KarMann wrote: udscbt wrote:
KarMann wrote:Perhaps a group of us should look into this. Call it the Congregation for the Doctrine of Temporal Faith, or something. Nobody would expect that.
Excuse me! I
am the Prefect of the Congregatio pro Doctrina Temporis (check the wiki and this
), we don't need to create one.
Excellent. Deranged minds think alike. Get busy, then; looks like you've got work to do.
The CDT presents:Faith FAQ!Q: What was before Time?
A: Nothing was before Time. Time always was and always will be.Q: Who or what created Time?
A: Time itself created itself. The name we give to the Creator aspect of Time is Lord Randall.Q: How do Time affect our lives?
A: Time decided to reveal itself through the One True Comic, created by Lord Randall. The One True Comic always was and it is Time, and as Time it must be worshipped. The One True Comic is both in Newpixia and in the Outside, to help the ones deceived by the Hat.Q: If Time always existed, why do I remember things before it?
A: In Truth, what you remember is only an illusion. After the creation of Time, Lord Randall created the Hat as his servant. But the Hat became envious of the power reserved to the One True Comic and declared war to it. Time banished the Hat from Newpixia and it is now doomed to live in the Outside where he tries to deceive the faithfuls.Disclaimer: not all hats are evilQ: How do you protect yourself from the Hat?
A: You have to burn it and after that purify yourself by drinking blessed baby-free semenated coffe. Beware, because even the strongest can be tricked by the Hat (e.g. our Arch-Cardinal)Q: What are Newpixia and the Outside?
A: Newpixia is the place where Time resides, we all belong to Newpixia but we have to remain in the Outside until the Hat won't be destroyed.Q: What is a Frame?
A: A Frame is a Revelation from Time through the One True Comic. Lord Randall draws every Frame for us to venerate. If you miss a Frame, you have to look it from a holy archive
as soon as possible.Q: How do I know when a Frame will come?
A: Time created the Ancestral DONG to warn us of and incoming Revelation, but the screams of the Hat can cover its holy sound. Only the most faithful can hear it over the Hat's lament. If you're not yet ready to listen directly to the Ancestral DONG, two Web-based DONG have been created: http://www.webcountdown.de/?a=gxMXfoy
; beware, in its gigantic evilness the Hat has sped up the outsider "time", making the first Web-based DONG useless.Q: How should I worship Time?
A: Avoid sleep because you will miss Frames, coma instead. Reject the Outside, because it is the Reign of the Hat. Drink coffee everyday, but don't add babies to it; if you want, you can drink it with semen, but only of virgins. Don't assume that the Timewaiter you're talking about is a male, use a gender-neutral pronoun instead; you shouldn't assume anything actually. And most of all, "Wait for it.".Q: How can I learn more about the Timewaiters?
A: The Holy Scriptures
will help you.Note: the Holy Scriptures are shared with other religions, some of which are heretic.Q: ???
A: !!!Q: Can you prove all these things?
A: Of course I can, it's a shame you will be burned as a heretic before you can hear the answer.Q: Who gives you all this authority?
A: Burn the heretic!Q: I think that...
A: Heretic! Heretic! Heretic!