It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

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It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby CorruptUser » Wed Aug 03, 2011 4:01 am UTC

Battleship the movie

What
The
Fuck

For those that don't want to click, basically, now that Hollywood has exhausted the comic-book goldmine, somehow, they are now making movies based on boardgames.

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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby poxic » Wed Aug 03, 2011 4:04 am UTC

INCOMING LARGE RED PEG! That's the third -- if one more hits, we're DOOMED!

:?
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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby Eseell » Wed Aug 03, 2011 4:05 am UTC

I wonder who has optioned the rights to Settlers of Catan.
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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby pseudoidiot » Wed Aug 03, 2011 4:06 am UTC

I'm holding out for Checkers: The Movie.
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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby CorruptUser » Wed Aug 03, 2011 4:07 am UTC

Image

There's at least 3 movies and a prequel in that...

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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby The Mighty Thesaurus » Wed Aug 03, 2011 4:09 am UTC

CorruptUser wrote:Battleship the movie

What
The
Fuck

For those that don't want to click, basically, now that Hollywood has exhausted the comic-book goldmine, somehow, they are now making movies based on boardgames.

Now? Clue[do] was turned into a film back in the 80s
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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby jakovasaur » Wed Aug 03, 2011 4:10 am UTC

Doesn't seem based on the game at all, and looks better than Transformers, to be honest.

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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby Jahoclave » Wed Aug 03, 2011 4:15 am UTC

The Mighty Thesaurus wrote:
CorruptUser wrote:Battleship the movie

What
The
Fuck

For those that don't want to click, basically, now that Hollywood has exhausted the comic-book goldmine, somehow, they are now making movies based on boardgames.

Now? Clue[do] was turned into a film back in the 80s

That at least had some semblance of a plot to go with the game to start with. This, I don't know what the fuck you'd call this.

Especially, since, well, since when the fuck were their alien armadas in battleship? Is this some new fangled version because kids are too fucking stupid to figure out a grid system?

Also, given that the Navy doesn't use battleships anymore, I see a slight problem with their modernist setting.

Quiet frankly I think they should subtitle this: We don't have the rights to Transformers.

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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby CorruptUser » Wed Aug 03, 2011 4:19 am UTC

Much rather see a Warhammer 40k movie. Must be 20 movies worth in that...

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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby Jahoclave » Wed Aug 03, 2011 4:26 am UTC

CorruptUser wrote:Much rather see a Warhammer 40k movie. Must be 20 movies worth in that...

Especially if they did them well. As in, instead of letting Micheal Bay be alive they chopped up his body, fed it to ravenous carnivores, burned the carnivores, and then shot the ashes into Alpha Centauri.

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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby ShootTheChicken » Wed Aug 03, 2011 4:46 am UTC

As long as they kept away from the Space Marines. Space Marines are pretty old hat.
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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby poxic » Wed Aug 03, 2011 4:52 am UTC

Jahoclave wrote:As in, instead of letting Micheal Bay be alive they chopped up his body, fed it to ravenous carnivores, burned the carnivores, and then shot the ashes into Alpha Centauri.

Hey, that has movie potential. You looking for funding?
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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby Jahoclave » Wed Aug 03, 2011 4:54 am UTC

poxic wrote:
Jahoclave wrote:As in, instead of letting Micheal Bay be alive they chopped up his body, fed it to ravenous carnivores, burned the carnivores, and then shot the ashes into Alpha Centauri.

Hey, that has movie potential. You looking for funding?

Actually, yes. I'll have a script done later this year if you buy the option.

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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby Anonymously Famous » Wed Aug 03, 2011 5:01 am UTC

Minesweeper, the Movie.

The above link is a spoof, but it's well done.

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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby poxic » Wed Aug 03, 2011 5:06 am UTC

Jahoclave wrote:Actually, yes. I'll have a script done later this year if you buy the option.

*looks in wallet* I got ten bucks. Can you do it for that?

We might have to limit distribution to YouTube.
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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby CorruptUser » Wed Aug 03, 2011 5:23 am UTC

I can only think of a few reasons for how this movie got greenlit.

1) Some psychology students are doing a social experiment
2) Producers actually are morons
3) There are eccentric billionaires gambling with each other over things like this
4) Someone thinks this will be like Snakes on a Plane, despite that not being a success
5) Liam Neeson fucked the wrong man's wife and that man created this movie to punish him

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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby folkhero » Wed Aug 03, 2011 5:31 am UTC

6) after the transformers movies, movie studios and toy companies decided that they could make a lot of money by producing two hour long toy commercials that people have to pay money to see.
To all law enforcement entities, this is not an admission of guilt...

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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby poxic » Wed Aug 03, 2011 5:31 am UTC

7) ANYTHING FOR NAME RECOGNITION
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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby folkhero » Wed Aug 03, 2011 5:35 am UTC

Actually, I think the worst part of this movie is the fact that they made Tim Riggens cut his sexy, sexy hair.
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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby Telchar » Wed Aug 03, 2011 5:56 am UTC

Jahoclave wrote:
The Mighty Thesaurus wrote:
CorruptUser wrote:Battleship the movie

What
The
Fuck

For those that don't want to click, basically, now that Hollywood has exhausted the comic-book goldmine, somehow, they are now making movies based on boardgames.

Now? Clue[do] was turned into a film back in the 80s

That at least had Tim Curry


FTFY
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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby Jahoclave » Wed Aug 03, 2011 5:58 am UTC

poxic wrote:
Jahoclave wrote:Actually, yes. I'll have a script done later this year if you buy the option.

*looks in wallet* I got ten bucks. Can you do it for that?

We might have to limit distribution to YouTube.


Well let's see, youtube has a ten minute limit for normal accounts. Yeah, I can do a dollar a minute script.

I think I'd rather see the minesweeper movie.

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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby Technical Ben » Wed Aug 03, 2011 7:43 am UTC

Um. Crysis much? It's practically the Crysis game story from the perspective of the Ship captain instead of the super soldier. With convenient copyright avoiding changes. IE, not Korea, and um, the bubble is over the ship and island instead of just the island. They are the only two differences I can see. :lol:
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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby GenericPseudonym » Wed Aug 03, 2011 9:53 am UTC

It seems to me that the movie shares its name with a board game not because it's a movie about a board game, but because the game itself happens to have an actual English word for its name.

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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby Felstaff » Wed Aug 03, 2011 9:59 am UTC

It's not going to be a hit. I can see this movie bombing. I've got a sinking feeling. I'll give this one a miss.
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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby AvatarIII » Wed Aug 03, 2011 10:02 am UTC

ShootTheChicken wrote:As long as they kept away from the Space Marines. Space Marines are pretty old hat.


i hear the CGI Ultramarines movie was crap, so you are probably right.

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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby Plasma Man » Wed Aug 03, 2011 12:05 pm UTC

Please note that despite the lovely avatar Sungura gave me, I am not a medical doctor.

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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby Izawwlgood » Wed Aug 03, 2011 12:12 pm UTC

So, Hollywood has decided to make a film about the military fighting some awesome looking alien...

I'm not seeing how this is a bad thing.
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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby Sockmonkey » Wed Aug 03, 2011 12:44 pm UTC

Felstaff wrote:It's not going to be a hit. I can see this movie bombing. I've got a sinking feeling. I'll give this one a miss.

Cleverly done but you took it a hair too far. Crank up the subtlety about ten to fifteen percent and it's perfect.

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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby Glass Fractal » Wed Aug 03, 2011 1:12 pm UTC

GenericPseudonym wrote:It seems to me that the movie shares its name with a board game not because it's a movie about a board game, but because the game itself happens to have an actual English word for its name.


No. The first clue is that missiles are shaped like the pegs from the game, the second clue is that Hasbro is involved.

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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby philsov » Wed Aug 03, 2011 1:18 pm UTC

The climax will occur when all that remains is the lone PT boat getting by by fooling the enemy into them already being dead. As the missiles systematically edge closer and closer to both their ship and the truth, the lone PT boat fires off a glorious hail mary missile for a direct hit. The enemy captain cries out "YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP" as his armada sinks to the lurky depths below and the PT boat solemnly putters back home with their friends and comrades avenged.
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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby Gears » Wed Aug 03, 2011 1:25 pm UTC

The Navy just wants a chance to look cool. The Army fought transformers, Air Force was in iron man, Marines fought the Battle of Los Angeles. Bam there's where your funding came from.
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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby ShootTheChicken » Wed Aug 03, 2011 1:28 pm UTC

The twist will come when it turns out one of the admirals stacked all his ships on top of eachother!
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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby rigwarl » Wed Aug 03, 2011 1:31 pm UTC

The climax will occur when all that remains is the lone PT boat getting by by fooling the enemy into them already being dead. As the missiles systematically edge closer and closer to both their ship and the truth, the lone PT boat fires off a glorious hail mary missile for a direct hit. The enemy captain cries out "YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP" as his armada sinks to the lurky depths below and the PT boat solemnly putters back home with their friends and comrades avenged.


When I was younger it annoyed me that the patrol boat was the best ship.
Last edited by rigwarl on Wed Aug 03, 2011 1:58 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby Endless Mike » Wed Aug 03, 2011 1:50 pm UTC

Here is what almost certainly happened: the studio optioned the rights to Battleship at some point when they had some spare cash and wanted to buy some rights, as often happens. Come 2008 or so, someone started to put together a story treatment for a movie about the Navy fighting aliens. Some studio head noticed they had the rights to Battleship, and said "Hey, guess what! You're writing the Battleship movie!" At which point they got some dude at Hasbro to make some changes, and they'll add a handful of token references to the game (I'm betting there will be scenes where they fire missiles around the aliens to determine their location and also someone will say "They sunk my battleship!").

This is essentially the story behind Starship Troopers.

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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby Dauric » Wed Aug 03, 2011 1:53 pm UTC

rigwarl wrote:
The climax will occur when all that remains is the lone PT boat getting by by fooling the enemy into them already being dead. As the missiles systematically edge closer and closer to both their ship and the truth, the lone PT boat fires off a glorious hail mary missile for a direct hit. The enemy captain cries out "YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP" as his armada sinks to the lurky depths below and the PT boat solemnly putters back home with their friends and comrades avenged.


When I was younger it annoyed me that the patrol boat was the best ship.

It won't be the patrol boat, it'll be that Zodiac inflatable raft they keep showing in the trailer. After all the Zodiac raft is too small to have a hole to put a peg in.
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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby Technical Ben » Wed Aug 03, 2011 2:01 pm UTC

Felstaff wrote:It's not going to be a hit. I can see this movie bombing. I've got a sinking feeling. I'll give this one a miss.

You just won the thread. I'll skip on the battleship references in my own post, because frankly, you've covered them all.
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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby Felstaff » Wed Aug 03, 2011 2:07 pm UTC

I aim to please.
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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby jakovasaur » Wed Aug 03, 2011 2:12 pm UTC

Endless Mike wrote:Here is what almost certainly happened: the studio optioned the rights to Battleship at some point when they had some spare cash and wanted to buy some rights, as often happens. Come 2008 or so, someone started to put together a story treatment for a movie about the Navy fighting aliens. Some studio head noticed they had the rights to Battleship, and said "Hey, guess what! You're writing the Battleship movie!" At which point they got some dude at Hasbro to make some changes, and they'll add a handful of token references to the game (I'm betting there will be scenes where they fire missiles around the aliens to determine their location and also someone will say "They sunk my battleship!").

This is essentially the story behind Starship Troopers.

Nope. After Transformers, Universal and Hasbro made a deal to make multiple board game movies.

ETA: Here's the link. They agreed to make 4 movies, drawing from such source material as Battleship, Monopoly, Clue, Ouija Board, Candyland, Magic: The Gathering, and Stretch Armstrong.
Last edited by jakovasaur on Wed Aug 03, 2011 2:20 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby Tractor » Wed Aug 03, 2011 2:18 pm UTC

Felstaff wrote:I aim to please.


I'm surprised you had any more after your opening salvo.
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Re: It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

Postby rigwarl » Wed Aug 03, 2011 2:20 pm UTC

Felstaff keeps his assets well-hidden.


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