1915: "Nightmare Email Feature"

[Codesmith]

Text: "...just got back and didn't see your message until just now. Sorry! -- TIME THIS MESSAGE SAT HALF-FINISHED IN DRAFTS FOLDER: 3 days, 2 hours, 45 minutes."

https://xkcd.com/1915/

No no no no no... Bug, not feature.. BUG!

[Wee Red Bird]

Almost everything else lets the other user know you've opened their message, so pulling the "I just noticed..." trick doesn't work.
Emails were the first of them and had read receipts, but I always turn them off.

[speising]

Of course, IM's already have that feature, see https://xkcd.com/1886/

[chenille]

There is an answer: copy, new message, paste. Let sit what seems a socially appropriate amount of time, as determined by looking anxiously back and forth between your message and the clock and wondering where your life went so horribly wrong.

[somitomi]

There is an answer: copy, new message, paste. Let sit what seems a socially appropriate amount of time, as determined by looking anxiously back and forth between your message and the clock and wondering where your life went so horribly wrong.

You obviously can't do that, since looking at your completed message for any more time than strictly necessary will make you doubt you chose the best possible phrasing and tone for your email. The only way to avoid rewriting your e-mail over and over eternally is the "no backsies" of having sent it.

[cellocgw]

Better yet,
forward the email to a different account you own, forget to log on to that account, and thus respond very late.

Or the standard:
type up a response
print it out
place it on a wooden table and photograph it
scan the photo into an image
run OCR on the image
send the converted text

[jozwa]

Of course, IM's already have that feature, see https://xkcd.com/1886/

One time at work I was doing that, trying to think how to phrase a reply to someone on Slack. After a short while they actually come out of their office to ask what I'm writing. So time's up, huh.

[Soupspoon]

Of course, IM's already have that feature, see https://xkcd.com/1886/

One time at work I was doing that, trying to think how to phrase a reply to someone on Slack. After a short while they actually come out of their office to ask what I'm writing. So time's up, huh.

Then your boss¹ came out of their office and politely enquired why you were both slacking off.

¹ Or both your bosses, or their boss if they were your boss. Ok, so let's just say the LCB - Lowest Common Boss

[SuicideJunkie]

You obviously can't do that, since looking at your completed message for any more time than strictly necessary will make you doubt you chose the best possible phrasing and tone for your email. The only way to avoid rewriting your e-mail over and over eternally is the "no backsies" of having sent it.

That's why you paste your message, and then have a script to hide the window, wait an appropriate amount of time +/- a random factor to appear legit, and then send it for you.

The main danger of this is walking over to someone's desk, and then while you're in the middle of talking to them, they get an email from you. After the first few incidents, there is no plausible explanation, so you're best just going with a generic comment on IT the network being flaky again. Until they notice it only happens with your messages.

[Soupspoon]

The answer to that problem is to use (or gain) administrator rights to get into the Mail Delivery Sysytem and randomly delay (and timestamp-alter) everyone else's messages, at the same rate you delay your own.

Then you can blame the IT system, as well. Leaving you even more honest!

[keithl]

Longest delayed email reply? That's gotta be "What Hath God Wrought", the first long distance telegraph message from Washington DC to Baltimore in 1844. They have yet to receive a satisfactory reply.

The reply I would send would be so controversial that this thread would run longer than "Time", and lead to nuclear war. So I have a great reason for email procrastination.

[qvxb]

An additional feature - songs that play until the reply is sent.

Time is on My Side. Rolling Stones

How the Time Flies. Jerry Wallace

Time. Chambers Brothers

No Time. The Guess Who

Out of Time. Rolling Stones

As Time Goes By. Dooley Wilson

What Time is It? The Jive Five

Time After Time. Cyndi Pauper

How Long has this Been Going On? Ace

The NeverEnding Story. Limahl

[sfmans]

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day ...

[somitomi]

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day ...

"Wasting my time,
Resting my mind
And I'll never pine
For the sad days and the bad days..."


Or maybe this one:
"Stealin' time, I've been stealin' time
But I don't feel guilty, cause the time was mine"

[pkcommando]

If you really want the person to reply quickly, obviously you want the Jeopardy music playing.

[Soupspoon]

If you really want the person to reply quickly, obviously you want the Jeopardy music playing.

Just looked this up. Seems so sedate, with no actual jeopardy!

Countdown, however...

[orthogon]

If you really want the person to reply quickly, obviously you want the Jeopardy music playing.

Just looked this up. Seems so sedate, with no actual jeopardy!

Countdown, however...

I was thinking of the Countdown music too. It jumps automatically to mind in any circumstances in which somebody has to answer something in a limited time, or to imply that they're failing to give a satisfactory response in an appropriately timely manner:

A: Do you want a cup of tea?
B: erm ...
A: "DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO doo-be-do-be-doo... dudoo dudoo diddley doo BOOOM"

It also features plenty of vibroslap, which is always a Good Thing.

[colonel_hack]

An additional feature - songs that play until the reply is sent.
[Snip]

I love themed song lists...

Tico Tico. Carmen Miranda
Cuckoo Clock - The Beach Boys
Time - Pink Floyd
Quarter To Three - Gary U.S. Bonds
Time in a bottle - Jim Croce
Time warp - Rocky Horror
Time won;t let me - Outsiders
Rock around the clock - Bill Haley
Reelin' & Rockin' - Chuck Berry
16 years ago - Conway Twitty
Yesterday - Beatles
Reelin in the years - Steely Dan
To much time on my hands - Styx
Time Passages -Al Stewart
Get Me to the World on Time - Electric Prunes
Train to tomorrow - Electric prunes
Waiting for a girl like you - Foreigner
I Can't Get Her Off My Mind - Monkees
Saturday's Child - Monkees
This Just Doesn't Seem To Be My Day - Monkees
Tomorrow's Gonna Be Another Day - Monkees
Look Out Here Comes Tomorrow - Monkees
Sometime in the morning - Monkees
Time of the season - Zombies
If I Stay Too Long - The Creation
Anything by Strawberry Alarm clock
In the year 2525 - Zager & Evens
25 or 6 to 4 - Chicago
The Casinos - "Then You Can Tell Me Goodbye"
Fly like an eagle - Steve Miller band
As time goes by - ``Sam'' (Dooley Wilson)
Waiting for a Train - Jimmie Rodgers
Little Willie won't go home - The Sweet
When will I be loved - Everly brothers

Ron

[leafar]

An additional feature - songs that play until the reply is sent.
(...)
Time After Time. Cyndi Pauper

Is that a poor man's cover band of Cyndi Lauper's hits?

[Billy5545]

Why did that person take such a long time to revise an email?

[Eebster the Great]

Why did that person take such a long time to revise an email?

This question is exactly why we live in fear of such a feature ever being introduced.