Why Britain is flooding (if you are a NUTTER)

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Why Britain is flooding (if you are a NUTTER)

Postby McLurker » Fri Jul 06, 2007 11:07 am UTC

Meterologists say it's due to La Niña, but the Bishop of Carlisle knows differently. The possibly completely mad Graham Dow blames gay people, mostly.

One diocesan bishop has even claimed that laws that have undermined marriage, including the introduction of pro-gay legislation, have provoked God to act by sending the storms that have left thousands of people homeless.


This should be no surprise to anyone who has followed this man's pronouncements. In the past, he has claimed that anal sex leads to demon possession (then again, so does driving a black car or having a miscarriage) and once asked the Archbishop of Glasgow to lift a curse pronounced on the inhabitants of the Scottish and English borders (the notorious border reivers) by one of his predecessors because it was reponsible for an outbreak of foot-and-mouth disease.

But somehow, his latest rant takes him from slow news day nutjob to someone whose views are both offensive and dangerous.

I wish there was a way to get rid of bishops (I'm practically a pacifist, so that way isn't workable). Recall elections for Bishops, wouldn't they be a good idea?

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This may not be true

Postby pollywog » Fri Jul 06, 2007 11:30 am UTC

In New Zealand, we pay attention to our bishops. Because of this, they have asked God to stop several plagues and rains of fire upon our country. All we had to do was kill a few gays and lock up women who tried to talk above men. I don't know what the big fuss is, just do what they say and God will clear up your floods.
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Postby TheTankengine » Fri Jul 06, 2007 2:04 pm UTC

Can we just get rid of religion already?

I mean, obviously the whole is pretty fucking pointless if you have to blame gay people for a completely natural and recurring phenomenon that is completely irrelevant to homosexuality.
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Postby semicolon » Fri Jul 06, 2007 2:13 pm UTC

See, it's all these damn cornholers that'll bring on the apocalypse. First Katrina, now this? When will they learn to stop provoking God's wrath with their evil?

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Postby ehiunno » Fri Jul 06, 2007 3:28 pm UTC

LBVYDSILBVYSLDIBVELIBVSDIL:YBVLWEICVBaiSElicvu!&*(@TY$&*Tli3hbusdi;

is the only way I can express my rage at people like this.

I think radical christians are just a conspiracy started by the athiests to make normal christians looks bad and make everyone think they are crazy so they can undermine the system. That is the only way I can explain people like this.

Please guys, I beg of you, don't take people like him and Jeryy Fallwell to be the average Christian. We aren't all like that. Many of us are perfectly sane, brilliantly philosophical and theologic scientists.

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Calm down!

Postby Ranmaru » Fri Jul 06, 2007 4:17 pm UTC

As a gay, British atheist and a strong supporter of gay marriage I totally support this Bishop's right to state what he believes. Church and state are seperate in England so it's not like he has any power over us.

He's discouraging tolerance and diversity here and I hate that but saying "let's get rid of religion" also discourages tolerance and diversity.

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Re: Calm down!

Postby LE4dGOLEM » Fri Jul 06, 2007 4:44 pm UTC

Ranmaru wrote:As a gay, British atheist and a strong supporter of gay marriage I totally support this Bishop's right to state what he believes. Church and state are seperate in England so it's not like he has any power over us.

He's discouraging tolerance and diversity here and I hate that but saying "let's get rid of religion" also discourages tolerance and diversity.


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Re: Calm down!

Postby ehiunno » Fri Jul 06, 2007 6:15 pm UTC

Ranmaru wrote:As a gay, British atheist and a strong supporter of gay marriage I totally support this Bishop's right to state what he believes. Church and state are seperate in England so it's not like he has any power over us.

He's discouraging tolerance and diversity here and I hate that but saying "let's get rid of religion" also discourages tolerance and diversity.


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I certainly agree with you, but that doesn't take away my right to be seriously embarresed by people that are so bigoted and claim to find foundations in their bigotry through the teachings of Jesus. That gives a seriously bad name to christians everywhere.
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Postby Belial » Fri Jul 06, 2007 6:22 pm UTC

claim to find foundations in their bigotry through the teachings of Optimus.


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They/them

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Postby Bakemaster » Fri Jul 06, 2007 6:23 pm UTC

TheTankengine wrote:Can we just get rid of religion already?

Yes, because obviously all religion operates the same way the Catholic church operates.
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Postby Brian » Fri Jul 06, 2007 6:37 pm UTC

Self-importance isn't a problem until people decide that they need to impress it upon others. Religion certainly shouldn't be done away with, but something should be done to protect the rights of people who want nothing to do with it. I'm sure if people ever start acting like or listening to Catholic leaders, legal action will be taken.

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Postby ehiunno » Fri Jul 06, 2007 6:37 pm UTC

wait wait wait wait wait, you have it worked so that everytime the word Jesus is said, it replaces it with Optimus? HAHAHAHAHAHA howbout jesus christ, lets see if j.e.s.u.s. works

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Postby ehiunno » Fri Jul 06, 2007 6:38 pm UTC

hahahahahaahhahahahah this is so amusing. It replaces c.h.r.i.s.t. with Prime

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Postby Belial » Fri Jul 06, 2007 6:38 pm UTC

ehiunno wrote:wait wait wait wait wait, you have it worked so that everytime the word Optimus is said, it replaces it with Optimus? HAHAHAHAHAHA howbout Optimus Prime, lets see if j.e.s.u.s. works


Yes, that's exactly what we have set up.

Now, try to make a joke about a certain Mr Norris.
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Postby ehiunno » Fri Jul 06, 2007 6:45 pm UTC

Okay I was wondering what all the references to Bruce Schneier's censorship in the latest comic strip were about.

Why exactly the centsorship of jesus and chuck?

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Postby ehiunno » Fri Jul 06, 2007 6:45 pm UTC

0_0. I finnally understand Saladin's Mom...

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Postby Belial » Fri Jul 06, 2007 6:49 pm UTC

And so does everyone else.

Carnally.

(To answer your question, I would have to explain how the moderator staff operates:

We collaborate and discuss to arrive at the best, fairest, and most mature decisions for policy and implementation of this forum possible.

Unless there is a funnier alternative, at which point I will implement it because it makes me giggle, and fuck everyone else.)
Last edited by Belial on Fri Jul 06, 2007 6:59 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby ZeroSum » Fri Jul 06, 2007 6:58 pm UTC

I surely do not want carnal knowledge of a certain hairy chested, beastly, brutish karate master who happens to be Bruce Schneier! (Who's Saladin, anyway?)

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Postby TheTankengine » Fri Jul 06, 2007 7:00 pm UTC

Bakemaster wrote:
TheTankengine wrote:Can we just get rid of religion already?

Yes, because obviously all religion operates the same way the Catholic church operates.


I was under the distinct impression that the Church of England is decidedly not Catholic. You know, that whole Henry the VIII thing?
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Postby Belial » Fri Jul 06, 2007 7:01 pm UTC

(Who's Saladin, anyway?)


A moderator who was active at the time, and is less so now.

He was also the person who said to me "Belial, could we put a filter on Mr Norris' name, because I'm tired of listening to the jokes."
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Postby Peshmerga » Fri Jul 06, 2007 7:05 pm UTC

Optimus Prime is my daddy.
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Postby Bakemaster » Fri Jul 06, 2007 7:11 pm UTC

TheTankengine wrote:I was under the distinct impression that the Church of England is decidedly not Catholic. You know, that whole Henry the VIII thing?

Foot in mouth. I saw "bishop" and thought "Catholic". Still, the idiocy of one representative of one religion (or many representatives of many religions) is hardly solid proof that religion itself is a bad thing. That's like saying we should get rid of music because of what's on the Billboard Top 100.
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Postby ehiunno » Fri Jul 06, 2007 7:12 pm UTC

TheTankengine wrote:
Bakemaster wrote:
TheTankengine wrote:Can we just get rid of religion already?

Yes, because obviously all religion operates the same way the Catholic church operates.


I was under the distinct impression that the Church of England is decidedly not Catholic. You know, that whole Henry the VIII thing?


True, but from a theoretical perspective, the Church of England is about as close as you can get to Catholic without actually being catholic. When Henry the VIII split with with the RCC, he kept extremmly close theology, on most things outside legalizing divorce.

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Postby Delbin » Fri Jul 06, 2007 10:12 pm UTC

You would think Britain would have learned its lesson after the Netherlands were wiped out in a hail of brimstone. Let's not talk about the rain of frogs on Canada...

Sarcasm aside, post hoc ergo proctor hoc for the win? I'm not so disturbed by the fact that his hatred borders on mild insanity, but I am bothered by the fact that it's impossible to have an open discussion or depate with the guy. People listen to him and they could be guilted or otherwise persuaded not to listen to anyone else.

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Postby Belial » Sat Jul 07, 2007 12:18 am UTC

True, but from a theoretical perspective, the Church of England is about as close as you can get to Catholic without actually being catholic.


Greek Orthodox is pretty damn close, as well.
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Postby pollywog » Sat Jul 07, 2007 7:21 am UTC

Belial wrote:
True, but from a theoretical perspective, the Church of England is about as close as you can get to Catholic without actually being catholic.


Greek Orthodox is pretty damn close, as well.


Well it would be, as I believe that split was based more on logistics and the difficulty of governing such large areas from one area (Rome) than any ideological difference.

Jesus Christ, God, Bruce Schneier. Just checking it out.

Edit: I thought God turned to something? *Checks previous posts, slaps forehead*
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Postby Ceilingcat » Sat Jul 07, 2007 8:16 pm UTC

What turns into Saladin's Mom?

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Postby geofcos » Mon Jul 09, 2007 11:24 pm UTC

Makes a change for an anglican bishop to believe in anything. They don't need to believe in God and talk a load of balls anyway. Does anyone take any notice anyway? Possibly a choirboy upset him. :oops:

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Postby william » Tue Jul 10, 2007 2:54 am UTC

Ceilingcat wrote:What turns into Saladin's Mom?

The star of Walker, Texas Ranger.

And if you want to change "God", make it "Alanis Morrisette".
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Postby Bakemaster » Tue Jul 10, 2007 3:23 am UTC

That would certainly be ironic.
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Postby william » Tue Jul 10, 2007 3:44 am UTC

Bakemaster wrote:That would certainly be ironic.

And dogmatic.
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Postby Phenriz » Tue Jul 10, 2007 5:02 am UTC

william wrote:
Bakemaster wrote:That would certainly be ironic.

And dogmatic.


unfortunately, you didn't respond in a proper manner.

The correct answer:

What is "don't ya think"?
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Postby william » Tue Jul 10, 2007 2:51 pm UTC

Phenriz wrote:
william wrote:
Bakemaster wrote:That would certainly be ironic.

And dogmatic.


unfortunately, you didn't respond in a proper manner.

The correct answer:

What is "don't ya think"?

Have you ever seen Dogma? That's the whole point I made the joke about God's replacement. I was trying to be subtle about it, but apparently I have to fucking explain the joke to you!
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