0748: "Worst-Case Scenario"

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0748: "Worst-Case Scenario"

Postby LucasBrown » Wed Jun 02, 2010 3:48 am UTC

Image
Alt text: "To get serious analyses of hurricanes and oil slicks, see Jeff Masters' blog. To get serious discussions of worst-case scenario thinking, see Bruce Schneier's blog. To get enough vitamin D, don't read any blogs and go outside instead."

This has got to be one of my favorites to appear in a long time.
Last edited by LucasBrown on Wed Jun 09, 2010 11:36 pm UTC, edited 4 times in total.

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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby glasnt » Wed Jun 02, 2010 3:50 am UTC

"Roiling" Alligator filled-filled wall of flame?

AWESOME!

Just don't tell James Cameron, he'll take the idea for his own.

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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby RockoTDF » Wed Jun 02, 2010 3:51 am UTC

I'm surprised that Randall left out some reference to the "nuclear option."
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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby akrolsmir » Wed Jun 02, 2010 3:52 am UTC

Interesting... It has color! And alligators! And colored alligators!
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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby aleflamedyud » Wed Jun 02, 2010 3:54 am UTC

I read it... and then I lol'd.
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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby Snowdream » Wed Jun 02, 2010 3:59 am UTC

Heh, I love that.

This IS the worst case scenario.
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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby fyjham » Wed Jun 02, 2010 4:03 am UTC

Damn reporters cut off the mad rambling before he got to the raptors! (I refuse to believe the worst-case scenario didn't in some way involve raptors :P)

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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby Omegaton » Wed Jun 02, 2010 4:11 am UTC

I wanna know how Randall thinks of this stuff. Wow, lol.

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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby Diadem » Wed Jun 02, 2010 4:15 am UTC

Hehe, I always enjoy worst-case scenarios too.

My default answer if someone askes "what's the worst thing that could happen" is always "A meteor could strike earth, killing all life".
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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby cjmcjmcjmcjm » Wed Jun 02, 2010 4:22 am UTC

Diadem wrote:My default answer if someone askes "what's the worst thing that could happen" is always "A meteor could strike earth, killing all life".

This.

Also, this is the best alt text I've read in a very long time. Good work, Randall!
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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby Icalasari » Wed Jun 02, 2010 4:37 am UTC

People, I think we can all agree that this is the best worst-case scenario possible

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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby acolyte_to_jippity » Wed Jun 02, 2010 4:52 am UTC

This comic reminded me of this video. It's another sort of, "how much worse can it get". only thing missing was a low-flying plane getting hit by the geysers and crashing into a school for orphans, setting them all on fire.

link to youtube

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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby syko_lozz » Wed Jun 02, 2010 5:07 am UTC

This comic renewed my enthusiasm for xkcd. Its the first good lol i've had in a while.

I especially like the vitamin D bit. I suggest you all take that advice. Now.
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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby Jarmentor » Wed Jun 02, 2010 5:08 am UTC

As a resident of Louisiana (Lake Charles) I have to say that a vast majority of us have been joking about the Flaming Hurricane for quite some time. I am extremely pleased to see this comic. The only this that I can add is that since it is a circulating fire storm, the eye of the storm would possess a massive suction, draining all oxygen away, creating a massive "death zone" for those who could possibly survive the walls of hellfire.
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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby Eternal Density » Wed Jun 02, 2010 5:18 am UTC

Bruce Schneier knows how to prevent the worst case scenario.

Oil is the fossilised remains of ideas Bruce Schneier has discarded.
(already suggested at schneierfacts.com :D)
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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby soren121 » Wed Jun 02, 2010 5:23 am UTC

syko_lozz wrote:I especially like the vitamin D bit. I suggest you all take that advice. Now.


I'm afraid that most of us in the Western Hemisphere can't soak up any natural vitamin D at this hour. :P
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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby weex » Wed Jun 02, 2010 5:33 am UTC

Wow, Randall's writing movie scripts! Michael Bay, if you're reading this, I would totally watch this movie if you make it...and just because you don't have a Twitter account doesn't mean you aren't tracking "Michael Bay" there. Now for the Twittering and subsequent RTs. \o/
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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby thret » Wed Jun 02, 2010 6:08 am UTC

Diadem wrote:Hehe, I always enjoy worst-case scenarios too.

My default answer if someone askes "what's the worst thing that could happen" is always "A meteor could strike earth, killing all life".


I don't think this is accurate anymore. Life has plenty of time to re-evolve on Earth. Worst case has to be an LHC-inspired doomsday from which life cannot recover, doesn't it?

Re. comic I don't think a fire-hurricane is possible*, but an alligator-filled wall of flame sounds pretty great.

*Unless you are Jewish and lost in a desert.

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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby JustDoug » Wed Jun 02, 2010 6:24 am UTC

Sharks. You forgot the sharks maddened and enraged by the burning oil and alligators in their territory.

There is the possibility of an up side, as that might lead to the sharks eating the alligators. However, it is much more likely to lead to a worst-case scenario of the two teaming up just as the alligator-laden, shark-infested burning wall of oily death passes nearby to a factory specializing in the manufacture of portable cutting lasers.

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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby scalziand » Wed Jun 02, 2010 6:25 am UTC

Yes! Someone else who knows about the hazards that Old River Control poses! I keep trying to find a source that updates with the split of water going into the Atchafalaya vs Mississippi River, but it seems to not be posted anywhere online that I know about.

It's kind of odd to think that if Old River Control hadn't been built, the Mississippi River would have already diverted itself through the Atchafalaya River.

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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby sliverstorm » Wed Jun 02, 2010 6:40 am UTC

fyjham wrote:Damn reporters cut off the mad rambling before he got to the raptors! (I refuse to believe the worst-case scenario didn't in some way involve raptors :P)

Don't you know anything? Alligators are the velociraptors of the Gulf. He just made his raptor reference contextually accurate :D

Also I figure the worst case scenario is probably not a meteor. We'd see that coming, and maybe just maybe be able to work something out. Now, on the other hand, if Sol decided to start playing games... 8)

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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby sliverstorm » Wed Jun 02, 2010 6:41 am UTC

JustDoug wrote:Sharks. You forgot the sharks maddened and enraged by the burning oil and alligators in their territory.

There is the possibility of an up side, as that might lead to the sharks eating the alligators. However, it is much more likely to lead to a worst-case scenario of the two teaming up just as the alligator-laden, shark-infested burning wall of oily death passes nearby to a factory specializing in the manufacture of portable cutting lasers.


And, naturally, we have already exercised the 'nuclear option' which failed, and the radiation conveniently caused all the alligators and sharks to grow thumbs perfect for wielding cutting lasers.

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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby Tenth Speed Writer » Wed Jun 02, 2010 6:53 am UTC

-head->desk-

If it's not crashing, exploding, or on fire, the media can't get ratings with it.


You'd almost think that quite a few people are failing to realize just how horrible this whole fiasco is. Some of the most valuable wetlands in the western hemisphere are being utterly wasted; The iconic shrimp industry and various fisheries of the southeastern coast have been devastated; and, with another couple of months of leakage in store, the sheer volume of petroleum in the water will have ecological impacts that scientists have only just begun to comprehend.



We're pretty fucked up, y'all.


(Also: Deregulation + "Drill, baby, drill!" = profit, amirite?)
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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby Tenth Speed Writer » Wed Jun 02, 2010 6:57 am UTC

Also: Also: What's wrong with alligators? They're not that big, and as far as reptiles with large teeth go, they're pretty chill. I've known a few people to keep them as pets.

Now, if it hit say, Florida, and swept a few of those crocs up out of the everglades...
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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby dtilque » Wed Jun 02, 2010 7:28 am UTC

If someone were bitten by a radioactive burning alligator, would they become Flaming Alligator Man? Or just dead?
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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby JamesGecko » Wed Jun 02, 2010 7:41 am UTC

Were I working in a public location, I would have commit this to paper via questionable use of the networked printer. As it stands, I may have to print it and tape it to something anyway.

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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby jacog » Wed Jun 02, 2010 7:57 am UTC

dtilque wrote:If someone were bitten by a radioactive burning alligator, would they become Flaming Alligator Man? Or just dead?


Have you been reading Axe Cop?

http://axecop.com/

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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby Murphy2112 » Wed Jun 02, 2010 8:10 am UTC

It'd be nice to be able to get some Vitamin D, except I live on Vancouver Island.

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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby Pfhorrest » Wed Jun 02, 2010 8:17 am UTC

After deploying the nuclear option, the alligators mutate into radioactive raptors, which manage to hijack Air Force One during the elections, and only President Obama, as portrayed by Samuel L. Jackson, can save the crew in time.

We'll call it "Raptors On A Plane".
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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby Thesh » Wed Jun 02, 2010 8:23 am UTC

What I don't understand is why don't we just replace the water with something less dense than oil. Then the spill will stay on the bottom of the ocean.
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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby JustDoug » Wed Jun 02, 2010 8:28 am UTC

sliverstorm wrote:And, naturally, we have already exercised the 'nuclear option' which failed, and the radiation conveniently caused all the alligators and sharks to grow thumbs perfect for wielding cutting lasers.


No need for evolution's hand to help out. The manufacturer's design is for the laser to be head mounted for hands-free operation.

You might have heard of the company: Fricken Lasers?

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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby Spen » Wed Jun 02, 2010 9:07 am UTC

For anyone interested in the blog mentioned:
http://www.wunderground.com/blog/JeffMasters/show.html
I laughed, a lot, god help us if sharks and handheld cutting lasers get involved though!

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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby Ophiucha » Wed Jun 02, 2010 9:20 am UTC

Murphy2112 wrote:It'd be nice to be able to get some Vitamin D, except I live on Vancouver Island.

I go to school in Vancouver, and I didn't believe the hype about how much it rains. I was mistaken.

In regards to the comic, I was watching the news early last morning and heard a story of similarly catastrophic predictions. Their idea sounded less like a tidal wave of fire, and more like a less molten version of lava creeping through Southern cities. It reminded me of that Tommy Lee Jones film. Speaking of awful disaster flicks, @Jarmentor: that reminds me of a scene from the Rolland Emmerich flick, "Day After Tomorrow", in which the eye of the storm caused temperatures to drop so quickly that you would literally freeze in place. Luckily, however, starting a small fire kept the protagonist alive. So, at least by his logic, I reckon holding your breath will function equally well.

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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby sween64 » Wed Jun 02, 2010 9:23 am UTC

LucasBrown wrote:Alt text: "To get serious analyses of hurricanes and oil slicks, see Jeff Masters' blog. To get serious discussions of worst-case scenario thinking, see Bruce Scheiner's blog. To get enough vitamin D, don't read any blogs and go outside instead."

This has got to be one of my favorites to appear in a long time.


It's Bruce Schneier not Scheiner. And here's his blog.

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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby arbivark » Wed Jun 02, 2010 10:04 am UTC

I remember once reading a story about a heart doctor/mad scientist who fixes some alligators' hearts. See, your typical gator has a 3 chambered heart, where humans have a 4 chambered heart, and so the alligators tend to be sluggish when Carville isn't around. So the gators in the story turn into dragons, and proceed to pillage the countryside.
You guys, collectively, are pretty sf literate and can probably tell me what that story was or who it was by - google wasn't much help.

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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby Vieto » Wed Jun 02, 2010 10:33 am UTC

actually, a hurricane would be pretty good, because it would thin the oil enough for bacteria that can consume the oil to do their work.

Yes, such bacteria exists.

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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby J L » Wed Jun 02, 2010 10:53 am UTC

Best one in a while. The alligators did it for me, too.

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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby neoliminal » Wed Jun 02, 2010 11:46 am UTC

RockoTDF wrote:I'm surprised that Randall left out some reference to the "nuclear option."


Nah, this was about the worst case scenario. Nukes are a cake walk compared to rolling, flaming alligators.
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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby Aelfyre » Wed Jun 02, 2010 12:00 pm UTC

Due to me living in Panama City Beach and being roughly 2 weeks away from having some of the most beautiful beachs I've ever seen ruined for at the very least decades.. this comic is less than hillarious to me.. but thats just perspective talking.

and yes I think the lightning from the hurricane should ahve "activated the DNA in the oil" and caused it to rain raptors. :)
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Re: "Worst-Case Scenario" discussion

Postby lexalexander » Wed Jun 02, 2010 12:14 pm UTC

<a href="http://hardware.slashdot.org/story/10/05/13/1953208/Gulf-Gusher-Worst-Case-Scenario">Actual worst-case scenario</a>.

Sigh. No flaming alligators.


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