Describe What You Do

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MiB24601
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Describe What You Do

Postby MiB24601 » Sat Feb 05, 2011 5:30 am UTC

What do you do for a living? Not what is your job title but how would you describe your job? You can be as broad or specific as you want but if you were asked what you do for a living, how would you describe your job?

Sometimes it's fun to describe your job in a way that really doesn't provide any useful information (but only if both you and the person you are talking to are both in a playful mood). My favorite way of describing my job goes like this:

Them: How would you describe your job?
Me: I communicate, you know, professionally.
Them: Really? So why do you communicate so poorly?
Me: I'm very bad at my job.

I'm curious to see what job descriptions turn up.
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Carnildo
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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby Carnildo » Sat Feb 05, 2011 6:35 am UTC

During college, I described my job as "I break things". Sounds a whole lot more interesting than my job title of "mechanical testing technician".

Korrente
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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby Korrente » Sat Feb 05, 2011 8:08 am UTC

I'd like to think of myself as a 'High Performance Chauffeur.' And as a Pilot, I communicate with the Human Traffic Lights to get me to my destination.

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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby PatrickRsGhost » Sun Feb 06, 2011 3:58 pm UTC

Me: I get paid to color.
Them: Wait, what?
Me: I prepare offer packages for our agents to present to owners when the County or the State needs to buy land for a road project.
Them: ...
Me: Then I prepare the plats, showing the areas that need to be acquired. I have to color those areas certain colors, depending on what kind of take it is (Fee Simple, permanent easement, temporary easement; whether it's for slope or drainage)
Them: ...
Me: Sometimes I have to print out full-size sets of the plan sheets a single parcel falls on, and color that. So yeah, I basically get paid to color. I also keep up with status reports on different projects we do, property research, and other cool stuff.
Them: (Eyes glaze over)
PRG

An important message for you:

010000100110010100100000011100110
111010101110010011001010010000001
110100011011110010000001100101011
000010111010000100000011110010110
111101110101011100100010000001100
010011000010110001101101111011011
1000101110

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EvilDuckie
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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby EvilDuckie » Sun Feb 06, 2011 4:07 pm UTC

PatrickRsGhost wrote:I get paid to color.


Hmmm, I was going to describe my job as "I make maps", but I like your explanation as well.

So yeah, I do a number of things, all map-related. Since "I make maps" is often enough to confuse people I usually tend to keep it at that. The other things are selling software packages to make maps, offering training courses, advice and support for the software and doing all kinds of freaky stuff to geodata.

I like to sum it up as: "I get to do the work I like for people I like and earn my living that way"
Quack!

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SlyReaper
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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby SlyReaper » Sun Feb 06, 2011 7:11 pm UTC

Boring version: I'm a systems design and validation engineer at an aerospace defence company.

Cool version: I design missiles.
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Ptolom
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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby Ptolom » Sun Feb 06, 2011 11:30 pm UTC

So, you're /kind/ of a rocket scientist, when viewed in the right light?

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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby Hawknc » Sun Feb 06, 2011 11:44 pm UTC

Today: thermal systems engineer for an automotive company. Essentially involves developing the requirements for, and testing, the heat management systems on the vehicles we design and ensuring nothing exceeds temperatures in the markets in which we sell them.

Next week: starting a new role in the same company as a design & release engineer for driveline components, specifically differentials and halfshafts.

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fizzgig
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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby fizzgig » Mon Feb 07, 2011 1:46 am UTC

I work for the Australian version of social security, which is called Centrelink. So when people ask me I just tell them I live off Centrelink money.

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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby pseudoidiot » Mon Feb 07, 2011 2:02 am UTC

I work on SCADA for power utilities. A good mix of computer & electrical engineering. Design, install, troubleshooting. I get to wear a number of hats and see some pretty cool things.

It's nothing I'd ever heard of before I started my job, but I enjoy it. I find it interesting and I get to travel a bit for work. And I have awesome coworkers.
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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby SlyReaper » Mon Feb 07, 2011 8:25 am UTC

Ptolom wrote:So, you're /kind/ of a rocket scientist, when viewed in the right light?

Rocket science is overrated. Rocket engineering is where the real hard work is.
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Felstaff
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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby Felstaff » Mon Feb 07, 2011 1:44 pm UTC

I write words down, and try not to spell them wrong.

People read the words, and hopefully as a result they then click on the wewantthemtoclickthisbutton button, where qualified professionals proceed to harvest their personal measurements for monetary gain.
Away, you scullion! you rampallion! You fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe.

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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby clockworkmonk » Mon Feb 07, 2011 1:56 pm UTC

I fix computers for teachers.

I don't really know how else to describe it an a more interesting way.

Though most people respond with "I have a quick question..."
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Plasma Man
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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby Plasma Man » Mon Feb 07, 2011 2:35 pm UTC

I inject people with radioactive substances, then scan them to find out where it's gone.
Please note that despite the lovely avatar Sungura gave me, I am not a medical doctor.

Possibly my proudest moment on the fora.

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Goldstein
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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby Goldstein » Mon Feb 07, 2011 4:03 pm UTC

Which is made all the more horrible by the concession in your signature that you're not a doctor.
Yeah, I know. Don't spoil it, man!

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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby The Mighty Thesaurus » Mon Feb 07, 2011 4:39 pm UTC

I read, play board and card games, listen to music, and dick around on my computer. Occasionally, I go to lectures.
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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby PictureSarah » Mon Feb 07, 2011 7:11 pm UTC

Official job description:
"The Home Visitor is responsible for providing child development services and/or prenatal services to families in their home. Home Visitors create weekly individualized lesson plans for children birth to three years of age, conduct weekly 90-minute home visits, complete developmental screenings and assessments, collect health records, make referrals and identify community resources to meet the needs of families, and document all information in computer system. Home Visitors use a prenatal curriculum to provide health and nutrition information to pregnant women, support women to obtain prenatal care and provide breast feeding education."

How I explain it: I help people play with their babies (this sounds ridiculously easy, but sometimes isn't). I also hook them up with things they need, which could be anything from school/financial aid information and employment help to food resources and domestic violence counseling. I also help support them in making and achieving goals and break generational cycles of poverty and dysfunction. Sometimes it's the best job in the world. Often, it keeps me up at night.
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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby You, sir, name? » Mon Feb 07, 2011 7:36 pm UTC

I'm a physics student. I transform coffee into solutions to hand-in problems.
I edit my posts a lot and sometimes the words wrong order words appear in sentences get messed up.

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jawdisorder
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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby jawdisorder » Mon Feb 07, 2011 7:43 pm UTC

I sit in a small silent room and do next to nothing.

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Sandry
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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby Sandry » Mon Feb 07, 2011 8:35 pm UTC

I write up requests for additions and modifications to in house software used for ordering, receiving and selling products for a retail business. Additionally, I do testing on those additions and modifications, write up training documentation, provide end user support, conduct trainings for end users and for other trainers, and basically function as a human encyclopedia on most of the information relating to this system. Oh, and theoretically I also sometimes do project management on various modules that are part of or related to the larger project. My title says project management is the only thing I do, but that is a giant pile of lies, which honestly I count as a good thing - project management is in fact the thing I am *least good at* out of all the hats that come with this job.

Basically, I do everything you would expect to be a part of a software development life cycle except actually code enhancements or bug fixes.
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Cithoge
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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby Cithoge » Mon Feb 07, 2011 11:25 pm UTC

Currently, I put PowerPoint presentations into a specific template. I sometimes also change the font.
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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby Bakemaster » Tue Feb 08, 2011 4:14 am UTC

I currently tutor students in math. It's not a living, though; just five hours a week. I spent most of today's hour helping an older fellow with adding variable terms and the distributive property. More fun than it sounds, seriously.

I used to give out money for a living! How about that, eh?

Once while I was temping, I spent a week running around an almost-fully-constructed hospital, sending blood and plasma back and forth through a pneumatic tube system. Woosh!
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Me321
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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby Me321 » Tue Feb 08, 2011 6:08 am UTC

I sell tacos, for the next 3 months.

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Retne
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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby Retne » Tue Feb 08, 2011 9:06 am UTC

I push buttons and play with potentiometers. I essentially get paid to play computer games/watch web junk/browse the net. AKA a radio board operator.

I know, you guys are jealous don't lie. ;)

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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby blue_eyedspacemonkey » Tue Feb 08, 2011 9:11 am UTC

I give people drugs, in return for slips of green paper

I'm a dispenser in a pharmacy, and UK prescriptions are green, for those who can't see the picture
"Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one's mistakes"

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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby TheKrikkitWars » Tue Feb 08, 2011 11:33 am UTC

I work in an air-free environment, playing with chemicals and liquid nitrogen.
Great things are done when Men & Mountains meet,
This is not Done by Jostling in the Street.

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SecondTalon
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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby SecondTalon » Tue Feb 08, 2011 1:56 pm UTC

blue_eyedspacemonkey wrote:I give people drugs, in return for slips of green paper

I'm a dispenser in a pharmacy, and UK prescriptions are green, for those who can't see the picture
American Money's green, so the line still mostly works on this side of the pond.

The Canadians have no idea what you're babbling about, though, so glad you explained it.
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micco
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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby micco » Tue Feb 08, 2011 2:04 pm UTC

I shoot electricity and different types of additives to metal objects.
An anarchist is a person that makes oatmeal and blows it up.

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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby Plasma Man » Tue Feb 08, 2011 2:40 pm UTC

TheKrikkitWars wrote:I work in an air-free environment, playing with chemicals and liquid nitrogen.
How... how do you breath? Are you a robot?
Please note that despite the lovely avatar Sungura gave me, I am not a medical doctor.

Possibly my proudest moment on the fora.

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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby TheKrikkitWars » Tue Feb 08, 2011 3:23 pm UTC

Plasma Man wrote:
TheKrikkitWars wrote:I work in an air-free environment, playing with chemicals and liquid nitrogen.
How... how do you breath? Are you a robot?


I also work in a howie coat which is full with needles, syringes, party balloons, forceps, scalpels and the like, Can you guess what I am yet?

Spoiler:
Image
Not actually my schlenk lines, but a good example.


I work with air and moisture sensitive (often pyrophoric) chemicals (synthesising polyfluroene oligomers to improve these to be specific), so it's all done in nitrogen, oxygen free nitrogen or argon atmospheres or under oil or vaccum... I myself have lots of air to breathe.
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Felstaff
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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby Felstaff » Tue Feb 08, 2011 3:30 pm UTC

TheKrikkitWars wrote:I also work in a howie coat which is full with needles, syringes, party balloons, forceps, scalpels and the like, Can you guess what I am yet?

I was hoping for "nightmare clown"
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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby TheKrikkitWars » Tue Feb 08, 2011 4:24 pm UTC

Felstaff wrote:
TheKrikkitWars wrote:I also work in a howie coat which is full with needles, syringes, party balloons, forceps, scalpels and the like, Can you guess what I am yet?

I was hoping for "nightmare clown"

That is a sideline, (I'll see if I have a photo), but I have to leave the pointy objects at home :(
Great things are done when Men & Mountains meet,
This is not Done by Jostling in the Street.

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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby blue_eyedspacemonkey » Tue Feb 08, 2011 5:56 pm UTC

SecondTalon wrote:American Money's green, so the line still mostly works on this side of the pond.
The Canadians have no idea what you're babbling about, though, so glad you explained it.
That line actually doesn't work this side of the pond, but as it does over your way (and a lot of people would get it) I thought why not?
"Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one's mistakes"

So. Twitter

Rodion Raskolnikov
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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby Rodion Raskolnikov » Tue Feb 08, 2011 8:11 pm UTC

I talk to people about things that have happened/are going to happen/might happen in the local area then write them down foe others to read

Yo Rodja's kind of a dick, those are the facts / He murdered a pawnbroker with an axe
Now Dosoyevsky is here to teach you / About his problems with the philosophy of Nietzsche


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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby Izawwlgood » Tue Feb 08, 2011 8:17 pm UTC

Last week I cut off the heads of a dozen 9-10 day old rat pups, with a pair of scissors, then crucified them on a styrofoam block and harvested chunks of their still beating heart. I don't have the skill to do the neuronal dissection, so the person teaching me cut into their cheeks, lifting their jaws backwards and accessing the portion of the brain needed.

The first time I saw this, I had to go for a walk and get a hold of myself. It's literally the most barbaric thing I've seen in the sciences.

Today I mixed clear liquids together and placed them into itty bitty tubes that went into a quarter of a million dollar machine that spat back some numbers at me about the contents of the tubes.

Mostly, I think I'm getting paid to think about and eventually figure out cool stuff. Science is awesome.
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icanus
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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby icanus » Sat Feb 12, 2011 3:50 pm UTC

I follow 3 & 4 year old children around, narrating everything they do in simple language. I also take away any toy they try to pick up and refuse to give it back until thy give me a small laminated, velcro backed card with a picture of the toy on it.

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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby OBrien » Sat Feb 12, 2011 7:48 pm UTC

Most of my time is taken up being a mathemagician's apprentice (BSc Mathematics undergrad), however at weekends I explain simple thing to people who refuse to understand, clean up after inconsiderate people and swap bits of paper for used clothes to make money (I work in a vintage clothes shop). In what little free time I have left, I also like to rip-off copyrighted images and shepard people to drinking establishments and encourage them to poison themselves (Marketing and Design rep for my uni's Real Ale and Cider Society; my best posters included an edited Motorola advert, and edited Ramones logo, and edited picture of Bonne Mamman jam, etc. I also have to make sure people actually make it to the pubs, and obviously I want them to try different ales).
Spelling and grammar can go screw themselves.

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PictureSarah
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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby PictureSarah » Sat Feb 12, 2011 9:53 pm UTC

Are you some sort of speech therapist?

icanus wrote:I follow 3 & 4 year old children around, narrating everything they do in simple language. I also take away any toy they try to pick up and refuse to give it back until thy give me a small laminated, velcro backed card with a picture of the toy on it.
"A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for."

icanus
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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby icanus » Sat Feb 12, 2011 10:26 pm UTC

PictureSarah wrote:Are you some sort of speech therapist?
Special needs support worker in a nursery, but I'm delivering the programmes recommended by the visiting speech therapists and EdPsychs.

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Re: Describe What You Do

Postby Cahojama » Sat Feb 12, 2011 11:52 pm UTC

I spin big chunks of metal really fast, and then slam small chunks of carbide into them at precise depths and speeds. This produces lots of heat, and lots of small peices of metal. Somehow at the end of the day I end up with a piece of metal that matches a bunch of smaller lines and sqiggles on a piece of paper.

And sometimes it doesnt, and I hang my head in shame.
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