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0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 5:03 am UTC
by sportsracer48
Image

Alt text: Give a man a fish, or he will destroy the only existing vial of antidote.

We'll cross that bridge when I get MY GODDAMN AIRPLANE!

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 5:04 am UTC
by glasnt
A bird in the hand is worth more than two bullets in your kneecap, now catch that meddling parrot!



or




No Mr Bond, I expect you to expect the unexpected!


FLIP!

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 5:04 am UTC
by Steve the Pocket
Sometimes the simplest jokes can be the best.

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 5:07 am UTC
by sportsracer48
Kill two birds with one stone? The Birds are wired to thermonuclear bombs in the stone set to detonate if their hearts stop beating.

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 5:08 am UTC
by Kaelri
Steve the Pocket wrote:Sometimes the simplest jokes can be the best.

That's a fact. I don't often burst into actual laughter from reading a webcomic (alone, at night, in a dark room), but for some reason this one did it.

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 5:16 am UTC
by KShrike
The character should have been given a beard, like in the sysadmin one (http://xkcd.com/705/)

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 5:19 am UTC
by tehol
I don't know if I get it...

Does the humour exist because he took a common conditional phrase, and added a dramatic conclusion that you don't expect?

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 5:19 am UTC
by glasnt
KShrike wrote:The character should have been given a beard, like in the sysadmin one (http://xkcd.com/705/)

I never noticed the beard before now, I thought it was part of the phone or something. He now looks like a douche, thanks :(

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 5:24 am UTC
by eviloatmeal
Someone's been watching Jason Statham movies. :P

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 5:28 am UTC
by KShrike
tehol wrote:I don't know if I get it...

Does the humour exist because he took a common conditional phrase, and added a dramatic conclusion that you don't expect?


To put it bluntly, yes. I didn't ROFL, or LOL. It was more like "haha".

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 5:45 am UTC
by DVC
If I have seen further than those who have come before me it is because I have poked out their eyes. -- Newton

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 5:47 am UTC
by glasnt
DVC wrote:If I have seen further than those who have come before me it is because I have poked out their eyes. -- Newton

I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from threatening to shoot him. -- Galileo Galilei

Am I doing it right?

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 5:49 am UTC
by phlip
tehol wrote:I don't know if I get it...

Does the humour exist because he took a common conditional phrase, and added a dramatic conclusion that you don't expect?

Yes - violation of expectations is a standard humour source. As well as jokes like this strip, which alter a well-known phrase or saying, it's also invoked in rule-of-three jokes (the first two instances establish a pattern, and then the third breaks that pattern, violating the hearers expectations and causing humour) and anti-humour (in which a well-known joke is re-told, but the now-expected punchline is replaced with something which is not, per se, funny, however the substitution of same causes humour through the broken expectation).

I'm sure there are some academic papers on the topic, which would be just as dry and humourless as this post. Wikipedia may have some useful links as a starting point.

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 6:00 am UTC
by gkarrish
DVC wrote:If I have seen further than those who have come before me it is because I have poked out their eyes. -- Newton


It's not easy to get me to laugh at the same gag twice, but that did it. Well done.

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 6:02 am UTC
by Eternal Density
I had "A bird in the hand is worth less than your lives!" but I guess I've been beaten on that saying, so how about:

Every dark cloud has been carefully vetted by the CIA.

If at first you don't succeed you will receive an unsatisfactory mark on your official testing record. Followed by death. Good luck!

God helps those who help me.

Give me liberty, or I'll give you death.

Laugh, and the world lasts a day longer.

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 6:04 am UTC
by phlip
An apple a day is not nearly enough food to live on.

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 6:18 am UTC
by glasnt
Eternal Density wrote:
Give me liberty, or I'll give you death.



Got a chuckle out of me :D

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 6:27 am UTC
by ysth
Tell me that isn't an Oglaf (NSFW) reference.

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 6:37 am UTC
by Halrandir
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss be glad you didn't die on impact.

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 7:07 am UTC
by StrandOfGibraltar
If it ain't broke... I'm not buying bombs from you again.

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 7:10 am UTC
by Quaternia
That's something I'd have expected Black Hat Guy to say... o.O

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 7:31 am UTC
by Kirby
Almost only counts in horseshoes and significance tests.

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with phaser guns.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the truth value of either clause in this sentence.

You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cake.

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 7:47 am UTC
by existentialpanda
Note to self: do not check xkcd while roommate is finishing her chem midterm three feet away.

Although I do feel much better about my own now. I knew there was a reason I liked this comic.

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 7:55 am UTC
by SW15243
When life gives you lemons, make sure to kidnap someone more valuable next time.

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 8:05 am UTC
by madock345
Kaelri wrote:
Steve the Pocket wrote:Sometimes the simplest jokes can be the best.

That's a fact. I don't often burst into actual laughter from reading a webcomic (alone, at night, in a dark room), but for some reason this one did it.

We should take a poll to see just how many people read xkcd "alone, at night, in a dark room". I expect a landslide majority.
Also: "If it looks like a duck, acts like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it’s probably a well disguised bomb.

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 8:18 am UTC
by koreiryuu
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if aimed properly.

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 8:37 am UTC
by Plasma Mongoose
I wouldn’t eat that with a ten-foot pole.

I hope he gets his bell curve straightened out.

People are dying like hotcakes on a hot tin man.

The fan is gonna hit the roof.

The squeaky wheel gets the grease on fire.

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 8:59 am UTC
by Tyrannosaur
Kirby wrote:Almost only counts in horseshoes and significance tests.


Kirby wrote:Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the truth value of either clause in this sentence.


hahahaha the best so far

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 9:32 am UTC
by n079614
The early bird gets the worm, OR ELSE MUTHA******S!!!

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 9:42 am UTC
by philip1201
You have two spaceships moving towards each other, one of them moves at 0.8c relative to the Earth and is equipped with a 800 nm laser (according to the ship) pointed at the other ship. How fast does the other ship have to go, given there is a sensor which responds to light with a wavelength of 400 nm or below, which is rigged to explode along with all the hostages if it isn't activated in 30 minutes.

Special relativity meets Speed in SPEED 2: RELATIVE VELOCITY

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 9:54 am UTC
by Isaac
Eternal Density wrote:Give me liberty, or I'll give you death.


I always thought that that was the spirit of the phrase anyway.

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 10:11 am UTC
by SirMustapha
phlip wrote:
tehol wrote:I don't know if I get it...

Does the humour exist because he took a common conditional phrase, and added a dramatic conclusion that you don't expect?

Yes - violation of expectations is a standard humour source.


Including the violation of the expectation that there is a joke in the first place, I suppose?

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 10:46 am UTC
by Essah
Everyone wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die... when I point my gun at them

First impressions are the most lasting... especially when made by a 9mm

Fortune favours the brave, or whoever has the gun

Ignorance is bliss if the bomb under your car is about to explode.

It is better to give than to receive... especially when talking about bullets

Live for today but tomorrow never dies

The bigger they are, the harder they fall...when you shoot them

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 11:05 am UTC
by UrielZyx
The cake is alive!

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 11:17 am UTC
by Aleifr
Essah wrote:Everyone wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die... when I point my gun at them

First impressions are the most lasting... especially when made by a 9mm

Fortune favours the brave, or whoever has the gun

Ignorance is bliss if the bomb under your car is about to explode.

It is better to give than to receive... especially when talking about bullets

Live for today but tomorrow never dies

The bigger they are, the harder they fall...when you shoot them


Don't take this the wrong way, but you're doing it wrong. It works better if you change the end of original saying, rather than adding something to the end. I'm just saying. :]

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 11:26 am UTC
by Weird_Al
my life philosophy is, dance like nobody's watching, work like you don't need the money, kill like there aren't laws against it.

have you ever had that dream where you sudenly find yourself in the school auditorium, everybody is watching you, you're completely naked and you go on a killing spree?



(all of these seem a bit dark now that I've written them down)

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 12:02 pm UTC
by purpleriot
madock345 wrote:Also: "If it looks like a duck, acts like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it’s probably a well disguised bomb.


A rose is a rose is a bomb.

I have nothing to declare but war.

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 12:29 pm UTC
by ElectriCom
When all you have is a hammer, it's hammer time.

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 1:10 pm UTC
by lorb
I always wonder .. why is Archimedes pronounced different in every language i know?

also: Those who live in glass houses shouldn't care much for their privacy.

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 1:15 pm UTC
by KeithM
This comic is only about as funny as this post.

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics.