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Teacher lives with former student

Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 1:03 pm UTC
by kiklion
link:
http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/teache ... 00504.html

Had a very similar event at my school district. A man who taught in MS, became a counselor in HS 2 years later and left his fiance for a student when she turned 18. Only there wasn't any uproar about it in our district. Also he was much younger, he wasn't 41 he was 26(?), I know it was under 30.

Re: Teacher lives with former student

Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 1:07 pm UTC
by Elvish Pillager
Well, as long as it's a consensual relationship, I have nothing to add. Except, his name is "Hooker"? Really? :P

Re: Teacher lives with former student

Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 1:09 pm UTC
by Belial
The profession was named for the surname.

Re: Teacher lives with former student

Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 1:16 pm UTC
by Elvish Pillager
It's just close enough to be funny, but just far enough away to not make any sense. She's not paying him to do this, is she?

Re: Teacher lives with former student

Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 2:22 pm UTC
by Gears
Jordan met her teacher as a freshman, but both maintain nothing physical happened until she turned 18 this past September. Hooker claims he saw Powers as "just a student" and had no romantic feelings toward her at first, but when her most recent birthday came around, things changed.
I'm sure.

I wonder what happens when these two inevitably break up, and Mr. Hooker is left with no family, no Jordan, and no job.

Re: Teacher lives with former student

Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 4:03 pm UTC
by Роберт
kiklion wrote:Only there wasn't any uproar about it in our district. Also he was much younger, he wasn't 41 he was 26(?), I know it was under 30.

You just answered why there wasn't an uproar. He almost met the half plus 7 rule. Huge age gaps creep some people out. Not sure why, but I guess it's the assumed power differential.

Also, he didn't leave a wife and kids, just a fiance. Not nearly as bad.

The Hooker guy:
left his wife and three kids (one of them a 17-year-old [female] Enochs high school student as well) so that he could move in with Jordan.

Re: Teacher lives with former student

Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 4:55 pm UTC
by Diadem
The man is most likely a major douchebag. But all this hysterics from the mother about how her girl needs to be saved etc, etc is not needed. It's understandable, parents worrying about their kids is natural. But she's 18. Teenagers making stupid relationships decisions is pretty normal, and nothing to worry about. Either he turns out to be a nice man after all (not likely) or she'll eventually break up with him (much more likely).

Assuming, of course, the mother raised the girl to be an independent young woman. And, admittedly, if the girl was one of those unfortunate souls who received abstinence only eduction, there might be rather more cause for concern.

Re: Teacher lives with former student

Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 5:08 pm UTC
by Zamfir
I have seen a bit too many of such power-difference relations go nastily wrong, and with serious emotional problems for the weaker partner. It can be very hard to start trusting people again, if you have experience of being blinded by love and manipulated by someone who was in far more control than you were. Especially if it's a first serious relationship.

Re: Teacher lives with former student

Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 5:31 pm UTC
by Роберт
Zamfir wrote:I have seen a bit too many of such power-difference relations go nastily wrong, and with serious emotional problems for the weaker partner. It can be very hard to start trusting people again, if you have experience of being blinded by love and manipulated by someone who was in far more control than you were. Especially if it's a first serious relationship.

Sure... that's why a lot of the relationships that are like 50 year old and 20 year old or whatever sound potentially problematic if you think about it rationally, but there's kind of a gut instinct revulsion many people have to this just like they do with other "deviant"* sexual behavior and I'm not sure why that's there. Like I said, it may be the power differential assumption.

* In scare quotes because I can't think of a better term but I'm not happy with it

Re: Teacher lives with former student

Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 5:56 pm UTC
by Zamfir
Yeah, I think I know what you mean. If you have a gut-feeling reaction against some unusual sexual practice, it can't hurt to examine how such sense that feeling makes. On the other hand, the conclusion can well be that the gut-feeling makes sense.

I actually know (very vaguely) a high school teacher who hooked up with a student of his when she was just old enough, and it ended happily ever after. I am not sure about the exact age difference, but it was more than the 26-18 mentioned above.

But that truly is a gamble, and making a gamble that ends well doesn't make it less of a gamble. Teacher-student relations can easily develop a sexual undertone, with the emotional power differential pretty much built in. It's a situation where people on both sides can't think straight, but also where most of the decision is taken by the teacher figure, and most of the emotional damage if things go wrong goes to the student.

That's why teaching organizations tend to have have strict policies about relations with students. It's common, it's tempting, it's easy to convince yourself that this time is special.

Re: Teacher lives with former student

Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 6:17 pm UTC
by ShortChelsea
I know that the mom is probably creeped out and wants what is best for her daughter, but I think that investigating the relationship when she's now eighteen and trying to make a big stink of it on facebook isn't the answer.

Re: Teacher lives with former student

Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 6:59 pm UTC
by Роберт
ShortChelsea wrote:I know that the mom is probably creeped out and wants what is best for her daughter, but I think that investigating the relationship when she's now eighteen and trying to make a big stink of it on facebook isn't the answer.

There's evidence that the relationship was more than the typical teacher-student relationship BEFORE she turned 18. Or do most male teachers let older female students sit on their laps?

Re: Teacher lives with former student

Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 1:32 am UTC
by Metaphysician
The biggest concern here is the power gap. Granted, he's (now) resigned from his position as a teacher, but clearly there seems to have been communication/flirtation while she was actually his student and that's inappropriate, unprofessional and closely related (I think) to a certain type of sexual harassment (probably should have paid more attention in sexual harassment meetings at work). I mean, I'm 26 and I can't imagine dating an 18 year old (I mean, unless it was just about sex)... they're too... 18, I mean, they're so young and... for the most part stupid. I have no idea how I could possibly fall in love with an 18 year old.

I have no problem with the idea of two people with such an age difference getting together morally... but it's kind of creepy when she just turned 18 and he was very recently an authority figure in her life.

EDIT: Holy shit when did I get old enough to see 18 as "so young"... fuck.

Re: Teacher lives with former student

Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 3:07 am UTC
by Radical_Initiator
Metaphysician wrote:EDIT: Holy shit when did I get old enough to see 18 as "so young"... fuck.


Probably at nearly the same time you graduated from your 18-year-old mentality to "realistic expectations".