0328: "Eggs"

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0328: "Eggs"

Postby voodooKobra » Fri Oct 12, 2007 4:05 am UTC

Image

Alt: "Oh, yeah, we get tons of them at these casual sex bars."
http://www.xkcd.com/328/

A nun, a priest, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"

EDIT:
Two things.
1. I'm officially 18 years old. Yay for me!
2. Who turns down casual sex? Srsly.
Last edited by voodooKobra on Fri Oct 12, 2007 4:07 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby DragonHawk » Fri Oct 12, 2007 4:07 am UTC

Two guys walk into a bar. The next guy ducks.
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby aerojad » Fri Oct 12, 2007 4:10 am UTC

the punishment for turning down a casual sex offer after dropping a horrible bar joke line should be removal from the gene pool
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SelfTitledAlbum
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby SelfTitledAlbum » Fri Oct 12, 2007 4:16 am UTC

Pssh, I wish I wasn't in the gene pool. That way I could have more casual sex.

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby 1337geek » Fri Oct 12, 2007 4:17 am UTC

I can't begin to count the number of times I've thought of something mildly funny or clever -- but something that only would work in a very specific situation. Still have yet to encounter one. And trying to set it up discreetly never works. And yet this guy tries it. I love xkcd -- it combines realism and surrealism brilliantly.
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ysth
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby ysth » Fri Oct 12, 2007 4:30 am UTC

A search of my brain on "sunny side up" and "priest" turns up the following:

$ fortune -olm friar
(black-humor)
%
A cannibal warrior is experiencing severe gastric distress, so he goes
to his Village Witch Doctor with his complaint. The VWD examines him
and, concluding that something he ate disagreed with him, began to cross
examine him about his recent diet.
"Well, I ate a missionary yesterday. Do you think that could be
the problem?"
The VWD says "Hmmmm." (All doctors say "Hmmmm.") "That could be.
Tell me a bit about this missionary."
"Well, he was tall for a white man, wearing a brown robe. He was
walking down the trail, not watching for danger, so I speared him, dragged
him home, cleaned him, boiled him and ate him."
"Ah-hah!" (All doctors say "Ah-hah!") There's your problem," smiles
the VWD. You boiled him, but he was a friar!"
%
A math joke: r = | |csc(θ)|+|sec(θ)| |-| |csc(θ)|-|sec(θ)| |

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aleflamedyud
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby aleflamedyud » Fri Oct 12, 2007 4:42 am UTC

Always a little off the beat of reality.
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby BVD » Fri Oct 12, 2007 4:42 am UTC

Is this "unfertilized line" something I should know about (i.e. some sort of .....[/naiveness].....heh. [/dawning realization] hahahaha I get it I get it!

Oh how I love xkcd :lol:
Last edited by BVD on Fri Oct 12, 2007 4:45 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby tesseract » Fri Oct 12, 2007 4:45 am UTC

Wow, 40 minutes in and only a couple of replies. I'm at a loss of what to say myself. This comic has just the right amount of absurd in it, there's just not much to add. Of course I will probably be proven wrong quickly enough, but until then, continue with the meta-jokes.

"How many members of a certain demographic group does it take to perform a specified task?"
"A finite number: one to perform the task and an additional number to act in a manner stereotypical of the group in question."

(stolen from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meta-joke)
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Flying Betty » Fri Oct 12, 2007 4:58 am UTC

aerojad wrote:the punishment for turning down a casual sex offer after dropping a horrible bar joke line should be removal from the gene pool

Well, if he keeps turning down sex then he's well on his way to removing himself from the gene pool.
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Geekthras » Fri Oct 12, 2007 5:00 am UTC

Wow, awkward much? :P
Not many people can pull off meta-humor. I respect that...



Reminds me of my comic here


[obligatory]
A zen master goes to a hot dog stand.
The hot dog salesman kicks him in the face and tells him not to make stupid jokes.
[/obligatory]
Wait. With a SPOON?!

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Devilsaur » Fri Oct 12, 2007 5:05 am UTC

Hmm, I had to google this reference.

In case you were curious:
Spoiler:
Witty replies for women wrote:Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not enter."

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized!"

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
But now I'm just curious as to what the stick figure guy's set up was..

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby notzeb » Fri Oct 12, 2007 5:10 am UTC

I was under the impression that only the people who refuse to have sex at all should be aloud in the gene pool. Sort of like the only good politician is the one who doesn't want the job.

Also, how many more offers of casual sex is he going to get if he keeps making such terrible jokes?
Zµ«V­jÕ«ZµjÖ­Zµ«VµjÕ­ZµkV­ZÕ«VµjÖ­Zµ«V­jÕ«ZµjÖ­ZÕ«VµjÕ­ZµkV­ZÕ«VµjÖ­Zµ«V­jÕ«ZµjÖ­ZÕ«VµjÕ­ZµkV­ZÕ«ZµjÖ­Zµ«V­jÕ«ZµjÖ­ZÕ«VµjÕ­Z

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Blipo » Fri Oct 12, 2007 5:31 am UTC

DragonHawk wrote:Two guys walk into a bar. The next guy ducks.


Or, A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby plunkettt » Fri Oct 12, 2007 5:59 am UTC

Blipo wrote:
DragonHawk wrote:Two guys walk into a bar. The next guy ducks.


Or, A man walks into a bar. Ouch.


Or, a baby seal walks into a club.

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Matthias » Fri Oct 12, 2007 5:59 am UTC

I came up with a horrible one quite some time ago.

Stephen Hawking, Christopher Reeves, and Helen Keller walk into a bar. Helen Keller says "ow."
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby xquared » Fri Oct 12, 2007 6:19 am UTC

Matthias wrote:I came up with a horrible one quite some time ago.

Stephen Hawking, Christopher Reeves, and Helen Keller walk into a bar. Helen Keller says "ow."


morbidly funny. i'm liking it.
you've got quite a talent
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby muteKi » Fri Oct 12, 2007 6:21 am UTC

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean?
Probably drowning.

Why did the girl fall off the swing?
Gravity.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get a vector perpendicular to itself and the road.
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Landorf » Fri Oct 12, 2007 6:26 am UTC

Devilsaur wrote:Hmm, I had to google this reference.

In case you were curious:
Spoiler:
Witty replies for women wrote:Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not enter."

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized!"

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
But now I'm just curious as to what the stick figure guy's set up was..


He was setting up the lady for a kick ass joke as your second spoiler displays. BLAMMO! thats how gentlemen do it.

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby williamager » Fri Oct 12, 2007 6:29 am UTC

notzeb wrote:I was under the impression that only the people who refuse to have sex at all should be aloud in the gene pool. Sort of like the only good politician is the one who doesn't want the job.


I apologize for perhaps stating the obvious (forgive me, I'm quite tired), but was that intended as an extremely subtle and indirect Plato/Platonic joke? If it wasn't, you should consider the possibility.

Also, how many more offers of casual sex is he going to get if he keeps making such terrible jokes?


How long before people start offering in the hopes that it will cause him to stop telling them?

Flying Betty wrote:
aerojad wrote:the punishment for turning down a casual sex offer after dropping a horrible bar joke line should be removal from the gene pool

Well, if he keeps turning down sex then he's well on his way to removing himself from the gene pool.


But considering the exact nature of what he's turning down, is he actually doing so?

muteKi wrote:What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean?
Probably drowning.


I'd disagree. If one doesn't have any arms or legs in the middle of the ocean, then it's far less likely that one is drowning than if one does have arms or legs in the middle of the ocean. In fact, it's far less likely that one is in the water at all.
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Barbie » Fri Oct 12, 2007 6:59 am UTC

Comics like these are the reason I read xkcd. And I love how the xkcd bartender is always wearing that beret. I wonder if he's French or just quirky.
williamager wrote:I'd disagree. If one doesn't have any arms or legs in the middle of the ocean, then it's far less likely that one is drowning than if one does have arms or legs in the middle of the ocean. In fact, it's far less likely that one is in the water at all.

There are about 100 great things I could say here, but they would just sound self-righteous and not funny at all to anyone who isn't a lifeguard too :(
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby screech » Fri Oct 12, 2007 7:29 am UTC

To add to the illogical jokes:

Why did the boy fall off his bike?
Because his mother threw a fridge at him.
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Domovoi » Fri Oct 12, 2007 7:54 am UTC

Am I the only one who thought this was going to be another 'song' comic, and expected the conversation to continue as some variation of "I like mine with a kiss. -Boiled or fried? -I'm satisfied, as long as I get my kiss."?

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby ChrisW48 » Fri Oct 12, 2007 8:08 am UTC

I've always wanted to answer 'scotched' when asked how I want my eggs. Wouldn't work well in this scenario though.

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Tychomonger » Fri Oct 12, 2007 8:14 am UTC

notzeb wrote:I was under the impression that only the people who refuse to have sex at all should be aloud in the gene pool. Sort of like the only good politician is the one who doesn't want the job.

Are you suggesting a Rape and Only Rape policy?

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Duck » Fri Oct 12, 2007 9:11 am UTC

tesseract wrote:...until then, continue with the meta-jokes.

One from my favourite comedian:

Three blokes walk into a pub.
One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
(Bill Bailey)

go meta jokes!

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Crane » Fri Oct 12, 2007 10:00 am UTC

Haven't posted in a while, but I had to ask... What the hell is the guy with the beret doing in the background? I can't quite work it out. Looks kinda like he's pouring drinks, but that would mean her table is behind the bar...
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby dschneider » Fri Oct 12, 2007 10:18 am UTC

Crane wrote:Haven't posted in a while, but I had to ask... What the hell is the guy with the beret doing in the background? I can't quite work it out. Looks kinda like he's pouring drinks, but that would mean her table is behind the bar...

She's sitting at the bar.
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Domovoi » Fri Oct 12, 2007 10:23 am UTC

Crane wrote:Haven't posted in a while, but I had to ask... What the hell is the guy with the beret doing in the background? I can't quite work it out. Looks kinda like he's pouring drinks, but that would mean her table is behind the bar...


That depends solely on the definition of where "in front" and where "behind" the bar is. Tradition dictates that bartenders are on the other side of the bar than you, and that this is called 'behind'. So in this case, she's sitting in front of the bar. She doesn't have a table, that's the bar itself. The thing in the third panel is just a counter for the bar guy, where his bottles and such are. Although it looks like there's just a picture of his dead wife on there now.

Maybe he hates working at the bar, and every once in a while has to turn his back to the patrons he so detests, to look at a picture of his dead wife, which he keeps there, to gain strength and think back to a happier time that once was. Then, when he's once again reaffirmed in his mind for that he can never have that time back, he sighs, gives her a smile, and turns back to his customers, knowing that this is his new life now. As a beatnik bartender.

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Moo » Fri Oct 12, 2007 10:51 am UTC

Domovoi wrote:(...), knowing that this is his new life now. As a beatnik bartender.
OR he is an all knowing super-being controling all of our destinies, like the bartender turned out to be in Quantum Leap!

*worries that she's given away too much by revealing she watched Quantum Leap*
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby McLurker » Fri Oct 12, 2007 11:35 am UTC

ChrisW48 wrote:I've always wanted to answer 'scotched' when asked how I want my eggs. Wouldn't work well in this scenario though.


If a woman told me she wanted her eggs 'scotched' I'd be pleased.

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby schrodingersduck » Fri Oct 12, 2007 11:37 am UTC

Also, hooray! Return of bereted bartender! Clearly you're not allowed to enter that pub unless a) you tell bad jokes, b) you're looking for casual sex, c) all of the above.

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Aviatrix » Fri Oct 12, 2007 12:00 pm UTC

McLurker wrote:
ChrisW48 wrote:I've always wanted to answer 'scotched' when asked how I want my eggs. Wouldn't work well in this scenario though.
If a woman told me she wanted her eggs 'scotched' I'd be pleased.
Eggs wrapped in the sausage? Casual sex or no, I don't think that's how it's done.

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Soap » Fri Oct 12, 2007 12:09 pm UTC

Devilsaur wrote:But now I'm just curious as to what the stick figure guy's set up was..
Having read it several times, I think the setup was the line he already said. There isnt supposed to be anything in between the two, it's just a two-line joke.

edit: then again, I guess there is an extended version. See http://www.aliraqi.org/forums/archive/i ... -7884.html about halfway down.
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby sunami » Fri Oct 12, 2007 12:21 pm UTC

Aviatrix wrote:
McLurker wrote:
ChrisW48 wrote:I've always wanted to answer 'scotched' when asked how I want my eggs. Wouldn't work well in this scenario though.
If a woman told me she wanted her eggs 'scotched' I'd be pleased.
Eggs wrapped in the sausage? Casual sex or no, I don't think that's how it's done.

Or perhaps wrapped in bacon....
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Katastrophy » Fri Oct 12, 2007 12:59 pm UTC

As much as I'm all for trying to set up a joke, if he was trying to get the other person to pull the punchline he's going at it all wrong. He should be giving the punchline, based on a common answer to the question.

Might even win him more casual sex that way, but he's obviously not interested.
~Kat

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Fenyx » Fri Oct 12, 2007 1:15 pm UTC

sunami wrote:
Aviatrix wrote:
McLurker wrote:
ChrisW48 wrote:I've always wanted to answer 'scotched' when asked how I want my eggs. Wouldn't work well in this scenario though.
If a woman told me she wanted her eggs 'scotched' I'd be pleased.
Eggs wrapped in the sausage? Casual sex or no, I don't think that's how it's done.

Or perhaps wrapped in bacon....


My last name is Bacon. So if someone responded to me with that I would be pleased... Except, as Aviatrix pointed out, that isn't how it is done...

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby airtank » Fri Oct 12, 2007 1:27 pm UTC

voodooKobra wrote:EDIT:
Two things.
1. I'm officially 18 years old. Yay for me!
2. Who turns down casual sex? Srsly.


Happy birthday, and I turn down casual sex.

plunkettt wrote:Or, a baby seal walks into a club.


BEST. JOKE. EVAR. It's by far my favorite.
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Aviatrix » Fri Oct 12, 2007 1:29 pm UTC

voodooKobra wrote:1. I'm officially 18 years old. Yay for me!
P.S. Do that often enough, and you'll become an old person. Happy birthday.

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby AtomicLlama » Fri Oct 12, 2007 1:37 pm UTC

Not exactly a meta joke(not exactly a joke, actually), but my friend always tells this one:

Your mom and a priest walk into a bar and start having sex in front of everyone BECAUSE YOUR MOTHER"S A WHORE!!!


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