Groaners - The new "Nerdy Jokes" thread

Things that don't belong anywhere else. (Check first).

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Groaners - The new "Nerdy Jokes" thread

Postby Twasbrillig » Thu Jan 04, 2007 10:45 am UTC

...Most of which hopefully pertain to science/math.

There's a sketch I drew in Math class many months ago which has the periodic table of elements (drawn the same as the real one - however many boxes, and in the right shape), but drawn so instead of having boxes, per se, it had flames, water droplets, leaves, and clouds: fire, water, earth, and wind. Inside each of the "boxes" was a different-sized filled circle, underneath which was a description of it. They were along the lines of "period", "dot", "full stop", "pause", etc, etc, etc. I had to consult many people to think of names for all of them - a lot just involved adding adjectives to the front. Anywho, I labeled it the elemental table of periods and handed it in to my teacher (who doubles as a science teacher and gave me a bonus mark for being clever).

I also drew an even stupider doodle about the table of elements:

Picture two people walking across a floor that has had the periodic table inscribed into it. As one of them crosses the line past argon out of the inscription, his friend looks at him and goes "Hey, are you passing gas?"

...*cough*


So any jokes like these that you'd like to share?

Also:

Two goldfish are sitting in their tank. One says to the other, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"
I want to have Bakemaster's babies. It's possible, with science.

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Postby Jack Saladin » Thu Jan 04, 2007 11:06 am UTC

"Nerdy Jokes"

Edit: Nerdy Jokes is MIA, use this thread instead.

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Postby aldimond » Thu Jan 04, 2007 4:06 pm UTC

What happened to it?
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Postby thomasjmaccoll » Thu Jan 04, 2007 5:34 pm UTC

also, the 'i dare anyone to try this one' thread in logic puzzles has been gone for a couple of days, anyone know why they've just disappeared?
slow down, you move too fast

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Postby Fluff » Thu Jan 04, 2007 7:59 pm UTC

What's Black and sits at the top of the stairs?





















Stephen Hawking in a house fire.

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Postby Oort » Thu Jan 04, 2007 9:11 pm UTC

No Mr. Hawking, I'll save you!

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Postby German Sausage » Fri Jan 05, 2007 12:07 am UTC

not maths/science, but

what's beethoven's favourite fruit?







BA-na-NA-NA!!

so i'm a music nerd.

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Postby Twasbrillig » Fri Jan 05, 2007 12:17 am UTC

Not a joke, but you know Beethoven's fifth? The duh-na-na-NUhhh. duh-na-n a-NUHH. Well, that phrase occurs at the beginning, the end... and the exact Phi point of the song.
I want to have Bakemaster's babies. It's possible, with science.

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...what is wrong with my signature?

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Postby Jack Saladin » Fri Jan 05, 2007 2:40 am UTC

thomasjmaccoll wrote:also, the 'i dare anyone to try this one' thread in logic puzzles has been gone for a couple of days, anyone know why they've just disappeared?


I think I deleted that one, because it had something like 8 or higher spam messages in a row at the end, and I couldn't be fucked deleting them all individually considering I'd just done so to about 100 other posts.

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Postby hermaj » Fri Jan 05, 2007 5:02 am UTC

Saladin wrote:
thomasjmaccoll wrote:also, the 'i dare anyone to try this one' thread in logic puzzles has been gone for a couple of days, anyone know why they've just disappeared?


I think I deleted that one, because it had something like 8 or higher spam messages in a row at the end, and I couldn't be fucked deleting them all individually considering I'd just done so to about 100 other posts.


...I'm starting to worry I was responsible for accidentally deleting the Nerdy Jokes thread. I don't think I deleted it, but there's always that hint of uncertainty when you're trying to delete hundreds of spam posts as quickly as possible. But yeah, I suspect the only way they could have disappeared is if they were deleted.

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Postby Arkohn » Sat Jan 06, 2007 9:20 pm UTC

Snake: Hey Adam, c'mon over here and calculate the length of the opposite side of this angle with the hypotenuse. It'll be great!

Adam: Hm, don't see why not.

Eve: Dammit Adam, don't do it, you'll commit the original SIN!

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Postby Ronfar » Sun Jan 07, 2007 5:02 am UTC

- Doug

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Postby LE4dGOLEM » Sun Jan 07, 2007 1:15 pm UTC

That messier one would have won you the thread if you'd done it yourself.

Here's a good place for some nerdy jokes!
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Postby xnull » Sun Jan 07, 2007 6:14 pm UTC

What do you call a lavatory that is being used on an airplane that has left the ground?

A: A high-pot-in-use

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Postby aldimond » Sun Jan 07, 2007 6:21 pm UTC

Hm. OK. That last post reminds me of a silly story:

I was on an airplane waiting to depart San José Airport. For some reason there wasn't any water for the plane's bathroom yet, and a woman needed to wash her hands. The flight attendants didn't have any bottled water, either. So they gave her one of those tiny bottles of airline vodka and she washed her hands in that.
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Postby RealGrouchy » Sun Jan 07, 2007 6:26 pm UTC

hermaj wrote:
Saladin wrote:
thomasjmaccoll wrote:also, the 'i dare anyone to try this one' thread in logic puzzles has been gone for a couple of days, anyone know why they've just disappeared?


I think I deleted that one, because it had something like 8 or higher spam messages in a row at the end, and I couldn't be fucked deleting them all individually considering I'd just done so to about 100 other posts.


...I'm starting to worry I was responsible for accidentally deleting the Nerdy Jokes thread. I don't think I deleted it, but there's always that hint of uncertainty when you're trying to delete hundreds of spam posts as quickly as possible. But yeah, I suspect the only way they could have disappeared is if they were deleted.


Ah, good to see I'm not the only one whose threshold for spamminess (or accuracy in measuring it) is lower after deleting a hundred posts.

- RG>
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Postby thunderflash » Mon Jan 08, 2007 8:55 pm UTC

not especially nerdy, but...


Did you hear about the optomitrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?

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Postby German Sausage » Tue Jan 09, 2007 10:46 pm UTC

why was the sand wet?


because the sea weed

sorry, potty humor and puns go great with my cousins (ages between 8 and 12
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Postby digitrev » Thu Jan 11, 2007 4:45 am UTC

If trans-fats are so bad, why don't people just switch to cis-fats. >.>
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Postby cjr » Thu Jan 11, 2007 10:39 am UTC

I made up a Christmas maths joke, but none of my family were impressed :( Probably only UKers will know the product:

Why is a can of Bisto like the derivative function?

It provides an instantaneous gravy-ent

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Postby thomsedavi » Thu Jan 11, 2007 11:05 am UTC

You've probably seen this before, but I liked it so much I pasted it into my LiveJournal — a rare honour for a joke!

An engineer, a biologist and a mathematician are observing a building. They see 2 people walk in and, after a while, 3 people walk out. Trying to explain how this could be possible, the engineer suggests that they must have made a mistake when taking the measurements of the building. The biologist concludes that the 2 people who went in must have reproduced. The mathematician continues to ponder for a moment, then says "if one more person went in to that building, it would be empty again".

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Postby no-genius » Thu Jan 11, 2007 1:07 pm UTC

Yeah, that was in the nerdy jokes thread.

The nerdy jokes are dead. long live the nerdy jokes!
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Postby digitrev » Thu Jan 11, 2007 4:46 pm UTC

An engineer and a mathematician are in a contest. They're both asked to bring a pot of water to boil its boiling point. The engineer takes his pot, pours some water in it, places it on the heater, and waits until it starts boiling. The mathematician takes his pot, pours some water in it, places it on the heater, and waits until it starts boiling. They are then both asked to bring another pot of water to its boiling point. The engineer takes his pot off the heater, lets it cool down, and places it back on the heater, and waits for it to start boiling. The mathematician takes his pot, dumps out the water, and says, "Now the problem has been reduced to problem A, which has already been solved."


Also:
(sorry to all the non-Americans out there, but I have to do it this way, otherwise it doesn't rhyme)

The integral zee squared dee zee
From one to the cube root of three
Times the cosine
Three pi over nine
Is the lon of the cube root of e.
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Postby LE4dGOLEM » Thu Jan 11, 2007 9:49 pm UTC

Hell for engineers: "The boilers too hot and you haven't a toolbox"
Hell for mathematicians: "Calculate pi. By hand."
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Postby william » Thu Jan 11, 2007 11:37 pm UTC

You could just make "zee" into "tee". ;)
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Postby william » Thu Jan 11, 2007 11:38 pm UTC

limit as omega -> infinity of 3 is 8.
SecondTalon wrote:A pile of shit can call itself a delicious pie, but that doesn't make it true.

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Postby hyperion » Fri Jan 12, 2007 3:23 am UTC

((12+144+20)+3*sqrt(4))/7+5*11=9^2

a dozen, plus a gross, plus a score;
plus three times the square root of four;
divided by seven;
plus five times eleven;
equals nine squared plus zero, no more.
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Postby LE4dGOLEM » Fri Jan 12, 2007 4:52 pm UTC

Hell for physicists: You are in a sealed box with one hammer, which, if falls, will release shards of glass and a poisonous gas, connected to an isotope-decay detector, and one cat.
Hell for forumgoers: Wow shit! :) :D
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Postby Twasbrillig » Sat Jan 13, 2007 12:59 am UTC

LE4dGOLEM wrote:Hell for physicists: You are in a sealed box with one hammer, which, if falls, will release shards of glass and a poisonous gas, connected to an isotope-decay detector, and one cat.
Hell for forumgoers: Wow shit! :) :D


ftw
I want to have Bakemaster's babies. It's possible, with science.

I wonder if you can see...
...what is wrong with my signature?

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Postby xnull » Sat Jan 13, 2007 1:18 am UTC

What did the pink panther say when he stepped on an ant hill?

Dead-ant, dead-ant, dead-ant dead-ant dead-ant dead-ant dead-aaaaant...
This statement is false.

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Postby warriorness » Sun Jan 14, 2007 4:11 am UTC



This wins so hard

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Postby no-genius » Sun Jan 14, 2007 11:21 pm UTC

Why did the student have trouble walking into the optics lecture?

the answer wrote:because he had a prior prism
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Postby Fuller » Mon Jan 15, 2007 6:52 pm UTC

admin delete me...double post
Last edited by Fuller on Mon Jan 15, 2007 6:54 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
LINUX:
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Postby hyperion » Tue Jan 16, 2007 4:06 am UTC

Fuller wrote:admin delete me...double post
there's an 'x' button in the top right of your post
Peshmerga wrote:A blow job would probably get you a LOT of cheeseburgers.
But I digress.

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Postby AntiScurvyLg » Tue Jan 16, 2007 9:58 am UTC

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a watermelon?

Elephant Watermelon sin Theta

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Postby Fuller » Tue Jan 16, 2007 2:29 pm UTC

HYPERiON wrote:
Fuller wrote:admin delete me...double post
there's an 'x' button in the top right of your post


I dont have an X :(

And - admin. you deleted the wrong post. sigh@u

So - my joke again:

The were 2 cats ontop of a sloping roof, which one fell off first?


The one with the smallest "mew"
LINUX:

You will spend countless hours figuring out how to do the simplest things. What could be more fun?

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Postby hyperion » Tue Jan 16, 2007 4:02 pm UTC

Fuller wrote:
HYPERiON wrote:
Fuller wrote:admin delete me...double post
there's an 'x' button in the top right of your post


I dont have an X :(

does anyone else know? is it only there for a short time? i swear i've seen it
Peshmerga wrote:A blow job would probably get you a LOT of cheeseburgers.
But I digress.

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Postby no-genius » Tue Jan 16, 2007 6:38 pm UTC

HYPERiON wrote:
Fuller wrote:
HYPERiON wrote:
Fuller wrote:admin delete me...double post
there's an 'x' button in the top right of your post


I dont have an X :(

does anyone else know? is it only there for a short time? i swear i've seen it


i think mebbe you have to keep the window open. I just saw it on my '23' post
I don't sing, I just shout. All. On. One. Note.
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The Mighty Thesaurus wrote:Why? It does nothing to address dance music's core problem: the fact that it sucks.

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Postby Mat » Tue Jan 16, 2007 10:23 pm UTC

HYPERiON wrote:
Fuller wrote:
HYPERiON wrote:
Fuller wrote:admin delete me...double post
there's an 'x' button in the top right of your post


I dont have an X :(

does anyone else know? is it only there for a short time? i swear i've seen it

maybe its only there until someone else posts?

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Postby e-Gor » Tue Jan 16, 2007 10:46 pm UTC

Mat wrote:
HYPERiON wrote:
Fuller wrote:
HYPERiON wrote:
Fuller wrote:admin delete me...double post
there's an 'x' button in the top right of your post


I dont have an X :(

does anyone else know? is it only there for a short time? i swear i've seen it

maybe its only there until someone else posts?
Yup, I think it disappears when someone else posts.


What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountaineer?





Nothing. You can't cross a vector with a scaler.


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