psypete wrote:Point 1. Men in general (excluding those who do not have sexual interest in the female species) just want to get in your pants. The only ones that don't, you simply aren't their type. Many, many, many studies prove this time and time again. Men just want to have sex with random women all the time. If you "discover that [your] initial impressions were off", you got fooled. That isn't to say that all men ever want is *only* sex - they want sex, to be sure. But (some? I don't know how many) are willing to forego the sex for friendship or something else because friendship may be more valuable (or they're already getting nookie somewhere else).
Okay, so correct me if I'm wrong here. What you're saying is, there are two types of men: those who want to have sex with me and those who don't.
Maybe when I phrase it this way, you'll see why I'm completely and thoroughly unimpressed with your supposed insight into the male psyche.
Seriously, though. Do you think that the knowledge that some of my male acquaintances might possibly want to sleep with me will cause me to be shocked and horrified and make me faint like a tightly corseted Victorian woman? So there are some men that want to have sex with some women. No shit, Sherlock. Do you think I don't know where babies come from, either? There are also some women that want to have sex with some men, but apparently no one is supposed to talk about this.
What you fail to understand is that I don't give a flying fuck if the awkward nerd guy talking to me finds me sexually attractive. If he does, hell, that's a compliment. What I do, in fact, give a shit about, however, is whether said awkward nerd guy is only
talking to me because he finds me sexually attractive, and is only talking to me with the goal of using me
, for the purpose of obtaining either 1) sex, because he ties his self-worth to his ability to obtain sex, or 2) a relationship, because he wants another person that he can invest his whole self in and cling to like a goddamn leech because he wants to avoid dealing with his own issues.
To reiterate: man + sexual attraction to me - self-worth + the idea that a woman is necessary to validate his existence - actually caring about who I am as a person = creepy.
What I am NOT saying: man + sexual attraction to me = creepy.
If you wouldn't want to talk to me if there was no hope of getting sex, a relationship, or some form of emotional validation for your personal problems out of me, then get the hell out of my face and stop pretending to be my friend.
Friendship should be something that is mutually beneficial, because you both genuinely enjoy each others' company. If you become friends with someone because you want to use him/her/zem for your own purposes, you're absolutely pathetic, a rock is a better moral agent than you, and you deserve to remain alone and friendless. Harsh? Not at all. Using others makes you the lowest sort of scum.
Also, "female species"? Now you're just being a parody of every Internet Nice Guy ever. Excuse me while I vomit profusely. Maybe if you didn't think of women as mysterious, inscrutable non-humans, you'd be a little luckier in the relationship department.
psypete wrote:Point 2. Most women need to understand point 1 as a fact and keep it in mind at all times. If you even think of beginning a romantic or non-romantic friendship, relationship, etc with a male without at least being aware of that point, you're at risk of being taken advantage of.
Point 1 was that some men want to have sex with some women and that some other men don't want to have sex with some other women: what the hell is that supposed to tell me about the so-called Grand Truths of interactions between men and women?
Are you implying that a straight man won't interact with a woman unless 1) he finds her attractive or 2) he absolutely has to? I know I can talk to and have fulfilling friendships with both guys I would want to sleep with and guys I wouldn't want to sleep with. Similarly, I can not get along with guys I would want to sleep with and not get along with guys I wouldn't want to sleep with. Why should I believe men are incapable of acting similarly? Why are you insulting all men by telling them that they're no better than neanderthals, no better than acting above their instinct to have sex?
You can't have it both ways. You can't expect to be treated like a decent human being, but then turn around and blame your supposedly insurmountable beastly nature when you're too lazy to actually act like a decent human being.
psypete wrote:Point 3. Without going into the circumstances of a given society or generation and how men are raised in different environments, most men are different. You can make up a genre such as the above to apply to (for the sake of an example) geeky/nerdy xkcd fans. It's utterly meaningless. Given a large sample of the aforementioned group of men, most will behave differently depending on the situation that is presented to them, as i'm sure you know from having stated as much earlier.
If all men are different, then what was the point of making the first two points, in which you basically said, "all men are the same?"
psypete wrote:Point 4. As a person who suffers from what I consider to be an emotional disorder which makes it difficult for me to communicate with strangers, and without the help of medication, I must protest the way you paint a picture of people like myself (of which i'm sure there are lots on these boards) and how we behave or think. You can place blame however you want and you can make us out to be villainous as much as you like. We have issues. I don't think that makes us bad people. It's not justifiable or defensible to claim we lack self-awareness or don't attempt self-growth and that all our troubles are our own faults. That's like saying someone who has severe OCD is at fault for their personal defects. Yes, we cannot blame anyone else. That doesn't mean we could just fix ourselves with the snap of a finger and tip of a hat. We know we have problems. Fixing them is not like fixing a car. It's like fixing the ozone layer.
I don't care what your emotional or psychological issues are so long as you don't use them as an excuse to justify using people like tools. Or an excuse to justify demonizing over 50% of the human species solely based on the fact that they don't possess a Y chromosome.
I know plenty of people with guys with psychological issues and mental issues who are able to successfully interact with women. Why? Because they don't treat them like they would treat "women," they treat them like they would treat people. They treat them as they would treat themselves.