pm UTC

By all appearances, it's the most populous kingdom, and Ba Sing Se would totally use Sesame Credit.

Edit: Should note again that I'm arguing it'd be a bad substitution because it's too literally true. CEO -> Dear Leader is brilliant, tho.
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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby LockeZ » Tue Jan 05, 2016 7:38 pm UTC

Replacing individual proper nouns doesn't seem like a good substitution. It's much more enjoyable to read that psychic readings suggest people believe China is preparing to launch dogs into South Korea, than to read the same thing about fictional nations.

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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby robotFencer » Wed Jan 06, 2016 1:11 am UTC

I like "grand poobah" for "president" and "lesser poobah" for "vice-president." I haven't come up with real good versions of the other forms: "presidency," "presidential," etc.

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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby chaoric » Wed Jan 06, 2016 11:00 am UTC

higgs-boson wrote:
Hiferator wrote:Title-text: "Within a few minutes, our roads will be full of uncontrollably-swerving cars and our skies full of Amazon delivery dogs."


That should be "uncontrollably swerving cats".

That's what I was thinking. Unless the original substitutions no longer apply for some reason...

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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby Copper Bezel » Wed Jan 06, 2016 1:30 pm UTC

LockeZ wrote:Replacing individual proper nouns doesn't seem like a good substitution. It's much more enjoyable to read that psychic readings suggest people believe China is preparing to launch dogs into South Korea, than to read the same thing about fictional nations.

Mostly agreed, unless it results in Obama making a diplomatic visit to Narnia, etc.
So much depends upon a red wheel barrow (>= XXII) but it is not going to be installed.

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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby jewish_scientist » Wed Jan 06, 2016 2:13 pm UTC

Copper Bezel wrote:
LockeZ wrote:Replacing individual proper nouns doesn't seem like a good substitution. It's much more enjoyable to read that psychic readings suggest people believe China is preparing to launch dogs into South Korea, than to read the same thing about fictional nations.

Mostly agreed, unless it results in Obama making a diplomatic visit to Narnia, etc.


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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby peewee_RotA » Wed Jan 06, 2016 8:50 pm UTC

Totally missed this comic until now... but anyway my super simple text substitution page is now updated for both lists:

http://zeliepa.net/misc/translate/
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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby Jackpot777 » Thu Jan 07, 2016 3:47 pm UTC

I vote that "in the foreseeable future" gets replaced with "in a parallel universe". Whenever an airbender probably won't change things "in the foreseeable future", we all know how far anyone can see into the future. Not at all. "We will make sure we're paying attention to Wall Street for the foreseeable future ...aaaand I already stopped paying attention to them. Are they stuffing pillow cases with hundred dollar bills? Might be!"

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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby Cougar Allen » Sat Jan 09, 2016 3:39 am UTC

I suggest candidate ---> weasel
hydrogen bomb ---> vinegar & baking soda volcano

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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby UltramaticOrange » Sat Mar 12, 2016 8:17 am UTC

I got bored and threw together some python to muss up RSS feeds using Substitutions and Substitutions 2.

https://github.com/UltramaticOrange/xkcd_news
(requires flask)

...while the recent Republican Dance-off was entertaining, a Substitutions 3 is most certainly in order as the news is still quite dull.
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Re: 1625: Substitutions 2

Postby UltramaticOrange » Sat Mar 12, 2016 8:30 am UTC

Cougar Allen wrote:hydrogen bomb ---> vinegar & baking soda volcano


Did you intentionally pick two items that reference Mike, the destroyer of worlds, or was that just crazy random happenstance?
bomb: https://youtu.be/VoDKLscOeuM?t=2m36s
baking soda and vinegar: https://youtu.be/SHQIgv03RC0?t=1m45s
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