0425: "Fortune Cookies"

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Vanguard
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby Vanguard » Mon May 19, 2008 11:31 am UTC

I'm using this from now on.
Image

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby vodka.cobra » Mon May 19, 2008 11:58 am UTC

Image 200 hours in MS Paint
If the above comment has anything to do with hacking or cryptography, note that I work for a PHP security company and might know what I'm talking about.

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby TheCerpent » Mon May 19, 2008 12:24 pm UTC

I always add "With a Howitzer".

Comic gold.

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby kyevan » Mon May 19, 2008 12:43 pm UTC

Yawgmoth wrote:I agree with the rightmost one. Violent sex is the best kind of sex.

Get out of here, Clan. We only serve Inner Sphere Mechwarriors here.

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby Shakleton » Mon May 19, 2008 1:40 pm UTC

I once was out to a chinese restaurant with some of my friends. When we were finished, we got our fortune cookies. This dialogue occurred:

A: "I got "A stranger is a friend you haven't met yet", and you?"
B: "I got "A smile is a free way to improve your day" How boring."
Me: "I got "This piece of papers grants two times free of wasing dishes!", LoL!"
A & B: *burst out in laughter"

I have a photo, if requested. (So: No "Pix or it didn't happen!")

We all have benn textrolled!
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gaius
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby gaius » Mon May 19, 2008 1:44 pm UTC

thebandit wrote:http://cbio.mskcc.org/~bader/fortunes/fortunes.html

Have at it.


The first cookie here is awesome...
"Behind an able man, there are always other able men... IN BED!"

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby GCM » Mon May 19, 2008 1:51 pm UTC

Ooh, here's one!
*crack

"Confucius say, you will use a battering ram to invade your child's privacy."

Well, I don't want to make Confucius a liar!

[+1 for recognizing that, by the way]
Last edited by GCM on Mon May 19, 2008 2:53 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby Domovoi » Mon May 19, 2008 2:05 pm UTC

Dammit, now I'm suffixing every advertising slogan I see on banners with "...except in bed."

Norton Antivirus: incredible protection, incredible performance. Except in bed.
Dell: Yours is blue, yours is red, yours is colorful. Except in bed.

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby HMC » Mon May 19, 2008 2:57 pm UTC

Bad luck and misfortune will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity, except in bed.

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LittleChrist
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby LittleChrist » Mon May 19, 2008 3:12 pm UTC

I almost stopped reading because I was sure that it was going to turn into a RickRoll comic after reading the first fortune from the left. You never can be too careful these days, especially with Randall.

Edit: Damn. ^ HMC, you beat me too it. Best Rocko's Modern Life episode ever!
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby jeffk » Mon May 19, 2008 4:31 pm UTC

Domovoi wrote:Dell: Yours is blue, yours is red, yours is colorful. Except in bed.


And it finished the rhyme, too!

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby dharmamama » Mon May 19, 2008 5:03 pm UTC

Supakitsune wrote:"Love is like sweet medicine, good to the last drop."
... *munch crunch* Shouldn't it be "Love is like coffee"?


That's only Maxwell House. I thought love was like oxygen?

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby PatrickRsGhost » Mon May 19, 2008 5:31 pm UTC

GCM wrote:Ooh, here's one!
*crack

"Confucius say, you will use a battering ram to invade your child's privacy."

Well, I don't want to make Confucius a liar!

[+1 for recognizing that, by the way]


Fairly Odd Parents, the episode when Timmy goes in the Internet to get back his threatmantic letter to Trixie. I believe his mom said that.

I went and got Chinese food just for this comic. I had brought lasagana from home, but it can wait in the fridge until tomorrow.

*crinkle-crinkle-crinkle*
*crack*
*munch-munch-munch* (What? I don't believe in reading the fortune until all the cookie is eaten.)
*admire*

"Good things come to those who wait. Be patient." Except in bed.

Edit: correct spelling error.
Last edited by PatrickRsGhost on Mon May 19, 2008 8:16 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
PRG

An important message for you:

010000100110010100100000011100110
111010101110010011001010010000001
110100011011110010000001100101011
000010111010000100000011110010110
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby PixieScarlette » Mon May 19, 2008 5:43 pm UTC

I love to play this game. And now it's even better.
My friend sent me a text months ago of a fortune he got...
Don't let friends impose on you, work calmly and silently....(except) in bed.

A few months ago, a co-worker of mine got one that said..
Get your mind set...Confidence will lead you on....(except) in bed.
Mine that day was,
You are always welcome in any social gathering..(except) in bed.
Seeing as it's mine, I prefer the original game...

Last week, we got chinese at work.
My co-workers fortune was
Today's the day the try new things....(except) in bed.
I forget what mine was that day...:-(

AlphaPyro
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby AlphaPyro » Mon May 19, 2008 6:45 pm UTC

Some of my favorites:

"Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow...(except) in bed."
"Think of the danger while things are going smoothly...(except) in bed."
"You will read this and say....Geez! I could come up with better fortunes than that...(except) in bed."
"First they attack you, then they ignore you, then you win...(except) in bed."
"If your cookie is in 3 pieces, the answer is no...(except) in bed."
"Vacation can wait. Stick to the project 'till the end...(except) in bed."
"Your life becomes more and more of an adventure...(except) in bed."
"You emerge victoriously from the maze you've been traveling in...(except) in bed."
"You have a potential urge and the ability for accomplishment...(except) in bed."

Kebrel
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby Kebrel » Mon May 19, 2008 7:39 pm UTC

I've saved two fortunes because they seemed oddly specific:

"You have a charming way with words. Write an email to a friend."

"Something on four wheels will soon be a fun investment for you."

The suffixes just don't quite work...

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby halcyon1234 » Mon May 19, 2008 8:36 pm UTC

suso wrote:I once got a fortune cookie that said "Learn Chinese".


I once got one that said "You like Chinese food."
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby tradiuz » Mon May 19, 2008 9:09 pm UTC

Tonight is a good time to water your personal garden, except in bed.
All My Mushrooms wrote:I'm practicing abstinence until someone offers me sex.

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby blurg » Mon May 19, 2008 10:40 pm UTC

Fonkey wrote:My friend and I once played the "in bed" game with a church hymnal. Amazing.

Me and my friends did that during one of my classes, we were using a hymnal book, and we added 'in bed' to the end of the titles.

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby Vanishing Hitchhiker » Mon May 19, 2008 10:45 pm UTC

Oddly, the first time I heard of this "in bed" game was last Tuesday from my mother.

And in regards to hymns "in bed" or whatever - In The Garden. Just... In The Garden.
could it be that she was the sister of the boy in Kansas who loved the girl with the tattered shawl who was the daughter of the maid who had escaped from the pirates?

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby Ioden » Mon May 19, 2008 11:10 pm UTC

Kebrel wrote:I've saved two fortunes because they seemed oddly specific:

"You have a charming way with words. Write an email to a friend."

"Something on four wheels will soon be a fun investment for you."

The suffixes just don't quite work...


See, I thought you said "something on four legs", which changed the meaning of that one entirely.

Teelabrown
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby Teelabrown » Tue May 20, 2008 12:20 am UTC

My favorite, and one I still carry around with me:

"Our first love and last love is... self love" ... in bed.

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby HalfWayDownTheStairs » Tue May 20, 2008 1:28 am UTC

Domovoi wrote:Dammit, now I'm suffixing every advertising slogan I see on banners with "...except in bed."


One of my favorite (adult) party games involves thinking up advertising slogans and then adding "between my legs" at the end. It's amazing how often it works!
Ok, who ate the Peanut of Doom?

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby DVC » Tue May 20, 2008 1:44 am UTC

Am I the only one hurting from the grammar of 'more improved'?

Shouldn't it be 'further improved' or 'improved more' or something?

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby bruhinb » Tue May 20, 2008 1:49 am UTC

A one dinner, while all my friends were adding, "in bed," their cookies, I opened one that read, "You will sleep well, tonight."

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby 1337geek » Tue May 20, 2008 2:27 am UTC

halcyon1234 wrote:I once got one that said "You like Chinese food."

I've gotten that one before, too.
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby Rysto » Tue May 20, 2008 2:40 am UTC

Kebrel wrote:"Something on four wheels will soon be a fun investment for you."

The suffixes just don't quite work...

"In bed" works for this one.

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Meat_Grinder
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby Meat_Grinder » Tue May 20, 2008 10:28 am UTC

Am i the only one seriously disturbed by the results of " except in bed" added to the 3 fortune messages of the comic?

Domovoi
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby Domovoi » Tue May 20, 2008 11:24 am UTC

jeffk wrote:
Domovoi wrote:Dell: Yours is blue, yours is red, yours is colorful. Except in bed.


And it finished the rhyme, too!


Wow, I didn't even realize that. It's quite beautiful, actually.

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby Xpodmaniac » Tue May 20, 2008 2:17 pm UTC

My favorite fortune I've ever gotten...

"Ignore previous cookie"

No, I am not kidding. :mrgreen:
It is now 15 minutes before an hour after 45 minutes ago.

Spoiler:
By reading this message, I have been given brief control over your mind.

STAGE ONE IS COMPLETE. PREPARE FOR STAGE TWO.

RELEASE THE RAPTORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND STALLMAN!!!!! ON A RAPTOR!!!!!

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby GCM » Tue May 20, 2008 3:50 pm UTC

PatrickRsGhost wrote:Fairly Odd Parents, the episode when Timmy goes in the Internet to get back his threatmantic letter to Trixie. I believe his mom said that.


It was his dad, actually. Man, those damn reruns. I should probably turn on discovery or something, but the only thing I'm really interested in is Mythbusters.

Which reminds me somehow, I once got "In the next five weeks, you will find the man of your dreams." Which is fine and all, except that I'm not gay as far as I know. There should be a squad formed to hunt down the lugnut who did this.
All warfare is based on heavily-armed robotic commandos.
~Sun Tzu

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby obelisk45 » Tue May 20, 2008 7:14 pm UTC

The best fortune cookie I ever had simply said, "You may be laughing now, but wait until you get home." I wish I still had it. I shuddered a little.
"I'm not a man of any special talents, just one of infinite curiosity."
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby Space Dog » Tue May 20, 2008 8:01 pm UTC

"I'm not a man of any special talents, just one of infinite curiosity." ...in bed, with a goat.
-Albert Einstein
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby dr7 » Wed May 21, 2008 12:33 am UTC

Am I the only one that doesn't like Chinese food? Seriously, I can't stand the taste.

Fortune cookies are fine, really, but the actual meal? Sorry, I don't like Chinese.
Spoiler:
...except in bed.
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby utoxin » Wed May 21, 2008 4:16 am UTC

My fortune cookie from dinner tonight:

Keep an eye open for an opportunity in the field of sports ... except in bed.

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby TaintedDeity » Wed May 21, 2008 4:05 pm UTC

obelisk45 wrote:The best fortune cookie I ever had simply said, "You may be laughing now, but wait until you get home." I wish I still had it. I shuddered a little.

See, if I was a fortune cookie writer those are the sort of scary, self referring humorous I would write.
All the fortunes I get with my meals are rubbish.
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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby Turiya » Wed May 21, 2008 11:36 pm UTC

dauntilus wrote:The ones you love will never let you down.
Or run around and desert you.

This made me realize that the "except in bed" ending works with every line of this song...in fact, it actually improves it. I can only hope that I someday get rickrolled by a fortune cookie! :lol:
"Beyond the senses, beyond the understanding, beyond all expression, is The Fourth." --Mandukya Upanishad

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby Random832 » Thu May 22, 2008 3:34 am UTC

Turiya wrote:
dauntilus wrote:The ones you love will never let you down.
Or run around and desert you.

This made me realize that the "except in bed" ending works with every line of this song...in fact, it actually improves it. I can only hope that I someday get rickrolled by a fortune cookie! :lol:


At first I thought you meant just the chorus. But...

Were no strangers to love (except in bed)
You know the rules and so do I (except in bed)
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of (except in bed)
You wouldn't get this from any other guy (except in bed)

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling (except in bed)
Gotta make you understand (except in bed)

* never gonna give you up (except in bed)
Never gonna let you down (except in bed)
Never gonna run around and desert you (except in bed)
Never gonna make you cry (except in bed)
Never gonna say goodbye (except in bed)
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you (except in bed)

Weve know each other for so long (except in bed)
Your heart's been aching (except in bed)
But youre too shy to say it (except in bed)
Inside we both know what's been going on (except in bed)
We know the game and were gonna play it (except in bed)

And if you ask me how I'm feeling (except in bed)
Don't tell me youre too blind to see (except in bed)

(* repeat) (except in bed)

Give you up. give you up (except in bed)
Give you up, give you up (except in bed)
Never gonna give (except in bed)
Never gonna give, give you up (except in bed)
Never gonna give (except in bed)
Never gonna give, give you up (except in bed)

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling (except in bed)
Gotta make you understand (except in bed)

(* repeat 3 times) (except in bed)

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby PatrickRsGhost » Thu May 22, 2008 5:46 pm UTC

Got Chinese again today for lunch.

"Your life will be peaceful and fulfilling" except in bed.
PRG

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1000101110

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Re: "Fortune Cookies" Discussion

Postby neo cassady » Fri May 23, 2008 5:31 am UTC

I've had a fortune lying around that I always touted as being one of the most depressing things to ever come from a Chinese cookie. Thanks to this, it is depressing no longer.

It reads:

"If it seems the fates are against you today, they probably are."

...except in bed.

Booyah!


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