[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby HugsBoson » Sat Aug 27, 2011 7:20 pm UTC

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Sat Aug 27, 2011 11:20 pm UTC

Hospital check-in is in another 6 hours (noon, local time), and then the op is tomorrow at 8:45 AM (time zones). The op itself is supposed to last about 5-6 hours, but I'll probably be fairly zonked afterwards; I'll have DBC post a status update though.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Bassoon » Sun Aug 28, 2011 4:18 am UTC

I moved into my dorm today. It's so cool.

Good luck again, Aaeriele! I know everything's gonna go great for you!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Sun Aug 28, 2011 2:27 pm UTC

I've found when I'm practising my female voice I ave an aweful lisp (I used to go to speach therapy as a child to remove it in the first place). Does anyone have any advice / tricks that I could use, or is this one of those things with which I need to fool around and practise to get right?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby tentacleTherapist » Sun Aug 28, 2011 7:22 pm UTC

I had typed out a fairly long post but then I accidentally deleted it all, so basically it's this: I'm finally going to uni in a fortnight but am at a crossroads as to how to present myself. I want to go by the name I use to the friends I'm out to, dress how I like and possibly practice my voice, but this will likely be undermined by bueaucracy which uses $oldname and lists my gender as female, which could out me to the whole class, as well as by contact from people at home whom I am not out/do not want to be out to. But then if I go by $oldname and try to come out later, I will be back in the closet with all the horrible feelings that go with it and possibly cause even more drama. I have this sinking feeling that when I get there, someone will ask my name but I just won't have an answer for them :( How can I make myself more comfortable in my own skin while keeping in contact with new and old friends without feeling like a fraud? Or is that having my cake and eating it? Grrrraaaahh D:
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Mon Aug 29, 2011 12:02 am UTC

@tentacleTherapist - consider talking to your professors before the start of class and asking them to use $newname ? Most are usually fairly understanding, and most students never see the paperwork for another student.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby dragon » Mon Aug 29, 2011 4:26 am UTC

Due to some things, it has become obvious that my real life name is causing me discomfort. I feel like I'm outing myself whenever it is revealed to a new person. Sure, I get gendered in real life too, based on my shape, but it is still surprisingly painful when my online interactions are ... coloured by my unchosen name.

So, I'm seriously considering changing my name to Dragon. This seems like an insane idea but I can't get it out of my head.
Context? What context?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Mon Aug 29, 2011 4:53 am UTC

Would a name that means "dragon" be less jarring than Dragon itself? Unless you want to take on all that being named Dragon will involve, that is.


Some options I found while making with the Goog:

Male-oriented names:
Drake, Draco, Drago, Drakon
Fafnir
Leviathon (shortened to Levi?)
Pendragon
Ryuu (Japanese)
Tatsuo, Tatsuya (Japanese)

Female-oriented names:
Adelind (and variations, including Belinda, Dalinda, Melinda)
Shuman
Tanith


There are many more. This is just a thought, mind. Wearing the name Dragon is awesome enough -- you don't have to soften it if you don't want to.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Chuff » Mon Aug 29, 2011 6:45 am UTC

Tanith is an awesome name.

Actually, so is Dragon.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby DaBigCheez » Mon Aug 29, 2011 11:13 am UTC

Aaeri's out of surgery and doing fine, albeit still kinda waking up/sleepyish. I'm glad she had me learn the sign language alphabet before checking in to the hospital, so she can ask for at least basic things without having to talk :)

I'm posting this from her hospital room; I'll be there with her for the next couple days, so I can give more updates until she's able to post herself. (She's confined to bed rest for the next few days, so while I *can* hold the laptop and let her type, it's kinda awkward :P)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Kulantan » Mon Aug 29, 2011 11:22 am UTC

Yay

I hope she has a speedy recovery :)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby dragon » Mon Aug 29, 2011 11:52 am UTC

Thanks poxic and Chuff.

The other names I've considered don't fit as well as Dragon does. I finally worked out a new middle name also, that is a modification of my existing middle name. It sounds right and doesn't feel silly. This can work. Going to give it some time to settle, and for me to talk myself out of it. Ah, but it feels so good to have figured out the entire name at last.

Thanks for the update, DaBigCheez. Best wishes, Aaeriele!
Context? What context?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Mon Aug 29, 2011 3:07 pm UTC

Thanks for the update, DaBigCheez. It's much appreciated.

* sends loving thoughts to Aaeri & DBC *

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Mon Aug 29, 2011 4:43 pm UTC

Awesome rebuttal to lesbian separatists.

Also, yay for Aerie! YAY!!!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Mon Aug 29, 2011 5:33 pm UTC

Another thanks for the update, Cheese! Yay Aaeriele! I'm glad to hear you're doing fine.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Virtual_Aardvark » Mon Aug 29, 2011 8:53 pm UTC

Thanks for the update DBC! Glad to hear Aeriele's doing good!

And Dragon is a badass name.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Feddlefew » Mon Aug 29, 2011 9:33 pm UTC



I am having a hard time wrapping my head around this. Do incidents like those described in the rebuttal happen often?

I haven't met you, Aaeriele, but it's good to here you're surgery went well!

------

How should I explain to people the difference between Androgynous and Bisexual / Transsexual / Asexual? I don't care that I'm biologically female or being referred to as a she, but I have a hard time thinking of myself as a "girl" in the traditional sense.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Chuff » Mon Aug 29, 2011 9:42 pm UTC

Yay for Aaeri!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Mon Aug 29, 2011 10:04 pm UTC

Feddlefew wrote:How should I explain to people the difference between Androgynous and Bisexual / Transsexual / Asexual? I don't care that I'm biologically female or being referred to as a she, but I have a hard time thinking of myself as a "girl" in the traditional sense.

I'm not quite sure I understand the question. Can you just define each one so that the difference is obvious? I mean, something along the lines of "bisexual people are attracted to people of both (binary) genders," and "androgynous people identify as neither strictly male or female," and so on?

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sandry » Mon Aug 29, 2011 10:26 pm UTC

I'm thinking speedy recovery thoughts for Aaeriele.

Also, totally agreeing that "Dragon" is a badass name. :D
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby animeHrmIne » Mon Aug 29, 2011 11:49 pm UTC

I hope you feel well soon, Aaerie!!!

@Feddlefew: You may just have to define it every time. That's how pansexual is. I'd say come up with a clear, easily repeated explanation and then use that every time. It may be really annoying, but it's annoying and over quickly, instead of rambling through a haphazard explanation every time that may not be clear and thus prompt even more questioning.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Feddlefew » Tue Aug 30, 2011 12:25 am UTC

Shivahn wrote:
Feddlefew wrote:How should I explain to people the difference between Androgynous and Bisexual / Transsexual / Asexual? I don't care that I'm biologically female or being referred to as a she, but I have a hard time thinking of myself as a "girl" in the traditional sense.

I'm not quite sure I understand the question. Can you just define each one so that the difference is obvious? I mean, something along the lines of "bisexual people are attracted to people of both (binary) genders," and "androgynous people identify as neither strictly male or female," and so on?


That's what I usually do. There is probably a better word than androgynous, because I do identify as female (sex), just not as feminine or masculine (gender). The part that seems to throw people off is that I do not find other females physically attractive, while still finding males attractive.

It gets uncomfortable when you're one of two females in the room during a class discussion on the early feminist movement and the teacher asks you to provide a "woman's point of view" on something. Just because I am female does not mean I can give a perspective on how women approach every day life. :?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Vaniver » Tue Aug 30, 2011 1:11 pm UTC

Feddlefew wrote:The part that seems to throw people off is that I do not find other females physically attractive, while still finding males attractive.
It may confuse others because what you've described sounds a lot like being a straight female. You might find "straight female who isn't feminine" to be a short and clear description that communicates what you want (with perhaps a "traditionally" thrown in front of the feminine).
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby doogly » Tue Aug 30, 2011 1:36 pm UTC

Feddlefew wrote: the teacher asks you to provide a "woman's point of view" on something. Just because I am female does not mean I can give a perspective on how women approach every day life. :?

This is also just a pedagogical no-no in general. Spotlighting students or worse still encouraging them to carry the banner and trumpet for some group is just bad business.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby animeHrmIne » Tue Aug 30, 2011 2:08 pm UTC

Vaniver wrote:
Feddlefew wrote:The part that seems to throw people off is that I do not find other females physically attractive, while still finding males attractive.
It may confuse others because what you've described sounds a lot like being a straight female. You might find "straight female who isn't feminine" to be a short and clear description that communicates what you want (with perhaps a "traditionally" thrown in front of the feminine).

Not necessarily. To me, it sounds like female genderqueer with a femme presentation. Still transgender, just AFAB and feminine presenting. Which might be a better way to describe it: "androgynous" might throw people off because they have a preconceived notion of what that means that you may not follow; people in general may have not heard "female genderqueer", so you get to be the example that makes them understand.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Tue Aug 30, 2011 3:01 pm UTC

Hmmm, should I get this shirt?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby kinigget » Tue Aug 30, 2011 5:12 pm UTC

first off: Jessica, get the shirt, it is an awesome shirt.

The second subject will take some explaining. See, I never used to believe in ghosts, that was until I started encountering them. I am what you would call "sensitive" to the supernatural, and before you go writing me off as silly and/or crazy let me explain something: I fully believe that the supernatural can be explained by scientific methods, we just don't know how yet. Which brings me to my actual subject: As I have stated here before I am at least transgendered and quite likely transsexual. What I wonder about is whether and how transitioning will affect my sensitivity. Now I know that I'm quite likely the only one here who cares at all about any of this, but, you know, for SCIENCE!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Vaniver » Tue Aug 30, 2011 7:33 pm UTC

animeHrmIne wrote:Still transgender
Won't that imply masculinity to most people?

animeHrmIne wrote:they have a preconceived notion of what that means that you may not follow; people in general may have not heard "female genderqueer", so you get to be the example that makes them understand.
The usefulness of categories is that they allow people to apply preconceived notions. Not knowing how to respond or act in a situation is awkward and unpleasant. Note that you only have access to notions the other person has preconceived, and so knowing your audience is helpful. It may be a better strategy to use verbs than adjectives- "I am a girl, I like boys, I don't care much about being a girl or girl stereotypes." Then, rather than trying to explain fine distinctions (no, I don't identify as androgynous because of X) you can quickly access the interesting differences.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Glmclain » Tue Aug 30, 2011 8:39 pm UTC

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Bassoon » Tue Aug 30, 2011 9:32 pm UTC

It's really hard to convince myself that I should go to the LGBT/Allies kick-off event my university's GSA is having.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Tue Aug 30, 2011 9:36 pm UTC

@Aaeriele: I hope you are well.

Jessica wrote:Hmmm, should I get this shirt?

Yes!

kinigget wrote:See, I never used to believe in ghosts, that was until I started encountering them. I am what you would call "sensitive" to the supernatural, and before you go writing me off as silly and/or crazy let me explain something: I fully believe that the supernatural can be explained by scientific methods, we just don't know how yet. Which brings me to my actual subject: As I have stated here before I am at least transgendered and quite likely transsexual. What I wonder about is whether and how transitioning will affect my sensitivity. Now I know that I'm quite likely the only one here who cares at all about any of this, but, you know, for SCIENCE!

I don't believe in ghosts, but if they existed and it were possible to communicate with them, only for some sensitive people, I would expect that transitioning would not impair that ability. Because I think it would be unlikely that the ability would relate to hormon levels.

However, I do not believe in ghosts. Depending on what exactly it is that you have started to experience this may be a sign of a mental illness. It would be advisable to discuss this with a psychiatrist.

Feddlefew wrote:How should I explain to people the difference between Androgynous and Bisexual / Transsexual / Asexual? I don't care that I'm biologically female or being referred to as a she, but I have a hard time thinking of myself as a "girl" in the traditional sense.

You could describe it as in between male and female gender identity. Maybe "in the middle" if that applies to you.
You could describe it as combining male attributes and female attributes, if this is how you feel about it.
If you have paper and pencil in the situation, you could tell them gender is a spectrum (that's a simplification because it doesn't cover e.g. agender or multigender people really well, but for explaining androgynous it works well) and draw a line between female gender identity and |----------------------| male gender identity and draw a point where you feel your gender identity lies approximately. If you have no paper, you could hold up your hands for the ends of the line and then point out your location.
You could maybe say something similar to this, if it happens to match what you feel: people who have mostly male attributes (whatever that exactly means) / male parts in their minds / souls / brains and few female ones identify as [cis or trans] boys/men, which most often aligns with the body and sometimes not. People with mostly female parts in their minds and few male ones identify as girls/women. So it's only logical there would be some with neither (or few) male and female ones, those are agender. And some with both male and female attributes / minds / whatever. These are androgynous people. They can have male or female bodies. (Well or intersexed ones, just as people who identify as male, female, agender.) But maybe this is not how you feel about it (maybe it's a better description of two-spirit / multigender / multisystem people).
In comparison to bisexual and asexual remind them that gender identity and sexual orientation are independent. Any man, woman or genderqueer individual can be attracted to none, one, some or all of the body types or gender identities.
In comparison to transsexual tell them that transgender is the more general word for people whose gender identity does not align with their body type / legal and social gender assigned at birth, which can mean (and often does mean), but does not have to mean, identifying with the opposite gender, while transsexual means that they additionally experience dysphoria about their bodies and wish to change them with hormons and often surgery, and this is not what you feel, your body is okay for you.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ginadagny » Wed Aug 31, 2011 4:56 am UTC

Wishing Aaeriele a speedy recovery :)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Wed Aug 31, 2011 5:32 am UTC

^
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby DaBigCheez » Wed Aug 31, 2011 7:08 am UTC

Aaeri update:

~48 hours after surgery, and still doing well. Off the morphine drip (down to pills + as-needed injections); no pain except for a little bit while shifting to a new resting position. Main annoyance right now is that some of the pills don't taste very good; she's still on sleeping meds for another day or two, so that's what she's spent most of her time doing. Nurses come in pretty frequently to check vitals/bring in food etc./take food etc. away, so she doesn't typically get to sleep for all that long at a time. And if she needs anything, she can snap her fingers and I'm there :) (I'm not always *competent* in my attempts to help, and fail at comprehending her sometimes, but it works out in the end!)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Weeks » Wed Aug 31, 2011 7:35 am UTC

Glad to hear all is going well! I hope you have a speedy recovery. We all miss you.

Also DBC, you are now Spike in my mind. I hope you can do a good Cathy Weseluck impression.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ginadagny » Wed Aug 31, 2011 8:16 am UTC

Remember to deep breathe and cough, prevents nosocomial infections :D

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Wed Aug 31, 2011 8:29 am UTC

Thanks again for the update, DaBigCheez. And for being there for Aaeri.

DaBigCheez wrote:And if she needs anything, she can snap her fingers and I'm there :) (I'm not always *competent* in my attempts to help, and fail at comprehending her sometimes, but it works out in the end!)

People on a morphine drip & sleeping meds are not renowned for coherency. :)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Vaniver » Wed Aug 31, 2011 3:08 pm UTC

Bassoon wrote:It's really hard to convince myself that I should go to the LGBT/Allies kick-off event my university's GSA is having.
Do it! It might be fun, and you might meet worthwhile people.

Best wishes for Aaeri!
I mostly post over at LessWrong now.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Wed Aug 31, 2011 3:10 pm UTC

Wish you well, Aaeri!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Wed Aug 31, 2011 10:09 pm UTC

I don't know what good it does to post this, for me or for anyone, but I've come to admit to myself that even now I want to be a man and not a woman. And not for healthy reasons, and in spite of the knowledge that I fundamentally can't be. I just feel cheated. I was told I would "outgrow it", and people drew huge debts from me in the name of facilitating this, inflicting irreparable injury. I was promised that I would be a man and that promise justified a quarter of a lifetime of pain (and undoubtedly more to come), and gave me the means and motive to tolerate it and push through it. Learning to do that shaped me in a fundamental way. It accounts for my withdrawn and generally stoical nature, which I have tried to undo desperately and repeatedly but without success. It imbued me with the sort of discipline that I call upon daily just to continue to live; and knowing that said discipline comes, fundamentally, from a place of self-hatred and self-destruction leaves me conflicted even in the act of survival. I don't know how to reverse it or build it on a different foundation, so I wonder if maybe I would be more free and authentic if I simply resolved to starve to death or die of exposure on the street, since then I would be rid of it at least. I'm not sure what there is to be said about this, productive or not, so I assume any comment on the subject will be a surprise.
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