1911: Defensive Profile

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Vroomfundel
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Re: 1911: Virtue Signalling Volume 7

Postby Vroomfundel » Thu Nov 09, 2017 12:05 pm UTC

Pfhorrest wrote:
Zinho wrote:My personal theory about people who go about offending people on purpose is that it's a power play, an attempt to exert social dominance. Getting the person you offend to lose their cool and make a scene is a "win" for the offender.

Weirdly enough, I sometimes manage to turn that into a defense against offense. On rare occasion, someone I don't know or remember will yell something or make some insulting gesture or something to me, like out of a passing car or something. I usually have pretty bad anger management, but fortunately for me in a situation like that my first response is to think "I must have done something to really piss that person I don't remember off sometime. I'm confident enough that I'm only an asshole to random people who were already being assholes first that this person is probably some random asshole who I gave well-due shit to some time for doing something assholish. And they're still pissed about it. Good. They probably deserve it." And I stay calm, and some asshole is having a bad day just because they remembered I exist.

In general, if the other person in a conflict is upset, it helps me stay calm, because I feel like the deep impetus of anger displays in me is to try to convey the seriousness of a grievance when other, calmer methods have failed. So if they're pissed off too, awesome, now we're communicating and I'm not just falling on deaf ears, and maybe this is the first step toward talking considerately about things.


Have you considered the possibility that you might actually be an asshole?

I'm half joking here, from other interactions on the fora you don't come across as one. Still, this mindset is pretty assholish - "this person is mad at me so they probably deserve it" seems pretty close to "this person is offended because he's a little cry baby".
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Pfhorrest
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Re: 1911: Defensive Profile

Postby Pfhorrest » Thu Nov 09, 2017 5:35 pm UTC

It's not just them being mad at me but their manner of expressing it. If someone I'm interacting with expresses anger at something I've just done then I'll respond sensitively to that. If some rando drives by while I'm just walking down the street and flips me off or yells something, only then do I think as described before.
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markfiend
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Postby markfiend » Fri Nov 10, 2017 1:09 pm UTC

Kit. wrote:You can control how you feel; that's what your prefrontal cortex is for.

And it's trainable.

Not exactly.

We might be able to control (to a degree) how we react to stress but that first burst of adrenaline is an entirely involuntary reaction. We're humans, not Vulcans.
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Peaceful Whale
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Re:

Postby Peaceful Whale » Fri Nov 10, 2017 1:47 pm UTC

markfiend wrote:
Kit. wrote:You can control how you feel; that's what your prefrontal cortex is for.

And it's trainable.

Not exactly.

We might be able to control (to a degree) how we react to stress but that first burst of adrenaline is an entirely involuntary reaction. We're humans, some of us are Vulcans.


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da Doctah
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Re:

Postby da Doctah » Fri Nov 10, 2017 6:40 pm UTC

markfiend wrote:We might be able to control (to a degree) how we react to stress but that first burst of adrenaline is an entirely involuntary reaction. We're humans, not Vulcans.


It's really starting to get on my nerves that people keep using Vulcans as the canonical case for no emotions. Surak never claimed that Vulcans were emotionless; in fact, he rather pointedly said that they had such strong emotions that it was leading to destructive behavior, and that it was important (1) not to be ruled by emotion, and (2) to suppress the outward display of emotion.

Mind you, I've only read him in translation, so I may have been somewhat misled.

Euphonium
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Re: 1911: Virtue Signalling Volume 7

Postby Euphonium » Sun Nov 12, 2017 5:28 am UTC

Mikeski wrote:
jordan wrote:In my experience, people are usually most offended by things that are really offensive.

On the Devil's Advocate side, I offer the very existence of the term "microaggression".


What is it, exactly, about that that upsets you?

Why is it so incomprehensible that the small things you do might cause grave discomfort to those around you even without you realizing it?

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Re: 1911: Defensive Profile

Postby commodorejohn » Sun Nov 12, 2017 6:23 am UTC

Well, for starters, the very choice of words in that term implies that someone doing those things is an aggressor, i.e. acting with malicious intent, so it's hardly surprising that someone might take exception to that.
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markfiend
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Re: Re:

Postby markfiend » Mon Nov 13, 2017 2:35 pm UTC

da Doctah wrote:It's really starting to get on my nerves that people keep using Vulcans as the canonical case for no emotions.

Yeah, fair enough. Mea culpa.
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