0236: "Collecting Double-Takes"

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Postby Jesse » Fri Mar 16, 2007 9:20 pm UTC

Knowledge from personal experience?

That said, I've heard that Astroglide is better than KY Jelly for lubrication.

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Postby bbctol » Fri Mar 16, 2007 9:21 pm UTC

Tweezers, Vaseline, Disinfectant, and Chocolate syrup.
It's the chocolate syrup that gets them every time.

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Postby Frenchy » Fri Mar 16, 2007 9:59 pm UTC

I inadvertently bought a load of alcohol and a tube of KY with several male friends.

Fucking jokers put the KY on the till whilst I wasn't looking and, being the only 18 year old, I was buying.

Funniest bit was in the car home (I was driving, over the limit) and friends were drinking beer and laughing at the writing on the KY tube. Then one of them goes "Frenchy, slow down, I do not want to be found dead in a car full of guys with a load of alcohol and a tube of KY"

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Postby digitrev » Fri Mar 16, 2007 10:54 pm UTC

Hmm. Now I think I'm gonna have to try it.

Though I'm going with a package of steak knives, a tube of KY, and a package of tampons.
Together we will make the octopus nervous.
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Postby LE4dGOLEM » Fri Mar 16, 2007 10:59 pm UTC

digitrev wrote:Hmm. Now I think I'm gonna have to try it.

Though I'm going with a package of steak knives, a tube of KY, and a package of tampons.


OOH! wait!


cover your ams and stuff in red food dye first, so it looks like blood!
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Postby skeptical scientist » Fri Mar 16, 2007 11:25 pm UTC

This thread is just as hilarious as the comic.

Can I move to have a thumbnail of this one added to the bottom of the main page like centrifugal force and love?
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Postby warriorness » Sat Mar 17, 2007 12:04 am UTC

skeptical scientist wrote:Can I move to have a thumbnail of this one added to the bottom of the main page like centrifugal force and love?


I second.
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Postby bbctol » Sat Mar 17, 2007 12:09 am UTC

I third.
Now I must try buying an axe, a chainsaw, a handsaw, a buzzsaw, and a nailgun at a nearby hardware store, like I'm doing some huge construction project, and then whip out a cellphone at the checkout line and mutter "you are so going down, you bastard... muahahahahAHAHAHAHA!"

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Postby Jesse » Sat Mar 17, 2007 12:34 am UTC

Too obvious.

Just buy the nailgun and use the cellphone to say something akin to "Yeah, LiveQuake is gonna be so much fun."

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Postby mikekearn » Sat Mar 17, 2007 1:02 am UTC

I am suddenly and forcibly reminded of a strip from Cyanide and Happiness:
Image

I think the XKCD strip was funnier, though.
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Postby hyperion » Sat Mar 17, 2007 2:05 am UTC

mikekearn wrote:I am suddenly and forcibly reminded of a strip from Cyanide and Happiness:
Image

I think the XKCD strip was funnier, though.
that is exactly what i would do.

going on school camp last year, at one of the stops we decided to play this. but since it was just a roadhouse they didn't have much stuff. i bought 2 20litre jugs of water, a box of fuses and a sausage roll. it wasn't sexual but i sure did get a few odd looks.
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Postby SNAFU » Sat Mar 17, 2007 6:10 am UTC

Hmmmmm. The worst I've done without realizing it until the cashier looked at me funny:

Condoms and dogfood.

Nicotine gum and cigarettes.

I guess a funny combo would be a car battery with jumper cables and duct tape.
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Postby Toam » Sat Mar 17, 2007 6:51 am UTC

We did a similar thing in highschool...

We got a mate, Psirhc, to go to the register with a combination of items. I believe it was Lube, A large Cucumber and Tissues (the third item is the one I'm unsure of). However we didn't give him enough money for all three so that when the cashier told him the total cost he would count how much money he had and announce "I don't have enough, I'll just take the cucumber".

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Postby Mr. Freeman » Sat Mar 17, 2007 7:14 am UTC

benmcm wrote:I work at a super market (grocery store) at the moment to save money for University.

Trust me, nothing phases me about what people buy. You get enough random things when they're not trying to confuse you. And after you've explained to someone what "Buy one get one free" means, I think you're prepared for most eventualities.


I'm in the same situation here. Although I did have one really weird order, it took all of my self restraint to keep from laughing. The other day I had some woman buy a box of condoms, a tube of K-Y jelly, and 12 (yes, twelve) packets of American cheese.

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Postby LE4dGOLEM » Sat Mar 17, 2007 10:58 am UTC

SNAFU wrote:I guess a funny combo would be a car battery with jumper cables and duct tape.

...and lube.
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Postby Mix » Sat Mar 17, 2007 3:05 pm UTC

There's a marine biologist I know who, as a grad student, was sent by his supervisor to buy a store's entire supply of ky jelly. There was a legitimate, non-sexual reason, but I don't really feel like elaborating.
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Postby LE4dGOLEM » Sat Mar 17, 2007 3:22 pm UTC

Mix wrote:There's a marine biologist I know who, as a grad student, was sent by his supervisor to buy a store's entire supply of ky jelly. There was a legitimate, non-sexual reason, but I don't really feel like elaborating.



Quite Frankly, I don't beleive you. Unless it was transporting some kind of marine biology through a not-quite-lubed-enough hole ..?
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Postby digitrev » Sat Mar 17, 2007 3:40 pm UTC

Huh. In the humour of "not enough money", I'm going to go with "Huh. I'll just take the knives."
Together we will make the octopus nervous.

Image

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Postby Andrew » Sat Mar 17, 2007 3:48 pm UTC

Mix wrote:There's a marine biologist I know who, as a grad student, was sent by his supervisor to buy a store's entire supply of ky jelly. There was a legitimate, non-sexual reason, but I don't really feel like elaborating.


I worked in a place like that once.

What we need to make this work is a small, watertight, flexible sachet-like container. Go and buy me some condoms.

What we need, is a largish balloon like object with a narrow opening. Go and buy me a whoopee cushion.

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Postby voodooKobra » Sat Mar 17, 2007 6:35 pm UTC

Saladin wrote:It's called "Collecting Double-Takes" and IS THIS ENTIRE FORUM COMPLETELY FUCKING INCAPABLE OF READING? HUH!? I FIND THIS EXTREMELY HARD TO BELIEVE, CONSIDERING THIS IS A TEXT BASED MEDIUM, AND THEREFORE THE ONLY POSSIBLE EXPLANATION IS THAT YOU ARE ALL LEGALLY BLIND AND USE SOME SORT OF TEXT TO SPEECH PROGRAM TO READ OFF WEB PAGES - A TEXT TO SPEECH PROGRAM WHICH HAS BEEN HACKED BY SOMEONE WHO HATES ME IN ORDER TO ENSURE IT IGNORES NOT ONLY THE "RULES" THREAD, BUT ALSO THE "SERIOUSLY READ THE FUCKING RULES THREAD YOU FUCKING MORONS" AS YOU ALL SEEM DETERMINED TO NEVER INCLUDE A LINK WITH YOUR POSTS DESPITE MY BEST EFFORTS.

It's not that hard... There's even a conveniently placed link right below every single comic. Like, right there. All you have to do is copy and paste. Not hard, not difficult - I genuinely believe a trained monkey could pull it off.

Not xkcders though. Nooo. That would be far to hard.

OH WAIT, IT'S NOT HARD AT ALL YOU'RE ALL JUST IDIOTS DETERMINED TO INVOKE MY WRATH.

That aside, as the first person to not include a link after my recent announcement, I will quite honestly have to have something horrible done to you. I'll take some time to mull over what it'll be.

I wonder if he's friendly or really friendly...
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Postby hermaj » Sat Mar 17, 2007 10:52 pm UTC

voodooKobra, we're talking about the comic now.

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Postby Elise » Sun Mar 18, 2007 12:32 am UTC

Something that my friends and i like to play in large grocery/everything in the world stores is to wander the isles and put things that absolutely do not belong with a bunch of other random things. Such as: a tube of sausage with the Kosher foods, or baby toys with the condoms. Kool-aid with the insecticide.

While you do not get the see the look on the person's face when they discover the "presents" you left for them, you do get the joy of knowing that you may have made someone who is awake enough to get the joke giggle. Well, that at least is what I would like to think happens.

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i got one for you

Postby themuffinking » Sun Mar 18, 2007 12:59 am UTC

For this one, you have to check out at the customer service desk (or wherever they keep stuff like cigarettes and condoms) at the grocery store.

Get one of those hydroponic cucumbers - they're like 2.5 feet long and individually wrapped. Get some duct tape, a fly swatter, four bottles of chocolate syrup, three cans of whipped cream, and put that all up on the counter.

When they're finished ringing all that up, ask for a box of "the strongest condoms you've got, size extra large".

Alternatively, for those of you with, ah, female accomplices, get these things and put them up on the counter in this order:
- baby carrot
- regular carrot
- zucchini
- banana
- cucumber
- eggplant
- hydroponic cucumber
- honeydew melon
- watermelon
- possibly one of those exercise balls for yoga
Then look meaningfully at your female friend's stomach and say "Gee, honey, you really think you'll be able to take this one?" while holding up the last item on the list. Have her smile, giggle and kiss you on the cheek with her right leg bent at the knee.

Then toss up some 12 tubes of KY.

That oughta scare the crap out of everyone in the immediate vicinity.

Also, every time someone buys anything remotely phallic at my register, I think about whether or not they're going to use it for... things.

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Postby hermaj » Sun Mar 18, 2007 3:57 am UTC

Why her right leg?

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Postby apricity » Sun Mar 18, 2007 4:13 am UTC

benmcm wrote:The best is men buying tampons though, they always look so nervous and sheepish.


I just had to mix those up. The ultimate winner would be tampons, pads and fake blood. On Halloween. Triple points if you actually wear the costume...
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Postby OmenPigeon » Sun Mar 18, 2007 6:09 am UTC

hermaj wrote:Why her right leg?


Because left legs aren't funny. Duh.
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Postby mikekearn » Sun Mar 18, 2007 9:22 am UTC

Elise wrote:Something that my friends and i like to play in large grocery/everything in the world stores is to wander the isles and put things that absolutely do not belong with a bunch of other random things. Such as: a tube of sausage with the Kosher foods, or baby toys with the condoms. Kool-aid with the insecticide.

While you do not get the see the look on the person's face when they discover the "presents" you left for them, you do get the joy of knowing that you may have made someone who is awake enough to get the joke giggle. Well, that at least is what I would like to think happens.


I used to something similar, except I'd drop the stuff in peoples' carts when they aren't looking. Is it much meaner? Yeah, it probably is, but it's oh so much more fun. Especially if you do something like a box of condoms into an old couple's cart, or a tube of KY into a single guy's basket. Things like that.
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Postby Jinx » Sun Mar 18, 2007 11:07 am UTC

Okay, so i'm driving home from work one night, and i rememer i need to pick up some Crisco so i can season the new cast-iron skillet i had recently bought. Well, i get off of work at 11:30 pm, and as most stores are closed by that time, i stop in at my local 24 hour pharmacy.

While i'm there, i remember i need to restock on condoms, so i go to that first. It then dawns on me:

"Jinx, you're right about to walk up to the counter with a 40oz can of Crisco, and a 24 pack of condoms..."

i decided to leave the Crisco for another visit.

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Postby Elise » Sun Mar 18, 2007 2:39 pm UTC

mikekearn wrote:I used to something similar, except I'd drop the stuff in peoples' carts when they aren't looking. Is it much meaner? Yeah, it probably is, but it's oh so much more fun. Especially if you do something like a box of condoms into an old couple's cart, or a tube of KY into a single guy's basket. Things like that.


Its only mean if you wait around to watch the look on the cashier's face when the single guy has to tell them that he does not want the KY.

Too bad they do not have inflatable party sheep at walmart...then it would be the best game ever.
more delicious than ever!

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Postby Frenchy » Sun Mar 18, 2007 4:05 pm UTC

Hemorrhoid cream, KY and a banana would be pretty funny too.

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Postby Twasbrillig » Mon Mar 19, 2007 12:21 am UTC

Lots and lots of candy, some kids toys, and rope.
I want to have Bakemaster's babies. It's possible, with science.

I wonder if you can see...
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Postby fjafjan » Mon Mar 19, 2007 12:26 am UTC

Twasbrillig wrote:Lots and lots of candy, some kids toys, and rope.


Ever better, lots and lots of candy, a rope, and a large metal cage and some small sized leaches

or Camoflaged clothes, Night vision goggles, sedatives and lots of condoms.
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Postby German Sausage » Mon Mar 19, 2007 12:31 am UTC

can you get goggles that do something(!) at a supermarket?

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Postby Twasbrillig » Mon Mar 19, 2007 7:14 am UTC

fjafjan wrote:or Camoflaged clothes, Night vision goggles, sedatives and lots of condoms.


Where do you shop!?
I want to have Bakemaster's babies. It's possible, with science.

I wonder if you can see...
...what is wrong with my signature?

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Postby WhiteRabbit » Mon Mar 19, 2007 3:13 pm UTC

What's the obsession with KY? Wet Platinum is so much better...

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Postby Belial » Mon Mar 19, 2007 4:47 pm UTC

Never heard of it. It's good?

Which is, I imagine, why KY is used for jokes more often. People immediately know what it is.
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They/them

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Postby DGMavn » Mon Mar 19, 2007 11:45 pm UTC

Enemas and videotapes can be added to any of these to make them funnier.

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Postby Lani » Mon Mar 19, 2007 11:49 pm UTC

Not at a supermarket, but once while we were at a Blockbuster, my boyfriend and I realized that Jack Black starred as the villian in The NeverEnding Story III. We decided that we had to watch it, and if we were going to watch that one, we had to watch II, and if were going to watch that one, then we had to get I as well (of course). We had originally come in to pick up American Psycho, which I had never seen. So we walked up to the counter with The NeverEnding Story I-III and American Psycho. The cashier busted out laughing when she saw that, and told us just how wrong that was. 8)
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Postby apricity » Tue Mar 20, 2007 12:02 am UTC

lani wrote:Not at a supermarket, but once while we were at a Blockbuster, my boyfriend and I realized that Jack Black starred as the villian in The NeverEnding Story III. We decided that we had to watch it, and if we were going to watch that one, we had to watch II, and if were going to watch that one, then we had to get I as well (of course). We had originally come in to pick up American Psycho, which I had never seen. So we walked up to the counter with The NeverEnding Story I-III and American Psycho. The cashier busted out laughing when she saw that, and told us just how wrong that was. 8)


Hehe, I did that once, except with American Pie and Finding Nemo. My sister and I had gone in there a million times before so we knew the cashier, and he laughed at us forever.
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Not exactly two items...

Postby yess » Tue Mar 20, 2007 11:44 am UTC

The story happenned in communist Poland in the 80's. The economic situation was disastrous. Buying any basic supplies was difficult. Also people weren't as accustomed to sexual content as nowadays.

Anyway. Two of my friends went to the lakes in Mazury region for a week of sailing. As buying normal sailing gear was next to impossible, they decided to use condom rubber strips to store sails underboard in an organized way (especially the huge spinnaker sail, AFAIK).

The guy was a normal 20-sth dude with a big beard and the girl was a tiny, delicate blonde. They went to the only little grocery story in nearby village in the middle of nowhere.

He: 15 packs of condoms, please.
She: But honey, will it be enough for today?


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