## I have an awesome textbook

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Sir_Elderberry
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### I have an awesome textbook

My physics textbook includes such gems as:

Being part of the "Gators," the University of Florida golfing team must play on a putting green with an alligator pit. Figure 3-23 shows an overhead view of one putting challenge of the team; an xy coordinate system is superimposed. Team members must putt from the origin to the hole, which is at xy coordinates (8m, 12 m) but they can putt the golf ball using only one or more of the following displacements, one or my times:

d1 = (8m)i + (6m)j
d2 = (6m)j
d3 = (8m)i

The pit is at coordinates (8m, 6m). If a team member puts the ball into or through the pit, the member is automatically transferred to Florida State University, the archrival. What sequence of displacements should a team member use to avoid the pit?

You are arguing over a cell phone while trailing an unmarked police car by 25m; both your car and the police car are traveling at 110km/h. Your argument diverts your attention from the police car for 2.0s (long enough for you to look at the phone and yell "I won't do that!")...

You are kidnapped by political-science majors (who are upset because you told them political science is not a real science). Although blindfolded, you can tell the speed of their car (by the whine of the engine), the time of travel (by mentally counting off seconds), and the direction of travel (by turns along the rectangular street system)....

Anyone else have a textbook with a sense of humor?
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l33t_sas
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

My English Language textbook from last year was pretty awesome.

One of the examples of a declarative sentence:
Mel B's got a big mouth.

And for an interrogative:
Is it really necessary to burst our ear drums in order to demonstrate what big woofers they've installed?"

Examples of compound sentences:
First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of the second car

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished

Complex:
I saw a slow-moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car

I collided with a stationary truck as it was coming the other way

Compound-complex:
I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

I was going at about 70 or 80mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles

Apparently they're all actual claims to a UK insurance company following traffic accidents.
You're thinking of a Pegasus. Unicorns don't fly, they just sort of... plummet.

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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

in my micro class ive had problems about free riders at keggers.

pi-3 orionis
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

An old book I have has "A hobo wishes to catch a freight train that stands in front of a train station . . . " and "Two lovers are parked 10 m from the edge of a cliff in a sports car whose mass including that of the occupants is 1000 kg. A jealous suitor ties a rope to the car's bumper and a 50 kg rock to the other end o the rope. He then lowers the rock over the cliff and the car, in neutral, accelerates toward the cliff. (ignoring friction) a) Calculate the car's acceleration. b) How much time do the lovers have before the car is pulled over the cliff?"

wing
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

Sir_Elderberry wrote:My physics textbook includes such gems as:

Being part of the "Gators," the University of Florida golfing team must play on a putting green with an alligator pit. Figure 3-23 shows an overhead view of one putting challenge of the team; an xy coordinate system is superimposed. Team members must putt from the origin to the hole, which is at xy coordinates (8m, 12 m) but they can putt the golf ball using only one or more of the following displacements, one or my times:

d1 = (8m)i + (6m)j
d2 = (6m)j
d3 = (8m)i

The pit is at coordinates (8m, 6m). If a team member puts the ball into or through the pit, the member is automatically transferred to Florida State University, the archrival. What sequence of displacements should a team member use to avoid the pit?

You are arguing over a cell phone while trailing an unmarked police car by 25m; both your car and the police car are traveling at 110km/h. Your argument diverts your attention from the police car for 2.0s (long enough for you to look at the phone and yell "I won't do that!")...

You are kidnapped by political-science majors (who are upset because you told them political science is not a real science). Although blindfolded, you can tell the speed of their car (by the whine of the engine), the time of travel (by mentally counting off seconds), and the direction of travel (by turns along the rectangular street system)....

Anyone else have a textbook with a sense of humor?

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hyperion
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

l33t_sas wrote:
I collided with a stationary truck as it was coming the other way
Wait, what?

I've never been fortunate enough to get such a cool textbook.

bash.org wrote:<Taris> also, this I must share. It comes right out of my physics text book
* Ssithl prepares for brainmelt.
<Taris> A hockey puck, mass 0.115kg, moving at 35 m/s, strikes an octopus thrown onto the ice by a fan. The octopus has a mass of 0.265 kg. The puck and octopus slide off together. Find the velocity.
<Taris> yeah, this is one that the authors put in for those students that stay up late trying to do these
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l33t_sas
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

HYPERiON wrote:
l33t_sas wrote:
I collided with a stationary truck as it was coming the other way
Wait, what?

I've never been fortunate enough to get such a cool textbook.

That was verbatim xD

And yeah it was pretty sweet, had all kinds of wacky things in it. Like a Middle English writer talking about manners and etiquette (translated):

If you blow your nose, as may happen, clean your hand; wipe it with your skirt. Don't ever pick your nostril with thumb or forefinger.
You're thinking of a Pegasus. Unicorns don't fly, they just sort of... plummet.

Spoffin
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

Sir_Elderberry wrote:
You are kidnapped by political-science majors (who are upset because you told them political science is not a real science). Although blindfolded, you can tell the speed of their car (by the whine of the engine), the time of travel (by mentally counting off seconds), and the direction of travel (by turns along the rectangular street system)....

This is a good one. The puck-octopus one too.
The thing to remember about Spoffin is that he's playing by rules no one else understands

tenohsix
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

HYPERiON wrote:
l33t_sas wrote:
I collided with a stationary truck as it was coming the other way
Wait, what?

I've never been fortunate enough to get such a cool textbook.

bash.org wrote:<Taris> also, this I must share. It comes right out of my physics text book
* Ssithl prepares for brainmelt.
<Taris> A hockey puck, mass 0.115kg, moving at 35 m/s, strikes an octopus thrown onto the ice by a fan. The octopus has a mass of 0.265 kg. The puck and octopus slide off together. Find the velocity.
<Taris> yeah, this is one that the authors put in for those students that stay up late trying to do these

They must be Red Wings fans!

Moo
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

Too long ago now to remember exactly, I had a Java book that had a sense of humour. One I remember was something like "but manual garbage collection is like indicators on a BMW, they don't really get used".

LOL at the other posts here!
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hipp5
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

While not having a sense of humor, my physics text book is humorous. My \$160 text book came with a floppy disk only bootable in DOS!!!! I don't even have a floppy drive!! And who the hell uses DOS these days!?! For \$160 I should at least get a CD bootable in Windows.

keozen
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

Alas I haven't ever really had a textbook with a sense of humor. I want to write one now though.

Endless Mike
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

Sir_Elderberry wrote:My physics textbook includes such gems as:

Being part of the "Gators," the University of Florida golfing team must play on a putting green with an alligator pit. Figure 3-23 shows an overhead view of one putting challenge of the team; an xy coordinate system is superimposed. Team members must putt from the origin to the hole, which is at xy coordinates (8m, 12 m) but they can putt the golf ball using only one or more of the following displacements, one or my times:

d1 = (8m)i + (6m)j
d2 = (6m)j
d3 = (8m)i

The pit is at coordinates (8m, 6m). If a team member puts the ball into or through the pit, the member is automatically transferred to Florida State University, the archrival. What sequence of displacements should a team member use to avoid the pit?

What garbage. Everyone knows the alligator pit is housed in the top floor of Turlington Hall.

Dropzone
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

Some of the textbooks we used at school contained one or two amusing bits. There was a physics textbook with an illustration captioned "Artist's impression of dark matter", which was just an empty black square. I can also remember a mechanics textbook where one of the problems went something like "A 10m long beam massing 3kg is pivoted at its centre. A kitten of mass 50kg stands at one end of the beam. [...]". That's a rather large kitten...

Hit3k
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

What (s)he said.
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Kikral
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

All my textbooks have Basic Human Decency issues. When I was a kid, I didn't care about math being hard, I cared about being able to pronounce some of the names in there!
I am the man your gods will have nightmares about for the next 50 years.

MFHodge
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

I'm reminded of this:
viewtopic.php?p=359874#p359874
(ZeroSum's picture in a math book)

Manial
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

Man these books are awesome

I remember once our maths teacher gave us a test which he'd photocopied from the teacher edition of the textbook, and one of the questions was:
Find the chance of two people eating Cheeries for breakfast, when out of the students questioned:
3 ate bran flakes,
4 ate Choco Bubbles
6 ate Cheeries
5 ate sugar, and
4 ate Korny Flakes

... um, what?

MFHodge
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

What's the problem with that? Is it the fake cereal names? The fact that it says "5 ate sugar" (or is that just a typo). Or was the question unclear? It seems to be asking, "if you pick two students from this population, what is the probability that both ate cheeries?".

(4/22)*(3/21) = 2.6%

Berengal
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

Actually Hodge, (6/22)*(5/21) = 6.5%
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Lycur
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

Manial wrote:Man these books are awesome

I remember once our maths teacher gave us a test which he'd photocopied from the teacher edition of the textbook, and one of the questions was:
Find the chance of two people eating Cheeries for breakfast, when out of the students questioned:
3 ate bran flakes,
4 ate Choco Bubbles
6 ate Cheeries
5 ate sugar, and
4 ate Korny Flakes

I think his problem is just the awkward phrasing of the question, which, as started, has the rather trivial solution 100%

MFHodge
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

Berengal wrote:Actually Hodge, (6/22)*(5/21) = 6.5%

Your math assumes that you read the problem correctly and saw "6". I didn't bother reading it and used an assumed value of "4".

Or something like that.

Endless Mike
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

I have an acquaintance who writes textbooks. She puts names of people she knows in her word problems, so in all likelyhood, I am a math problem somewhere.

Jahoclave
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

keozen wrote:Alas I haven't ever really had a textbook with a sense of humor. I want to write one now though.

So do I; you'd think with the subject matter, creative writing text books would be chock full of humour, but no.

I can just see your book now though.

Keo'd: How to steal your friend's points

lowbart
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

Sir_Elderberry wrote:the University of Florida ... Florida State University, the archrival.

I really wish American universities would get a little more creative.
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Endless Mike
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

lowbart wrote:
Sir_Elderberry wrote:the University of Florida ... Florida State University, the archrival.

I really wish American universities would get a little more creative.

They are both state universities run by (wait for it) the state of Florida. Private colleges often have names unrelated to location (as to some state schools).

Fun fact: When the Florida state university system was created, three schools were originally designated: University of Florida as the men's college, Florida State University as the women's college, and Florida A&M as the black college (this was the late 1800s). If you talk to old UF alumni, they refer to FSU as the "girls' school."

Sir_Elderberry
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

"Fundamentals of PHysics" 8th Edition, Jearl Walker

ISBN: 978-0-470-04473-5
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

lowbart wrote:
Sir_Elderberry wrote:the University of Florida ... Florida State University, the archrival.

I really wish American universities would get a little more creative.

What really sucks is when universities are named after places that they aren't in. I think there's a Miami University in both St. Louis and Ohio (or at least one of them. I don't really remember, and I'm far too lazy to go look it up).
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

VTHodge wrote:I'm reminded of this:
viewtopic.php?p=359874#p359874
(ZeroSum's picture in a math book)

holy crap, that is ADORABLE!!! XD

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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

Sir_Elderberry wrote:

"Fundamentals of PHysics" 8th Edition, Jearl Walker

ISBN: 978-0-470-04473-5
Waitwaitwaitwait! Halliday Resnick Walker? But...that's my book! My book doesn't have any of those amazing problems of awesomenss.
Dang. I have the 7th edition. Still, I get the feeling that the entire physics department is conspiring against us and giving us only relatively normal problems. As in, no political science majors.
*goes back to studying for physics midterm*
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joeframbach
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

Eps
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

Endless Mike wrote:Fun fact: When the Florida state university system was created, three schools were originally designated: University of Florida to have somewhere to put all the fail and lose

Fixed

The best opening sentence to any textbook I have ever read was to States of Matter, by Goodstein - the set text for my first graduate statistical physics course:

David Goodstein, in States of Matter, wrote:Ludwig Boltzmann, who spent much of his life studying statistical mechanics, died in 1906, by his own hand. Paul Ehrenfest, carrying on the work, died similarly in 1933. Now it is our turn to study statistical mechanics.

Later, he uses an Arab poet to illustrate the thermodynamic arrow of time.

TheTankengine
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

Antimatter Spork wrote:
lowbart wrote:
Sir_Elderberry wrote:the University of Florida ... Florida State University, the archrival.

I really wish American universities would get a little more creative.

What really sucks is when universities are named after places that they aren't in. I think there's a Miami University in both St. Louis and Ohio (or at least one of them. I don't really remember, and I'm far too lazy to go look it up).

Miami University is in Oxford, OH. There is no MU in St. Louis, but there is a "Washington University in St. Louis", in St. Louis.
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stockpot
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

IronyandParadox wrote:Waitwaitwaitwait! Halliday Resnick Walker? But...that's my book! My book doesn't have any of those amazing problems of awesomenss.
Dang. I have the 7th edition. Still, I get the feeling that the entire physics department is conspiring against us and giving us only relatively normal problems. As in, no political science majors.
*goes back to studying for physics midterm*

Are you sure? My seventh edition HRW has some gems.
Mostly near the beginning, though. Check out page 132, problems 12 and 20. Or all the problems from chapter 2.

During a hard sneeze, your eyes might shut for 0.50s. if you are driving a car at 90 km / hr during such a sneeze, how far does the car move during that time?

ThorFluff
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

My history book in 7th grade elementary school had a few pages on each decade from the 20th century. In the chapter "The 60s' " they explain the hippie culture, and there is this really cool looking guy with Pilot-Sunglasses, a Berret, Sideburns, a woolen sweatter and he's smoking a Pipe.

EsotericWombat wrote:You're... calling the Rolling Stones emo.

It might take a while to gather the lynch mob. no one really planned against this eventuality.

krynd wrote:That'd make an awesome sig. Unfortunately, I'm sure self-sigging isn't allowed...

l33t_sas
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

ThorFluff wrote:My history book in 7th grade elementary school had a few pages on each decade from the 20th century. In the chapter "The 60s' " they explain the hippie culture, and there is this really cool looking guy with Pilot-Sunglasses, a Berret, Sideburns, a woolen sweatter and he's smoking a Pipe.

Do you still have it? I want a scan of this!
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ThorFluff
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

Its from an old newspaper originally, I think dad has the original print. I'll look into it.
EsotericWombat wrote:You're... calling the Rolling Stones emo.

It might take a while to gather the lynch mob. no one really planned against this eventuality.

krynd wrote:That'd make an awesome sig. Unfortunately, I'm sure self-sigging isn't allowed...

SecondTalon
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

ThorFluff wrote:My history book in 7th grade elementary school had a few pages on each decade from the 20th century. In the chapter "The 60s' " they explain the hippie culture, and there is this really cool looking guy with Pilot-Sunglasses, a Berret, Sideburns, a woolen sweatter and he's smoking a Pipe.

That.. sounds more Beat that Hippie to me...
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

My Oblivion Manual is funny.
"It won't take long to find someone or something that wants to kill you."
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MFHodge
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### Re: I have an awesome textbook

SecondTalon wrote:That.. sounds more Beat that Hippie to me...

It's likely that you meant "more Beat than Hippie", but I really like the phrase "Beat that Hippie". It sounds like a fun schoolyard game.