The worst film you've seen

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Spacemilk » Mon Dec 28, 2009 4:36 pm UTC

DoctorSubmarine wrote:The most painful filmgoing experience I've ever had (aside from Uwe Boll films, which seem to be a given among "worst movie ever" lists, and MST3K style films that are fun to watch with some good riffing) was by far Napoleon Dynamite. That film was so terrible, so god awfully BORING, that I wanted to reach through my television and slap the director. Right in the face. I don't think I've ever enjoyed a movie less than this one.

I felt this way as I was watching it. But afterward, I started quoting it with my roommate, and I've loved it ever since... though I haven't made myself sit through it again. :P That way years ago!
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Fractal_Tangent » Mon Dec 28, 2009 6:11 pm UTC

People have already posted these but it has to be said again:
Transformers 2
Which I went to see with the boyfriend after having not liked the first one but being willing to watch the second and like it. Oh dear, how I was wrong. - I tried to fall asleep in the cinema.
Watchmen
Which was alright until the nerdy sex scene which made me want to scrub myself all over with a brillo pad. It didn't help that the plot wasn't very well explained and the ending was just so - confusing. I wanted to like the film... I really did.
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby JCM » Tue Dec 29, 2009 12:19 am UTC

The Star Wars Holiday Special. Seriously, someone told me to watch it, I saw bits and pieces on YouTube, and still regret it to this day.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Admiral Valdemar » Tue Dec 29, 2009 12:28 am UTC

I've just endured half an hour of Disaster Movie. I couldn't sit through it with my brother even for laughs. Unlike a lot of movies listed here, which are at least watchable, or make good MST3k fodder, this movie has NO redeemable features at all. None. Nada. Zilch.

It is actually painful to watch, to the point that parody cannot physically work because the entire parody quotient of the universe is already used up in the movie's production. Only awe, awe at the fact that people actually worked on this, and some even watched it after paying actual monies, is all this piece of shit got from me.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Giant Speck » Tue Dec 29, 2009 11:25 am UTC

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby folkhero » Wed Dec 30, 2009 6:28 am UTC

"Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed" made my #1 worst movie of the decade. That was one ugly, dishonest piece of film making. Ben Stein tells us that Darwin is responsible for the Holocaust. That's right, if it weren't for Darwin there would never have been the Holocaust let that sink in, marinate in your mind for a little bit. The fact that people take this movie seriously as anything other than a propaganda piece is rather sad.
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Zohar » Wed Dec 30, 2009 6:50 am UTC

I haven't seen the movie and I don't know enough about racial theory but I can imagine a situation in which a biological explanation for why some animals have some traits and not others could be twisted into a theory about how some races of human beings are better than others. Not saying that that's the case, but even if it is then so what? First, a lot of good has come from the study of evolution. Second, we certainly won't hold Darwin responsible for it, just as we don't hold the Einstein for the deaths of thousands in Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Third, it takes much much more than a simple belief that you're superior to actually commit the evils of the Holocaust. You need to believe that you're allowed to treat a lesser being anyway you like, including killing them. It also requires you to actually be evil. Basically, racial theory (or so it seems to me) was just an excuse. The fact that they managed to base it on fact doesn't give it any more merit. Do you go around excusing quantum mechanics for "Blip!", or Isaac Newton for ballistic missiles?
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Admiral Valdemar » Wed Dec 30, 2009 2:18 pm UTC

The oft quoted "survival of the fittest" quote that Cretinists use wasn't even said by Darwin. But people will happily twist the words and theory to fit their anti-atheist, anti-naturalist bias so as to justify calling Darwin the father of genocide in the name of genetic superiority. I don't recall eugenics being in The Origin of Species.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Mo0man » Wed Dec 30, 2009 5:30 pm UTC

wait, didn't' he address that in his book? or was it someone else? If I remember correctly, he did say something like eugenics making sense on a practical level but it being fucking moronic when applying it to humans cause, well, basic humanity
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby folkhero » Wed Dec 30, 2009 9:44 pm UTC

Mo0man wrote:wait, didn't' he address that in his book? or was it someone else? If I remember correctly, he did say something like eugenics making sense on a practical level but it being fucking moronic when applying it to humans cause, well, basic humanity

He sure does, the movie even uses the quote, of course they intentionally leave out the "but if we did that, it would be monstrous" part of the quote. Intellectual honesty isn't one of Ben Stein's priorities.
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby TheWeirdDarkGirl23 » Sun Jan 03, 2010 5:31 am UTC

Disaster Movie, Meet the spartans, and underdog.
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Sheikh al-Majaneen » Mon Jan 04, 2010 2:49 am UTC

Knowing.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby mosc » Mon Jan 04, 2010 9:54 pm UTC

Zohar wrote:Second, we certainly won't hold Darwin responsible for it, just as we don't hold the Einstein for the deaths of thousands in Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
Fuck Einstein. Sorry, but people need to stop with this nonsense that anything "atomic" is inherently the direct result of his unbelievable genious. Atomic bombs at their fundamental level are brought through by three very basic piece of science:
1) unstable atoms, like uranium, emit neutrons and break appart into smaller atoms (this is 1890s research well predating einstein. The specifics of uranium's behaviors were documented in the 1920s and 30s by other scientists)
2) neutrons colliding with other atoms become unstable. Thus a cascade is possible since unstable atoms emit neutrons. This doesn't happen naturally because U235 is rare and impure (this is turn of the century work not done by einstein at all).
3) if you compress and lock in neutrons of U235, you can cause a cascade. (einstein helped slightly, as did hundreds of other scientists in the mahattan project).

Einstein's major role in "the bomb" was writing a letter to the president urging the acceleration of research because of the inevitability of the science and the progress of Germany. He was the spokesman, a peer reviewer at best. His technical contributions were minor.
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby aleflamedyud » Mon Jan 04, 2010 11:23 pm UTC

Spacemilk wrote:
DoctorSubmarine wrote:The most painful filmgoing experience I've ever had (aside from Uwe Boll films, which seem to be a given among "worst movie ever" lists, and MST3K style films that are fun to watch with some good riffing) was by far Napoleon Dynamite. That film was so terrible, so god awfully BORING, that I wanted to reach through my television and slap the director. Right in the face. I don't think I've ever enjoyed a movie less than this one.

I felt this way as I was watching it. But afterward, I started quoting it with my roommate, and I've loved it ever since... though I haven't made myself sit through it again. :P That way years ago!

And I just hated it, particularly because after it came out everyone kept calling me "Napoleon"... I think it was the hair. Even back then, I wasn't that big a fucking loser.

Seriously, it's a film in which stupid, mundane shit happens to stupid, mundane people who respond by having absolutely no real aspirations whatsoever. Is that what Iowa does to people?

JCM wrote:The Star Wars Holiday Special. Seriously, someone told me to watch it, I saw bits and pieces on YouTube, and still regret it to this day.

That one doesn't count. If we counted it, everyone's least-favorite movie ever would be Star Wars Holiday Special and we'd just have to declare it canonically the Worst Movie Ever instead of having separate opinions.
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby aMan » Tue Jan 05, 2010 11:07 pm UTC

That X-men Wolverine thing. It was the lousiest spent three hours in my entire life... Even going to the bathroom is more interesting.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby mikhail » Tue Jan 05, 2010 11:22 pm UTC

aMan wrote:That X-men Wolverine thing. It was the lousiest spent three hours in my entire life... Even going to the bathroom is more interesting.

Hey! What's wrong with going to the bathroom?

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Skizzle » Wed Jan 06, 2010 3:29 pm UTC

Personally I have never been so horrified when watching a film than when I saw The Swarm. I mean really, a disaster movie about killer bees that attempts to take itself seriously? I think this is partly because Michael Caine stars, yet does nothing except highlight what an epic failure this movie was. And the fact it runs to two and a half hours.
However, Funny People was so incredibly mediocre it probably wins.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Technical Ben » Wed Jan 06, 2010 8:32 pm UTC

Spacemilk wrote:
DoctorSubmarine wrote:The most painful filmgoing experience I've ever had (aside from Uwe Boll films, which seem to be a given among "worst movie ever" lists, and MST3K style films that are fun to watch with some good riffing) was by far Napoleon Dynamite. That film was so terrible, so god awfully BORING, that I wanted to reach through my television and slap the director. Right in the face. I don't think I've ever enjoyed a movie less than this one.

I felt this way as I was watching it. But afterward, I started quoting it with my roommate, and I've loved it ever since... though I haven't made myself sit through it again. :P That way years ago!


Lol. I loved the film. It was just one of those films that goes no where, and is a little bit of a joke at itself/people. But perhaps it would have made a better mini series instead?

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Kefka » Fri Jan 08, 2010 9:16 pm UTC

Napoleon Dynamite was stupid, but I'll admit the "I love technology" song made me laugh.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Philwelch » Sat Jan 09, 2010 3:04 am UTC

aleflamedyud wrote:And I just hated [Napoleon Dynamite], particularly because after it came out everyone kept calling me "Napoleon"... I think it was the hair. Even back then, I wasn't that big a fucking loser.

Seriously, it's a film in which stupid, mundane shit happens to stupid, mundane people who respond by having absolutely no real aspirations whatsoever. Is that what Iowa does to people?


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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby TheWeirdDarkGirl23 » Sat Jan 16, 2010 9:42 pm UTC

jhandhaamli wrote:The Lodger
All About Steve
The Trouble with Romance
Miss March


all about steve, the one with sandra bullock and bradley cooper, my sister liked that movie
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby cephalopod9 » Fri Jan 29, 2010 7:49 am UTC

I've given it some thought, and I have to say, compared to After Last Season, anything would at best be a distant second.
To make a rough approximation of it's quality:
als.jpg


It reminds of science fiction stories about people who have never been exposed to the idea of fiction, and struggle to comprehend it.
It also rings vaguely similar to stories I've read about people who describe a euphoric sort feeling while having a stroke. Like, it's in such contradiction to every attempt to make sense of it, the feeling is either severe pain, or the most amazing thing ever (or also a frightening experience).
Image

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby DeltaOne » Sat Jan 30, 2010 8:16 pm UTC

The Bourne Identity. I like it as a movie, but you see: I read the book. The only thing that the book had in common with the movie was the fact that there was a character named Jason Bourne. Similarities end there. If I hadn't read the book then I probably would've thought of it as a great movie.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby brakos82 » Sat Jan 30, 2010 8:25 pm UTC

Superbad. I made it through 20 minutes, all of them containing at least one *facepalm*.
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby novax6 » Sat Jan 30, 2010 10:41 pm UTC

DeltaOne wrote:The Bourne Identity. I like it as a movie, but you see: I read the book. The only thing that the book had in common with the movie was the fact that there was a character named Jason Bourne. Similarities end there. If I hadn't read the book then I probably would've thought of it as a great movie.


Hardly seems relevant to the thread. I seriously doubt the worst movie you've ever seen was just one that wasn't as good as the book. Because there are hundreds of movies like that, and the Bourne Identity isn't a bad movie at all. Also those are separate pieces of art, I don't see why a movie being different from the book automatically classifies as bad, seeing as how, you admit, you like it as a movie. Which I guess means you liked it as a movie but didn't like it as an.....otter?

Anyways, for me it's Eraserhead. Sure there are much much more poorly made movies, with shitter plots, that are less original, but it seems like Eraserhead is lovingly and expertly crafted to make the viewer feel terrible, depressed, and slightly sick. Lynch is a very talented director, but the content just is so unsettling and unpleasant to watch. I would have turned it off before the end, which I never do, had I not had to watch it for film class.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby IceFlake » Sat Jan 30, 2010 10:58 pm UTC

Shakes the Clown

Saw it at a slumber party at a friend's house in middle school. I was so bored, I left the party to chat with my friend's mom and brother in the other room.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby DeltaOne » Sun Jan 31, 2010 2:06 am UTC

novax6 wrote:Hardly seems relevant to the thread. I seriously doubt the worst movie you've ever seen was just one that wasn't as good as the book. Because there are hundreds of movies like that, and the Bourne Identity isn't a bad movie at all. Also those are separate pieces of art, I don't see why a movie being different from the book automatically classifies as bad, seeing as how, you admit, you like it as a movie. Which I guess means you liked it as a movie but didn't like it as an.....otter?

Well, it did make a pretty awful otter, too. The 'worst film you've seen' is kind of loosely defined. It was probably one of the most disappointing movies I've seen, but not the worst. I suppose it might be irrelevant.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby PatrickRsGhost » Sun Jan 31, 2010 3:48 am UTC

DeltaOne wrote:
novax6 wrote:Hardly seems relevant to the thread. I seriously doubt the worst movie you've ever seen was just one that wasn't as good as the book. Because there are hundreds of movies like that, and the Bourne Identity isn't a bad movie at all. Also those are separate pieces of art, I don't see why a movie being different from the book automatically classifies as bad, seeing as how, you admit, you like it as a movie. Which I guess means you liked it as a movie but didn't like it as an.....otter?

Well, it did make a pretty awful otter, too. The 'worst film you've seen' is kind of loosely defined. It was probably one of the most disappointing movies I've seen, but not the worst. I suppose it might be irrelevant.


I suggest that "movies I saw based on books I read" be disqualified due to the fact that there are very few movies that did a book justice, and these tend to stir up a lot of heated arguments. One would say that while it didn't follow the book to the letter, the movie was pretty good at interpreting a book, or if it mixed two or more books of the same series, or that had the same characters together, that it did or did not do a good job of it. Then there are those that believe that if you're going to do a movie of a book, go word-for-fucking-word of the book. The problem here is that if you did, either the movie would take to long to come to a solution, or would last way too long, especially if your target audience is that which cannot usually sit still for more than a couple of hours at a time.

Talk about throwing in the Apple of Discord.
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Edna » Sun Jan 31, 2010 7:54 pm UTC

Bronson without doubt. I like bad films infact I go out of my way to watch really bad horror movies and have quite the little collection (black sheep is a work of genius) But Bronson is just god awful it looks like a film made by an Art student with a budget of whatever they could find down the side of the sofa.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby iowasnowboarder » Wed Feb 03, 2010 8:11 pm UTC

Easily the single worst film I've ever seen, and one of only a couple I wouldn't even finish was "What the Bleep do we know." Really the title says everything you need to know about the idiots that did this film. The worst mystical pseudo-science crap I've ever seen. Hell, it made the animated Dragonlance movie seem good. I'm sorry for anyone else that wasted any time watching this.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby TimelordSimone » Sun Feb 07, 2010 4:53 am UTC

10,000BC

Of films I've seen all the way through, anyway.
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Maple_fish » Thu Feb 11, 2010 4:28 am UTC

A lot of blockbusters (Transformers 2, 2012, Knowing, Bangkok Dangerous, etc ad infinitum) I went along to see in a cinema despite kind of knowing they would suck. Hey, cinemas in Malaysia are pretty nice places to go.
One other film stands out in all that I have watched for special 'worst' mention: The Happening (2008 w. Mark Wahlberg). Should have quit that one at several points, but the screen sapped my strength and I ended up enduring all of it.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby sje46 » Thu Feb 11, 2010 9:37 am UTC

Why do people hate on Napoleon Dynamite so much? You guys all mindless action junkies? The characters are interesting, and how they interact is too. That's a lot better than can be said than half the insipid nonsense out there. All action films are trash. Especially the ones you love.

Hell, you people even thought Inglourious Basterds is boring.
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby the_bandersnatch » Thu Feb 11, 2010 10:16 am UTC

sje46 wrote:Why do people hate on Napoleon Dynamite so much? You guys all mindless action junkies? The characters are interesting, and how they interact is too. That's a lot better than can be said than half the insipid nonsense out there. All action films are trash. Especially the ones you love.

Hell, you people even thought Inglourious Basterds is boring.


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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Kaeyn » Sun Feb 14, 2010 12:38 am UTC

I WOULD say Troll 2, but it was too hilarious. :D

I would probably also go with Dead or Alive and Thunderbirds, two films that I'm ashamed to have paid money to see.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Jorpho » Sun Feb 14, 2010 6:24 am UTC

I saw the MST3K version of Red Zone Cuba the other day via Google Video, principally because I read this entertaining quote:
Crow wrote:Well, I see the movie has finally thrown up its hands and said "I just don't know!"
My word, at least the Star Wars Holiday Special and Manos had some novelty value. This is a film wholly immersed in ineptitude! It barely fits within the narrative constraints of the modern cinematic feature, and that's about the only thing that can be said about it.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby crownsfan » Tue Feb 16, 2010 10:47 pm UTC

For me, the worst one I've ever seen is Strange Wilderness. It's the only movie I've ever actually fast-forwarded through. It was nothing but endless penis jokes and nothing good at all. The bit with the shark's teeth is the only funny part, and that's just because I enjoy that brand of retarded humor.
Maybe even Burn After Reading, but more because I wasn't a fan of the so-called "dark comedy" of it. I didn't see the comedy. Now, the Coen guys made up for that with The Informant!, in my opinion, so it's all good. :)

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby folkhero » Wed Feb 17, 2010 1:01 am UTC

crownsfan wrote:For me, the worst one I've ever seen is Strange Wilderness. It's the only movie I've ever actually fast-forwarded through. It was nothing but endless penis jokes and nothing good at all. The bit with the shark's teeth is the only funny part, and that's just because I enjoy that brand of retarded humor.
Maybe even Burn After Reading, but more because I wasn't a fan of the so-called "dark comedy" of it. I didn't see the comedy. Now, the Coen guys made up for that with The Informant!, in my opinion, so it's all good. :)

I hate to tell ya this, but The Informant! was Steven Soderbergh, the only thing the Coens have done since Burn After Reading was A Serious Man, which if you don't like dark comedy, you should avoid.
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Apteryx » Wed Feb 17, 2010 6:27 am UTC

Has to be Von Helsing. It made my eyes bleed. Oh, wait, no, that was me, clawing at my eyes to protect my brain.

The best "bad" movie I ever saw was "Bad boy Bubby" so much greater than the sum of its parts.
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby folkhero » Sat Feb 20, 2010 10:57 pm UTC

Apteryx wrote:Has to be Von Helsing. It made my eyes bleed. Oh, wait, no, that was me, clawing at my eyes to protect my brain.

About half-way through Van Helsing, my friends and I realized that it wasn't a crappy action movie, but rather an over-the-top parody of a crappy action movie. It worked pretty well when viewed from this perspective, but the other people in the theater didn't seem to get it.
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