0857: "Archimedes"

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Lerkistan
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Lerkistan » Mon Feb 07, 2011 11:41 pm UTC

madock345 wrote:
Kaelri wrote:
Steve the Pocket wrote:Also: "If it looks like a duck, acts like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it’s probably a well disguised bomb.


Ah, yes. http://www.lukesurl.com/archives/1631.

My room is not dark, by the way. But it's definitely night.

Also, great comic!

Ermes Marana
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Ermes Marana » Tue Feb 08, 2011 12:04 am UTC

You can lead a horse to water, or it'll bite your head off.

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Odd_nonposter
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Odd_nonposter » Tue Feb 08, 2011 12:17 am UTC

Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll sit in a boat all day and drink beer.
CorruptUser wrote:Religions are like genitalia. It's OK to have them, but don't whip them out in public, don't argue about whose is better, and keep them away from my kids.

sportsracer48
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby sportsracer48 » Tue Feb 08, 2011 12:29 am UTC

Johny is a chemist, but he will be no more, if I don't get some Au, he'll get H2SO4!

Yes Madam, I am drunk, but in the morning, I'll be sober, and you'll still have a bomb implanted in your chest, set to go off at noon.

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neoliminal
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby neoliminal » Tue Feb 08, 2011 12:34 am UTC

Sometimes to make a omelete, you have to kill a few people.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0073YYXRC
Read My Book. Cost less than coffee. Will probably keep you awake longer.
[hint, scary!]

Reivax
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Reivax » Tue Feb 08, 2011 12:36 am UTC

two things in life are infinite: the universe, and human stupidity(i was going to add a snarky comment about the unending ripoff jokes after someone finds something new to make fun of, but then realized that this is already covered by the second one)

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KShrike
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby KShrike » Tue Feb 08, 2011 1:02 am UTC

Just add "In bed" after the end of the normal phrases.

"Give me a lever long enough, and a place on which to rest it, and I will move the world.... in bed!"
edit: maybe "while in bed" would have worked better...
On 10/10/10, My Little Pony started to appeal to adult males. Ya rly!
Forget the /b/ memes, and go watch the show and see what I mean. After all, the /b/ memes exist because the show itself is so cleverly written. Check it out!

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WolfieMario
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby WolfieMario » Tue Feb 08, 2011 1:55 am UTC

Get out of my head, Randall, or I swear I'll blow my brains out!

(Amidoinitrite?)

Two's a couple, three's a porn shoot.

(Yeah, I'm definitely not doing it right.)

NumberFourtyThree wrote:Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, but give a fish a man and he'll eat for weeks.

Easily the best one. I actually lol'd :lol:
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Wilhelm
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Wilhelm » Tue Feb 08, 2011 2:11 am UTC

"Walk softly, and carry your favorite machine gun."

"Enrique! I've shot it!"

"Sometimes the negotiations are complicated and the hostages are disposable."
(^Dr. Seuss said the original)

"Life is a festival only to the schizophrenic."

"An eye for an eye leaves me with an advantage and one of your eyes."
Where I sell a limited range of unofficial merchandise:

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Wilhelm
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Wilhelm » Tue Feb 08, 2011 2:16 am UTC

"The wise man avoids evil by shooting it."

"You can fool some people sometimes, but you can't scam the American government out of a hundred million dollars with Hot Pockets and a weekend on your laptop."
Where I sell a limited range of unofficial merchandise:

http://www.cafepress.com/from_the_internet

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Wnderer
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Wnderer » Tue Feb 08, 2011 2:32 am UTC

Give me a home where the buffalo roam and I'll show you a very messy carpet.

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Hamsterweel
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Hamsterweel » Tue Feb 08, 2011 2:50 am UTC

I'm loving this thread :D
Here's some "quotes" I just thought of:

"As Karl Marx once said, From each according to his abilities, so don't just sit there, you damned hostages!"
"The only antidote to mental suffering is physical pain... sorry about that."
"A picture is worth a thousand words, but but a gun is worth just one."
"Plato said if you want a thing done well, do it yourself, you lazy bastard."
"Knowledge may be power, but can knowledge rip your guts out?"
"I have hardly ever known a gun that wasn't capable of reasoning."
"Great is the guilt of an unnecessary rocket to the head, they cost a lot, you know."
"Everything should be as simple as it is, but not simpler, or I nuke all of us." (hehe)

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bmonk
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby bmonk » Tue Feb 08, 2011 3:18 am UTC

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give him a gun, and he will shoot you to get your cash.
Having become a Wizard on n.p. 2183, the Yellow Piggy retroactively appointed his honorable self a Temporal Wizardly Piggy on n.p.1488, not to be effective until n.p. 2183, thereby avoiding a partial temporal paradox. Since he couldn't afford two philosophical PhDs to rule on the title.

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glasnt
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby glasnt » Tue Feb 08, 2011 4:07 am UTC

All's fair in love and Warhammer.

not sure that's right



Roses are red, violets are blue, I've got a grenade, and the name on it is You.

There was a man from nantucket, who lived life beside a bucket. Then his wide died, because he didn't give me the bank lock combination on time.

A horse! My kingdom for a horsehead for my enemy's bed.

To be or not to be, that is the question, whether tis nobler to battle by the sword to death, or just leave you here under this death ray and wander off over here til you escape and kill me. Or just shoot you now after monologging.


Four score and seven grenades ago, our fathers had a functional Suburu Liberty. Now it's just a shell.

dysprog
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby dysprog » Tue Feb 08, 2011 4:09 am UTC

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will starve before he catches anything.

All We have to fear is velociraptors. Oh, and fear itself.

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Plasma Mongoose
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Plasma Mongoose » Tue Feb 08, 2011 4:40 am UTC

An Apple a day keeps Bill Gates at bay.

A stitch in time prevents malpractice lawsuits.

A poor workman always plays with his tool.

A watched pot never gets smoked.

Behind every great man there's a great woman holding a gun to his back.

He who fights and runs away, avoids getting arrested that day.

Honesty is the best policy for staying healthy in Guantánamo Bay.

If you can't stand the heat, get back in the kitchen.

It's the early bird that catches the worm, but it's the second rat that gets the peanut butter.

Life's not all beer and skittles but there is nothing quite like tasting the rainbow when drunk.

Revenge is a dish best served with a cold heart and hot lead.
A virus walks into a bar, the bartender says "We don't serve viruses in here".
The virus replaces the bartender and says "Now we do!"

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NumberFourtyThree
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby NumberFourtyThree » Tue Feb 08, 2011 4:42 am UTC

Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day, teach a group of men to fish and in 20 years their favorite kind of fish will be fished to extinction.
The world is imperfect because it has to be. If everything were perfectly fair and without problems we would all live the exact same pointless life, with no possible meaning to it.

rpgamer
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby rpgamer » Tue Feb 08, 2011 4:53 am UTC

Frankly, my dear, that dress makes you look fat.
All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day.

ccaccus
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby ccaccus » Tue Feb 08, 2011 6:15 am UTC

Carpe ammunition.

Kanonfutter
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Kanonfutter » Tue Feb 08, 2011 6:53 am UTC

DVC wrote:If I have seen further than those who have come before me it is because I have poked out their eyes. -- Newton


I'd like to point this one out for being very true. Isaac Newton was a _nasty_ character.

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Guinness
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Guinness » Tue Feb 08, 2011 8:26 am UTC

As Bertrand Russell said, "Science is what you know. Philosophy is what you don't know. The reason for your paranoia is what everybody else knows."
He was talking about you.

Lucia
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Lucia » Tue Feb 08, 2011 10:05 am UTC

Eternal Density wrote:No Mr Bond, I expect the Spanish Inquisition.

:lol:
To be or not to be, that has already been decided, firmly in favour of being.
It was the best of times, it was better than all the other times. That's why it was the best.
Fortune favours the armed.
Listen. I wouldn't worry about talking squirrels.
It is a fact universally acknowledged that a single man in possesion of good fortune is probably pretty stuck up about it.
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Felstaff
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So We've Come To Listing Garden Path Sentences, Eh?

Postby Felstaff » Tue Feb 08, 2011 10:10 am UTC

"Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. Then; who cares? He's a mile away, and you've got his shoes."
Away, you scullion! you rampallion! You fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe.

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theGoldenCalf;
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby theGoldenCalf; » Tue Feb 08, 2011 11:05 am UTC

I choose to believe that the alt-text is a reference to my signature.


Sweet.
それは彼女が言ったことだ!

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SirMustapha
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby SirMustapha » Tue Feb 08, 2011 1:26 pm UTC

NumberFourtyThree wrote:Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day, teach a group of men to fish and in 20 years their favorite kind of fish will be fished to extinction.


... I'm starting to believe that Randall ain't all that bad.

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neoliminal
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby neoliminal » Tue Feb 08, 2011 1:42 pm UTC

Knowing is half the battle, the other half of the battle is winning.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0073YYXRC
Read My Book. Cost less than coffee. Will probably keep you awake longer.
[hint, scary!]

Vehemence
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Vehemence » Tue Feb 08, 2011 4:47 pm UTC

Mrs. Peacock wrote:
neoliminal wrote:Sometimes to make a omelete, you have to kill a few people.
But look what happened to the cook!


Also...

"Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll find a golden ring on your birthday, you'll beat and strangle him to death for it, go mad, live for hundreds of years, and eat fisheses for the rest of your life until it's ended by fat, nasty hobbitses."

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5th Earth
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby 5th Earth » Tue Feb 08, 2011 6:19 pm UTC

Let he who is without sin deliver one million dollars in unmarked non-sequential bills to the trash can on the corner of 5th and Main.
It seemed like a good idea at the time.

nealh
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby nealh » Tue Feb 08, 2011 6:50 pm UTC

If at first you don't succeed, nuke the site from orbit.

I love this thread.

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garak1a
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby garak1a » Tue Feb 08, 2011 7:18 pm UTC

I'm reminded of all the phrases on Questionable Content about lions.

Their premise was that almost every saying was made better if a noun were replaced by Lion.

Never look a gift-lion in the mouth.
You can't make an omelet unless you break a few lions.
People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw lions.

And so on.
10 dollar solo
Worth every dime
My path it is steep
But my god Joss is cheap
And doesn't mind wasting your time

Bounsy
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Bounsy » Tue Feb 08, 2011 7:30 pm UTC

"Cogito ergo sum melius te." - Rene Descartes

Translation: "I think, therefore I am better than you."

That's my best guess for the Latin translation. If anyone knows a better way of saying it, please correct me.
...As if I have any doubt that someone will. :wink:

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lolol
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby lolol » Tue Feb 08, 2011 9:08 pm UTC

You can't learn to swim without being held under water.

His left hand doesn't know what his right hand is doing, except while watching porn.

Keep your ear to the grindstone

The way to a man's heart is through her chest.



Spoiler:
yes, 3rd one is from a movie.

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RebeccaRGB
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby RebeccaRGB » Tue Feb 08, 2011 9:25 pm UTC

Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Stephen Hawking: Great. The entire universe was destroyed.
Fry: Destroyed? Then where are we now?
Al Gore: I don't know. But I can darn well tell you where we're not—the universe!

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Plasma Mongoose
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Plasma Mongoose » Tue Feb 08, 2011 10:14 pm UTC

Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he will run off with your fishing rod... bastard!

Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day, teach a man to fish with dynamite and you can a fricking feast for the day.

RebeccaRGB wrote:Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.


I like this one. :twisted:
A virus walks into a bar, the bartender says "We don't serve viruses in here".
The virus replaces the bartender and says "Now we do!"

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Mr. Timms
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Mr. Timms » Tue Feb 08, 2011 10:52 pm UTC

A penny saved is another penny going in the sack.

If the shoe fits, you'd better find the other shoe.

Education costs money, but so does being mugged in a back alleyway. -Sir Claus Moser

I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I got a nice angelskin coat. -Michelangelo

The only constant is my gun pressed to your skull. -Heraclitus

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent hiding the bodies. -Edison

I see and I forget. I hear and I remember. I do and it's 10 to 20 for aggravated assault. -Confucius

It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than to open it and get your head blown off. -Rami Belson

Always forgive your enemies, but never deactivate your warheads. -John F. Kennedy

No other moment will ever demand as much attention as when I'm about to break your fingers. -Paul Trawitzki

Build a better mousetrap and the original inventor of the mousetrap will crush you in court. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Decker wrote:
nbonaparte wrote:You'll learn this around here. Everyone's pretty damn blunt.
I am not! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go take a huge shit.

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soccerkid324
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby soccerkid324 » Wed Feb 09, 2011 3:20 am UTC

Reminded me of 163: "To quote Stanford algorithms expert Donald Knuth, 'Who are you? How did you get in my house?'"

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes... then take out a sniper rifle.

colinmon22
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby colinmon22 » Wed Feb 09, 2011 4:24 am UTC

Here's lookin' at you, kid... through the scope of my Barrett M82. -Humphrey Bogart
What light through yonder window breaks? Tis the east, and a thermonuclear bomb just destroyed Manhattan. -William Shakespeare
Mr. Gorbachev, you killed my father. Prepare to die. -Ronald Reagan
The price of freedom isn't nearly as high as your ransom. -Unknown
Its not the size of the dog in the fight, but the caliber of his guns. -Mark Twain
If you have nothing to say, then perhaps this blowtorch will change your mind. -Mark Twain
Last edited by colinmon22 on Thu Feb 10, 2011 1:01 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.

wiserd911
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby wiserd911 » Wed Feb 09, 2011 5:27 am UTC

These are mine;

Absinthe makes the heart grow fungus
A fool and his money will soon party

Also, since people have such a tendency to project their own quirks onto others, I've taken to replacing nouns at the end of any saying with the name of the person who originated the quote.

For example;

Give me liberty or give me Patrick Henry
You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for Albert Einstein
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of Eleanor Roosevelt. (We're screwed)

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Tyrannosaur
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Tyrannosaur » Wed Feb 09, 2011 5:48 am UTC

wiserd911 wrote:Give me liberty or give me Patrick Henry
You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for Albert Einstein
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of Eleanor Roosevelt. (We're screwed)


Those are the best Ive heard in a long time...
djessop wrote:The t-shirt should read "There are 11 types of people in the world, those who understand binary, those who don't and those who insist the number above is pronounced as eleven no matter what base you're in".

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phlip
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Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby phlip » Wed Feb 09, 2011 5:50 am UTC

So, to come full circle: Give me a long enough lever and a firm enough place to stand and I shall move Archimedes.

Code: Select all

enum ಠ_ಠ {°□°╰=1, °Д°╰, ಠ益ಠ╰};
void ┻━┻︵​╰(ಠ_ಠ ⚠) {exit((int)⚠);}
[he/him/his]


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