0425: "Fortune Cookies"

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Air
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0425: "Fortune Cookies"

Postby Air » Mon May 19, 2008 4:06 am UTC

Image
Alt text: "You will have hot, steamy, sweaty sex ... IN BED!"

Heh, nice. New take on the old joke. :) Me and my friends do this all the time.
My favorite one I've ever found (in real life) was something along the lines of "You will be joined by an unexpected stranger". :P
Last edited by Air on Mon May 19, 2008 4:08 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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nyeguy
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby nyeguy » Mon May 19, 2008 4:08 am UTC

Doesn't he mean, "You will have hot, steamy, sweaty sex ... EXCEPT IN BED!"
Last edited by nyeguy on Mon May 19, 2008 4:08 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby armorsmith42 » Mon May 19, 2008 4:08 am UTC

The idea of adding "in bed" to fortune cookies was actually introduced to me by my girlfriend's father.
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby GodShapedBullet » Mon May 19, 2008 4:08 am UTC

Apparently, the patient in the musical episode of Scrubs swears by adding "in prison" after fortune cookies.

Personally, I just wish they would actually try to tell the future rather than giving me bogus advice. I didn't get an advice cookie, dagnabbit.

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby Avram » Mon May 19, 2008 4:10 am UTC

My friend and I once played the "in bed" game with a church hymnal. Amazing.

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podbaydoor
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby podbaydoor » Mon May 19, 2008 4:13 am UTC

Brilliant.
tenet |ˈtenit|
noun
a principle or belief, esp. one of the main principles of a religion or philosophy : the tenets of classical liberalism.
tenant |ˈtenənt|
noun
a person who occupies land or property rented from a landlord.

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby dauntilus » Mon May 19, 2008 4:20 am UTC

The ones you love will never let you down.
Or run around and desert you.

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby 1337geek » Mon May 19, 2008 4:23 am UTC

This past Saturday I was at the Hallmark store looking for a birthday card. There was one with this exact joke on it. Different phrases, of course. And no, I didn't buy it.
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby JCCyC » Mon May 19, 2008 4:24 am UTC

dauntilus wrote:The ones you love will never let you down.
Or run around and desert you.


You joined just to text-rickroll us?

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby dauntilus » Mon May 19, 2008 4:25 am UTC

JCCyC wrote:
dauntilus wrote:The ones you love will never let you down.
Or run around and desert you.


You joined just to text-rickroll us?


Actually I've been here a year and a half longer than you have :lol:

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby thebandit » Mon May 19, 2008 4:25 am UTC


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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby Droffats » Mon May 19, 2008 4:28 am UTC

Sexual intercourse...
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby suso » Mon May 19, 2008 4:30 am UTC

I once got a fortune cookie that said "Learn Chinese".
Imagine theres no signatures....

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby GodShapedBullet » Mon May 19, 2008 4:36 am UTC

dauntilus wrote:
JCCyC wrote:
dauntilus wrote:The ones you love will never let you down.
Or run around and desert you.


You joined just to text-rickroll us?


Actually I've been here a year and a half longer than you have :lol:


You could have joined two years ago just to text-rickroll us two years in the future.

And without any other evidence, I have to assume that's what you did.

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby Stickfodder » Mon May 19, 2008 4:44 am UTC

Oh I am sooooo using that from now on it is so much funnier.
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby Stockton da Vinci » Mon May 19, 2008 4:51 am UTC

I have never come across this game before... the prospects are simply delicious.
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby benjhuey » Mon May 19, 2008 4:52 am UTC

Dammit, Randall is always one step ahead.
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby timt » Mon May 19, 2008 5:01 am UTC

benjhuey wrote:Dammit, Randall is always one step ahead.


except in bed.

badum tssshhh

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby senseijason05 » Mon May 19, 2008 5:20 am UTC

This is really weird. I was just told of this game today at work, then when I get home this comic shows up! I love ironic moments like that. By the way, my fortune was:

"Your skill will accomplish more then the force of many."

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby oasisob1 » Mon May 19, 2008 5:26 am UTC

Alternatively, you can join my crowd and add "with a goat" to fortune cookies.

For the extremists, there is also "in bed with a goat".


and for the record, we were secretly textrolled by Randall, but that other guy just threw out the subtlety.
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby vodka.cobra » Mon May 19, 2008 5:28 am UTC

You will be a big success... EXCEPT in bed!
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby Supakitsune » Mon May 19, 2008 5:36 am UTC

I have a fortune cookie right next to me...
*cracks it open*
"Love is like sweet medicine, good to the last drop."
... *munch crunch* Shouldn't it be "Love is like coffee"?
On the back it says "Please" and its Chinese translation...
"Please, except in bed." Haha.

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby TheHand » Mon May 19, 2008 5:45 am UTC

How true this comic is!

Some friends and I have a game where we choose what to add to the end of our cookies right before we open them.

Some endings we have added are...
"...while being attacked by ninjas."
"...or not."
"...while playing in a marching band."

You can also add stuff to the beginning of the fortune cookie like...
"The next time you are sad, just remind yourself..."
"Breakfast is important because..."

And so on, and so on.

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby Yawgmoth » Mon May 19, 2008 6:18 am UTC

I agree with the rightmost one. Violent sex is the best kind of sex.

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby r1chard » Mon May 19, 2008 6:20 am UTC

I never knew about the "in bed" thing until now. Mine eyes are truly open!

I feel an urge to buy fortune cookies, which I've never done before.




"with a goat" had me rofl, thanks :)

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby insafemode » Mon May 19, 2008 6:34 am UTC

I've always preferred adding "for Hitler" to my fortune cookies. It works especially well, if you get a fortune that says "Kill six million Jews." I endorse neither that fortune, nor the Chinese restaurant where I received said fortune. I have not gone back there.

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby M.qrius » Mon May 19, 2008 6:51 am UTC

thebandit wrote:http://cbio.mskcc.org/~bader/fortunes/fortunes.html

Have at it.

On that site, there's a fortune:
Cookie wrote:There is a true and sincere friendship between you both.
The author's comment is:
Author wrote:I got this one at the dinner that my girlfriend broke up with me. Man, that hurts!
Try morphing that fortune :)

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby Drake Zure » Mon May 19, 2008 6:58 am UTC

my dad and i once came up with a rule for fortune cookies: it's all random. hence,

"Do not eat five doorknobs."

(except in bed.)
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby Peripatetic » Mon May 19, 2008 7:57 am UTC

With this new ending, I just got the best fortune in the world:

"Your judgment is a little off at this time."

:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby BiggAl » Mon May 19, 2008 8:31 am UTC

"Your judgement is a little off at this time." With a goat...

Now that's just sick...

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby Peripatetic » Mon May 19, 2008 8:36 am UTC

BiggAl wrote:"Your judgement is a little off at this time." With a goat...

Now that's just sick...


... dammit ...

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby VelociraptorEvader » Mon May 19, 2008 8:41 am UTC

dauntilus wrote:The ones you love will never let you down.
Or run around and desert you.

i see what you did there. your rickrolled the other readers, you brilliant bastard
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby Felstaff » Mon May 19, 2008 9:00 am UTC

Some fortunes I have stumbled upon. Fortunately, I live next to a fortune cookie manufacturing plant.
...Who could have seen that one coming?

  • "The Heart Tips Generously" (not fooling for that one. The service was awful, and the Szechuan chicken was very crumbly.)
  • "You think YOU need a new job? I write fortunes on slips of paper"
  • "I do hope this ink is not toxic"
  • "Lamb when prepared. Mutton once served"
  • "If found, please return to: West Hiefield Biological Weapons Research Centre, immediately"

And some that the "...except in bed" would fit nicely.
  • "It's always great eating cake and/or cookies"
  • "Pyrotechnics always improve the overall display"
  • "A stranger's just a friend you haven't met"
Away, you scullion! you rampallion! You fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe.

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby ohki » Mon May 19, 2008 9:11 am UTC

If you had a fortune cookie that said "Happiness is being in bed" and you appended "except in bed," would the universe end?

Send help; trapped in a cookie factory
But it raining and me peeing on your foot are NOT mutually exclusive.
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby eboyce » Mon May 19, 2008 10:52 am UTC

Randall's alternate ending would work well with the following fortune I received recently:
"The one you love is closer than you think"

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby brook_88 » Mon May 19, 2008 10:57 am UTC

It reminds me of learning a play when I was 17... it was much easier (and funnier) if "whilst mas********* furiously" was added to the end of every line...

Unfortunately I can't help myself when I'm trying to learn things these days... and end up chuckling in exam rooms.

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby Dobblesworth » Mon May 19, 2008 11:10 am UTC

This installment of xkcd was pretty awesome...
...
...
Alright, you can have a "... IN BED! ... With a goat!" if you want.

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby akirjazi » Mon May 19, 2008 11:12 am UTC

ohki wrote:If you had a fortune cookie that said "Happiness is being in bed" and you appended "except in bed," would the universe end?

Send help; trapped in a cookie factory


Yes, and it will be replaced with something even more bizarre and inexplicable... EXCEPT IN BED....

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby Gigs » Mon May 19, 2008 11:17 am UTC

ohki wrote:If you had a fortune cookie that said "Happiness is being in bed" and you appended "except in bed," would the universe end?


Douglas Hofstadter would have something to say about that.

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby 6453893 » Mon May 19, 2008 11:27 am UTC

I've had some really apropos ones over the years.

"A thrilling time is in your immediate future... except in bed."

"A scholars ink lasts longer than a martyrs blood... except in bed."

"You will be fortunate in everything you put your hands to... except in bed."

"You are fortunate to have clean clothes... except in bed."

"Flattery will go far today... except in bed."



Oh, I do love the one-panel comics. They're always so succinctly hilarious.


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