ShootTheChicken wrote:So yeah, I re-assert that parents who want this for their children are shitty parents.
I don't think that's entirely fair. I can think of at least one pair of parents who are absolutely fantastic at their job--providing a wealth of emotional (and financial!) support for their children--doing everything in their power to ensure that their children succeed and prosper, and become more responsible, well-rounded adults in the process. They just happen to also be fundamentalist Christians who gave their children a religious education rather than a secular one.
I think it's totally fair to call that specific decision a 'shitty parenting move
', but I don't think it's fair to pass judgment on the totality of their parenting because of one very glaring mistake on their record (even if that mistake is one they've yet to realize was
a mistake). People are complex--they deserve better than to be dismissed based on a decision like this.
But I agree with the spirit of what you're saying (i.e., this is definitely a shitty thing to do to your children, and I wish people wouldn't do it), just not the label. And that's just because I've met and interacted with parents who did this to their children, but were otherwise exceptionally good
at their job.
(I also am not comfortable describing it as child abuse, largely because the children and adults who have gone through it probably wouldn't describe it as such, and I think that their input is the critical information we need to make that decision)