In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

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In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby scrovak » Tue Nov 17, 2009 12:05 am UTC

For real.

MSNBC wrote:MOSCOW - Russian police have arrested three homeless people suspected of eating a 25-year-old man they had butchered and selling other bits of the corpse to a local kebab house.

Suspicions were raised when dismembered parts of a human body were found near a bus stop in the outskirts of the Russian city of Perm, 720 miles east of Moscow.

Three homeless men with previous criminal records have been arrested on suspicion of setting upon a foe with knives and a hammer before chopping up his corpse to eat, local investigators said in a statement.

"After carrying out the crime, the corpse was divided up: part was eaten and part was also sold to a kiosk selling kebabs and pies," the prosecutor's main investigative unit for the Perm region said.

It was not immediately clear from the statement if any of the corpse had been sold to customers.


To reiterate,
three homeless people suspected of eating a 25-year-old man ... selling other bits of the corpse to a local kebab house ... It was not immediately clear from the statement if any of the corpse had been sold to customers.
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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby PhoenixRider » Tue Nov 17, 2009 12:26 am UTC

How is that backwards, are we suppose to eat homeless people?

But yeah, disgusting stuff.

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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby Cynical Idealist » Tue Nov 17, 2009 12:36 am UTC

PhoenixRider wrote:How is that backwards, are we suppose to eat homeless people?

Only their children.
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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby Kaiyas » Tue Nov 17, 2009 1:06 am UTC

Cynical Idealist wrote:
PhoenixRider wrote:How is that backwards, are we suppose to eat homeless people?

Only their children.

Nice save.
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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby scrovak » Tue Nov 17, 2009 1:25 am UTC

Plus there was the modern proposal a few years back that we kill homeless people and ship them to poor countries for food. THough i'm pretty sure that one got pulled down a while ago...
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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby diotimajsh » Tue Nov 17, 2009 1:30 am UTC

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Sweeney Todd approves of this thread.

More seriously, I'm a little grossed out that that actually happened. But I suppose worse happens on a regular basis that we don't even hear about.
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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby Kizyr » Tue Nov 17, 2009 1:36 am UTC

Has it yet been confirmed if they are zombies? KF
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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby Skythe » Tue Nov 17, 2009 1:52 am UTC

Kizyr wrote:Has it yet been confirmed if they are zombies? KF


<3 you. LOL

Anyways, I just finished The Road. People do some crazy stuff to survive.
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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby Omegaton » Tue Nov 17, 2009 3:55 am UTC

diotimajsh wrote:Sweeney Todd approves of this thread.
Exactly what I was thinking. It would just be too much of a coincidence if the meat was sent to a meat pie place.

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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby scrovak » Tue Nov 17, 2009 4:01 am UTC

And the homeless guys were actually barbers. And I don't think they were zombies, as they distributed the meat, and it was but one man. Perhaps the meat, though, was tainted, and now they have zombies running around Rissia from the customers who ate the people kebobs.

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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby Telchar » Tue Nov 17, 2009 6:20 am UTC

Creutzfelt-Jacob Disease for everyone!
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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby folkhero » Tue Nov 17, 2009 7:54 am UTC

This story is brought to you by Bob's Iguana Bits.
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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby Decker » Tue Nov 17, 2009 1:39 pm UTC

scrovak wrote:Suspicions were raised when dismembered parts of a human body were found near a bus stop in the outskirts of the Russian city of Perm, 720 miles east of Moscow.

I would certainly hope that would be considerd suspicious.
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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby Dauric » Tue Nov 17, 2009 3:23 pm UTC

folkhero wrote:This story is brought to you by Bob's Iguana Bits.

Someone's looking at their character profile and wondering when they got the "Cannibal" perk.
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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby Jessica » Tue Nov 17, 2009 3:27 pm UTC

Soylent Kebabs are made of people!!
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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby the_bandersnatch » Tue Nov 17, 2009 5:00 pm UTC

Personally I prefer to flavour my takeaway with Torgo's Executive Powder.
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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby Cynical Idealist » Tue Nov 17, 2009 5:01 pm UTC

scrovak wrote:
MSNBC wrote:"After carrying out the crime, the corpse was divided up: part was eaten and part was also sold to a kiosk selling kebabs and pies,"


No wonder that pie tasted like ass.
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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby MrGee » Wed Nov 18, 2009 12:54 am UTC

scrovak wrote:
MSNBC wrote:"After carrying out the crime, the corpse was divided up: part was eaten and part was also sold to a kiosk selling kebabs and pies,"



"We'd like to sell you this hunk of meat that looks suspiciously like a gnawed-on human foot."
"Excellent! That's just what customers of this fine kiosk demand!"

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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ » Wed Nov 18, 2009 1:04 am UTC

Dear Everyone Else In This Thread,

not to rain on your parade or anything, but people have been eaten. Before I join in the jokery, I have to ask- we're not ok with eating people, right? Eating other people is bad, right?
Cause I am le grossed out.
Heyyy baby wanna kill all humans?

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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby Cynical Idealist » Wed Nov 18, 2009 1:21 am UTC

Meaux_Pas wrote:Dear Everyone Else In This Thread,

not to rain on your parade or anything, but people have been eaten. Before I join in the jokery, I have to ask- we're not ok with eating people, right? Eating other people is bad, right?
Cause I am le grossed out.

Its one of those things that is just assumed.

We assume everyone knows that people aren't food, so we feel safe in joking about it.
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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby MrGee » Wed Nov 18, 2009 1:26 am UTC

Meaux_Pas wrote:Dear Everyone Else In This Thread,

not to rain on your parade or anything, but people have been eaten. Before I join in the jokery, I have to ask- we're not ok with eating people, right? Eating other people is bad, right?
Cause I am le grossed out.


I would never eat a person.

Too much trans fat.

Alternate ending: "Have you seen the conditions they're raised in?"

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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby Senefen » Wed Nov 18, 2009 1:33 am UTC

Reinforcing my view you should never eat at a seedy Russian kebab house.
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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby Kizyr » Wed Nov 18, 2009 2:42 am UTC

MrGee wrote:"We'd like to sell you this hunk of meat that looks suspiciously like a gnawed-on human foot."
"Excellent! That's just what customers of this fine kiosk demand!"

I always wondered what the hell "Forcemeat" was... KF
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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby The Reaper » Wed Nov 18, 2009 1:31 pm UTC

Cynical Idealist wrote:
Meaux_Pas wrote:Dear Everyone Else In This Thread,

not to rain on your parade or anything, but people have been eaten. Before I join in the jokery, I have to ask- we're not ok with eating people, right? Eating other people is bad, right?
Cause I am le grossed out.

Its one of those things that is just assumed.

We assume everyone knows that people aren't food, so we feel safe in joking about it.

Why aren't people food? -_-
I know people are food, but that its currently socially wrong to eat them. When the society breaks down to the point of food becomes scarce or hoarded or irradiated and crime is rampant (mad max era?), there may come a time where I may have to eat who/whatever I just killed. Can't be too stingy when you're starving.

And I bet they'd make a great roast.

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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby scrovak » Wed Nov 18, 2009 7:46 pm UTC

MrGee wrote:I would never eat a person.
Have you seen the conditions they're raised in?


Sig'd
MrGee wrote:I would never eat a person. Have you seen the conditions they're raised in?
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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby Telchar » Wed Nov 18, 2009 8:19 pm UTC

I guess I'm okay with people eating other already dead people, they just need to be aware of the risks. Kuru is bad stuff.
Zamfir wrote:Yeah, that's a good point. Everyone is all about presumption of innocence in rape threads. But when Mexican drug lords build APCs to carry their henchmen around, we immediately jump to criminal conclusions without hard evidence.

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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby folkhero » Wed Nov 18, 2009 8:32 pm UTC

The Reaper wrote:
Cynical Idealist wrote:
Meaux_Pas wrote:Dear Everyone Else In This Thread,

not to rain on your parade or anything, but people have been eaten. Before I join in the jokery, I have to ask- we're not ok with eating people, right? Eating other people is bad, right?
Cause I am le grossed out.

Its one of those things that is just assumed.

We assume everyone knows that people aren't food, so we feel safe in joking about it.

Why aren't people food? -_-
I know people are food, but that its currently socially wrong to eat them. When the society breaks down to the point of food becomes scarce or hoarded or irradiated and crime is rampant (mad max era?), there may come a time where I may have to eat who/whatever I just killed. Can't be too stingy when you're starving.

And I bet they'd make a great roast.

good luck with the prion diseases
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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby MrGee » Wed Nov 18, 2009 10:52 pm UTC

What he said. Cannibalism is extremely likely to result in disease transmission.

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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby The Reaper » Wed Nov 18, 2009 10:57 pm UTC

MrGee wrote:What he said. Cannibalism is extremely likely to result in disease transmission.

Cooking helps a great deal, tho.

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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby BlackSails » Wed Nov 18, 2009 10:59 pm UTC

The Reaper wrote:
MrGee wrote:What he said. Cannibalism is extremely likely to result in disease transmission.

Cooking helps a great deal, tho.


Not with prion diseases.

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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby The Reaper » Wed Nov 18, 2009 11:05 pm UTC

BlackSails wrote:
The Reaper wrote:
MrGee wrote:What he said. Cannibalism is extremely likely to result in disease transmission.

Cooking helps a great deal, tho.


Not with prion diseases.

True. But, its not a majority of the population type of thing.

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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ » Wed Nov 18, 2009 11:16 pm UTC

Yep. Have fun with your Mad Human Disease...
Heyyy baby wanna kill all humans?

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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby The Reaper » Wed Nov 18, 2009 11:30 pm UTC

Meaux_Pas wrote:Yep. Have fun with your Mad Human Disease...

Tastes like shrubbery!

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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby woods26 » Fri Nov 20, 2009 8:18 pm UTC

yeah i think you get mad cow from eating the brain... but you probably still want to go after someone who looks healthy, so you don't catch something.

human = sweet pork ;]

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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby Cytoplasm » Sun Nov 22, 2009 5:46 pm UTC

Besides witness statements and so forth, is there a scientifi way to prove they ate the man? Would they use urine/blood/feces tests or empty the content of their stomachs?
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Re: In Soviet Russia, Homeless Eat You!

Postby MrGee » Sun Nov 22, 2009 6:29 pm UTC

Cytoplasm wrote:Besides witness statements and so forth, is there a scientifi way to prove they ate the man? Would they use urine/blood/feces tests or empty the content of their stomachs?


Yes...I saw it on Discovery Channel. They were tested fossilized feces for evidence of cannibalism, which they found.


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