Everything Must GO? Several months until the Rapture?

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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby Goldstein » Mon May 16, 2011 11:04 am UTC

No-one predicted 2000? C'mon, that's so easy. I bet raptures with round numbers get much more followers than those awkward, lesser raptures.

And I like the 'lower bound' idea. I'm predicting a lower bound of next Tuesday.
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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby Radical_Initiator » Mon May 16, 2011 1:24 pm UTC

What I'm enjoying most about this particular iteration of the Rapture Game is the specificity with which Camping is making his prediction. Global earthquake announcing the beginning of a period of tribulation ending in the end of the earth? OK, maybe I can buy that - The Great and Fluffy One has never passed up an opportunity to make a grand entrance (although the previously mentioned "thief in the night"-type Rapture makes that seem a little less probable) - but the idea that it will happen at 6 p.m. local time in every time zone just amuses me to no end. Does that mean I can run over to the Illinois-Indiana border and watch people in Terre Haute shake, rattle and roll before it hits my side of the line an hour later? Imagine the news reports flooding in as it first hits Tokyo, then Seoul, Beijing, Bangkok, Kolkata, Mumbai, etc. while marching on its way to Cleveland.

Also, is God waiting until Saturday so that he can hit the prime-time lineup without interrupting any good (har!) programming? Or is he just making it easier for the damned among us to party into oblivion on Friday and sleep the day off before all the annoying shits are gone?
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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby Heisenberg » Mon May 16, 2011 2:09 pm UTC

sourmìlk wrote:Being stupid around your kids should be legal unless if actively harms them. Giving away all your stuff and living in poverty so that Jesus will accept you is actively harming them.

No. Actively harming them is beating them with a stick. Being poor is not a crime. Neither is giving to charity.

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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby Aikanaro » Mon May 16, 2011 2:39 pm UTC

Radical_Initiator wrote:What I'm enjoying most about this particular iteration of the Rapture Game is the specificity with which Camping is making his prediction. Global earthquake announcing the beginning of a period of tribulation ending in the end of the earth? OK, maybe I can buy that - The Great and Fluffy One has never passed up an opportunity to make a grand entrance (although the previously mentioned "thief in the night"-type Rapture makes that seem a little less probable) - but the idea that it will happen at 6 p.m. local time in every time zone just amuses me to no end. Does that mean I can run over to the Illinois-Indiana border and watch people in Terre Haute shake, rattle and roll before it hits my side of the line an hour later? Imagine the news reports flooding in as it first hits Tokyo, then Seoul, Beijing, Bangkok, Kolkata, Mumbai, etc. while marching on its way to Cleveland.

Also, is God waiting until Saturday so that he can hit the prime-time lineup without interrupting any good (har!) programming? Or is he just making it easier for the damned among us to party into oblivion on Friday and sleep the day off before all the annoying shits are gone?

Also, does that mean that with a private jet, you can dodge it?
EDIT: And what about Astronauts? Hrmm, maybe we need to keep someone on a Moon Base, just for the purposes.....of SCIENCE!
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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby savanik » Mon May 16, 2011 5:05 pm UTC

a_fuzzyduck wrote:
addams wrote:
sourmìlk wrote:I need to find one of those people and ask for their stuff. After all, did Jesus not say that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven? Surely they should give me all their things so that they can enter heaven. And it's not like it will affect my chances: I'm already a Jewish Atheist heathen who is going to be sent to hell for my sins anyways,


Man. You do not want their stuff.
Do you know what kind of stuff those people have?
They do not have cool stuff.
I have cool stuff. They have crap.


Stuff that's not cool can be sold or pawned. That's my plan. Sadly there's not that many of these nutters about here...


Request for urgent Christian assistance

Hello

We are the first national Baptist church of our Lord Jesus Christ. It has come to our attention soon that we will be having the Rapture. Unfortunately, we are currently ineligable for heaven as we are currently encumbered with $12,000,000 in gold bars. We would like to divest ourselves of these symboles of monetary sin as soon as possible. However, by virtue of our organizations tax status, we are unable to spend this money. If you would forward us a small processing fee, we can ship these gold bars directly to your home address.

Please note that this transaction is 100% safe and tax free (as we are a tax excempt organization). We hope to commence this transaction within the next 5 business days before the Rapture.

Thank you and God bless
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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby mmmcannibalism » Mon May 16, 2011 9:03 pm UTC

Arancaytar wrote:
userxp wrote:
Aikanaro wrote:Hmm.....I should probably start a movement that states the Rapture already HAPPENED, but so few were saved, nobody noticed, and we just assumed they were kidnappings.....


Well, you'd have quite a few supporters, since apparently it happened in 1884, 1914, 1918, 1925, 1942, 1975, 1981, 1988, 1989, 1992, 1993, 1994, 1995, and will happen again this 2011 and in 2060.


If that is an exhaustive list, then the clustering is very interesting. They've been getting closer together in the second half of the century - and then, six raptures in eight years, followed by a sixteen year gap? I wonder if that kind of mass hysteria is correlated to the state of world politics.

Edit: On checking the article, the 2060 figure by Newton was supposed to be a lower bound. :P


Better theory, the information age is making a smaller group capable of raising more noise.
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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby sourmìlk » Mon May 16, 2011 11:53 pm UTC

Heisenberg wrote:
sourmìlk wrote:Being stupid around your kids should be legal unless if actively harms them. Giving away all your stuff and living in poverty so that Jesus will accept you is actively harming them.

No. Actively harming them is beating them with a stick. Being poor is not a crime. Neither is giving to charity.


It's actively hurting them when they intentionally and unnecessarily dramatically reduce the child's living conditions.
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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby CorruptUser » Tue May 17, 2011 2:10 am UTC

Anyone who declared God or an Angel told them rapture would be on day X, would be executed on day X+1. Ah, if only I was supreme jackass King of the universe. Oh well, a man can dream...

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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby podbaydoor » Tue May 17, 2011 4:54 pm UTC

Well, now we KNOW the Rapture is going to happen, because Jesus and Mary Magdalene have reincarnated back on Earth.

At long last, Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene have returned. Or at least that's what one Australian couple wants you to think.

Cult watchers are keeping a close eye on the pair, actually named Alan John Miller and Mary Suzanne Luck, who under the title "Divine Truth" claim to be the second coming of the biblical figures.

"Just a little over 2000 years ago, we arrived on the Earth for the first time," Miller says on his website. "Because of my personal desire and passion for God, as I grew, I recognized not only that I was the Messiah that was foretold by ancient prophets, but also that I was in a process designed by God that all humans could follow, if they so desired."

Miller, 47, and Luck, 32, have drawn in between 30 and 40 disciples since moving to the Wilkesdale region of Queensland in 2007, the Courier Mail reports.

"I don't want to be Jesus. Who wants to be Jesus?" Miller told his followers. "But I love the divine truth."
tenet |ˈtenit|
noun
a principle or belief, esp. one of the main principles of a religion or philosophy : the tenets of classical liberalism.
tenant |ˈtenənt|
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a person who occupies land or property rented from a landlord.

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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby CorruptUser » Tue May 17, 2011 7:38 pm UTC

Quickly! Crucify him so that everyone can be sin-free, not just the Christians!

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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby the_bandersnatch » Tue May 17, 2011 7:49 pm UTC

CorruptUser wrote:Anyone who declared God or an Angel told them rapture would be on day X, would be executed on day X+1. Oh well, a man can dream...


I find your ideas interesting and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby mmmcannibalism » Tue May 17, 2011 11:15 pm UTC

podbaydoor wrote:Well, now we KNOW the Rapture is going to happen, because Jesus and Mary Magdalene have reincarnated back on Earth.

At long last, Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene have returned. Or at least that's what one Australian couple wants you to think.

Cult watchers are keeping a close eye on the pair, actually named Alan John Miller and Mary Suzanne Luck, who under the title "Divine Truth" claim to be the second coming of the biblical figures.

"Just a little over 2000 years ago, we arrived on the Earth for the first time," Miller says on his website. "Because of my personal desire and passion for God, as I grew, I recognized not only that I was the Messiah that was foretold by ancient prophets, but also that I was in a process designed by God that all humans could follow, if they so desired."

Miller, 47, and Luck, 32, have drawn in between 30 and 40 disciples since moving to the Wilkesdale region of Queensland in 2007, the Courier Mail reports.

"I don't want to be Jesus. Who wants to be Jesus?" Miller told his followers. "But I love the divine truth."


If this is true, they should know everything correct? So we could ask them to prove some obscenely hard math theorems as proof.
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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby charolastra » Wed May 18, 2011 1:05 am UTC

There is simply not enough time to plan a pre-Rapture cocaine induced orgy. Out of the question- it just has to be delayed until December 21, 2012.

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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby Aikanaro » Wed May 18, 2011 1:40 am UTC

mmmcannibalism wrote:
podbaydoor wrote:Well, now we KNOW the Rapture is going to happen, because Jesus and Mary Magdalene have reincarnated back on Earth.

At long last, Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene have returned. Or at least that's what one Australian couple wants you to think.

Cult watchers are keeping a close eye on the pair, actually named Alan John Miller and Mary Suzanne Luck, who under the title "Divine Truth" claim to be the second coming of the biblical figures.

"Just a little over 2000 years ago, we arrived on the Earth for the first time," Miller says on his website. "Because of my personal desire and passion for God, as I grew, I recognized not only that I was the Messiah that was foretold by ancient prophets, but also that I was in a process designed by God that all humans could follow, if they so desired."

Miller, 47, and Luck, 32, have drawn in between 30 and 40 disciples since moving to the Wilkesdale region of Queensland in 2007, the Courier Mail reports.

"I don't want to be Jesus. Who wants to be Jesus?" Miller told his followers. "But I love the divine truth."


If this is true, they should know everything correct? So we could ask them to prove some obscenely hard math theorems as proof.


Or just drop him off in the middle of a lake a few miles from shore, leave him to walk back home :P
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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby Shivahn » Wed May 18, 2011 1:59 am UTC

Aikanaro wrote:
mmmcannibalism wrote:
podbaydoor wrote:Well, now we KNOW the Rapture is going to happen, because Jesus and Mary Magdalene have reincarnated back on Earth.

At long last, Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene have returned. Or at least that's what one Australian couple wants you to think.

Cult watchers are keeping a close eye on the pair, actually named Alan John Miller and Mary Suzanne Luck, who under the title "Divine Truth" claim to be the second coming of the biblical figures.

"Just a little over 2000 years ago, we arrived on the Earth for the first time," Miller says on his website. "Because of my personal desire and passion for God, as I grew, I recognized not only that I was the Messiah that was foretold by ancient prophets, but also that I was in a process designed by God that all humans could follow, if they so desired."

Miller, 47, and Luck, 32, have drawn in between 30 and 40 disciples since moving to the Wilkesdale region of Queensland in 2007, the Courier Mail reports.

"I don't want to be Jesus. Who wants to be Jesus?" Miller told his followers. "But I love the divine truth."


If this is true, they should know everything correct? So we could ask them to prove some obscenely hard math theorems as proof.


Or just drop him off in the middle of a lake a few miles from shore, leave him to walk back home :P


That'd be mean. Maybe he's just in a larval state and will gain his powers over the next few days.

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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby Aikanaro » Wed May 18, 2011 2:04 am UTC

Then leave him on a raft, with food and (drinkable) water. He can walk home when he's good and ready.
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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby TheGrammarBolshevik » Wed May 18, 2011 2:15 am UTC

Aikanaro wrote:Also, does that mean that with a private jet, you can dodge it?

You don't have to be in a jet. Anyone making a trip east between 5 and 6 has a chance of making it.
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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby Aikanaro » Wed May 18, 2011 2:32 am UTC

TheGrammarBolshevik wrote:
Aikanaro wrote:Also, does that mean that with a private jet, you can dodge it?

You don't have to be in a jet. Anyone making a trip east between 5 and 6 has a chance of making it.

Yeah, but a little trickier, I think. With a jet, you can just avoid the sun the whole way through.
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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby podbaydoor » Wed May 18, 2011 2:40 am UTC

"Hey honey, I just crossed the international date line AND avoided the rapture! The jet lag's gonna be a beast, though."
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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby M1k3_Nix » Wed May 18, 2011 4:12 pm UTC

Aikanaro wrote:Then leave him on a raft, with food and (drinkable) water. He can walk home when he's good and ready.


He won't need food, in his previous life he went 40 days in the desert without any, why should this be any different (:

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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby Telchar » Thu May 19, 2011 10:00 pm UTC

Man I wish I was a more enterprising aetheist. These guys are making a fortune for doing nothing.

You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each
Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

We are currently active in 26 states, employing 40 pet rescuers. Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet's natural life.
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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby Vaskafdt » Fri May 20, 2011 3:49 am UTC

well.. I saw a picture online that had a great suggestion.
Spoiler:
Rapture! May 21st, 5:45pm, release hundreds of helium filled sex dolls across the nation.

here is a (NSFW link)
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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby poxic » Fri May 20, 2011 3:58 am UTC

I was just invited to an End of the World Party this Saturday. Well, it's not going to be anything extraordinary, just a small group of us usual suspects noodling away the afternoon in a buddy's garage (on musical equipment, that is). Still, the afternoon's title was pretty much a given. :D

And I will absolutely mention the helium-filled sex doll thing. Maybe we'll be able to improvise something to go along. 5:45pm, eh? Hmm... we could maybe open the door and windows and play something that sounds suitably heavenly. Or suitably hellish.

Heh. Heeheehee. HahahaHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHAHAHAHAha heeheehee hee heh.
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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby Sheikh al-Majaneen » Fri May 20, 2011 4:31 am UTC

Rapture parties, the sex doll balloons...what is the point of this stupidity? It isn't the Westboro Baptist church doing this, just people wanting the end to come sooner than it will. Not that I don't feel the same way (as the people wanting the rapture to happen soon, not the mockers) in that regard, but judgement day will happen on God's time, not mine.

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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby kinigget » Fri May 20, 2011 4:51 am UTC

^
A textbook example of Completely Missing the Pointtm

Hindsight edit: I'd say this makes an oddly fitting 666'th post, wouldn't you?
Last edited by kinigget on Fri May 20, 2011 5:40 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby Sheikh al-Majaneen » Fri May 20, 2011 5:04 am UTC

kinigget wrote:^
A textbook example of Completely Missing the Pointtm

Spell it out for me.

(yes, I know farmers left their fields unploughed in the days of the Roman Empire because they thought Judgement Day was very very near, and there have been a hundred predictions of judgement day since then too. If that's The Point You Think I Am Completely Missingtm, I still stand by mine.)

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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby phlip » Fri May 20, 2011 5:14 am UTC

(A) The Rapture almost certainly isn't actually going to happen on Saturday. I doubt I need to spell out that point, but there it is anyway, just to be sure.
(B) For whatever reason, this particular rapture prediction has gotten a bit more traction with the media and the Internet meme pump than some of the previous ones. There is probably no particular reason for this - what does and doesn't become a meme has a significant component of randomness involved.
(C) <Insert all the usual justification for how memes can be funny, in their own right, here>
(D) The rapture being a meme gives the excuse to (1) throw a party, (2) make the world a weirder place, and (3) generally have some fun. All of which are entirely enjoyable things to do on any justification, however slim.

Hopefully I covered what you were asking in there somewhere? It's sorta hard to tell.

Unfortunately, the joke may have been injured via being explained in this post. My condolances to its family for their loss.

Code: Select all

enum ಠ_ಠ {°□°╰=1, °Д°╰, ಠ益ಠ╰};
void ┻━┻︵​╰(ಠ_ಠ ⚠) {exit((int)⚠);}
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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby Sheikh al-Majaneen » Fri May 20, 2011 5:24 am UTC

I understood all that implicitly, but didn't see why it was actually funny. I like teasing and mocking people who will mock back rather than get offended or angry. Plus empathy.

Also, in regards to B, the answer is because its very nearly right now. People are out on street corners with the signs and their cars are covered with it.

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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby phlip » Fri May 20, 2011 5:32 am UTC

Sheikh al-Majaneen wrote:I understood all that implicitly, but didn't see why it was actually funny.

It's funny because it's an Internet meme. Also, it's an Internet meme because it's funny. See point C in my previous post for reasons how that isn't just circular reasoning.

Sheikh al-Majaneen wrote:Also, in regards to B, the answer is because its very nearly right now. People are out on street corners with the signs and their cars are covered with it.

My point with that is that last time the rapture was predicted to be very nearly right now, there wasn't nearly as much interest in it as this time around...
Last edited by phlip on Fri May 20, 2011 5:37 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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enum ಠ_ಠ {°□°╰=1, °Д°╰, ಠ益ಠ╰};
void ┻━┻︵​╰(ಠ_ಠ ⚠) {exit((int)⚠);}
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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby achan1058 » Fri May 20, 2011 5:34 am UTC

Does this mean that I don't have to do that school work that's due in a few days?

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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby Vaskafdt » Fri May 20, 2011 5:41 am UTC

phlip wrote:My point with that is that last time the rapture was predicted to be very nearly right now, there wasn't nearly as much interest in it as this time around...

there was less internet back then.

achan1058 wrote:Does this mean that I don't have to do that school work that's due in a few days?

no. it means you should hurry up and complete it before the rapture if you want to be on the winning* side.


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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby phlip » Fri May 20, 2011 5:48 am UTC

Vaskafdt wrote:there was less internet back then.

I guess that's technically true, but not significantly so, I mean, it was only a couple of years ago. At least, I think so. I mean, I distinctly remember having discussions here on xkcd about a previous predicted rapture and/or end-of-the-world event, and I've only been here a few years. Search is failing me, though, I can't find the threads.

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enum ಠ_ಠ {°□°╰=1, °Д°╰, ಠ益ಠ╰};
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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby Vaskafdt » Fri May 20, 2011 6:01 am UTC

phlip wrote:
Vaskafdt wrote:there was less internet back then.

I guess that's technically true, but not significantly so, I mean, it was only a couple of years ago. At least, I think so. I mean, I distinctly remember having discussions here on xkcd about a previous predicted rapture and/or end-of-the-world event, and I've only been here a few years. Search is failing me, though, I can't find the threads.


I just used the Wikipedia list posted above as to the last significant failed prediction. (1994 two of them that year)

tho I'm not disagreeing with your general post.. just bringing up a hypothesis for an explanation to point B
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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby phlip » Fri May 20, 2011 6:10 am UTC

Well, maybe I'm misremembering. But on the other hand, if I'm remembering right, and there was a rapture prediction a couple of years ago that didn't make nearly as big a splash, I wouldn't be surprised for it to not appear on a list of "significant" predictions.

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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby Vaskafdt » Fri May 20, 2011 6:23 am UTC

phlip wrote:Well, maybe I'm misremembering. But on the other hand, if I'm remembering right, and there was a rapture prediction a couple of years ago that didn't make nearly as big a splash, I wouldn't be surprised for it to not appear on a list of "significant" predictions.


that just stinks of circular logic, it didn't get notable because it didn't get notable.. otherwise it would have been noted.

here's another list: http://www.bible.ca/pre-date-setters.htm

edit: this list has more entries.. also, someone should make an online countdown clock that automatically resets to the next event on this list every time a new one appears.


edit 2: from that same link.
Spoiler:
May 21st, 2011 will be the day God shuts the door of salvation on the world.

In other words, in having the great tribulation period conclude on a day that identifies with the 17th day of the 2nd month of Noah's calendar, God is without question confirming to us that this is the day He intends to shut forever the door of entry into heaven: The Bible teaches that on May 21st, 2011, only true believers elected by God to receive salvation will be raptured (taken up) out of this world to meet the Lord in the air and forever be with the Lord:
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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby Tirian » Fri May 20, 2011 10:49 am UTC

phlip wrote:(B) For whatever reason, this particular rapture prediction has gotten a bit more traction with the media and the Internet meme pump than some of the previous ones. There is probably no particular reason for this - what does and doesn't become a meme has a significant component of randomness involved.


Well, Harold Camping isn't just some J. Random Minister, he's the president of a Christian radio network with 150 affiliates. Another unusual facet is that the money he raised for awareness went into thousands of billboards placed around the world which I suppose would be a conversation starter if you lived near one of them.

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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby phlip » Fri May 20, 2011 11:05 am UTC

Ah, I guess that would do it...

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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby Radical_Initiator » Fri May 20, 2011 12:53 pm UTC

Tirian wrote:
phlip wrote:(B) For whatever reason, this particular rapture prediction has gotten a bit more traction with the media and the Internet meme pump than some of the previous ones. There is probably no particular reason for this - what does and doesn't become a meme has a significant component of randomness involved.


Well, Harold Camping isn't just some J. Random Minister, he's the president of a Christian radio network with 150 affiliates. Another unusual facet is that the money he raised for awareness went into thousands of billboards placed around the world which I suppose would be a conversation starter if you lived near one of them.


The latter is the case with me - whenever I go grocery shopping, I pass by one of the Judgment Day billboards, and that is what got me thinking in the first place.
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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby Zamfir » Fri May 20, 2011 1:00 pm UTC

I know I guy named Camping. Every once in a while, his colleagues would put a picture of a tent next to his office name plate, and he gets mad as hell.
Last edited by Zamfir on Fri May 20, 2011 1:12 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Everything Must GO! One Week until the Rapture!

Postby Avin » Fri May 20, 2011 1:06 pm UTC

Anyone planning on submitting a http://www.rapturefail.org/ ?


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